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jen10
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my issue...
« on: February 01, 2009, 10:08:52 pm »

ok so, i have this huge issue...i love my cousin. like...in love with him. he came over today and i could hardly breath! and hes my COUSIN! I'm not sopposed to like like my own cousin. witch is a issue. i think. i feel rotten...has anyone felt this way...does any one have advice?
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2009, 10:20:27 pm »

Thats fine to feel that way, I did about my cousin. Dont worry about it
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #2 on: February 02, 2009, 11:43:07 am »

Hmm As long as it doesn't get out of control it's fine, yes

But have you ever considered thinking it through? Isn't it just loving him so madly that it feels like you're in love? I love my cousin deeply madly, I love him more than anything really.... but I dunno... could it be that you just love him so much as a person?
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #3 on: February 02, 2009, 02:32:18 pm »

Hey there,


Quote from: jen10 on February 01, 2009, 10:08:52 pm   
ok so, i have this huge issue...i love my cousin. like...in love with him. he came over today and i could hardly breath! and hes my COUSIN! I'm not sopposed to like like my own cousin. witch is a issue. i think. i feel rotten...has anyone felt this way...does any one have advice?

Hmmm, I don't have "direct advice", but here's my thoughts (which might or might not be helpful).

However, to better understand your "dilemma", I'd like to ask you, why this is an issue (or rather which of the reasons I will name now is the most crucial one, and for each reason I'll give my thoughts):

Do you feel "ashamed" because "being in love" with a (more or less) close relative is considered "bad" by society? In that case, you should know that this is, foremost, a "tradition" (or rather a traditional way to think). However, there are "scientific" reason all the same (see below)...

Do you think your cousin might take advantage of it or, in case you spill the beans somehow, make fun of you or tell your parents? So, I think that should your cousin not give any indication that this is a mutual feeling, your crush (for a lack of a better word) might well go away over time (especially when your cousin starts to date other people!).

Have you considered the actual consequences (getting together) and are scared of what people around you might say? That naturally is complicated and would require some sort of "courage" on your (and your cousin and both your parents') side(s). And depending on where you live the effect might be too overwhelming...

Lastly, the scientific facts (of which, I'm sure by now, you're well aware of already): Whenever blood relatives "mate" there is a significantly increased chance of geneticly inherited defects which, otherwise, aren't as likely to surface. The reason for this is that every "feature" in our genes is, in principle, available twice, so that in case one of the two "copies" is faulty the system will often still develop this feature from the one copy. If, however, both copies are faulty (being much more likely in case of relatives, as the same faulty copy could have been passed to a person and their cousin) then there is an increased chance of genetic defects. Theoretically, (biological) cousins can share up to 50 per cent of genetic material (given the respective "non-relative" parents are truly non related, even "far"). But more common would be a much smaller percentage, and there is even a chance that you don't share any genetic material with your cousin (although you probably share some of it). Anyway, due to this reason, the actual problem with "mating" a cousin (other than anything "made up" by society, passed on as tradition) is that common children are more likely to show genetic defects...

Sorry for the lengthy (and eventually probably not too helpful) post. For now, my "advice" would be to wait and figure out first for yourself "how real" this feeling actually is. If you think you can trust someone "closeby" (a sibling, best friend, etc.) with this after another couple of weeks, this might help you "see through" things a little easier (just for getting someone else's perspective into play). And if, in the end, this feeling remains and is mutual you might discover that, despite all the possible problems, it is something you want to explore, in which case I would advise to seek some genome specialist's support and counsel (but that is soooo far away from today, that it's not worth too much to talk about it...).

Well, that's my (more than) two cents.
/jochen
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jen10
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #4 on: February 02, 2009, 04:34:44 pm »

i told my mom. she said that its normal. but i was just making sure someone else had a different aspect. maybe its not so bad.
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #5 on: February 02, 2009, 07:53:03 pm »

It's wonderful that you can confide in your mother Jen!   (I never told my parents anything, lol )

... And your feelings are perfectly normal, though it could be a potentially a tricky issue if he also feels this way(?) ... CJ's post (above) makes some very good points!

IMO I'd just be careful who you tell at school, as people can be very cruel...
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2009, 09:48:02 am »

Jochen, I think that post might be rather helpful... lol

Jen, wow, it's amazing how you just can talk to you mom about that. I tell my mom EVERYTHING, but I think I'd have a hard time telling her I feel like that about my cousin.

I know it's normal, a lot of girls have it, you just need to make sure it doesn't get out of control you know
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #7 on: February 03, 2009, 03:21:25 pm »


Quote from: Young&Desperate 4Attention{DA} on February 03, 2009, 09:48:02 am   

Jochen, I think that post might be rather helpful... lol

Jen, wow, it's amazing how you just can talk to you mom about that. I tell my mom EVERYTHING, but I think I'd have a hard time telling her I feel like that about my cousin.

I know it's normal, a lot of girls have it, you just need to make sure it doesn't get out of control you know

thanks. thank you everyone for your advice and comments. i feel alot better about it. very interesting aspects of it. yes, i'v heard that if you are "together" with someone in your family, your children might have medical problems. but i guess i just have a crush on him. i feel much better and less...uh, akward about it. still thinks hes cute though, haha!
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #8 on: February 03, 2009, 03:28:38 pm »

A friend told me recently that if two cousins have a baby together, there is no more chance of it having a mental defect than if a woman over 40 has a baby.  Apparently this is true.

Jen, I think it's OK if it doesn't get out of control.  If you still feel a little awkward about fancying your cousin, think about what things you like about him, and try and find other boys with those qualities.
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #9 on: February 04, 2009, 02:52:30 pm »

I personally are a little grossed out when relatives have a intimate relation... I don't know, it's nothing personal or anything, but just the thought... I don't know, I'm even kinda ashamed of thinking like that
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jen10
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #10 on: February 04, 2009, 08:17:04 pm »


Quote from: Young&Desperate 4Attention{DA} on February 04, 2009, 02:52:30 pm   

I personally are a little grossed out when relatives have a intimate relation... I don't know, it's nothing personal or anything, but just the thought... I don't know, I'm even kinda ashamed of thinking like that

thats ok! i was ashamed of myself for awhile. acually, me and my cousin are not blood related, just in law...but whatever. don't feel bad!
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #11 on: February 06, 2009, 09:54:23 pm »

actually, ... that's really just taboo here in western societies. In some cultures, it is actually expected that you will mary your cousin. At least, that's what they taught us in my CDF class. We are taught to think that it is gross, disgusting, and dangerous... And while there may be a slightly higher chance of your child getting some sort of genetic disorder (like color blindness, for instance) it's not a for sure kind of thing. If he's not your actual blood relative, or like your 3rd or 4th cousin, then it shouldn't really pose any medical problems at all ... but, uh ... yeah. It's still going to be viewed as a taboo in western society. So don't tell too many folks. haha.
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Stop reading my signature. Don't deny it. You're reading it. I can see you. You're giving it the casual little once-over. How rude. Didn't your mother teach you better?
jen10
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #12 on: February 06, 2009, 10:11:27 pm »

uh huh. ok, i'll make sure to do that.
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2009, 03:16:52 pm »


Quote from: jen10 on February 04, 2009, 08:17:04 pm   


Quote from: Young&Desperate 4Attention{DA} on February 04, 2009, 02:52:30 pm   

I personally are a little grossed out when relatives have a intimate relation... I don't know, it's nothing personal or anything, but just the thought... I don't know, I'm even kinda ashamed of thinking like that

thats ok! i was ashamed of myself for awhile. acually, me and my cousin are not blood related, just in law...but whatever. don't feel bad!

this cousin that you recently began to fancy, were you brought up together or did his mom/dad recently get married??? and you are just getting to know him now??

it may be a little awkward for other family members if you were brought up as playmates and relatives but your first post sounded more like my "new" cousin whom I've just met.

If that is the case, who cares?? in laws hook up and even marry all the time ie: sister in law marring brother in law etc.

If there is NO BLOOD relations then it has got nothing to do with anything and society would not eve care about it.
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jen10
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Re:my issue...
« Reply #14 on: February 07, 2009, 06:38:15 pm »


Quote from: Starladear on February 07, 2009, 03:16:52 pm   


Quote from: jen10 on February 04, 2009, 08:17:04 pm   


Quote from: Young&Desperate 4Attention{DA} on February 04, 2009, 02:52:30 pm   

I personally are a little grossed out when relatives have a intimate relation... I don't know, it's nothing personal or anything, but just the thought... I don't know, I'm even kinda ashamed of thinking like that

thats ok! i was ashamed of myself for awhile. acually, me and my cousin are not blood related, just in law...but whatever. don't feel bad!

this cousin that you recently began to fancy, were you brought up together or did his mom/dad recently get married??? and you are just getting to know him now??

it may be a little awkward for other family members if you were brought up as playmates and relatives but your first post sounded more like my "new" cousin whom I've just met.

If that is the case, who cares?? in laws hook up and even marry all the time ie: sister in law marring brother in law etc.

If there is NO BLOOD relations then it has got nothing to do with anything and society would not eve care about it.

acually, no. haha, i have known my cousin a long time. no its just, my mom is adopted. my mom's brother is not related, in blood, to her. so her brother is my uncle and my uncle is the father of the cousin i like. see? we are not related in blood but just...basically in law.  hard to explain. but i feel alot better knowing that its normal to like your cousin, according to my mother. and on top of that, we are not related in blood. i'm alright with it. i guess i kinda overreacted about this situation. i tend to do that, haha!
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