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  Our dear Diary!
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   Author  Topic: Our dear Diary!  (Read 2977 times)
Lyla
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Re:Our dear Diary!
« Reply #90 on: January 29, 2009, 08:24:51 am »
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Dear diary,

how can I read his signs?
Are there any???
OMG... donīt know what to do and I have to wait sooo long until I can see him again...4 long days 

Yours Lyla
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miss sixty
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Re:Our dear Diary!
« Reply #91 on: January 30, 2009, 03:39:56 am »
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why cant i ever make a life long friend in real life 
« Last Edit: January 30, 2009, 03:40:10 am by miss sixty » Report to moderator   Logged

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Re:Our dear Diary!
« Reply #92 on: February 05, 2009, 12:00:18 am »
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Dear Diary,

I figured out what I want and am in love with.  I love "Farmer John"...I decided.  Who is he?
Well he's just slightly taller than I am, he's got a couple acres of land..good farmland.
He's got brown hair..curly and a white cotton shirt.  He wears suspenders and drinks hot black coffee after dinner on the porch.

He's got rough hands and a soft heart.

Farmer John is a loner, also who loves peace and quiet.  He doesn't want kids either but he's got a couple of dogs.

Here's to the imaginary farmer John...
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Re:Our dear Diary!
« Reply #93 on: September 01, 2009, 05:26:24 am »
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Dear Diary...

Haven't heard of me in a while now and so much has happened. Things didn't work out with me and Vincent, because he decided to sleep with my best friend Almira, who is now obviously not my best friend anymore... that backstabbing wh*re...

And then there was a long period of nothingness... and there was Wesley... all over me and telling me how much he liked me and how much he wanted to be in a serious relationship... we fooled around and we had a great time... good talks, nice kisses... good connection... At least... I thought we did, because all of the sudden he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore... Like?! HELLO?!?! Why always with me?!

Then I fell in love with him, in vain, obviously... then a couple of weeks later there was Michael... totally crazy about me, totally in love with me, texting me, calling me, so nice. All I had to do is fall in love with him... Something I'm good at... at least... Usually. Not now... I just didn't fall in love with him... but it were only 3 weeks... things happened so fast... we dated... nothing happened on the first... second, we kissed... and everytime after that kiss we would kiss when we'd meet up... I went over to his place, he came over to mine... we fooled around... Yes diary, I've been a sl*tty girl in the past 2 months... I'm sorry... but whatever. I just didn't fall in love and my parents didn't like him much... so I told him things couldn't work out. God, do I regret that!! I miss him so much, I want to be with him... But as I said... When I close things off, I don't open them up again... I don't go back... And it's not because I don't want to... Or because it's my principals right now... It's because my parents don't like him... I'd go back to him in a heartbeat... I guess I kinda did fall for him... After I shut things off... God... I hate this... he's crushed, still... even now, 9 days later he says he feels bad and that he misses me... and I thought he was a player... Everyone did... I wanted to give him a chance... my parents didn't... Was it the right decision? Oh well, we'll never know, cause we just can't be...

And now... my cousins best friend comes out of nowhere telling me he likes me and wants to be with me... we dated, he kissed me, held my hand... and AGAIN... NO FEELINGS!!! Good God... What's up with me?! Why do boys want to move so quickly? Why do they think I will walk away from them? What makes them think that when I go out with them and they don't kiss me, I'll move on? As if a kiss is binding?! A kiss means nothing to me in the very beginning... it's just nice... when you continue, a kiss means a huge deal. But in the beginning it's just nice to kiss. God, why do boys do things like this?!

Dear Diary, I don't know what to do anymore, I just... I don't know... Michael means a lot to me now and it's so sad to see him broken like this and there's nothing I can do... it's tearing me apart....

Love
Pam.
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miss sixty
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Re:Our dear Diary!
« Reply #94 on: September 18, 2009, 04:04:14 am »
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feel good today
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Re:Our dear Diary!
« Reply #95 on: September 18, 2009, 06:10:39 pm »
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dear diary,

my throat is on FIRE! i'm VERY VERY VERY ill... sooo sick...

my friend is mad at me for it too! like, it's not my fault i can't attend her show when i'm sick! what is wrong with her?!

on top of that, my family and my other friends don't give a damn. god...it's like every step that i take is another mistake to everyone. and it's not my fault that i'm sick!!! it's not like i wake up one morning and go, "oh, i think i'll be sick today!" NOO! it's not fair for them to act like this...!

and...i can't stop blamming myself for living...and in pain...

i miss my sister and grandmother...why did they have to die? why them?

ok...well...i'm done.

love,

jen10
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miss sixty
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Re:Our dear Diary!
« Reply #96 on: September 26, 2009, 10:28:10 am »
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dear diary

got myself and interview at costa coffee on tuesday

yours

liz
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Re:Our dear Diary!
« Reply #97 on: September 26, 2009, 12:58:06 pm »
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dear diary,

got through the week...the weekend is here!

got meds from my doctor and now i am better.

only thing is...all my friends are busy...ugg, no fun.

love,

jen10
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Re:Our dear Diary!
« Reply #98 on: March 23, 2010, 11:48:09 am »
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Dear Diary,

Thank God for this thread, because I need to vent and get things straightened out...

Were to start...? Well lets start with therapy... It's okay... Me? I'm doing aweful right this minute... I feel fed up and nothing is right. Everything is wrong right now and nothing can get my thoughts aligned properly... it's all a big mess in my head.

I feel like I'm lying to EVERYBODY, including myself. I'm not doing good, I'm doing pretty bad. My heads a mess and still I tell myself I'm doing great. I lie to myself, because I don't want to be weak and lose control. I lie to everybody, got my mask back out and back on again, manipulating everybody into believing me. And it's working out. People don't know shit about me. They don't care about my real feelings. Nobody digs deep enough. They ask me how I feel I say okay. They never ask why I'm okay and not good. They never ask anything. Maybe I'd never tell them... Well that's not true... I'd tell Sander... I love him. If only he'd ask me what's on my mind... God, it'd be aweful... but I'd be honest... He'd be able to read me. Right?

I'm a horrible person for doing what I do. Why the hell does this have to be like this right now? Come on... It's not even THAT bad... it's been worse, before... but I'm slipping right back... Sander thinks I won't do anything when he's with me, so he has to be with me every second of the day. Truth is: I do what the f*ck I want, even when he's there. I won't be stopped by him. I won't be stopped by anything other than my feelings. But God, it's so hard... It's so hard to keep myself from doing things.

I want to cut myself to shreds. For real this time... I feel like developing an eating disorder. I already have the binges, so the only thing I have to do is throw it back up. I gues it'd make me feel better, because I'd finally get thin. I'm a fat girl, I'm such a fat-ass cow. Seriously... I can't understand why Sander is with me. I'm sick in my head and I'm fat. Who wants a fat girl?! Who wants a girl who wants an eating disorder? Do I really want the eating disorder or do I just want to lose weight? Meh I don't know anymore.... I really don't... I'm sick... I'm twisted... I'm nuts...

I'm scared... scared of losing what I have... scared of hurting others... scared of ending up alone... scared of being weak... scared of failing... scared of failing, yes, that's the biggest fear. When you fail, everything is lost... Everything you did was for nothing. Who wants to do things for nothing? I can't ever be weak and admit my problems. That's just stupid... maybe I should quit therapy... Or maybe I should talk to her about this? I don't know... She won't understand. She doesn't understand me anyways... I don't even understand me, so I don't blame her.

Dear diary,
My life right now is just f*cked up... But when I see my baby again, everything is alright. He's the light in my darkness... I love him... He's so good to me... But when he's not here... God, darkness surrounds me and I'm alone again and life is f*cked up. I need to be fixed...

Yours.
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Re:Our dear Diary!
« Reply #99 on: March 23, 2010, 12:55:21 pm »
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Dear Diary,

Sorry I forgot about you. I guess I'm not much good at keeping things updated - I'm sure if I didn't have to go to class every day, I'd be one of those people that shut themselves off from the world completely and only occasionally emerge from their hiding-places.  I'd love to just close my curtains and curl up and hide right now, I've had enough of constantly worrying about Life In General.  I always promise myself that if I can make it through til, say, Wednesday, or next Thursday, or the 26th, then everything will be OK.  But it's only lately I've realised how pointless it is to say that to myself, because no sooner does one worry subside that another crops up.  It's truly exhausting.  And I don't like whining in public, but sometimes venting needs to be done.

Yours,
Mary
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miss sixty
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Re:Our dear Diary!
« Reply #100 on: March 24, 2010, 11:58:12 am »
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Quote from: Young&Desperate 4Attention{DA} on March 23, 2010, 11:48:09 am   

Dear Diary,

Thank God for this thread, because I need to vent and get things straightened out...

Were to start...? Well lets start with therapy... It's okay... Me? I'm doing aweful right this minute... I feel fed up and nothing is right. Everything is wrong right now and nothing can get my thoughts aligned properly... it's all a big mess in my head.

I feel like I'm lying to EVERYBODY, including myself. I'm not doing good, I'm doing pretty bad. My heads a mess and still I tell myself I'm doing great. I lie to myself, because I don't want to be weak and lose control. I lie to everybody, got my mask back out and back on again, manipulating everybody into believing me. And it's working out. People don't know shit about me. They don't care about my real feelings. Nobody digs deep enough. They ask me how I feel I say okay. They never ask why I'm okay and not good. They never ask anything. Maybe I'd never tell them... Well that's not true... I'd tell Sander... I love him. If only he'd ask me what's on my mind... God, it'd be aweful... but I'd be honest... He'd be able to read me. Right?

I'm a horrible person for doing what I do. Why the hell does this have to be like this right now? Come on... It's not even THAT bad... it's been worse, before... but I'm slipping right back... Sander thinks I won't do anything when he's with me, so he has to be with me every second of the day. Truth is: I do what the f*ck I want, even when he's there. I won't be stopped by him. I won't be stopped by anything other than my feelings. But God, it's so hard... It's so hard to keep myself from doing things.

I want to cut myself to shreds. For real this time... I feel like developing an eating disorder. I already have the binges, so the only thing I have to do is throw it back up. I gues it'd make me feel better, because I'd finally get thin. I'm a fat girl, I'm such a fat-ass cow. Seriously... I can't understand why Sander is with me. I'm sick in my head and I'm fat. Who wants a fat girl?! Who wants a girl who wants an eating disorder? Do I really want the eating disorder or do I just want to lose weight? Meh I don't know anymore.... I really don't... I'm sick... I'm twisted... I'm nuts...

I'm scared... scared of losing what I have... scared of hurting others... scared of ending up alone... scared of being weak... scared of failing... scared of failing, yes, that's the biggest fear. When you fail, everything is lost... Everything you did was for nothing. Who wants to do things for nothing? I can't ever be weak and admit my problems. That's just stupid... maybe I should quit therapy... Or maybe I should talk to her about this? I don't know... She won't understand. She doesn't understand me anyways... I don't even understand me, so I don't blame her.

Dear diary,
My life right now is just f*cked up... But when I see my baby again, everything is alright. He's the light in my darkness... I love him... He's so good to me... But when he's not here... God, darkness surrounds me and I'm alone again and life is f*cked up. I need to be fixed...

Yours.


Hang in there Pam, PM me if you need to

Dear Diary

I am feeling fine with my life in general at the moment. Looking forward to celebrating Marks 30th this Friday and returning to New Zealand for a further year with hopes of getting sponsored but if we have to come back to UK, so be it. It would be our dream come true to eventually get residency for NZ and I believe if that is what is meant to happen life will find a way and we will realise our dream.

yours

Elizabeth
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