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  The A+F agony aunts.
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   Author  Topic: The A+F agony aunts.  (Read 33753 times)
jen10
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1170 on: September 23, 2009, 04:31:01 pm »
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Quote from: Damita Jackson on September 23, 2009, 04:24:25 pm   

Pam; it depends on whether he started flirting with this other girl after Jen gave him her letter.  If he did then it's obviously designed to deliberately hurt her feelings which is wrong.  He's not a baby anymore; he knows that actions have consequences.  And that by acting this way with the girl he is hurting Jen.

And like Jen has already said; if I was in his shoes I wouldn't be flirting outrageoulsy with the first guy that passed my way.  I don't fly like that.  I was brought up to respect the other person's feelings and I'm sure many of us have.

Jen; I suggest you just ignore him.  I'm sure you've realised by now that this guy is just an arrogant pig who doesn't know a good girl when he sees one.

Stay strong and remember that nasty boys don't mean a thing

thanks, vix.

yes...he did start flirting with her intentionally right after the letter. and he made sure that i was right there to watch! so ironic! the one boy i thought was different than the rest of em turned out to be the biggest jerk of all.

your right, i should just ignore him. at least, i'll try my very BEST to. thanks for the advice.
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1171 on: September 24, 2009, 03:42:51 am »
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I'm sorry I made you feel worse Jen, I never meant for that to happen like you know. You don't have to apologize for disagreeing, it's normal, I like having discussions where people have different opinions, it makes me see points other than my own.

Okay, lets get back to that guy... If he's hurting you on purpose, he's obviously a douche bag. I mean... He hasn't got the right to hurt you like that, but his behavior can be explained. He probably doesn't know how to behave around you. Some people tend to be more withdrawn and ignore others, but some people tend to be mean and do hurtful things. I think that's what he's doing right now. It could explain why he doesn't talk about it anymore too. I might even explain why he's flirting with that girl: he wants to make his point clear. I know, I know, it's a terrible way to do it... But some people are just like that.

Does he really like her?

I too was brought up being told to respect other people and their feelings. But still I do flirt with a lot of people. I don't see no harm in it. Except on a few occasions though: when it concerns boys my friends like, when a boy likes me and I don't like him back or when it's the boy who likes me his friend. The friend thing is ONLY when I'm not into that friend either, but just want to have fun. I flirt to have fun. But when I like that friend of the boy I rejected, I would (gently though) flirt with him and make a move. I mean... it's my happiness that I need to take care of. I know that it will upset that other boy, but it's honestly not my problem anymore. I mean... If you reject him in the nicest possible way, I think it's out of your hands and you've got to move on. I would never let a chance of love go by because my 'potential lover' is a friend of the boy I rejected. Thereby, friends do have like codes, right? At least, I do. I don't hook up with exes/crushes/whatevers of my friends and it's really up to the boys whether they are okay with me and the 'friend' getting together. (okay, does that make ANY sense at all? ) anyways... I think it's not all too wrong. There are better ways, I admit... But hey... if it makes you happy, the rejected boy just has to accept it. One day he's going to move on as well. I realize it's hard in the beginning, but I don't feel it's wrong if you still are nice.

Now I know that piece of crap is not nice to you and he's written you a hurtful letter. That's is NOT right, it IS wrong. And if he's deliberately flirting with that girl in front of you, that IS wrong as well. But is he really purposely doing that? 'Cause you obviously feel really hurt and you have the right to feel like that. But usually when you're hurt, you tend to think a little bit irrational. You see things that aren't necessarily there. Because you're already hurt by his actions, which WERE very mean, you think he'll do more things to hurt you, when he isn't really trying too. That is also possible. I can't tell if what I'm saying is true, because I don't know EVERYTHING about your situation and I don't see how he reacts to anything... But I'm just trying to make you see sometimes things aren't all too black.

I'm sorry Jen, that this is happening to you. And I don't mean to offend you or hurt you by saying what I'm saying, so don't feel bad about it. I'm just trying to make you look at the whole situation in a different view so that it might hurt less.
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1172 on: September 24, 2009, 05:14:52 am »
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Quote from: Young&Desperate 4Attention{DA} on September 24, 2009, 03:42:51 am   

I mean... If you reject him in the nicest possible way, I think it's out of your hands and you've got to move on.

But this boy didn't do that.  I think it's clear he's got a problem and Jen, you have nothing to be ashamed of here, you did nothing wrong. 
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jen10
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1173 on: September 24, 2009, 03:45:55 pm »
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Quote from: maryd on September 24, 2009, 05:14:52 am   


Quote from: Young&Desperate 4Attention{DA} on September 24, 2009, 03:42:51 am   

I mean... If you reject him in the nicest possible way, I think it's out of your hands and you've got to move on.

But this boy didn't do that.  I think it's clear he's got a problem and Jen, you have nothing to be ashamed of here, you did nothing wrong. 

thank you, mary. i know i did nothing wrong it just hurts. but, thanks.

pam - i know, it's ok. i know you didn't mean anything by what you said before it just made me feel kinda stupid for even posting my problem in the first place.

idk if he really likes her. but that really has nothing to do with it. it just doesn't even matter! i mean, he may or may not like her but either way, he knows it hurts me and he is enjoying it. so, yes, he is purposely flirting with her to hurt me.

you might have a different life, pam. it's fine, i just can't relate to what you said about the whole "flirting" stuff. i just can't understand. partly it's because i'm younger and partly it's because...how do i say this?...

well, i'm not popular. i don't have any guy friends. i hardly have any friends at all. the ones i have are all girls and sometimes treat me like sh*t! when i try to talk to someone, they move away. people talk to me behind my back, make fun of me constantly. it's like i'm in a different world than other "popular" kids at my school. they talk and flirt and laugh while i desperately try to finish work and forget all the pain i'm going through. they tease me and whisper things behind me just so i can feel HORRIBLE! i'm not like other kids, i just don't fit in.

i have no experience what so ever with a guy because they all think i'm fat and ugly. i am that! on the outside, that is. but on the inside, i'm nice. i'm willing to have a relationship, i'm fun. and i'm a great person. but nobody in my school will ever know that, including the boy i liked, because they look on the outside...and thats it.

thats why he rejected me. he looked on the outside and said, "hell with this stupid, ugly girl, shes so annoying, i think i'll just take this to my advantage and tease her and reject her." i know, it's really mean! but all the kids in my school act like that, believe it or not. they DO! i'm the only kid who seems to have a heart.

i just can't believe i was so stupid to write the letter to him knowing what i know about all the kids i go to school with. thought he was different but he turned out like the rest of em. and now, i'm going through so much damn pain. pain at home, school, the outside world...it's hard not to think about just giving up...

well, thats it, i guess. thanks for apologizing, pam,  it's ok.

i guess i'll just have to deal with him since there is nothing i can do. i think i can handle it. i just really needed to come out and vent here. and know that people on here care more about me than with other people i see everyday at school.
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1174 on: September 24, 2009, 04:33:52 pm »
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Jen, you're not fat and ugly... You should never bring yourself down like that. EVER, you hear me? If you do so, you allow people to bring you down. And that's unacceptable.

You're still young, too young to give up on the world. It's a dark place out there when you're your age and when you've seen so much of the world. You've seen a lot, too much maybe. It causes you pain, but you will grow from that. You will come out a strong, independent young lady. You've got to grow up too soon, that's a shame... But it will make you strong and if you can overcome this, you can overcome EVERYTHING life will give you in your later years.

People talk sh*t about me as well. They stab me in the back and they gossip about me. It's hard, but hey, my name must taste really good, since it's on EVERYONES lips. You know what the thing is... People usually do that because of their own insecurity or because they're jealous of you. You dare to be different, you dare to have your own style. Those kids are probably just jealous of your courage and good taste in style. They want to be like you: unique, but they are afraid of doing so. People do that a lot. They reject what is 'different', because they're not used to it.

You're an amazing person and if people don't want to see that, it's their problem. I know it's really hard to not care about it, but you'll learn to deal with it. It's better to have just a few closer friends than a whole lot of acquaintances.
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jen10
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1175 on: September 24, 2009, 09:17:43 pm »
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Quote from: Young&Desperate 4Attention{DA} on September 24, 2009, 04:33:52 pm   

Jen, you're not fat and ugly... You should never bring yourself down like that. EVER, you hear me? If you do so, you allow people to bring you down. And that's unacceptable.

You're still young, too young to give up on the world. It's a dark place out there when you're your age and when you've seen so much of the world. You've seen a lot, too much maybe. It causes you pain, but you will grow from that. You will come out a strong, independent young lady. You've got to grow up too soon, that's a shame... But it will make you strong and if you can overcome this, you can overcome EVERYTHING life will give you in your later years.

People talk sh*t about me as well. They stab me in the back and they gossip about me. It's hard, but hey, my name must taste really good, since it's on EVERYONES lips. You know what the thing is... People usually do that because of their own insecurity or because they're jealous of you. You dare to be different, you dare to have your own style. Those kids are probably just jealous of your courage and good taste in style. They want to be like you: unique, but they are afraid of doing so. People do that a lot. They reject what is 'different', because they're not used to it.

You're an amazing person and if people don't want to see that, it's their problem. I know it's really hard to not care about it, but you'll learn to deal with it. It's better to have just a few closer friends than a whole lot of acquaintances.


hey, thanks pam. i'm glad you think i'm not that. i think your right, i have seen to much. i am aware of every horrible things going on in the world. and i do have a lot of pain in my life that i don't see other kids going through. no kid in my school understands whats happening, but i do.

haha, and your right about the growing up part! i feel like a 30 year old in a girl's body. it's quite awkward...

do you really think they are jealous of me? sometimes, when i tell my mom what happens at school, she says the same thing. but it's hard to believe it when i don't feel pretty or worth anything. i don't have the "popular" cloths or "popular" look. and ya know what? i don't even want to! i want to be me! and me only. it just seems to me that if you have all the right looks and coolness or whatever, you will fit in and everything will be easier. it's stupid, really. kids should mature and grow up already, i'm sick of it!

thanks for the reply, pam. i wish you had an easier life too. i hope your life gets easier in the near future.
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1176 on: September 25, 2009, 01:37:58 pm »
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First of all Jen, I'm glad you realise that being yourself is more important than just following the crowd.  People who are more mature than people in your school will respect you for that. 

Secondly, you're not fat and ugly, and Pam's right - you mustn't ever think things like that about yourself.  If ever you feel really low, think of all the positives about yourself - you're smart, friendly, a lovely person, and pretty.
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jen10
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1177 on: September 25, 2009, 03:21:44 pm »
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Quote from: maryd on September 25, 2009, 01:37:58 pm   

First of all Jen, I'm glad you realise that being yourself is more important than just following the crowd.  People who are more mature than people in your school will respect you for that. 

Secondly, you're not fat and ugly, and Pam's right - you mustn't ever think things like that about yourself.  If ever you feel really low, think of all the positives about yourself - you're smart, friendly, a lovely person, and pretty.

thank you, mary. i'm glad you think so.

hope your right about the respect part of it...they will soon see, i hope.
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jen10
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1178 on: October 01, 2009, 03:22:13 pm »
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Quote from: Carina on October 01, 2009, 12:12:35 pm   


Quote from: Damita Jackson on September 22, 2009, 01:28:30 pm   
Alright ladies and gentlemen.  This is going to sound so Goddamn ridiculous but I have to get it off my chest.  We're moving soon and I don't care one iota about leaving this neighborhood or this house.  It's not my home.  But the thing that has me in tears at my keyboard right now is that I', going to be leaving Stewie and Ice behind aswell as Milo; my brothers cat, and Emerald; a friends budgie.  They are all buried in our garden and even though I know that it's stupid it really hurts to think they won't be close anymore.

It's not ridiculous at all. My rabbit is buried in the garden of our former house in England. I have been back in Germany for a couple of years now but I still think about him often. Your feelings are completely natural.

i agree, that isn't ridiculous! i think it's nice of you to burry them and lay them to rest, peacefully.

i'm sorry about this. it must be hard.
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1179 on: November 02, 2009, 05:28:47 pm »
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It's more of a question than a real dilemma.

Today I finally told my mom that when I was about six or seven years a family friend actually, how can I put this...abused me.  Now do y'all think it's odd that this incident doesn't affect me too much.  Like now I'm singing along to If U Seek Amy/3 after telling my mom about this terrible thing that happened to me.  And also I feel guilty about putting it on her and I want her to know that she needent worry too much about me because it happened 15 years ago.

Is this "weird"?
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1180 on: November 03, 2009, 02:04:53 am »
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I'm glad you found the strength to tell your mum Vicky. I don't think it's weird at all. It happened 15 years ago and people react differently to these situations. Plus time has passed since then so you have probably gone over it a million times by yourself so that when you finally tell the person closest to you, it didn't seem as bad as you thought it would..am I making sense I think now you've told your mum you should reassure her and tell her not to worry. Let her know if you need her you know where she is and vice versa.

Take care
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1181 on: November 03, 2009, 05:30:20 am »
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I don't think it's odd that you aren't hugely affected by what happened - I'd say that was a positive thing.  I do understand why your mother is worried - not only about that, but anything else that might have happened that you haven't told her about.  I agree with all that Elizabeth said really. 
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1182 on: November 03, 2009, 07:22:28 am »
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Vic, It's not weird that you don't feel affected that much. You've had 15 years to process it, to accept it and move on. It's always gonna be a part of you and you found a way to deal with it. That's good. But if you didn't find a way to deal with it and just blocked it out, it's not good. When you blocked it, it's gonna come back and it'll do more damage than good. Even after 15 years.

Your mother is worried about you and that's normal. But as you said, you don't want her to worry. You shouldn't feel guilty about it, you really shouldn't. You just need to make sure you tell your mother that she doesn't have to worry about you.

BTWm I admire your courage... It probably wasn't easy, You should be proud of yourself.
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1183 on: November 03, 2009, 11:16:43 am »
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Hey y'all!

Just wanted to say thanks for all your words of encouragement.  It's funny, when it's in a movie or on TV you always know it's the right thnig for the person to tell but when it's you, it's a whole different board game.  Telling your parents makes it real.  Like it really happened.

I realise it's a big thing for my family to deal with but I don't want them to worry about me, as I (and y'all) have said, I've dealt with it.  I've had it for 15 years so you know I'm 'over it'.

And thank you, Pam for your final sentence.

Now I know this doesn't need to be said but if any of y'all know my mom (some people on here do) PLEASE don't tell her I've mentioned it.
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Re:The A+F agony aunts.
« Reply #1184 on: November 03, 2009, 03:11:00 pm »
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Quote from: Damita Jackson on November 03, 2009, 11:16:43 am   

Hey y'all!

Just wanted to say thanks for all your words of encouragement.  It's funny, when it's in a movie or on TV you always know it's the right thnig for the person to tell but when it's you, it's a whole different board game.  Telling your parents makes it real.  Like it really happened.

I realise it's a big thing for my family to deal with but I don't want them to worry about me, as I (and y'all) have said, I've dealt with it.  I've had it for 15 years so you know I'm 'over it'.

And thank you, Pam for your final sentence.

Now I know this doesn't need to be said but if any of y'all know my mom (some people on here do) PLEASE don't tell her I've mentioned it.

no worries vix and no I won't tell your mum
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