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Title: Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on June 06, 2009, 09:48:11 am

I don't mean to offend anyone by this poll, I just felt compelled to put it on for personal reasons. Plus there was a recent programme on the issue which I missed, I think there needs to be more awareness.

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: maryd on June 06, 2009, 11:23:20 am

There was a couple of boxes I wanted to tick in that poll - I have never self-harmed, and I would never do it, but I think there should definitely be more awareness.

I personally feel that self-harming, for me, would never be thr ight thing to do - I know that there are so many people that care for me and that would do anything rather than see me in that position. Plus I've never had anything happen to me so bad that I would want to self-harm - I can always see another way out, if you know what I mean.

I do appreciate that not everyone is as lucky as me in having people to talk to, and for that reason I think there should be more counselling available in schools and in other places - there is a lot of awareness about safe-sex and alcohol nowadays, but not so much about this particular issue, which I think is terrible.

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on June 07, 2009, 10:04:22 am

good points made there mary! Yeah I wanted to tick a couple also.

Edit: I added a new choice, I have nearly done it. I now vote for 3 in total! :-X :-\

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: ejwoodfan on June 16, 2009, 05:22:18 am

I think there should be more awareness and understanding, you must be in a very bad place to do something like that. I would like to know much more about it myself.

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Hobbitsan on June 23, 2009, 07:27:47 pm

it doesnt seem to have much awareness about it. i would stand up and say i have been there and its not the best feeling in the world. i think that the more people talk about it the easier it is to deal with and understand.
There are alot of teen/ early adults that self-harm and it seems its just looked over. i agree with Mary, it does seem to all be about safe-sex and alcohol

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 04, 2009, 12:25:32 pm

you could safely say i have done it now, marks mums cat scratched me and i purposefully made the scars bleed when they had healed :-X :(

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: teenagedirtbag89 on July 04, 2009, 10:58:05 pm

I have done it. And I think there is awareness out there for this sorta thing it's just not advertised as much as say, Safe-sex.

Here's an interesting website that helped me alot.

www.twloha.com

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 05, 2009, 05:23:37 am

Thanks for the link but I dont think I will do anthing with a knife. This was just because the opportunity was already there ie the healed wound.

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Billswife on July 05, 2009, 09:24:27 am

My thoughts on self harm are this. Everyone has been tempted a time or two to "quit" in one form or another, whether it is one's job, one's achievements or even life in general.

Life, goals, all of it is tough sometimes, but other times it's brilliant and wonderful.

Self harm, as I've come to see, over all seems to make things harder, rather than easier.

There are so many opportunities in life that a person will miss out on if they decide not to participate.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Example (and I hope anyone reading can take "some" sort of lesson from this)

15 years ago I was engaged to be married to "some guy". It ended. And I thought to myself...life as I know it is now over. I had absolutely no idea how I was goin to go on without him.. He was my whole world, he had hair like Slash, he even played guitar, and he had these big brown eyes and he married...somebody else. :'(

Looking back on it now, I found an even better guitarrist. ;D
Second, if I had "quit the arena" so to speak there are many things I never would have experienced.

I never would have seen Elijah Wood's beautiful face for one thing. ;) I mean it sounds funny to say it like that but to think about it I would have never seen one single Elijah Wood film...not one!

I never would have seen the LOTR trillogy :o If I had made the wrong decision then I'd have missed out on seeing "Frodo".

(That's the type of little good things in life, that you never see comming that a person would miss out on if they don't stick around)

Not to mention..

I never would have become a nurse, found my current husband, not to mention the time I got to spend with my grandparents, or just last night where I got to sing and play drums and watch fire works with a bunch of crazy fun drunk people I never saw before.

The point is you just NEVER know what amaizing and wonderful surprises are around the corner.

Beyond that, being on the "wrong side" of 30 you start to see that even getting "older" you still want to see and do things you never thought of before. Traveling, racing motorcycles, you name it. You never know what your hobbies will "get" to become.

And I see some of our friends who are even in their 60's and I look at my husband and just appreciate life. NOW looking at it, not only do I not want to "end it", but another 30-60 years with my husband just doesn't seem like enough time. I want more time.

I guess the point is that "self harm" is a permanant solution to a temporary problem. It really is.
:)

God Bless anybody reading who may be concerned/fretful, what have you times ARE tough every now and again...but better times..so good you couldn't even imagine...are also right around the corner.


Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 05, 2009, 04:41:36 pm

Emily I just loved your view, it cheered me up I feel happy :-*

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Billswife on July 05, 2009, 10:23:12 pm

I'm glad Liz :) There are always new things in life, not just stuff to be enjoyed but people, friends, family you name it that need our presence. There's alot of good in the world if you look for it, and a lot of good that needs to be done in it too for anyone so motivated. ;)

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: maryd on July 06, 2009, 10:03:55 am

Emily, I agree with Elizabeth - your words above are really inspiring. It's great to hear such a positive, sensible outlook. :)

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Billswife on July 10, 2009, 12:29:35 am

Thank you Mary for saying so :) It's nice when even life's low mental spaces and bad mindsets can turn around and be used for something useful later on. ;)

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 28, 2009, 02:36:07 pm

Because of three very hurtful comments on webook another site I belong too, I no longer know what to think on Self Harm. I don't know how to feel on the bad thoughts in me, if indeed I should have ever written any dark poems. This person has really affected me to the point I may stop writing altogether :-[

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: maryd on July 29, 2009, 06:47:49 am

This might be a little off-topic, but you shouldn't let what they think about your subject matter influence you. I'm sure plenty of great poems have been written about suicide and self-harm - poetry should portray true emotion and if that's what you're feeling, then you should write. :)

Emily - you're right - as they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 29, 2009, 07:15:34 am

You are right mary, thankyou :-* Self harm is wrong I can see that and it hurts the people around the victim, ie friends, family and ultimately the victim themselves. That is why I am saying now I will never do it, if ever I think about it I will write it down, get the thought out of my mind! :)

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Misz_Mii on July 29, 2009, 02:43:38 pm

"what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger".

I'm not totally agreeing with this. I used to self harm, big time. It never killed me (not physically) and it did make me stronger. So why quit? Well, because it is actually weakening the body.

I think self harm needs more awareness and people should look at it differently. People usually think that when you cut yourself of do whatever damage to your body, that you are either twisted in your head, that you're unhappy, you're in a bad environment or all of these reasons. I wasn't twisted, I wasn't per say unhappy and I have always been in a great place with amazing people. And still I cut the shizz out of my body.

Why? Well, because I couldn't cope with my feelings. My negative feelings turned to the extreme. anger wasn't there anymore, it was hate. sadness wasn't there, it was depression. I was depressed, but still I was somewhat happy. I had no reason to complain, which made me feel worse, because I had no reason at all to do what I did.

I don't think that anyone who hasn't been in my shoes, or in the shoes of a self-harmer, knows what this disease and addiction, because I believe self harm is both a disease and an addiction, is all about. Everybody thinks: "Well, you hurt yourself, it can never be nice so why don't you just stop?" Well, let me tell you: I tried to quit 4 times and the last time it worked. Now, almowst 2 years later, I'm still struggling big time to not relapse. Of course, I've got good days and bad days, but overall I really need to watch myself. cause I know that if I do it just once and maybe even accidentally, I'm right back at where I left off.

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 29, 2009, 03:56:05 pm

I liked reading that Pam. You are a really strong and brave girl it comes through in your words. I pray you continue on the right path and do not relapse. :-*

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: maryd on July 30, 2009, 06:27:43 am

Pamela - your words are inspirational too. Obviously you've come through a lot and like Elizabeth, I hope you continue recovering.

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Misz_Mii on July 30, 2009, 09:15:00 am

Thanks ladies, I think all you need for recovery is a positive way of thinking. If you keep on thinking "I wanna do it" or "I can't ever quit" then I believe that it will be twice as hard to stop and recover and that the chance of relapsing will be twice as big.


Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 30, 2009, 05:14:46 pm

I've started writing my feelings and thoughts down whenever I feel sad, so hopefully I will not start to self harm. I do this as I can't afford counseling right now.

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Misz_Mii on August 03, 2009, 03:10:22 pm

writing down how you feel is a god thing, Elizabeth. But the mistake that most people make, is the downward spiral. They only write the bad things, which causes the negativity to be highlit. That's not really what you want. You just want to write down the bad things, write down what happened that made you feel like that and then, after all the negative stuff, you want to write what you did like about that event, or what you learned from it and you should also put a lot of positivity on paper.

Every downfall has its shine, in every unfortunate event there is something that has taught you something or that has made you a better, wiser, smarter, stronger person. Even if you can't see it right away, you really HAVE to take the time to look for it. Just sit down and think of what you got out of this. Nobody can say that it wasn't positive at all, that it was only shizz. Cause it's not true. Someone who says that, just never went deep enough, never REALLY looked for happiness in their lives. it takes a little training, but it's worth it

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on August 04, 2009, 01:52:57 pm

thanks pam :-*

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: psychic-girl on October 15, 2009, 09:12:06 pm

I have done it. I gave myself 2 black eyes. I was abused as a child but I'm trying to heal now.

If you feel like hurting yourself call someone you can trust and distract yourself. I do this and it helps.

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: psychic-girl on October 15, 2009, 09:27:00 pm

""""this sh** happens, and first we respond as we do. sometimes (especially if it keeps recurring, or there is PTSD or an emotional disorder, or an addiction) that response in entirety becomes the "default" reaction. This is all more likely if we are children and still developing how to deal with the world.

the basic process involves the way the brain "wires" itself. It creates a neural pathway that is stimulated each time a similar enough situation is encountered (think similar emotional experiences). This is how phobias work - you experience what you fear (e.g. see a mouse), you feel the fear, the neural pathway stimulates, and you react a particular way (standing on a chair and screaming). and each time you allow that to happen the pathway is strengthened. """

I quoted this from a member of another forum and it applies to this.

If you change your behavior you actually are physically rewiring your brain. This is why it's harder to quit after a relapse.

You need to stop immediately and train yourself to react differently when you feel this way. When you feel like hurting yourself do something completely different like draw or go for a run. Eventually when you feel the emotions that drive you to self harm you will feel compelled to draw or run instead.

I wish all of you hope and healing! :)

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on October 16, 2009, 03:53:15 am

thanks pamela, you give some great ideas there. Luckily for over a month I have not had any thoughts of self harm or been depressed

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: psychic-girl on October 16, 2009, 04:31:59 am

I'm so glad your doing better!
If you ever feel like you need to talk just drop me a pm. I know how bad things can be sometimes.

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: maryd on October 16, 2009, 06:35:50 am

Psychic Girl - I wish you luck with your healing. :)

Though just a note - double posting isn't really allowed on this forum. :P

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: psychic-girl on October 16, 2009, 09:50:04 am

oh , ok. Thanks for the info. I'll keep that in mind. thanks! ;)

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Misz_Mii on October 26, 2009, 04:54:33 am

What usually was the thing with me was that when I would cut, I would have an adrenalinerush and it would make me feel better, since I kinda got like 'high' because of it. I found that when I go for a run or when I go for boxing or something physical like that, I get that same high, because the adrenalinerush is there as well and then it makes me feel better. Just a tip here :)

I totally agree with you, psychic-girl.

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on October 29, 2009, 02:55:17 am

thats a good tip also Pam, I'm glad this topic is helping the people that need it

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Domlijah on November 16, 2009, 05:32:12 pm

I am very surpised at the number of people who have "thought about it" and even more surprised at the number of people who have done it. It is sad that a persons circumstances can lead to them to such things. I have a feeling it all starts with parents... if they were more involved then it would be less of an issue.

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Misz_Mii on November 17, 2009, 04:26:24 pm

[quote author=Domlijah link=board=5;threadid=33704;start=30#msg1185927 date=1258410732]
I have a feeling it all starts with parents... if they were more involved then it would be less of an issue.
[/quote]

Wow... That's so not true :P

I cut the heck out of myself, but my parents have been nothing but good and supportive. They've always been there for me, always told me to come and talk to them if I felt bad. It had nothing to do with my parents.

Actually, a lot of self-mutilators keep it quiet, because they feel guilty towards their parents. A lot of 'us' can't blame our parents, because they've always been good to 'us'.



Progress report: I'm going into therapy. No, I'm not doing it again... I just struggle a lot and I think therapy is a good thing to go through.

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on November 18, 2009, 02:33:32 pm

I don't think it is to do with parents either! Good to hear Pam, take care :-*

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Domlijah on November 27, 2009, 08:02:25 pm

Well obviously it is situational. There is no absolute reason for this to happen to anyone. I wasn't clear on what I meant. Let me put it this way, you are who you are because of your environment. Your environment is ALMOST entirely governed by how and where you are brought up. These influences are generally decided by your parents or guardians. We do this to ourselves because of who we are and how we feel. We are reflections of what our parents have put us through, good or bad. I believe that I have done this to myself because of the environment I was brought up in, but I don't think it is directly my parents fault nor do I hate them for anything that has led me to do what I 'used' to do. I have done studies on this topic in particular in my psychology courses, and statistically people blame their 'home life' more often then not. The amount of girls (and boys) that I have met that have put themselves through this is astounding. Each one of these individuals would be better off if they were subjected to more positive influences. 'Cutting' or self-mutilation generally starts with insecurity, but where does insecurity start? But like I said earlier, it is all situational. And mostly opinion. It also matters little where it starts, but more so how it ends. Right? I assume we all agree on THAT point. ;D
I like this discussion though, it is interesting to hear what you all think!

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on November 28, 2009, 03:45:05 am

I still don't know if it is situational, it may be like depression in a way caused by genes. Last night I nearly got the images again but managed to stop them fully entering my mind thinking of something else

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Domlijah on November 30, 2009, 12:01:01 pm

I completely see your point :) The way I see it is that because each person is different, each person has a different influence in their lives that brings them to that point. It is all about perception and even in some part, genetics. By situational I mean each persons reasons are different due to what they are exposed to in their lives. The beauty of the human race is that we all see the world differently.

-Miss Sixty I really like your signature pic. My boyfriend refuses to watch that movie with me because it scares him :)

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on November 30, 2009, 01:12:45 pm

Thanks! I think the film is COOL 8) You can call me Elizabeth by the way ;)

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Domlijah on November 30, 2009, 01:25:13 pm

Haha me too, it is thrilling. I forced my roommates to watch it and the were on the edge of their seats. Who knew children could be so sinister.

You can call me Sierra! ;D

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Misz_Mii on November 30, 2009, 01:35:59 pm

I like this discussion! ;D

I am studying psychology as well and I made a paper on what the best kind of treatment is for people who automutilate and I came to the conclusion that it depends on the kind of self-harm a person performs. Because apparently there are a couple of 'types' of self-harm (not looking at what you do to yourself, but more from the 'why'-point of view)

I kinda see what you mean, Domlijah, it is really just a combination of a persons way of dealing with and the situations on themself. I can see how you put the parents and guardians in this picture, but I still don't really agree with you. I mean... it's not like parents intend to do this to their children, at least, not the normal parents. Normal parents want the best for their children, so I don't think that 'we' do this to ourselves, because our parents put us in this situation.

I kinda think we should 'blame' ourselves for this as well. I mean... the first cut was a choice we made ourselves. We could have handled differently, but we chose not to. The second cut was, for me at least, because I was an instant addict and so were the rest of my cuts.

But yes, I do agree, reasons are basically always situational. The reasons to start cutting are based on situations we couldn't handle in a 'normal' or 'healthy' way.




Progress report: I told you all I was gonna get therapy... But I'm sooo freaking scared to go to the doctor to get a reference to a therapist... But tomorrow I will go to make an appointment to see my doctor... so I hope i can start therapy soon, because I'm doing aweful

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: elizabeth coffey on November 30, 2009, 04:35:01 pm

Good luck Pam, you'll be fine love :-*

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Domlijah on December 07, 2009, 12:49:06 pm

Yes, good luck! I understand a little what you are going through and I know it's hard, but you seem like a very strong person. I think you'll find your way. :D

Title: Re:Whats your view on Self Harm?
Post by: Misz_Mii on December 09, 2009, 08:24:04 am

Yeah well I went to the GP and I had to tell her why I wanted a ref and I started crying like a little kid... and she told me it was a very wise decision to come on over and she reffered me to a psychologist and I called and I had to leave my name and number and I'd be called back soon... It's been almost a week now and still didn't get a call back.


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