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Title: The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 18, 2005, 07:33:41 am

Welcome to the Agony Aunts!


We know that we all have problems which we need help on, and that the best advice invariably comes from people who have been in similar situations.

So this thread is to turn us all into agony aunts (or uncles- no discrimination) so we can all offer advice, as well as asking for it.

However, recently there has been a problem with sexual issues. Now, we're willing to help with any problems or advice etc regarding sexual stuff, but it's going to have to be by PM. The following members are standing by to give you help in the sex area-

LegolasBuzzgirl (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=LegolasBuzzgirl;imsubject=Agony Aunts) (female)
Le Deux Machina (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE;imsubject=Agony Aunts) (female)
<*>Epica<*> (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=Frodo_Ubsessed;imsubject=Agony Aunts) (female)
Snail (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=my_preciousss;imsubject=Agony Aunts)(female)
MrFishPillow (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=MrFishPillow;imsubject=Agony Aunts)(male)


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on April 18, 2005, 07:38:53 am

What a great idea. I'm sure Jackie would appriciate this. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on April 18, 2005, 08:29:05 am

Yay for Jackie and yay for the new advice thread! Great idea!


:-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elijahs_girl on April 18, 2005, 09:12:21 am

wait a minute...Jackie left?? I don't come for a few days and I miss everything! :o
Thats really sad, but its really good of you guys to set up a tribute thread. I will come here whenever I have a problem :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: liladriel on April 18, 2005, 03:17:30 pm

What a good idea! So....anyone want to ask anything? ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: xLaurax on April 18, 2005, 03:53:54 pm

This is a great idea. ;)

I'm good at the moment. Just really angry. >:(

Girls are bitches.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Caz on April 18, 2005, 05:08:56 pm

Yeah, I can only agree, this is a wonderful idea! :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 18, 2005, 05:58:23 pm

Well, i'll be ya'll first customers. :) lol.

Ok, perhaps some of you have heard me mention this guy in jackie's thread... or other various ones... But i've been trying to get to know this guy that i really like. He's funny, very cute, and just cool to hang around. Well, he likes my friend... and my friend likes someone else. She's told me this multiple times (before she knew i liked him) BUT she continues to string him along! She'll flirt like heck with him during breaks and such... but then be mean to him later. We were talking about it this morning, and i infromed her that he really thinks she likes him (he told me). she was thrilled. She said she just loved stringing him along while stepping on him the whole time... I was telling her how he was telling me he thought this and what not, and she asked me if i had just wanted to reach across and choke him... i said, "no, i wanted to reach across and hug him while saying "awwwww..."" it's so bad! i feel so bad for him... and me... lol, it's all screwed up. But if she doesn't like him, and she knows that i do... why is she screwing with him like this? i don't think she's the type to try to make someone jealous... it's just really... ... annoying. yeah, that's the word.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: ShannyBanany on April 18, 2005, 07:03:12 pm

Hey Jess_B if you don't mind, I'd like to help you out. :)

It is possible that your friend actually likes this guy but is afraid to admit it. I can't think of another way of why she would want to hurt him like that. She could also like him but doesn't want to hurt YOUR feelings by letting you know that she likes him. That's just a theory though. I think you should really talk to her and tell her how your feeling. It seems so cliché but it may work. Tell her you really like him. If she's not going to like him back the way he likes her she needs to stop "stringing him along." A guy can like a girl and she doesn't have to return the affection but she doesn't have to hurt his feelings by making him think she may really like him. If she likes him you need to tell her to go for it. If she doesn't tell her to stop hurting a really sweet guy and go for him yourself! :D

Hope I helped Jess. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 18, 2005, 09:20:38 pm

[quote author=ShannyBanany link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=0#msg861481 date=1113865392]
Hey Jess_B if you don't mind, I'd like to help you out. :)

It is possible that your friend actually likes this guy but is afraid to admit it. I can't think of another way of why she would want to hurt him like that. She could also like him but doesn't want to hurt YOUR feelings by letting you know that she likes him. That's just a theory though. I think you should really talk to her and tell her how your feeling. It seems so cliché but it may work. Tell her you really like him. If she's not going to like him back the way he likes her she needs to stop "stringing him along." A guy can like a girl and she doesn't have to return the affection but she doesn't have to hurt his feelings by making him think she may really like him. If she likes him you need to tell her to go for it. If she doesn't tell her to stop hurting a really sweet guy and go for him yourself! :D

Hope I helped Jess. ;)
[/quote]

all of those theories i, myself, have considered as well... I just can't figure it out... lol, unless she just likes the attention. I think that may be what it is... she likes the attention--cause he sure as heck gives her tons. She's tried to give me tips on how to get him and such... lol, and today i just couldn't get over the fact that she doesn't think he's cute. I mean, we had this conversation for like 15 mins... just, "you really don't think he's cute? at all? you REALLY don't think so??" lol, i couldn't believe it. she said he didn't have pretty eyes!! WT...??? he has beautiful eyes... lol, they're blue, i love them. but, i mean, i'm kinda glad she has that opinion... i just wish that flirting for fun was out of the question. ::)

oh, and thanks, btw. I like to know i'm not the only one that thinks of these types of theories. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: ShannyBanany on April 18, 2005, 09:32:58 pm

You're welcome Jess. ;D

I think you're right though, she could just like the attention. I think over time she'll get bored with him and hopefully quit or unfortunately she could move on to another guy. :-\ Maybe, you should be more assertive to let him know your interested in him, not just physically but mentally too. He may end up having a new crush on you. ;)

Good Luck. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Caz on April 18, 2005, 09:44:56 pm

[color=Blue]Am I gonna get in trouble for saying what I think? :P

Jess.. I think it's very insensitive of your friend to string this guy along, insensitive towards him of course since he might get the wrong impression but more towards you because you are her friend.

She knows you like him but by giving him false impressions, she is diverting all the attention that he could be giving you onto her. You said she gives you tips which is great but what is the point of those tips if she gets all of his attention?

Shanny is right, it could be that she secretly likes him but is afraid to hurt your feelings or that she simply likes the attention. There is no other way of knowing the truth than by talking to her and asking her outright whether she has feelings for him because the current situation is neither going to help your friendship with her nor help you in getting anywhere with that boy.[/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on April 18, 2005, 10:08:07 pm

Geez Jess, so much drama over this guy, eh? Lol. I hate drama like that.

Well, as far as talking to your friend about this.. it sounds like you already have. If you've already had conversations about whether she thinks he's cute, and about him liking her and whatnot, then there's really not anything else to do there. If you confront her about it again, it's not likely that her answers will change.

It doesn't seem to me that she likes him. I think she likes to attention, and the idea of a guy liking her. I mean, come on - you know the feeling you get when a guy likes you. You feel beautiful and funny and all warm inside, whether you like him or not. Maybe your friend really likes this feeling, and isn't willing to give it up.

She could also just really like playing around with this poor guy's heart. Which is cruel, if you ask me. But everyone gets their jollies in a different fashion, I suppose.

My best advice would be to just give it some time. Intense crushes wear off, and maybe she'll get bored leading him on. Either way, there's really not much you can do about it, except keep stressing the fact that you really like him to her. Maybe she'll start to get it.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 19, 2005, 03:43:59 am

All the answers above quote mainly what I was going to say.

A tinsy little idea though? It may not work, but it's worth voicing. If you can be absolutly sure that she doesn't like him, then could you get the fact that he likes her to work for you? I mean, if she really doesn't like him, could you get her to help you by having her drop hints when he's around her. Simple stuff like "Oh- Jess looks nice today doesn't she?" or "You and Jess'd make a good couple you know". Might not work, but... you never know. And if she point blank refuses to help you, then you'll know for sure that she does like him.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 19, 2005, 08:36:25 pm

[quote author=CarinaLady link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=0#msg861543 date=1113875096]
[color=Blue]
Jess.. I think it's very insensitive of your friend to string this guy along, insensitive towards him of course since he might get the wrong impression but more towards you because you are her friend. [/quote]
aww... i agree. lol, i agree with most of the stuff that you guys have all said.

[quote]
She knows you like him but by giving him false impressions, she is diverting all the attention that he could be giving you onto her. You said she gives you tips which is great but what is the point of those tips if she gets all of his attention?[/quote]
That's a very good point... yet, she also likes to ask me to come along when she goes to "bother" him. I usually do... and it's like i'm not even there.

[quote]I mean, come on - you know the feeling you get when a guy likes you. You feel beautiful and funny and all warm inside, whether you like him or not. Maybe your friend really likes this feeling, and isn't willing to give it up.
[/quote]
I think that's basically what it boils down to, honestly. Lol, yeah, i know that feeling... not very well, and usually i end up being wrong about the guy liking me... but when i feel liked, i like myself much more. and it is fun, especially from him, because he's such a "contact flirt", if ya know what i mean. he'll hug you, hold hands w/ u... he kissed her on various body parts multiple times before... and i think she likes it, because, lol, i know i do... of course, he hasn't touched me in like... a week... but, still.


Quote:
A tinsy little idea though? It may not work, but it's worth voicing. If you can be absolutly sure that she doesn't like him, then could you get the fact that he likes her to work for you? I mean, if she really doesn't like him, could you get her to help you by having her drop hints when he's around her. Simple stuff like "Oh- Jess looks nice today doesn't she?" or "You and Jess'd make a good couple you know". Might not work, but... you never know. And if she point blank refuses to help you, then you'll know for sure that she does like him.

you know, i like that idea. lol, i don't think she'd do it... or if she did, jess would probly say, "jess who?" but i've considered asking her to do that for me... i may if things keep going on like they did today.

Ok, now, since i'm on the topic, i might as well vent a lil, yes? i just about got mad today... i'm one of those kinda ppl where if i get mad, you don't really know it... like Kari will know if i'm mad at someone, herself included, and i might tell the peeps on this board... but other than that, no one knows... lol. well, i ate lunch w/ my friend... and jesse was in our lunch. (lunch is all screwed this week because of the school testing crap) We went over and sat down, and i saw jess up walking around and sitting w/ some other ppl i know. My friend was kinda trying to hide from him... or act like it. After lunch was over, she and i stood in the lunch room, both of us were watching him, but neither would really admit it. When he left, she said, "yes! he didn't see me! i managed to avoid him." then we started to walk away, and she said, "i kinda want to go bother him now... do you want to come with me?" i said, "no, not really. let's just go." she said, "ahh, yeah you do. You think he's fun to look at--" "o yes, he's very, very fun to look at." "--come with me. i'll bother him, you look at him."

lol, so i ended up going over there. when we got out there, i was completely and utterly ignored. i mean, sure, i spoke... but i might as well hadn't've. I don't even think Jesse looked at me the entire time i stood there. and my friend pretty much forgot i was there by the time we reached him. I, once again, felt bad for him, though. He hugged her and stuff as soon as he saw her, and asked her to come upstairs with him... and she said no. then he asked her if she wanted him to come with her... and she said no. ... she said she was just going to walk around... but she kept shooting down everything he suggested. So i got mad that she 1)pretending to try to avoid him, but then actually went to see him 2) that she shot him down when he was being very sweet 3) that i was completely and utterly, to the fullest extent, ignored while we stood there... by both of them. >:( *grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: ShannyBanany on April 19, 2005, 09:28:43 pm

I'm sorry you had another bad day, Jess. Hope venting some helped. I have a little more advice for you if that's OK.

After reading your last post I have to agree with Flummoxed. I think Sam likes being the center of attention with Jesse, she likes the feeling. What you need to realize is you can't change what she is doing but you don't have to be apart of it. Maybe he doesn't like you because he thinks more of you has Sam's friend. Don't give him the chance to ignore you. You need to talk to him on your own when she's not around. Make him more interested in you. Sam isn't being very friendly to Jesse and he may end up getting annoyed with her for playing him. Make him notice you and he may turn all his attention to you. ;)

Hope it all works out, Jess. :D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on April 19, 2005, 11:07:52 pm

Sorry you had another stinky day, Jess. But hey, don't they say it has to get worse before it can get better? Wait it out; this will all pass in time, and you'll look back on it later and laugh for getting so stressed over it.

Okay, my turn! I'm in a bit of a dilemma here with one of my guy friends. (Sorry for the length here!)

My friend Dave and I have been 'acquaintances' pretty much forever. He's a grade below me, but we do a lot of extra curriculars (like Academic Challenge and the school play) together. And this year we've become really close friends.

But ever since the play, Dave's been treating me a little differently. Not in a creepy obsessed way or anything, but I get the feeling he may possibly like me more than just a friend. After he asked me to Prom last month, I voiced this concern to one of my friends, who then told me I was crazy. So I forgot about it for a while. But now, people have started asking what's going on between us. And, to tell the truth, I'm not sure what to tell them!

I love hanging out with him; he makes me laugh, and is just fun to be around. But it ends there - I'm not really attracted to him, and I can't even begin to imagine us in a dating situation. And it's hard to tell if he can or not, either.

Exhibit A: I find him trying to touch me a lot. Like, just on the arm, or the shoulder, putting his arm around me and such. He liked poking at me for a while, until I told him that really bothered me and he stopped. He lately has got a fixation with helping me keep my hair out of my eyes - brushing it off my face and such. In these instances, I kind of recoil, and tell him to "Touch me not." Lol.

Exhibit B: While he was away on vacation in California, he was constantly text messaging and calling me. He still does it now, too - really random texts.

Exhibit C: We've gone "out" a few times, like to the thrift store together, and the coffee shop and stuff. Never actual dates (at least.. I don't think). One time we went to this restaurant to listen to some jazz, and we somehow ended up in this dark, candlelit room.. lol, it was definitely the most uncomfortable experience of my life.

He's never actually asked me out on a real date or anything. He did mention once that we should catch a movie sometime, and has commented once or twice on how much he likes spending time with me. But he's never brought anything else up. And we never did catch that movie.

But, even after all that, it's hard to tell. He's a nice kid, and gets along with everybody. He talks to and goes out with a lot of people. So, I am very confused.

When I told my friend about us going out every now and then (the same friend who told me I was "crazy" and "reading too much into it" when Dave asked me to Prom, mind you), she told me she thought he liked me. She also told my other friend that it was all my fault, since I was spending "insane amounts of time" with Dave. Which, 1. isn't true - I spend as much time with him as my other friends and, 2. she's the one who said I was crazy for thinking he liked me in the first place! GAH!

I've had problems before with my guy friends liking me. And none of them has ended happily, so I'm very scared here.

I want to ask Dave about it - ask him if we are indeed spending "insane amounts of time" together. But I don't want to scare him away, because I like hanging out. The last thing I want to do is make things awkward, especially since we're going to Prom together in two weeks.

But if he indeed does like me, I don't want to lead him on, either. Not that I think I am - I don't allow much of the touching (I don't like it much in actual relationship situations anyway), and I don't always agree to go out random places with him. Right now, I'm acting with him like I do with all my other friends. But if he likes me, is that too much? Grrr.

So, any input or advice from anybody? Thanks in advance.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 20, 2005, 03:55:53 am

Jess-
ouch. She is really being an evil cow- sorry for the terminology, but she is- now. I think she may actually have a tiny crush on him, even if it is outweighed by the attension seeking.

Flummoxed-
I think you need to talk to him personally. I mean, you could go down the easier routes of ignoring it, going with it for a week or so and then dumping him gently, or talking 24/7 about this guy you fancy who he doesn't know (who is of course entirely fictional) to try put him off, but they're all really bad ideas in the long run.

You don't need to confront him point blank, but I think you should get him by himself- before the prom- and just tell him how much you aprechiate his friendship, and how its nice to know that while other lads might chase you, he'll always be there as a good friend who you don't have to worry about being anything more with. If he doesn't take the hint, then you may have to be a bit more obvious about it.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: uNblessed Citrus on April 20, 2005, 06:22:25 am

Jess, it sounds like he doesn't like him, but he likes to flirt with him. He's leading him on and she probably won't go through with it.

Flummoxed, I think you need to talk to him and ask him what's up.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on April 20, 2005, 10:04:41 am

Jess, I think that you should let this girl know how much this is getting to you. You obviously really like him, and she is not being fair to you at all. Tell her how she is making you feel. Tell her how much you like this guy, and basically lay on the guilt. She has no right to do this if she is indeed your friend. If she does like him, then she should let you know, it's only fair. Because if she's saying "Oh no, I'm not interested in him" just to save your feelings, then it isn't working at all. And she needs to know this. I'm sure that if she does consider you as a friend then she will let you know what is really going on. You deserve to know the truth.
If she does like him, then you should discuss with her as to what you are going to do.
I myself have been in the situation of liking the same guy as my friend. But before anything went on between him and either of us, we made sure it was ok with the other girl. Afterall, it is only fair. And friends are the ones who are there for you in the long run just incase anything goes wrong. And, from experience, it's not very good to go crying to someone when you went behind their back.
I'm not saying that you would do this, but if this is what's going on with this guy and your friend... then you need to sort things out between you girls before she risks losing you as a friend.

Flummoxed, you need to know whether this guy really does like you or not. And so... simple thing is. Ask him.
But I would do this before the Prom. As it appears that you are his date for the evening, and he may have some plans that may not go as he is hoping, if you get what I mean. If you want to keep him as a friend then you should clear the air before the Prom so that if he does have any plans, then the night will not be spoiled for either of you.
If it turns out that he doesn't like you, and he just sees you as a good friend, then don't worry about being embarrassed, these things are always good for a giggle at afterwards, especially if it is with a good friend. :D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on April 20, 2005, 04:56:55 pm

Thanks guys. *Tear.* Jackie would be so proud! ;)

Yeah, I guess it's time to have a little talk with Dave. I mean, I have given him hints (and not fake ones, either). A while ago, I was really down one day because my ex-boyfriend was being a jackass at work. And after much prodding from Dave, I told him about it, and that I still liked this guy at work. So, he knows about that at least.

*Le sigh.* I hate boy problems. Lol.

But again, thanks guys!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 20, 2005, 05:33:09 pm

[quote author=ShannyBanany link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=15#msg862091 date=1113960523]
Don't give him the chance to ignore you. You need to talk to him on your own when she's not around. Make him more interested in you. [/quote]

lol, that's what i've been trying to do. I just about had a run in with him today... lol, i kinda feel odd thinking back on it... but i'm not sure where i hit him... lol, i hope i didn't hurt him. he just about stepped on my cd player... and i would have died if my cds had gotten broke... and i, uhh... was holding him up off of my stuff. I moved my hand up, and then realized that it was on his stomach after i moved it up... so, uhh, not really sure where it was before that. :-X and then he went behind me trying to get to my friend (we were on bleachers) but they wouldn't let him over to her, so he was behind me for a while... and i was leaning back on him and such talking to him... dag on (haha, hick slang :P ;)) he was soooo comfortable to lay against. I've never leaned against someone that was that comfortable before, no joke. and then he went to sit farther up behind me, lol, even though i asked him not to. my human cushion had left me... my hot human cushion. :'( lol, o well, i'll live.

O, and just for the record, lol, the friend isn't Kari. Her name is Sam. ;)

I appreciate all yall's advice. This forum is such a nice place ;D

Flummoxed

I'd say you could either talk to him, or maybe give it a "break" for a while. Or try to hook him up w/ some friend of yours... or tell him you like some other dude (just like, in a friend-like discussion, ya know. Like, "Oh, *name* is so cute. I really like him." ... lol, well, that would only work if you actually like someone. I'd say just kinda make it clear that you're not interested like that. If that doesn't work, you may want to have some kinda talk seeing where you both view your relationship. Good luck with it, hun. I hope this works out for you. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: ShannyBanany on April 20, 2005, 06:14:32 pm

[quote author=Jess_B link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=15#msg862532 date=1114032789]
O, and just for the record, lol, the friend isn't Kari. Her name is Sam. ;)
[/quote]

I'm so sorry! I'll edit my post and change it. The only name you mentioned was Kari so I thought that was her. :-[ I'll change it now... no need to blame Kari when she didn't do anything. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jazzspirit on April 20, 2005, 06:55:11 pm

Flummoxed- I am going to sound like a broken record because I agree with everything that the others have said. I think subtle hints are the way to go, let him know how much you adore him as a friend. It doesn't sound like you are leading him on at all, guys just interpret things in weird ways ::) . Definitely should go out with him in group situations and should make sure that things are clear before prom night. I had a problem with something of this nature that happened over Homecoming and it is difficult because you never know what the guy is thinking. Good luck-I hope everything works out.

Jess-Just hang in there, things will work out over time. Isn't it amazing how comfy guys can be as a cushion? ;D -Wait, that kinda sounds weird, but you know what I mean.



Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on April 20, 2005, 09:50:10 pm

[quote author=Jess_B link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=15#msg862532 date=1114032789]

Flummoxed

I'd say you could either talk to him, or maybe give it a "break" for a while. Or try to hook him up w/ some friend of yours... or tell him you like some other dude (just like, in a friend-like discussion, ya know. Like, "Oh, *name* is so cute. I really like him." ... lol, well, that would only work if you actually like someone. I'd say just kinda make it clear that you're not interested like that. If that doesn't work, you may want to have some kinda talk seeing where you both view your relationship. Good luck with it, hun. I hope this works out for you. :)
[/quote]

Ahahaha. ::) Sorry.. I couldn't resist laughing when I read this. Not because of anything you said - don't worry, I'm not laughing at you! Just about the fact that that is so not me, or Dave, or any of my friends at all. Lol.

We don't "hook each other up." Ever. Dave would definitely hate me forever if I even attempted it. Haha. And as for bringing up a mysterious cute guy in conversation.. heh, yeah, we don't do that, either. At least, I don't with any of my close friends.

I'm part of one of those groups that you probably send weird looks towards at your high school. Lol, I'm probably one of the least boy-crazy girls you'll ever meet. But it's all good. Thanks for the advice anyway!

And yes, hopefully this can all be somewhat resolved by Prom! If not.. well, I guess I'll have to take my chances then, eh? Lol.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 20, 2005, 10:18:47 pm

[quote author=Flummoxed. link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=15#msg862655 date=1114048210]
[quote author=Jess_B link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=15#msg862532 date=1114032789]

Flummoxed

I'd say you could either talk to him, or maybe give it a "break" for a while. Or try to hook him up w/ some friend of yours... or tell him you like some other dude (just like, in a friend-like discussion, ya know. Like, "Oh, *name* is so cute. I really like him." ... lol, well, that would only work if you actually like someone. I'd say just kinda make it clear that you're not interested like that. If that doesn't work, you may want to have some kinda talk seeing where you both view your relationship. Good luck with it, hun. I hope this works out for you. :)
[/quote]

Ahahaha. ::) Sorry.. I couldn't resist laughing when I read this. Not because of anything you said - don't worry, I'm not laughing at you! Just about the fact that that is so not me, or Dave, or any of my friends at all. Lol.

We don't "hook each other up." Ever. Dave would definitely hate me forever if I even attempted it. Haha. And as for bringing up a mysterious cute guy in conversation.. heh, yeah, we don't do that, either. At least, I don't with any of my close friends.

I'm part of one of those groups that you probably send weird looks towards at your high school. Lol, I'm probably one of the least boy-crazy girls you'll ever meet. But it's all good. Thanks for the advice anyway!

And yes, hopefully this can all be somewhat resolved by Prom! If not.. well, I guess I'll have to take my chances then, eh? Lol.
[/quote]

lol, sorry. i tried to put myself in your shoes, and what i would do in that situation. I had a similar problem once when one of my long-time guy friends developed a thing for me... he was always telling me/other ppl how pretty i was... and if i went to the bathroom, he would drive ppl crazy asking where i was... I ignored him for a while (lol, kinda mean, huh...) but it worked. Now we're just back to being good friends...and he didn't ask me out, so it was all good. ;D And me and all my friends tell eachother who we should date... not really seriously... just kinda joking around. like, "oh yeah, you and *name* would make a good couple! Ya'll should date." lol, my guy friends have tried to hook me up with various ppl... and vice versa... lol, i guess we're all just crazy though... i have a strange group of friends, and we have a very strange relationship. :P

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on April 20, 2005, 11:04:04 pm

I think this thread is really great. :)

Flummoxed - Wow!! I was actually just in your situation not too long ago. One of my best guy friends had a crush on me, and I straightened him out but good. ;) I hate to say it, but you have to be a little harsh. It's good to clunk him over the head just a little bit to let him know where you stand, and what a fool he's making of himself. Good luck!

Okay, well, 'tis my turn. I need advice very badly. It is about my best friend, Caitlin. Before our Czech trip this week, we had a point where we just weren't getting along. Fortunately, we made up before the trip.

Alas, things just COULDN'T stay good, could they? Like the first day, she started hanging out with the WORST girls on the trip, Liza and Ashlyn. They are also the skankiest, so I was plenty miffed.

The thing was, if I told her she was starting to act like them as the week progressed, she would think I was jealous. It is true I had plenty of reason to be, because she'd practically blown me off like a dandelion. But I figured when we got home, Liza & Ashlyn would ditch her more quickly than blinking, and I'd be there for her.

Still, I was becoming a little angry. I mean, we've been best friends for almost 4 years now. I was a little confused on the situation. Why was she doing this to me, especially since we were barred against Ashlyn and Liza together from the beginning? Apparently that wasn't the case anymore.

About the last couple of days, I broke down. I couldn't believe she was getting so progressively worse. It was disturbing, really. Plus I really needed her because of some of the stuff going on. But she was completely ignoring me, and there was nothing I could do.

When we were going home, we talked a lot on the airplane. She wanted to know what my problem was, which of course made me hit the ceiling. But I calmed down and smoothly explained to her in not complete detail but well enough what she'd been doing. She appeared to be remorseful, and even apologized. I was like whew! Thank God that's over.

Surprise surprise. We get home, and tonight she was just like she was on the trip. Gayle, one of my best friends who didn't go on the trip with, was at church tonight, so I spent a whole lot of time catching up with her. When she (Gayle, I mean) was about to leave, she and I were laughing about something I can't really remember, and Caitlin said, "I feel like I don't really belong here." And I couldn't help it. Under my breath, I muttered, "Yeah, well, that's how I felt all week." Oh! I knew I shouldn't have. I especially felt this way when I realized she heard me. She freaked out then, wanting to know just what I was doing to be making me so mad.

She wanted the truth, so I dished it to her. She was being a snob, blowing me off, acting completely disinterested in our relationship. So then we got into a (heated) conversation about just what was wrong with our friendship, because it's really sucking lately. She reminded me that it was a two-way street, but I reminded HER that when one starts something, one must finish it. She lamented that this was true, but there didn't seem to be much of an effect. This frustrated me even more.

Finally after a long time of arguing (and really long...everyone was out of the building and our parents were sitting in their cars waiting on us) she said, "I know what's wrong with us." At this point I was pretty pissed with her, so all I said was, "Dazzle me." And then she got all miffed, saying she deserved for me to give her my attention. I knew she was right, so I apologized. But she never told me, because after a second of silence, she said, "I just can't believe I'm standing here, and we're talking like..." And then I saw tears in her eyes and I panicked as they were falling down her cheek. Caitlin never - and I am serious - NEVER - cries. She was like, "I just can't believe it."

Seeing her crying made me start to cry. I hugged her and while we were hugging, I said through tears, "I don't know what's going on." She replied, "Me either." So that was a definite wall of ice broken. We went in the bathroom afterward to see how bad we looked after crying, and as she was fixing her hair, I sat on the sink and said, "To be honest, I'm scared. Every best friend I've ever had I've lost."

Her reply was, "Maybe that's it." I dreaded to hear this, but I asked what she meant. "Maybe someone else needs to take that role. Maybe we're in a season where we're not supposed to be friends." This absolutely punched me in the stomach. I was so hurt by this, even though she didn't mean it to be hurtful. I mean, she was just stating a suggestion. But I never, ever wanted to hear that.

But then she went back out and Ashlyn was there, and came over (completely passing by me as if I didn't exist) and kissed Caitlin on the cheek and was like, "Plan for something on Saturday, okay? Bye!" And Caitlin was just back to her old stony self. So (I am sorry for the length) I only have one question.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE??????????????

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 21, 2005, 05:20:04 am

Comfy men stomaches make the best pillows. So you're not compleately alienated by this guy then Jess?


Quote:
I'm part of one of those groups that you probably send weird looks towards at your high school.


Thank God for that... Welcome to my current world.

Littlehafling- Firstly poor you! *Hugs*. I've been in cases where friends fall out big style (admittedly I'm usually either dragged along or an independant adjudicator) and it is not pretty.

It's a good thing you talked to her. She knows your feelings, and you don't actually know why she has gone off with these other girls (have you asked her that?) but she's made her feelings on why your relationship is in trouble pretty clear.

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but having some apart time might be a good thing. I'm not saying cut your friend out of your life completely, but maybe let her hang with others for a bit, and you hang with some of your other friends. You'll still talk I assume, and probably go out socially, but take the pressure off. Very hard I know, but she might come round to thinking that she was better off with you than with the girls you describe as 'snobbish', or you'll realise that you can be independant. Speaking personally, I gave up on having a best friend years ago, and instead have a lot of very good friends instead- and it does work.

Hope you get something sorted out- I really do sympathise with you on this one.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on April 21, 2005, 09:58:05 am

Buzzgirl, thanks so much. I know you're right. I guess it will be my latest challenge. ::) And no, I haven't asked her why she is hanging out with these girls. Then again, if I do, she may think I am the overpowering, jealous best friend. I don't even want to go down that road. Because I'm not jealous, just confused. Still, it may be a good thing to be seperated for a while, just not completely. It may do us both good.

And thanks again, girl. :-* I owe you one. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: MoNkEy on April 21, 2005, 04:20:50 pm

Hi! I need a little bit of help. I'm not sure what to do about my situaion.
ok, well, my best friend started crushing on MY crush! and the bad part is, he likes her back. so every day I have to sit through their endless flirting!
Besides that, its that he's changed her! She's trying to be like him and its buging me! For instance, we were talking about bands (me and my BFF) and she said she hated Slipknot. So, the next day me and my BFF and the boy are talking and he says he loves Slipknot. I saidI liked Slipknot, too(which is true), and my BFF goes "omg, I love them too!" and that was such a lie!
Also, he is into these really wierd things, Like Johny The Homocidal Maniac. well, no she's being all stupid and faking being depressed.
also, she is now ditching all her old friends for her 'cool' 'new' friends! they dont evenlike her! tey are the boys friend! she trying to hang with them to look cool, which she already is! but i dunno. whatever.
but, the thing that really gets me is the stuff about ourband. me and two of my friends, one being my BFF, are in a band. We are caled Dark Wrath. The other day we told our name to te boy. and he says "Thats so stupid! and un-original". And then, later that day, my BFF e-mails me and says
"I'm sorry, but I dont like Dark Wrath anymore. I think its too... un-original! sorry"
>:( I am so mad! now, shes not even my friend really, shes trying to be someone she's not, and she wants to change our band name because the stupid boy said it was dumb! I dont know what to do! Should I tell my BFF that I am really mad (along with my other friend in the band)? Should I just foget about it? I really want her to stop this! And I want her to know that we're not gonna change the name just because he said it was dumb!
I really like my BFF, but this too far! I know it sounds immature, but what should I do? :-\
Thanks!!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 21, 2005, 07:32:06 pm

Monkey, your friend has a crush... lol, a really big one... and she is trying to impress this guy. Trying to make it to where they have stuff in common and such. I wouldn't change the name of the band if everyone else likes it... tell her to grow up and think for herself instead of doing whatever that dude tells her.

[quote]Comfy men stomaches make the best pillows. So you're not compleately alienated by this guy then Jess?
[/quote]

No, i see him all the time. He's just gotten to where he doesn't talk to me much. He was a little better today... but not much. As of... yesterday, i believe, he has a girlfriend. ... but i don't think he really likes her. He was still over there w/ sam at lunch flirting w/ her... saying how hot she was and what not... and you could telll he still really liked her. I think i've figured out y he's not atttracted to me, though. It's because i don't have a lip ring. He says that sam's lip ring is hot, and his "girlfriend" has her lip and nose pierced... so i guess i just don't have the "thing" he's looking for. ... oh well, i'm use to that by now. ... and i'll still go on liking him... but, that's just me. I'm obsessive and pathetic. :P ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on April 21, 2005, 09:02:01 pm

Monkey - Yes, your friend is definitely crushing - big time. The way she is acting is not cool for a few reasons: Number One, it sounds like you liked him first, and it's kind of an unwritten rule that you don't steal your best friend's crush. Number Two, she shouldn't be changing herself to impress one guy. It's not true to who she is, and it will undoubtedly come back to bite her in the arse before it's all said and done. And Number Three, she should not be ditching her friends for this guy, either. Because if you abandon your friends for a relationship, they get mad. And then when the relationship ends, and you've ostracized all your friends, what do you have left?

I think you need to sit down and talk to her. Ask her if your friendship and, ultimately, her identity are worth putting in jeopardy for one flirtatious guy. Explain to her that she's great and likeable just the way she is, and that she should never change herself for anybody. If she's not willing to see what she's doing to your friendship, and continues to conform to the views of this guy, then maybe it's time to reevaluate things.

But definitely talk to her. If you ignore it, most likely things will only get worse.

Jess - Not that it sounds like you're considering changing yourself or anything (in fact, a lot of what you've said in the past leads me to believe you're very strong in who you are), but if you're thinking that that lip ring might be a good idea, read some of what I just posted up there to Monkey.

Changing yourself for a guy is the worst thing you can do. It's lying to yourself, and if you do it, you will regret it eventually.

You're a wonderful girl, no matter what this Jesse guy thinks. If he doesn't like you back, well, you can't win them all, honey. Don't make it out to be all your fault; that you're not good enough for him or whatever. Some people just don't match up, and this may be one of those cases. It hurts, and it majorly sucks, but there's nothing you can really do about it. You're not pathetic. Stop talking yourself down so much, girl! :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mrs.Wood420 on April 21, 2005, 09:55:41 pm

Everyone is giving really awesome advice, I'm sure Jackie would be proud.

I myself don't normally ask for advice on the boards but there are a couple of things that have me feeling a bit under the weather so here goes...

First of all I have this situation with the people on my floor, mainly the people in my floor government. See, I don't want to say that they are racist cause thats kind of mean but I am the only Latin person on our floor hence and the only person of color on our floor government and I've always felt alienated by them since the begining of the year. I've tried making friends with them and so far only have gotten to a "hi and bye" basis with most of them. Thus I turned to other latin organizations on campus because I felt more accepted there. So one of the organizations that I am involved with was putting on a play and I was the lead actress so this play meant a lot to me. I decided then to announce the play at our floor government meeting last monday since they play would be wednesday. During my announcement, however, everyone chose to ignore me! :-[ The minute I said that this event was about the Latin culture they tuned out. You guys might think I am exagerating but they literally just turned their heads and started their own conversations. I thought it was very very very rude. But since I am "too nice" I didn't say anything..just quietly finished my announcement and sat back down. I didn't say anything else, but now I feel I should have...elijahs_girl has already adviced me to call them on how rude they were but I don't know if I can

and then there is Dilema number 2...its about a guy (another guy problem) As I mentioned earlier I was the lead in a play which we performed yesterday and it all went really great. I however have fallen head over heels for one of the guys in the play. He seriously is so cute and sweet. He would do all these things to get my attention and touch me in little ways like tickling or something. He even bought me a Banana split yesterday cause it was my birthday. The thing is that he is such a flirt so I don't know if he might actually like me back or if he is just like that with all girls. And now the play is over so I won't see him anymore unless I see him on campus or something which seems unlikely but I really want to see him. I can't stop thinking about all the cool moments with him...but am I deceiving myself to think that he actually likes me back?

and 3rd I think I may have some sort of bipolar disorder :-\ I get like these random rushes of energy and then feel completely depressed. I'm kept debating over being in love with the guy I mentioned about and forgetting about him. And right now I'm feeling like I should party (since yesterday was my birthday) but I'm kind of feeling depressed and not worthy to do anything at the same time. I feel like I'm not special anymore since my birthday already passed but i never got to really celebrate my birthday so I REALLY want to do something....yet I'm cranky at the same time...argh...all this thinking is giving me a headache...why can't life be simple?

I'm so confuzzled ??? (that is confused and puzzled at the same time)

~Diana

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 23, 2005, 01:28:32 pm

[quote author=~LadyDee~ link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=30#msg863063 date=1114134941]

and then there is Dilema number 2...its about a guy (another guy problem) As I mentioned earlier I was the lead in a play which we performed yesterday and it all went really great. I however have fallen head over heels for one of the guys in the play. He seriously is so cute and sweet. He would do all these things to get my attention and touch me in little ways like tickling or something. He even bought me a Banana split yesterday cause it was my birthday. The thing is that he is such a flirt so I don't know if he might actually like me back or if he is just like that with all girls. And now the play is over so I won't see him anymore unless I see him on campus or something which seems unlikely but I really want to see him. I can't stop thinking about all the cool moments with him...but am I deceiving myself to think that he actually likes me back?[/quote]
Hey, girl. I have actually went through stuff very similar to what you are currently going through (except the racisim stuff... I've always lived in a neighborhood where my race is "dominant" ... so i've never really been faced with that. Hence, i didn't reply... i don't know what to say, except good luck... some people can be so shallow about things like that sometimes... just hang in there, love.) Ok, as far as the guy goes. ... Say he's like that with everyone? Well, i know that it is just in some guy's natures to be flirts... sometimes they flirt and don't even realise it, BUT, sometimes they know exactly what they're doing... If this guy really flirts with everyone, well, you can't really be sure as to whom he likes. He may very well like you, which, from what i've heard, is a good possiblity... but he may just view you as a good friend... perhaps you should propose that you two go to get a bite to eat... or go to a movie. maybe you'll find more out after u hang out more.

You may have noticed me talking about this jesse guy... well, i first saw him just in the halls every day... going to one class period. just once a day... well, i noticed him enough then to start looking for him more, to see if i see him more often. Turns out, he has my lunch too... then i noticed when he went through the lunch line... it was a pretty consistant time, so i started going through the lunchline with him. Then one day, i walked a different way to my class... and wouldn't you know that he walks the same way to get to his class? Now i see him probably 4 or 5 times a day... just from observing my surroundings and taking different routes to places. Perhaps you should do the same thing. Keep your eyes open next time you go somewhere... try taking the senic route to a class, maybe you'll run into him. It's always a possiblility... my school has 2000+ kids in it, and Jesse isn't even in my grade... i know a college campus would be a lil more difficult... but i think u might be able to pull it off. Good luck, hun.

[quote]
and 3rd I think I may have some sort of bipolar disorder :-\ I get like these random rushes of energy and then feel completely depressed. I'm kept debating over being in love with the guy I mentioned about and forgetting about him. And right now I'm feeling like I should party (since yesterday was my birthday) but I'm kind of feeling depressed and not worthy to do anything at the same time. I feel like I'm not special anymore since my birthday already passed but i never got to really celebrate my birthday so I REALLY want to do something....yet I'm cranky at the same time...argh...all this thinking is giving me a headache...why can't life be simple?[/quote]
You may be bipolar... but i kinda doubt it. Though you may want to see the doctor, anyway... But it sounds more to me like you're just having mood swings. I do the same thing. I'll be totally happy one day, and then the next... i hate myself. I just sit there and loathe everything about me. I'll feel like i'm worthless, and i'll make myself eat so i'll get fatter and hate me more... or i won't eat anything so that i feel the pain and discomfort caused from it. ... and then, i'll be happy the next day! lol... i think girls are just programed to have those sorta mood swings. ::)



Quote:
Changing yourself for a guy is the worst thing you can do. It's lying to yourself, and if you do it, you will regret it eventually.


Yeah, i realized that. I sat there and thought about it one day... I decided that i don't want a lip ring, and if i got one for him... that would be stupid, because i probably won't even like him in a month or so. I have considered getting my nose pierced in the past... i've always liked that little stud on your nose... but even if i do do that, it probably will not be until after high school.

and, besides that, he's breaking up with his girlfriend! lol, he dated her for 3 days... and he's dumping her. awww, what he said yesterday made me go "awwwwwwwwww" at lunch, though. He was talking to sam and he said, "Sam... Sam! {because sam was ignoring him... she really doesn't like him... like... at all anymore} I give up, ok sam? I'm going to stop trying. you come to me when you're ready, because i'm going to stop." awww... i sat there and just said "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" lol, he kinda looked at me and laughed... but i really felt so sorry for him. cause sam just said something like, "yeah, ok." and went back to ignoring him. I told her and Jesse's/my friend that they could tell him i think he's hot. lol, i don't really care anymore. If he wants to shove it in my face, or ignore me, or make fun of me... whatever... because he knows, let him. I figure i only have like... 21 more days of school left, and he won't remember over the summer. So i guess we'll see what, if anything, happens on monday/tuesday. lol, wish me luck. ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 23, 2005, 01:34:14 pm

Monkey- I really think the advice above is right- you need to talk to your friend. Explain that you're not gonna change the band name over something a boy who has not even heard you (I assume- correct me if I'm wrong) has said. I mean, when you get right down to it, what sort of name is 'slipknot' or 'Queen'? And they're mega successful. But don't make that the main issue. Ask her whats up. She may not even have notice that she's acting any different. When you fancy someone you'll do anything to get them, and this may sadly alienate your friends without you knowing it. And if she refuses to acknowledge she's doing anything different, point it out every time she does (like the slipknot example- next time she does something similar ask 'When did you decide that?'0. Be careful if you do tho, 'cos she could take it as you been a bitch.

Jess- You probably don't wnat to hear this, but if this guy is seriously flirting (not just play flirting) with someone else when he has a girlfriend, do you really want him? Would you ever trust him? It might be worth re-evaluating your crush. Which is hard, granted, but...

Ladydee- D1- That's totally out of order, blanking you like that! Even if you're not interested in something it's polite to listen. Maybe you could stand up and thank all those who attended, and wait for the embarrassed/ blank looks, sort of an ironic hint that they were being rude.
D2- If you never see the guy, he wasn't serious. If he makes the effort to see you he probably was. Enjoy the flirting you did and don't give up on him, but if nothing happens you had fun. (wow Ruth- your advice is pants... lol)
D3- Don't rush to diagnose yourself- you might be worrying unduly. How long has it been going on? If it's been constant for a while then go see a doctor and get a proper evaluation of your mental health done. If it is bi-polar, then you can get all the information and support you need. If it isn't, you may just be going through a bit of a slump. Good health! *Crosses fingers*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 23, 2005, 01:48:23 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=30#msg863266 date=1114277654]

Jess- You probably don't wnat to hear this, but if this guy is seriously flirting (not just play flirting) with someone else when he has a girlfriend, do you really want him? Would you ever trust him? It might be worth re-evaluating your crush. Which is hard, granted, but...
[/quote]

lol, you don't have to tell me that... i've already thought about it... over and over again... He has the amazing ability to like several people at one time... but, of course, so do i... i just chose one that i like best, as does he. I really think he was just trying out the jealousy act... when he realized that sam wasn't falling for it, he decided he didn't need a girlfriend. To be honest, i don't really expect much of a relationship to develop with him... but you never really know what he's going to say/do. ... which is kinda y i like hanging around with him... he's such an unpredictable person. and if he does "what it takes" to date me, he'll have to like me... because i don't think a guy would go through what he'd have to to "pass daddy's inspection" if he really didn't like me. It will just depend on if he realizes that sam doesn't like him... and, as it is starting to look, never will. The ball is currently in his court, and it'll be up to him to decide what he's going to do... if he doesn't play the ball right, though... no, he won't have a relationship with me... whethere i like him or not.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on April 23, 2005, 03:05:40 pm

Hi aunts :),

I have a bit of a problem, well sort of, it is more like a feeling.

My best friend has recently started dating someone and I really feel a bit sad. Don't know why. I guess i'm a bit jealous because i get less attention and I have to listen to all his stories about how good their time is together and stuff so I feel even more depressed that i'm still single :-\.

I don't know what to do, and I a find it very hard to get out and meet new people :-\

Hope you guys understand a bit what I mean...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 23, 2005, 08:18:29 pm

Artanis Elensar

hey :)

I know how that is... when your best friend gets a boyfriend (or, as it sounds in your case, a girlfriend.) But just because they have that "significant other" doesn't mean that they still can't be your friend. If you wanted to take this opportunity to become better friends with other people, then you should take it... but you don't HAVE to quit being friends with your friend. Plus, when people first start going out, they are usually pretty obsessed with eachother for a month or two... but it will probly lessen a little in a while, and he'll go back to being more like the friend you were use to. Good luck. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LittleDayDream on April 24, 2005, 10:42:48 am

What a great idea, an agony aunties threat! :D

I'll just join here... Today with some kind of advice (which is hopefully helpful, if not - well, it shouldn't hurt anyway ::) ), because I am lucky enough not to have any problems, but it's a good thing to know that there is a place where one can always come if one needs :D

Lies
Awwwww, hun, I know how you feel... As long as nobody around you has what you are missing, you don't realize very much that something is missing, but as soon as somebody gets it you start to realize that it's not there for you too... And starts hurting even more... If you understand my confused sentence.
First of all you should trust in your friend, that s/he won't abandon you now - just because s/he now is in a relationship it doesn't mean that you can't still be best friends! It depends on the personality of your friend whether or not s/he only lives in and for the relationship or also has an independent life alone.
Don't feel bad for being slightly jealous, it is totally normal to feel that way! As long as your still happy for your friend ;)
As for the 'meeting new people thing', just give it a try and hang out with your friends and your friends friends somewhere, I'm sure that after some time you will realize that it is not as difficult as it seems, after all you are a lovely person and surely the people will realize that! Don't be afraid... And good luck! and trust an old auntie on this one: you'll find your perfect someone soon enough! Just don't give up hope! :-* :D

Jess_B
That does sound like a difficult situation... I really hope it will work out fine for all three of you in the ending, however the solution might look like!
It seems to me that none of you really knows what you really want... I might be wrong, it's just my impression that neither Sam knows what she is trying to reach by treating Jesse like that - or why she is doing that - nor do you really know what you are hoping for? (Tell me if I am mistaken! It is after all just a personal impression.)
There may be many different reasons why she is acting like that, some of which have already been analyzed here in a great way, for excample her having a crush on him and not admitting it, or her loving the attention she gets... But have you ever thought about it, that she also might like the attention she is getting from you when she acts like that? Because she always askes you to come with her when she plans to tease Jesse... She doesn't necessarily intend to do so, maybe she just feels insecure and uncomfortable with herself and doesn't know any other way to get attention?
In any case you should tell her that he is a human being and not some kind of toy with which she can play as much as she wants to without braking it. Because for him it is obviously more than just a game!
And you should try and get your own feelings, wishes and dreams sorted out... Totally independent from whether he likes you or ever will, just what you yourself really want, no matter how realistic it is... Which is probably more difficult than anything else (for me at least it usually is ::) I can never decide what I want)... Do you want to have a proper relationship with him? Or do you just want to have a nice flirt? Or do you just want to dream a little bit? Or maybe even just attention (just throwing random possibilities in here, not saying that it must be the truth ;) )? Or do you just want to help him? Or maybe nothing at all? I think once you've figured it out it is much easier to decide what actions to take next...
Sorry for the crappy advice, maybe I should better shut up before I try to help :-\ But hopefully you get the idea!
Good luck to you anyway :D

Monkey
Don't say you're acting immature, you're not! It's her who is acting immature, and you have every right to be pissed if she treats you like that. She obviously has a problem with her self-confidence and is frightened that she might loose him if she isn't cool enough, but what she doesn't realize is, that he will probably dumpe her soon if she acts like a doll without own personality (sorry for the harsh words here, but if she acts like that she appears that way, even if she truly is different). He liked her before, when she still had her own views on things, so why should she change? If she's not the person he initially liked anymore, why should he keep on liking her?
Well, after all it is her decision what she does with her relationship, and at the moment she will probably not listen to any advice anyway because things are going 'well' for her, but as far as your friendship is concerned you should definitely tell her straight out that she is possibly ruining it when she dumpes you for her 'cool new friends'. Make it clear to her, how much she means to you and that you don't want to loose her, that you like her for her own special personality and not for what people make of her...
I hope she'll realize what she does soon! And that everything works out fine in the ending...!

Lady Dee
Number 1: if people treat you like that, they are just arrogant and ignorant people and definitely don't deserve knowing a wonderful person like you! Don't let them get you down, they are just not worth it. >:( :D
Number 2: As long as you don't see him again, you won't be able to tell whether he likes you for real or not, that much is for sure (lol, not that you didn't know that anyway ;) ), but it certainly doesn't sound as if he isn't interested at all, so chances are he really likes you! So, as soon as you see him somewhere, try to 'grab' him and talk to him, see if he likes to go and drink a coffee or whatever with you, talk about the 'good old times' and such... Just try to spend some time with him and see how he reacts. He sounds like a cute guy, so I hope you two get your chance!! ;D
Number 3: Don't worry about your mood-swifts too much, they are normal to a certain degree. Sure, some people change moods more often, others always appear to be happy, but the way you are telling it doesn't sound like you have bipolar disorder - the most important thing there is, that you are worried to have it, because a person with a real problem wouldn't admit it that freely (that is part of all 'depressions', not to admit it). You might want to go to a doctor or a psychologist anyway, because 1) there always might be a physical thing be going on (hormones, whatever) and 2) it's never wrong to be sure about these kind of things things!
So, good luck to you! :D

xxx

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mrs.Wood420 on April 24, 2005, 09:10:32 pm

Thanks to everyone that replied, you guys really made me see things from every perspective and supported me (especially on the first problem)

About D1: Really thanks for the support, I now know that I wasn't exaggerating and it really was rude of them. Our next meeting is tomorrow and I'm really working on the courage to tell them how I feel..we'll see how that goes

About D2: You all seem to agree that it all depends on if I see him again and you are all right. I wish it could be like with you Jess_B [quote]You may have noticed me talking about this jesse guy... well, i first saw him just in the halls every day... going to one class period. just once a day... well, i noticed him enough then to start looking for him more, to see if i see him more often. Turns out, he has my lunch too... then i noticed when he went through the lunch line... it was a pretty consistant time, so i started going through the lunchline with him. Then one day, i walked a different way to my class... and wouldn't you know that he walks the same way to get to his class? Now i see him probably 4 or 5 times a day... just from observing my surroundings and taking different routes to places. Perhaps you should do the same thing. Keep your eyes open next time you go somewhere... try taking the senic route to a class, maybe you'll run into him. It's always a possiblility... my school has 2000+ kids in it, and Jesse isn't even in my grade... i know a college campus would be a lil more difficult... but i think u might be able to pull it off. Good luck, hun.
[/quote]

I've been trying to do the same, but it hasn't been much of a success. I DID however see him @ the library yesterday before he was taken away by his big bro (he is in a fraternity) but in the time that we did get to talk he asked me how I had celebrated my birthday, I told him I hadn't done much so far cause I everyone was busy but that I wanted to go party and get drunk that night, then he said that if he heard of any party he would give me a call. I said ok then after a while realized that he doesn't have my number (nor do I have his) and he seemed to realize the same thing but thats when he had to leave...WHY DIDN'T I GIVE HIM MY NUMBER!..argh..sorry that its all in caps I just can't stop beating myself up about it. I had the chance and it completly passed me by. Now I have to wait till the next time I'll be lucky enough to run into him...lol..

Thanks for the suggestions though...lol..I don't want to seem stalkerish but I am "accidentally" trying to run into him. *sigh* I hope its not all in vain

Oh and about D3...hehe..lets just forget I ever said anything..whoa I must have been super emotional at the time..lol I don't know what I was saying. Sorry about that..but thanks for worrying ;)

And good luck to you too Jess_B!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on April 24, 2005, 10:23:01 pm

Lady Dee - Heehee... a little "accidental stalking" is no crime. Lol. Seriously though.. trying to run into him more often isn't such a bad idea. It'll help you figure out what you feel for him, and whether or not he reciprocates those feelings. And if he does like you, I'm sure he won't be complaining about you running into him a little more than usual. ;)

As far as the issue with your floor government.. good luck! What they did to you was very very rude, and they do indeed deserve to be told about it. Be strong; stick up for yourself!

Lies - Oh boy, do I know the feeling you were talking about! When one day you wake up and suddenly realize people around you have someone to share their thoughts and feelings with, and you don't. It sucks. Definitely sucks.

I don't have a boyfriend right now, but one of my close friends does. And some days I get so envious of her. One of my other close friends has a bunch of very close relationships with guys - not boyfriends, exactly, but she's always talking about this guy from work, or that one. And I get jealous of that, too. I'd settle for a close friend of the male gender right now; anything!!

Lol, so I totally comiserate with how you're feeling. Try not to dwell on it too much. As everyone will tell you, there's plenty of time for boys left in your life.

It'll be hard to ignore it at first, especially when your friend has this new relationship and all. But, as Jess said, the giddy obsession will wear off eventually, and things will get back to being a little more comfortable.

Until then, well, see if you can find something to take your mind off it. Maybe pick up a new hobby or something. Also, hanging out with different groups of people might be fun, too. You say you don't meet new people well. But I bet you can! Everybody has a few friends they don't talk to much anymore, or know some people at school who aren't quite friends yet, but could be. Take the leap, and call some of them up. Who knows what could happen.

Good luck!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on April 25, 2005, 02:15:40 am

aah you guys are all so sweet and you give very good advice :)
thanks :-*

I know you're right, and guess what, I talked to my friend yesterday, and he said he knows and he understands that I feel this way! I almost cried of happiness :-\, it was a good conversation, not about his grilfriend ;) ahum...

so thanks again!

:-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on April 25, 2005, 03:34:16 pm

Aww, yay! I'm glad to hear things are looking up! :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 26, 2005, 03:44:39 am

Aww- it's good you could talk to him. A lot of people would just have let it brew up into a huge jealousy thing. Well done for being strong!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: xLaurax on April 26, 2005, 11:27:28 am

Hellooo all. :)

You all seem really good at this advice thing. Si...want to help me out? I have a few minor friend problems. *sigh*


Let's start from the beginning.

A couple of my friends arranged a camping trip to wales this summer as my friend Sam has a camper up there. He chose to invite 4 girls and 4 boys (including himself) to make the numbers even.
So without me knowing Sam, Aimee and Mim arranged the whole thing and invited me and Abi. So the 5 of us started to make plans and write lists. Just for something to do wasting lunch times.

However. A couple of friends of mine got extremly jealous because they weren't invited. So they arranged their own camping trip to the next town over (Eye roll) to try and make us jealous.

Some how I don't see that happening.

So these 'friends' of mine were trying to make us jealous. Espically me, and to be frank they could go camping to Austrailia and I would'nt really care.

Then last monday we were sitting in our area at lunch and while listening to my friend Abi's MP3 with her, Lost prophets came on. And I started saying to her about how it was our "last Summer."

And one of the girls who isn't camping with us said "Yeah. Because we're going to die this year." When I wasn't even talking to her and i wasn't even on about that.

And from there they just kept ignoring myself, Abi, Aimee and Mim. But espically me.

And god knows why theywant to take it out on me, because I mean obviously it's my camper in Wales isn't it? and I arranged it all!

Abi and I met up with Lisa, Hannah and Carrianne (the girls not coming camping) on friday and Lisa whom was drunk kept bitching about Mim and Aimee saying "Don't you think those two are up each others arses?" And bascially going on about how close they are now and she doesn't like it.

Also I heard from Abi that a friend of ours told her. "It isn't me, you and Aimee anymore. It's Aimee, Abi, Laura and Mim."

It seems like these two girls are jealous of us getting closer and growing up and moving on by finding more friends. I can't see why they just won't grow up themselves and see that to move on you have met and lose friends.

Do you reckon they're being like this just because they don't want to lose us and to stop that they must be immature?

I just don't understand why they are being so cold towards me about this whole camping trip when I have nothing to do with it and yet are perfectly nice to Sam who arranged the whole thing and didn't invite them. It makes no sense.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on April 26, 2005, 12:53:31 pm

Laura: what a difficult situation. I'm sorry your friends behave this way, that must be awful.
As I see it, there could be a few reasons why this girls act the way they do, so this is what I think:

1. They are really really jealous, and just wanted to be asked themselves to join.
2. Some of the girls like one of the boys, so they are even more jealous they can't come and are now working it out on the girls who can come!
3. They are afraid to lose you and that's why they ignore you and not to the others.
4. they are just childish.

What I would do?
Try to talk with them in an adult way, ask why they are behaving like this. Or maybe you can e-mail or chat with them, that's sometimes easier.
It's obvious you don't like it the way it is right now, so try to make this clear to them!

Hope you get it sorted out!

good luck :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: xLaurax on April 26, 2005, 01:19:52 pm

Thank you Lies. :-* I agree with all of that. They are very childish.

Another friend problem I have is about Sam.

He's a really good guy friend of mine. He hangs about with us all the time and is so good to me and my friends. But then when we're at school he doesn't talk to us as much.

And last Friday when we met up with him and some other guys he literally ignored me and Abi.

This could be the fact that Abi and him have a 'History' and she is back with her ex-boyfriend and he still pines after her and is ignoring us both because he is still sore. Or the face that I've been getting into a couple of 'naughty' things lately. (lets not go into that now) and he doesn't like that.

But the 'naughty' things I have been doing are the same as all my friends do and he treats them all the same. I've emailed him about this but she didn't send me one back. I haven't been at school for 2 days so i may have to talk to him tomorrow.

But one thing that really annoyed me with Sam on Friday was that he ignored me and Abi all night then when a girl we know walked past up he ran up to her and gave her a massive hug saying "Here's my favourite person in the whole wide world." Then Kissed her goodbye.

When Abi and I went he muttered. "Yeah, see you later."

What do you think is up with him?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on April 26, 2005, 02:14:15 pm

Laura - Do you think maybe he likes you? One of my guy friends started acting really weird when he liked me. The weirdest part was that he wouldn't have anything to do with me because he didn't want to seem obvious. In the end, of course, I confronted him and asked him what in the name of Bob was going on, and I finally got it out of him. It was very weird at first, yes, but he got over me pretty quickly, and things went back to normal. Just a couple questions...has he avoided touching you? Does he avoid eye contact? and does he ever seem nervous around you? If so, I would strongly lend the idea that he does like you. But if you guys are friends, the best thing to do is talk to him. I know it's not the best advice, but hey. I'm no Jackie. ;) Good luck with it! :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: xLaurax on April 26, 2005, 02:25:02 pm

hey Maria. :-*

I don't think he likes me in that way. It's obvious he's still in love with Abi.

It just pissed me off that he was all 'touchy touchy feely feely' with Sarah and ignored me and Abi. If your going to ignore Abi then fair enough. But why ignore me?

And I hate being pissed at him because I do love him. Clearly as a friend. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on April 26, 2005, 02:38:55 pm


Quote:
because I do love him. Clearly as a friend.


Too bad, I was just going to ask if you liked him ;D, I'm naughty, I know, héhé...

I don't know what to think about Sam actually :-\, maybe he just doesn't want to be with you and your friend because their history and it hasn't anything to do with you?
i don't think 'naughty' things are the reason he isn't talking to you, taht would be a reason dunno for parents or something but not for friends I think :-\


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: xLaurax on April 26, 2005, 02:54:59 pm

The thing I kind of do like him.

As far as I know I have nothing to do between Sam and Abi. Perhaps he was just pissed off that night. I'm just going to have to talk to him tomorrow unless he emails me.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 27, 2005, 03:46:58 am

Laura- your friends dilema- I think they're slightly jealous, but mostly they're afraid of being left behind. I've been in their situation with a good friend a couple of times, and it always worked out for me, but they are going immature to try and recapture the past in the present. That makes no sense but... Try getting Sam to talk to them since he arranged it.

As for Sam himself- I wouldn't be worried that he hardly talks to you at school. he's a lad, and most of them are scared to talk to girl when other lads can see them even when they're pushing 20, so if he's your age it's natural. However, if he's ignoring you and Abi out of school, it could be that he likes either of you, and the other is getting ignore purely for ascosiating with the other (Eg- he likes Abi, so he's ignoring her and has to ignore you 'cos you're hanging around with each other, or vica versa!). Try talk to him on his own, and just ask if you've done anything to upset him, without getting annoyed.

Good luck- hope you have fun camping, it sounds a blast!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: xLaurax on April 27, 2005, 02:30:22 pm

Cheers Ruth. ;)

All seems OK with the Sam front, he was being his usual self at school. Such as in Drama with the whole jokey kissing, winking thing he was doing with me. So I think it's all cool.

I'll just have to see...

Cheers guys. ;D


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jennilisanne on April 27, 2005, 02:39:29 pm

Need some instant advice.

Just got home, got in the lift and a guy jumped in to go up to the top floor. I as I got out on mine he asked me out for a drink. I said I couldn't tonight (lie) but I took his number.

Shall I just pick up my balls and go for a drink?

Help!! (i'm not used to the whole dating thing!!)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on April 27, 2005, 03:34:33 pm

ooh exciting :D

Maybe you could go for a drink but I would go to a public place so when something goes wrong you can flee ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 27, 2005, 03:44:59 pm

Jenni, do u know the guy? do you think u 2 are compatable? is he cute? lol... if there's any reason for you to go out w/ this guy... and u have nothing else to do, i say go for it. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OOOOKKAAAYY, my lovely aunts, i have a similar problem. Actually, i have two. Ok, well... the day was all normal and stuff until i got to home room. I walked into home room and was just standing there when my guy friend, Ryan, came in. He's a very quiet person... he's one of those really quiet, but very funny if you can get him to talk kinda person. ... but he never comes over to talk to me on his own... i just always took it as him being naturally quiet... so it was quite a shocker to see him in my home room. I said, "hey. What ya doin' over here?" and he walked over to me... then handed me a note... and walked out. lol... i was lke :o. omg, he said that he "obviously wasn't very good at this, but that he'd like me to call him" and he gave me his number. I cannot believe it.... i just... i can't. He's SO quiet... and he's always acted very reserved around me... in fact, i think the most i've talked to him was this past week when i occasionally saw him in the hall. Maybe i flirted too much, i don't know... lol, i said something like, "how come you never talk to me, Ryan? It makes me sad. You're such a heartbreaker" ... or something along those lines. I didn't think anything of it at the time... we were just joking around. ... but then today... i was just blown away. He's a really nice guy, we have a good time hanging out and such... but i've just never thought of him that way, ya know?

Well... the other half of my dramatic life has to do with Jesse. lol, I think he has a girlfriend outside of school... and that's just to name one. lol ::) I mentioned to him and dustin today about my guy friend asking me out... just to see if it would effect them in any way... i don't think it did. lol. I told them i probly would date him, except i kinda like another guy. and Dustin asked me who it was, and i just shrugged and said, "i don't think he'd care... so there's not really a point in me mentioning it." Well, by pop break... i was tired of it. lol. He came over to talk to Sam... and i was there... i said something to sam after he left about me thinking about just telling him i think he's hot. So her and my other friend went over to tell him. lol, i walked up shortly after they had informed him, and he just kinda pointed at me. i said, "yeah, i think you're hot." You could tell it made him ... i dunno... he acted strange. He like bit his lip, but was smiling, but also kinda shook his head... or tilted it or something. then he walked off... but Sam, my friend, and I had already started another conversation about something else before he had walked off. I don't know what to think of it... i'm not sure what i should do with either situations... Ryan would be so much better accepted by my family... and i think he would be the "better" boyfriend, as far as that goes... but i, for some odd reason, really like Jess. *bangs head*

So... right, there are my problems, aunties. any advice for me?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on April 27, 2005, 04:18:02 pm

Pff Jess, that's a difficult one :).

I guess it'll never hurt someone if you just try out a date with Ryan, right,
He seems like a nice and sweet guy? ???

and when you think it is obvious Jesse doesn't like you, maybe you should try to go on with your life? Of course, that's easy for me to say ::), but maybe you should try?

I wouldn't go out with Ryan, just because your parents would like him better though, it has to be your own decision, don't you think?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on April 27, 2005, 06:57:14 pm

Well, Jess, here's my two cents on the matter.

You've been pining after this Jesse character for so long. And it seems to me that nothing has changed between you. Which leads me to believe that.. maybe it never will (sorry). Plus, you've said before that in order for you to date Jesse, he'd have to totally change to please your family. Somehow he doesn't seem like the type willing to do this for a girl.

In fact, if you want my totally honest opinion, it doesn't seem like Jesse's very nice to girls. He dated one girl for three days, didn't he? Just because he felt like it? And now you say his "outside" girlfriend is "just to name one." Do you really want to date a guy like that? How do you know he'd even be faithful to you? It'd be asking for trouble, in my opinion.

Now.. Ryan. ;) He sounds sweet! Giving you a note and asking you to call him? Awwww! And it seems like maybe you've flirted with him a little bit, so there must be a least a hint of underlying attraction there somewhere.

As far as him being very quiet and shy, that's most likely (and, actually, you said it is) an exterior thing. I'll bet any money that if you gave him a chance, you'd probably hit it off perfectly. In fact, you two might compliment each other very well. My ex-boyfriend was always very quiet in public; he hated large crowds and parties and such. But once we got to know each other, I can truthfully say he turned into one of the best people I've ever known. He was funny, sweet, and not boring at all. Maybe Ryan is the same way.

But before you make a decision, you've got to figure one thing out: If you agreed to go out with Ryan, would you only be doing it to spite Jesse? Because if you go out with him with Jesse on your mind, that's just totally unfair to this poor guy who got up the balls to ask you out in the first place. And he doesn't deserve that. So think about it.

If you're curious and willing to give Ryan a fair chance, though, I say go for it! It can't hurt anything. And if it doesn't work out, hey, at least you tried. You might be surprised, Jess. Maybe Ryan is just what you need.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 27, 2005, 09:35:36 pm

*sigh* i think you're probably right, Flummoxed. (btw, what is your real name? if u don't care to tell me.) I called Ryan... and he was really quiet on the phone too... lol, i talked to him for a while, and then asked him if there was a reason for him giving me that note today. and he said, "yeah, kinda" ... then he just sat there for like five minutes! lol, then he said, "well, this is awkward." and sat there for several more minutes... then asked me if i was doing anything friday. lol... i said i wasn't sure, (which i'm not), and he asked me if i wanted to go the movies or something... well, i said we could wait and see if i had anything going on friday, he said ok, and we hung up. THen i went to church and my friends were like bombarding me about how i should go out with him... and ultamately led to me getting annoyed and a headache. Then after i got home from church, Ryan called back and told me to forget about friday because he got grounded and can't go... and now my friend is telling me she thinks it's because he's afraid of rejection.

And, i'm going to just wait and see. Jesse knows i htink he's hot, if he reacts to that... then, good, he does. if he doesn't, o well, it won't be anything new. I still like him, he's a good guy... and, really, i don't think i'd be a good girlfriend to ryan because i'm not conventional... and i don't even know if i like him that way, but i do know that i DO like jesse that way. So, yes, it would be very unfair to ryan, which is another reason i'm hesitant to go out w/ him... but my friends are freaking pushing for it so hard... and i feel i should at least "give him a chance". *sigh* THe high school drama never ends.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on April 27, 2005, 09:44:04 pm

Nope, the high school drama indeed never ends, Jess. You can call me Manda, by the way (it's Amanda, really, but everyone usually drops that first syllable; too much effort to say, apparently).

Anyhoodles.. maybe you should forego the date with Ryan then. If he'll only get hurt by it, and you already know it, then it wouldn't be very nice at all. Point this out to your friends; tell them you know he'll only get hurt, and that you don't want to do that.

But also, don't forget to keep an open mind about all these crazy boys. You never know when one might show up that might interest you, besides Jesse.

Good luck. I hope you get it figured out, and that it works out for you!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 28, 2005, 09:52:16 am

Sorry to say thisa Jess- but the lad you're pinning over sounds like a total rat-ass. I know you can't help who you pine over, but if he is like you've described him, I think you're better trying to move on. It'll happen- you just got to accept that it can. Not saying it'll be quick, easy or without relapses, but it will. Unless you want to spend the rest of your high school days waiting for him to wake up and see the light, in which case, each to their own.

I like the sound of Ryan. I think you should forgo the date BUT ask if he wants to go as friends to see if you two can have a night out together with no pressure and actually keep a conversation going and stuff. That way you can look objectivly at if you're compatable or not. Then if it goes well, you may find yourself suprised and liking it...

Plus, tell your friends that you're touched that they want to know so much about you, but could they please leave you to make your own decisions where love is concerned unless you ask for the advice!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 28, 2005, 03:52:42 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=60#msg865808 date=1114696336]
Sorry to say thisa Jess- but the lad you're pinning over sounds like a total rat-ass. I know you can't help who you pine over, but if he is like you've described him, I think you're better trying to move on. It'll happen- you just got to accept that it can. Not saying it'll be quick, easy or without relapses, but it will. Unless you want to spend the rest of your high school days waiting for him to wake up and see the light, in which case, each to their own.[/quote]
lol, awww... that's a bit harsh. He's really not a bad guy, or i wouldn't like him. Some people don't like him... but that's because he's crazy--and can be quite loud at times. lol, but i like that about him. He's absolutely one of the most fun people to hang around i've ever met. He really is quite sweet, he's outgoing, he's funny, he's really cute, and he's really nice. But he is a boy. that means he likes what they do: sex, video games, and whatever other stupid things they can find to entertain themselves. *shrugs* that's just what they are, i guess.



arg, i guess we'll have to see what tomorrow brings... ya never really know with all the crazy ppl i know, lol. ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 29, 2005, 03:48:16 am

I just re-read and I do sound harsh don't I? Lol- I'm direct that's my problem! I still think you should wean yourself off the guy, but if you like him, I suppose he sounds better now you've described him fully. Maybe...

Get Ryan on his own and ask him if he still wants to go- if he sounds suspect about it, tell him 'Ok then, talk later' and proceed to not go anywhere and see if he improves in interacting with you!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: MoNkEy on April 29, 2005, 11:30:01 am

I havent been on here in a while, but I'd like to say THANKYOU SO MUCH! :) :) You guys (girls) are the best agony aunts! thankyou so so so much! I've taken most of your advice. I talked to her and we agreed to keep the band name. then me and my BFF and my other friends in the band talked about how she has been changing and she said she didnt know it bothered us and that she was sorry. I'm so happy! everything is good now, except that she and the boy are going out. grrrr. but, thanks again!! :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 29, 2005, 11:43:29 am

Glad you got that sorted out! aww- I love success stories!


Quote:
everything is good now, except that she and the boy are going out

Well, it's her choice. Good to know now you'll give her a swift kick up the bum if she goes dodgy again though!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 29, 2005, 11:25:20 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=60#msg866180 date=1114760896]
I just re-read and I do sound harsh don't I? Lol- I'm direct that's my problem! I still think you should wean yourself off the guy, but if you like him, I suppose he sounds better now you've described him fully. Maybe...[/quote]
He really is getting a lot better... since he's gotten/getting over his Sam obsession, he's starting to interact with me a lot more like he use to. He's one of those people ya either love or ya hate... lol, i'm on the love side. He seems to be warming up to me... *shrugs* guess we'll see how it goes, eh? lol, and i don't mind your directness... i have just been posting pretty negative things about him.


ahh well, i've got two situations that all i can do is wait and watch how they turn out. *shrugs* who knows?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 30, 2005, 01:51:12 pm

Good luck Jess- hope something works out! Lol.

Ok- this is a first. I gotta problem.

I've been going out with my boyf for 7 months now, and it's going great. He isn't the problem.
We've just got some new people at the place we both work, and he casually mentioned one was pretty (I don't think she is, but he's going out with me, so he must not know what pretty is). Well, I took the mick out of him (like the loving girlfriend I am- lol) and it seems to have gone around work. Now people keep bringing it up, and all I wanna do is forget it (I got accused of wearing make-up today just to impress him and keep his eyes off her. hello- I'm never without my make-up!). I'm starting to become quite jealous of this girl, even though I know he wouldn't do anything. It's more her I'm worried about. She keeps going all flirty around him (today, he said she walked out of the toilets and there was only him there doing a job, and she goes 'This blouse is too tight 'cos I've got huge boobs' and proceeded to practically shove them in his face) which he's uncomfortable with, and it's none too pleasant for me to hear about either. So- I need advice. Is there any way I can tell her to back off (bearing in mind I hardly know her and will have to work with her- so yelling "keep your f-ing hands off my boyfriend!" will not go down well!) and also any way I can kick my jealously- cos I do not want to get to the point where he can't even talk to her without me turning into the green eyed monster.

Help!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on April 30, 2005, 04:03:20 pm

Monkey - Yay! I'm so glad things work out (for the most part, at least). Happy to have helped!

Jess - So Jesse's being a little more friendly towards you now? That's probably a good sign, considering he does know you've got a little thing for him. Be careful though - don't jump into anything (including conclusions) too fast. But good luck! So far, things are sounding good!

As for the Ryan business.. don't stress yourself over it. Just see how things go. Who knows, maybe he won't have the guts to ask you out again anyway. Just cross that bridge when you come to it.

LegolasBuzzgirl - Hmm.. that's a tricky one! Jealousy is a hard monster to tame, especially if you might have reason to be jaelous. No sane girl is ever completely comfortable with another girl flirting shamelessly with their guy.

I think you first of all need to talk seriously with your boyfriend. You said you took the mick out of him (heehee, I love that phrase!) when he made that comment about her. But did you talk to him about it otherwise? Maybe one reason you're finding yourself so jealous is that you're afraid he might actually fall for all the crap this other girl is doing.

Talk to him; tell him she's really bothering you. It seems like you guys have a pretty good relationship, so I'm sure he'll be able to assure you that he's not interested in this girl (he doesn't sound like it at all). Once you get some reassurance from him, maybe you'll be able to deal with her a little better.

As far as talking with her.. that's hard. I personally don't know what I would do. Because, as you said, you have to work with her, so yelling at her wouldn't be a very wise move. But she also shouldn't be allowed to get away with what she's doing, either. Hmmm. And on the other hand, if you just talk to her quietly about it, that could encourage her (unfortunately some people are like that). Does she seem one of these types? That would keep it up just to get under your skin?

I think the first step should be talking with your boyfriend. See what you can work out from there.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 01, 2005, 08:43:18 am

I ended up talking to Andy- he actually brought it up 'cos he noticed something seemed wrong with me! He's said I have no reason at all to be jealous, which I believe. And he was bitching as much as me about this girl, 'cos it seems like she's annoying him as much as she's annoying me. It did make me feel better knowing that, like you suggested it probably would. Problem is, we're both the kind of person to let things linger where other people are concerned until we snap.
I don't know if she'd be the kind to keep on trying- I bloody hope not! She's just split up with her boyf (about a week back) so I hope she'll calm down a bit once she gets over him. I don't know. I know I'm worrying unecesarily- Andy would not do that to me- but, I dunno, it just gets to me. I might just crack her one- it'd be fun. Lol. j/k.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: uNblessed Citrus on May 01, 2005, 08:52:45 pm

Well, I have this friend. The same friend which I asked about in Jackie's advice thread. Well, she claimed that she thought that I was pissy and that it was best to leave me alone. Hmm. This sounds like a terrible excuess. Anyways, since our school has grown, some kids eat lunch in the sixth grade cafeteria. And I was in there, and one of her friends snorted at me and said, "Jazmine, what are you doing here?" I had been sitting there for the past week when she was in the Keys, but she said it as if I wasn't wanted. Pff. And even though she swore that she was my friend, I can't help but wonder what her excuess would be that time. Everytime I try to talk to her she's like, "Leave me alone." So, I told her that I would bring her in a box of cookies (how gulliable ::).) and she started talking to me. I think she doesn't like me because I'm not being her charity case. And I'm pretty sure she runs her mouth.

Basically, this is the third time I've questioned our friendship and I've had it. This other girl named Ariel is 100x cooler. And my friend is mad at her too, but I don't see how.

I'VE f*ckING HAD IT.



Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 02, 2005, 12:03:10 pm

The shortest name ever- I think it's about time you told this 'friend' where to stick it! Obviously not in that terminology, but if she doesn't want to be talked to, then don't. I suggest forming a new friendship with Ariel- and if you really wanna piss your other ex-friend off, then... ignore her. Don't be stuck up and not talk to her if she says something, but if she tries to insult you, just smile and say "If you say so" or something like that. You'll find that the best thing to do is often to act perfectly normal. She may come back to actually being your friend, but if not, at least you've still got someone to hang with.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: xLaurax on May 02, 2005, 01:08:18 pm

Well girls. You know I told you about Sam being really distant with me, I finally got to the bottom of it.
I sent him an email last saturday and he finally sent me one back on Friday which I only got yesterday.

I'm not sure if I should post his email on here. I mean he might find it one day. But till that day this is what he said to me. Well some it anyway. ;)

i dont like no why im annoyed i
thinks
cause i feel like i dont no what i want any more and what with exams im
staring to get realy distant and pissed off at neraly everyone for like
no
reason so if i get pissed at you then im sorry its jhust the way i am
at the
mo. also im !f*cking! fed up of beign single so that the rason for the
way i
am.
how are you you goin out to night.

love sam x-x-x


*Boy has bad spelling*

I think his parents are pressuring him to get A's and A* for his GCSE's and it's getting him really down, they make him do 3 hours revision before he can even come out and they just expect him to turn these grades out.

So he's not pissed at me personally, he's pissed at the world. :-\ I'm just going to have to cheer him up...somehow.

Nothing I can do about the 'being single' thing though.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on May 02, 2005, 01:16:58 pm


Quote:
Nothing I can do about the 'being single' thing though.


Oh yes you can ;) ::) ahum

It is as you say, he is not mad at you so that's a good thing. Poor boy he has to study that much :-\.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: xLaurax on May 02, 2005, 02:25:15 pm

[quote author=Artanis Elensar link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=60#msg867776 date=1115054218]

Quote:
Nothing I can do about the 'being single' thing though.


Oh yes you can ;) ::) ahum
[/quote]

Haha! Whatever Lies. :P lol ;)

He has his eye on a girl call Laura. Well I think he has *Not me*. I'm sure the boy will get a girl soon he's goodlooking enough. But I mean he's 16. Why worry?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: MoNkEy on May 02, 2005, 04:48:08 pm

hey everyone! I'm in a bit of a problem again. you see, you know how I told you my BFF and that guy were going out now? well, it turns out... he was just joking when he asked her! he told me later online that he was just messing around when his friend was over, and she took it seriously! now, since my BFF said yes, the guy has to be her BF. so, just now my BFF kept saying, "he's not acting like he likes me! he doesnt even look at me!" and toher things like that. I really really wanna tell her that he wasnt serious, but I'm too afraid of hurting her! i told the guy to tell her, but he wont! i dont know what to do! I feel so bad for my BFF!!! :'( Thanks!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on May 02, 2005, 06:40:10 pm

LBG~ Well, at least now u know that she's annoying him too! at least now you don't have to worry about anything "forming" between them. If she just broke up with her boyfriend, she probably is just feeling unatractive or something at the moment, and is wanting someone to tell her, "no, you're pretty. and your boobs are awesome!" lol ::) perhaps you should try to set her up w/ some dude that will just sit and tell her how wonderful she is for a night or two... she might leave u and ur bf alone after that.

Laura~ Well, at least ya know he's not mad at you. That's a good start, right? good luck on trying to make him happy... guys have their fluctuating hormones too... lol. ;)

Monkey~ Your friend needs to find out sometime... the longer she goes out with him, the more attatched to him she'll become, and the harder the eventual break up will be. You may want to say something to her about it. :-\ good luck.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 03, 2005, 03:43:22 am

[quote]perhaps you should try to set her up w/ some dude that will just sit and tell her how wonderful she is for a night or two... she might leave u and ur bf alone after that.
[/quote]

That's a good idea- lol. Nah- she'll get back on the dating train soon hopefully.

Laura- Poor sam- all thjat pressure! I know a lad who nearly exploded trying to live upto his parents expectations like that. Hope he becomes less pissed off real soon. Exams are what- a month away?

Monkey- You really need to get him to tell her. If he hasn't got the guts to do that, then I hope he never pro-creates.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: MoNkEy on May 03, 2005, 07:27:06 pm


Quote:
Monkey- You really need to get him to tell her. If he hasn't got the guts to do that, then I hope he never pro-creates.



Quote:
Monkey~ Your friend needs to find out sometime... the longer she goes out with him, the more attatched to him she'll become, and the harder the eventual break up will be. You may want to say something to her about it. good luck.


I know, all of that is true, but I dont think I have the heart to tell her! I know it might be worse not to tell her, but... I dont know. I think she's already hinting on to that. I think I might tell her, or make him tell her! Thanks again, you guys!! :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on May 04, 2005, 04:42:05 pm

arg, guys. i'm so fed up w/ high school... yet, i really almost like the ditzy drama... but, it's all just so insane. Ok, well, we all know that i like Jesse, lol, if u've read any of my posts on here, u can gather that much. *to bring people who have forgotten up to date, i present the following*: I like Jesse, Jesse likes my friend, sam. Sam got really annoyed, and ultimately learned to despise Jesse. Jesse has two good friends, Dustin and Daniel, who seem to have "accepted" me easier than he has. I have to eat with these guys (jess, dustin, and daniel) at lunch, or i feel sad all day. ::) lol, i'm crazy.

ok, now i can tell my newer stuff. Jesse has stopped pestering Sam as much as he was. He didn't even talk to her at lunch today, even though she made sure he knew she was there because she made him get my attention for her. But he still loves her to death, because he was hugging on her and such at pop break. She then kept saying to me that she was changing her mind about things. I asked her what kind of things she was changing her mind on, and she said 'lots of things'... and said something about project prom... then sat there a minute, and said something about Jesse. and how she didn't get mad when he hugged her and such anymore. She was kinda beating around the bush and what not... but i didn't ask any further, because our friends that don't approve of jesse were right next to us. so i think she likes him again. lol ::) arg, high school girls, can't they ever make up their mind?

And Daniel got a girlfriend. I don't know why, but it really bothered me for some reason. ??? Daniel is my boy. lol, see that?? my boy. I almost feel like Daniel and I have some kind of... thing. but neither of us will admit it. Daniel is an absolute sweetheart and i love him to death... and he cares more for me than Jesse, that's obvious. And, really, Daniel is the first person that i've ever claimed. lol, i've never called anyone "mine" before. ::) But, i just feel so conflicted. I still really like jess, and daniel's just my boy... he's my buddy. ... but i've never been so jealous of one of my buddy's girlfriends before. ... especially since she's never really around him much. She eats our lunch too, but not at our table. lol ::)

And, i saw ryan today... and he didn't say much at all to me. I guess he's not gonna ask me back out. *shrugs* well, i'd probly go with him... cause i like Ryan too, he's a good guy... but i don't think i could force myself to stop liking Jess... so i probly wouldn't be the best girlfriend in the world. ::) :P

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 05, 2005, 07:43:28 am

Ah- conflict is what gets us through high school! Lol.

Well hon, it looks like you may have to get ready to be jealous of another of your boys girlfriends. Sounds like Sam is crushing on Jesse. Is she likely to go with him even though she knows you fancy him?
Daniel= lost cause. If he's got a girl keep off him, 'cos I doubt he'd be happy if you didn't. You can still be mates tho, so it's not too bad huh?
Ryan- well, can't say anything 'cos he ain't been forthcoming. Lol. Going out with him may act as a kick up the arse for Jesse though- but that's not really moral.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on May 05, 2005, 05:23:17 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=75#msg869332 date=1115293408]
Ah- conflict is what gets us through high school! Lol.[/quote]
lol, yes, you're right. ;D

[quote]
Well hon, it looks like you may have to get ready to be jealous of another of your boys girlfriends. Sounds like Sam is crushing on Jesse. Is she likely to go with him even though she knows you fancy him? [/quote]

Well, that's what i was thinking. And she said something about Jesse again today, i don't really remember what it was, but she asked me if i could believe that she was *o yeah, i remember* wasting her time to talk to him instead of her other friends... and i said, "yeah, because i think you like him." (i didn't say it mean or anything.) and she just kinda shook her head and said she didn't. I told her that i'd date him, but that's because i'm a commitment phobe (something i've recently discovered. ... lol.) and Jesse would be a good fling. But if you wanted a serious boyfriend, i wouldn't date him... nor would i advise anyone to date him if that's what you really wanted... cause he is DEFINATELY not for that. *shakes head viggerously*

[quote]
Ryan- well, can't say anything 'cos he ain't been forthcoming. Lol. Going out with him may act as a kick up the arse for Jesse though- but that's not really moral.
[/quote]

nah, i don't think i'll be dating ryan... even when he does see me, he doesn't really acknowledge me... if he does like me, lol, that's not the way to go about getting me.

[quote]
Daniel= lost cause. If he's got a girl keep off him, 'cos I doubt he'd be happy if you didn't. You can still be mates tho, so it's not too bad huh?
[/quote]

Well, that's what i thought. Which is why i don't talk to him when he's around her. She ate lunch over there today, so i sat at my other table... lol, i really missed them. I wanted to go over there, but i didn't want to intrude... and i really don't wanna start anything with this chick. I actually hadn't sat over there w/ them for the past couple days because of her. Yesterday, though, she sat at a different table, so i sat over there. He asked me why i hadn't been over there, and i told him it was because he's had a girl over there w/ him, and i didn't want her to think i was trying to steal him or something. and, uh, i kinda heard he didn't care all that much about her. ... and if u watch them together, you can tell that he doesn't... i mean, he likes her, but he acts like he could be completely satisfied w/out her. I still don't bother him when he's around her, but he seeks me out. Like today. He walked by the table i was sitting at and waved at me. Then he did the same thing in the hall... twice. We didn't actually speak... but one time in particular he walked up to me, poked both of my hands, and then took one and just held it. But the bell was about to ring and we just smiled and departed.

lol, i'm sorry if this post is really spaced out. I started it at 3:30... it's 5:20... and i've been typing on it randomly throughout that time. ::)

anyway, yeah. don't feel like saying anymore... it's 5:23 now... it's time to end this post. lol ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 06, 2005, 03:42:19 am

What year are you all in? (Or age are you all should you be American!) You all sound like commitmentaphobes! Lol (No offense).
[quote]He walked by the table i was sitting at and waved at me. Then he did the same thing in the hall... twice. We didn't actually speak... but one time in particular he walked up to me, poked both of my hands, and then took one and just held it. But the bell was about to ring and we just smiled and departed.
[/quote]
Hmm- wierd guy... sweet though.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on May 06, 2005, 06:49:56 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=75#msg869775 date=1115365339]
What year are you all in? (Or age are you all should you be American!) You all sound like commitmentaphobes! Lol (No offense).[/quote]

lol, i'm 16. They're all just turning 16. Jesse just turned 16 at the end of march, i think. And i believe Daniel turns 16 sometime this month... don't know about Dustin. And, yeah, i think we are. most guys are anyway, and i'm just afraid of dating a guy that i can't find an excuse to break up w/ him ... and then i have to marry him or something. I want to date a lot of people before i get really committed... and i sure don't wanna feel trapped in any kinda relationship where i feel like i can't talk to other boys. . . even if my talking could be considered flirting... lol, i wouldn't be a good serious girlfriend either. ::)

Ahh, and it turns out they were never actually dating... She asked him out, and wanted him to reply... he never did, and she just assumed they were going out. So she followed him around and such. He didn't want to be mean to her, so he didn't say anything. He was going to clear things up w/ her today at lunch, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her... he ended up getting someone else to, i think. I don't know, it was such a strange mess. ???

[quote]
[quote]He walked by the table i was sitting at and waved at me. Then he did the same thing in the hall... twice. We didn't actually speak... but one time in particular he walked up to me, poked both of my hands, and then took one and just held it. But the bell was about to ring and we just smiled and departed.
[/quote]
Hmm- wierd guy... sweet though.
[/quote]

lol! you have no idea. They are very strange people. He did something similar to it today. I ended up walking right beside him and some girl in the hall, and he shook her hand. then he shook my hand, then he took my other hand and just held it as we walked down the hall. lol, then he tried to convince the other girl to let him hold her hand, but she refused. She said she didn't want to look like a wh*re. lol, it made me laugh. I tried to encourage her, i was like, "ahh, come on, he's trying to be a pimp." he's like, "yeah, i'm trying to be a pimp." lol, but she still wouldn't let him. ::)

Honestly, though, if you met me and all of my friends, you would think us all very strange. lol, we're weird, random people. The kind that if you're not one of them, you think them scary. lol ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: xLaurax on May 07, 2005, 12:59:08 pm

If you met my friends Jess you would be scared as well. ;) If you met me you'd be scared. lol


Sam is acting weird again.

He had a 'gathering' around his house last night and instead of inviting me he invited just Mim and told her 'Not to bring anyone else'. How's that for a friend?


And I need some advice...well kind of. My friend is having an end of year 11 party next Tuesday on the 17th. And I've invited Chris, the boy who I've liked for ages. And I was wondering what to wear. One of my friends Chantel was telling me to 'Dress up, it's a party'. But I'm not too sure.

What look do you think I should go for? Any suggestions?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on May 07, 2005, 08:36:53 pm

Laura - Hmm.. my advice would be to just wear something cute, but casual. Don't go all out with heels and a skirt or anything. But maybe some nice pants and a cute top. Be comfy, but I wouldn't necessarily go in like.. sweat pants, either.

Then again, I'm no fashion consultant. Ha.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jazzspirit on May 07, 2005, 11:20:51 pm

I have a boy problem. I liked this one guy and then once I found out that he liked me too and he was hanging around all the time and I all of a sudden didn't want him anymore. It seems like whenever I like a guy and then they life me back I suddenly don't like them anymore and it is getting relly frustrating but I don't know how to change the way I feel. Is this just me being stupid or what? I would really appreciate it if any of you have ANY advice for me.


~Kirst

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tsuno on May 08, 2005, 07:13:30 am

[quote author=Angelic Devil link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=75#msg870333 date=1115522451]
I have a boy problem. I liked this one guy and then once I found out that he liked me too and he was hanging around all the time and I all of a sudden didn't want him anymore. It seems like whenever I like a guy and then they life me back I suddenly don't like them anymore and it is getting relly frustrating but I don't know how to change the way I feel. Is this just me being stupid or what? I would really appreciate it if any of you have ANY advice for me.


~Kirst
[/quote]

I'm not sure, but maybe it's because he starts hanhing around all the time because he likes you, you get to know him a little bit better and you start seeing things you don't like about him and you stop liking him?
But I've never been in a situation like that. I do know that when someone I don't like starts to like me a little bit too much, they start to annoy me for some reason...

Dunno, if the things i said help you... But I tried lol :)

xxx

Sarah

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on May 08, 2005, 01:17:03 pm

[quote author=Angelic Devil link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=75#msg870333 date=1115522451]
I have a boy problem. I liked this one guy and then once I found out that he liked me too and he was hanging around all the time and I all of a sudden didn't want him anymore. It seems like whenever I like a guy and then they life me back I suddenly don't like them anymore and it is getting relly frustrating but I don't know how to change the way I feel. Is this just me being stupid or what? I would really appreciate it if any of you have ANY advice for me.


~Kirst
[/quote]

It could be that u just like the thrill of the chase. And once they're no longer playing hard-to-get, it's not a challenge to you anymore... and you get bored? lol. Nah, i kinda know how that is. If i like a guy, and i feel like he likes me back, i start acting all funny. I start flirting with his friends (wtf??), and i tend to blow him off. ... it's the exact opposit of what i want to do, but it's just what i do. maybe you just get nervous at the prospect of getting in a serious relationship... and that turns you off so much that you somehow make yourself not like him anymore. ... or maybe i'm just making the situation very complex... lol, i've been at prom all night, just got 3 hrs of sleep this am... so i'm not really running on much brain power. :P

I wouldn't worry, though, i don't think you'll always do that. I use to worry that i only wanted guys that were off the market, strictly for that fact... but daniel's not "off the market," and i still like him... lol, so you'll meet a guy someday that u'll like, he'll like you back, and u'll continue to like him. lol, don't worry about it. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: xLaurax on May 08, 2005, 03:47:13 pm

[quote author=Flummoxed. link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=75#msg870319 date=1115512613]
Laura - Hmm.. my advice would be to just wear something cute, but casual. Don't go all out with heels and a skirt or anything. But maybe some nice pants and a cute top. Be comfy, but I wouldn't necessarily go in like.. sweat pants, either.

Then again, I'm no fashion consultant. Ha.
[/quote]

Thank you Flummoxed. That was what I was thinking. I'm not a sparkly girl really.
I was thinking something like a dress over jeans with cowboy boots, or just a cute top (as you said) and jeans.

I don't want to look like I'm trying to impress him, because I'm not really. ::) I have major issues right now.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on May 08, 2005, 04:38:22 pm


Quote:
I have major issues right now


don't we all have ;)

Laura: I would do what Flummoxed said ;D


angelic devil; I have heard that before, i know a girl who does the same thing. Maybe you don't really like the guy but you just want to play 'hard to get' ??? or maybe you DO like him a lot, but you're to scared to admit it ??? difficult situation ;)

Myself ;): I need good tips to go out, meet new people and get over my incredible jealousy because it is driving me insane!! thank you ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tsuno on May 08, 2005, 04:56:02 pm

[quote author=Artanis Elensar link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=75#msg870596 date=1115584702]
Myself ;): I need good tips to go out, meet new people and get over my incredible jealousy because it is driving me insane!! thank you ;D
[/quote]

Lets go out together, cause I've become such a boring person lately, when it comes to going out *sigh* :D
And we can discuss your our jealousy problems together then ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on May 08, 2005, 05:05:53 pm

[quote author=Tsuno link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=90#msg870615 date=1115585762]
[quote author=Artanis Elensar link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=75#msg870596 date=1115584702]
Myself ;): I need good tips to go out, meet new people and get over my incredible jealousy because it is driving me insane!! thank you ;D
[/quote]

Lets go out together, cause I've become such a boring person lately, when it comes to going out *sigh* :D
And we can discuss your our jealousy problems together then ;D
[/quote]

it's a deal ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 09, 2005, 03:44:47 am

Can I come? I just wanna go out! Lol.

Laura- you could go all dressed up but you'd probably feel really outta place. Dress up your comfy clothes (jeans etc) with some accessories and have a blast!

Angelic devil- You probably either didn't actually like him in the first place (just thought you did) or you're a tiny bit scared of entering a relationship. had a boyfriend before?

Jess- I'm in the scary group. We just lack the pimps...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: xLaurax on May 09, 2005, 03:26:30 pm

Boys are...silly. :-\

I spoke to Chris on Friday (the boy I like) and I asked if he was coming to the leaving party. And he said yes.

I asked him today and he just turned around and said "Erm...No. Because...you know the exams and revision and....Eh....I've got a cold...and...I don't want to give it to you or stef."

Fair dues about the exams but I think it's a cover-up. I mean the party is on from 6-9 so I mean he'll hardly be revising. And he hasn't got an exam till two days after. And the cold thing?

Seriously.

The party is a week away, I'm sure he'll get over it.

Why do boys have to be..... so....annoying at the moment?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on May 09, 2005, 04:42:47 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=90#msg870857 date=1115624687]
Jess- I'm in the scary group. We just lack the pimps...
[/quote]

lol, scary groups are the most fun. ;D actually, someone told me today they heard daniel and i were going out. I asked her who told her that, and she said that she hadn't really heard that, that she'd just seen us walking down the hall... i assume she meant the happening i mentioned earlier. ... lol, i think she thought i was mad, she backtracked real fast and got a really nice, non-confrontational tone in her voice ??? maybe i sounded mean when i asked? lol, i dunno.

Laura~ Shew... guys are so freaky! maybe he just got nervous and backed out. Ask him in a few days if his cold is getting better, and if he thinks he can come. maybe he'll get over this weird streak w/ a lil encouragement. Good luck, hun... guys can be quite the mysteries.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jazzspirit on May 09, 2005, 07:45:48 pm

Thanks Ladies!
I have been thinking and have come to the conclusion that it is a combo of many things. The number one reason being that I have never actually had a real boyfriend (i know-im pathetic) and that maybe I do just like the "thrill of the chase". I guess I like the idea of getting someone I can't have. I don't know I guess, I'll just keep waiting for the one guy who "blows my socks off". Waited 16 years so far-I can probably wait a little longer. I appreciate your input! Love ya!

~Kirst

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on May 09, 2005, 10:34:20 pm

Boys can indeed be a ball of mystery. They say they can never understand us women.. but I think the argument can go the other way, too. Silly boys.

Kirst - Don't fret, m'dear. I know you've heard it before, and you'll hear it plenty more throughout your life - but you're young! Don't sweat about those silly boys!

You are in no way "pathetic" for being 16 and not having a boyfriend. Relationships in your early teens are usually frivilous and stupid anyway; best to just skip them. I've had 2 'boyfriends' in my four years of high school, and neither of those were serious. I mean, I didn't even kiss a guy until this year, and I'm 18! Seriously, don't worry about anything.

As far as liking "the thrill of the chase," I really think you'll grow out of that with time. I think I suffered from something similar for a while (maybe still am to some extent - I don't much like committment), but it's gotten better. So you'll be just fine.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 10, 2005, 03:48:17 am

Boys- pft!
(Hee-hee- feminism! My boyf always winds me up for it!)

Angelic Angel- I didn't have my first 'proper' (if you call the arsehole lad that) boyf until I was 16, and I'm only on my second now. Some girls call the lad they snogged once at a party a boyfriend. Don't worry, and enjoy the chase!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on May 12, 2005, 03:49:59 pm

ok, has anyone ever noticed that when someone cusses on tv, they don't bleep out the cuss word? like, if someone says "God D*mn", they bleep out God? and how if soemone says "a**hole" the bleep out hole? lol, why is that?? lol, sorry, off topic.

Anyway, i just thought i'd say that i feel loved! lol, i don't know how long that will last, so i'm cherishing it. :P Jesse finally hugged me today! He's never hugged me before, and he finally did. He also likes me much more since he found out that i like a band that he likes... and he seems much happier to talk to me... and he didn't talk to sam today! woot! lol, well, just a lil... he talked to me more, though. lol, yay. ;D

And i really think Daniel likes me. There was not BBQ sauce at lunch today, lol, and he insisted on giving me his. and when he saw my page in the yr book, he kept saying, "you look really pretty in those pictures. No, i mean it. You look REALLY pretty in those pictures." lol, aww! it was so nice. and when i saw him in the hall, i shook his hand as i walked by... and he wouldn't hardly let me go!

and i think my other friend named Neil likes me... and... and... i feel so loved! lol. :D ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on May 12, 2005, 04:10:42 pm


Quote:
And Ryan likes me, and i think my other friend named Neil likes me... and... and... i feel so loved! lol.


That's just great, I'm happy for you :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Luv on May 12, 2005, 04:11:07 pm

Wow, Jess! your life has certainly taken a turn! I've lurked on this thread but I haven't said anything before because everything has already been said by the time I get here... ::)

But anyway, I know what's going on with you, Sam, Jesse and Daniel and I'm really surprised at this recent turn. Boys, hm? One minute they couldn't care less about you and the next minute, it's suddenly all about you! They're unpredictable - especially teenager boys who are high on testosterone, lol!

So, Jess... which one will it be? Jesse or Daniel? Which one do you prefer? Personally, I like more the sound of Daniel (provided he already sorted things out with the girl who thought she was his girlfriend...)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on May 12, 2005, 04:39:21 pm

[quote author=Luv link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=90#msg872869 date=1115928667]

So, Jess... which one will it be? Jesse or Daniel? Which one do you prefer? Personally, I like more the sound of Daniel (provided he already sorted things out with the girl who thought she was his girlfriend...)
[/quote]

lol, thanks, guys. I'm in such a good mood right now. haha, both! i chose both. :P wonder if i could do that... date two guys that are best friends... lol... dun think so. Nah, i don't think Jesse actually wants to date me. He's just really starting to warm up to me. I can walk up to him and lock arms w/ him, and he'll just stand there and smile at me. *hopes it lasts*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: uNblessed Citrus on May 12, 2005, 04:46:08 pm

Ugh. I may have led a guy on. And I feel horrible!

I've known my friend josh for a long time, since last year (we had the same homeroom). This year, I've sat with him at lunch and I've had my arm around him, etc. Just being flirty and fun.
So today, I sat down at his table and started talking to my friend Zach. He said that he wanted us to go out, and that Josh had asked him to do ask that. And I asked his friend Armondo (or my kind-of-friend's boyfriend.) who said that it was true. (That he liked me and wanted to go out with me.)
The problem is, i'm not sure if I like him well enough to date him.

Gah, totally confused.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Luv on May 12, 2005, 06:15:07 pm

Shortest name - that's a difficult situation. I think there's two ways to go: either you can tell him that you like him a lot as a friend but you don't see yourself dating him. That might hurt the guy, but he'll get over it.

The other option you have is to go out with him and see if you don't like him anyway. But if you're not at all interested, there's no point going out with him.

I guess that's just stating the obvious but I hope it helped anyway!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on May 12, 2005, 09:46:35 pm

Jess - Yay! I'm glad your love life is blossoming. Aww, yay for twitter-pation in the Spring! Heehee.

Shortest Name - (Sorry, I've forgotten your real name!) I've been in your situation before. In fact, sort of still am! I've got a guy friend right now who may be a little more than that (actually, he definitely is), and I'm still not sure how to feel about it.

You guys already sound close. But now you have to ask yourself, just how close? Close enough that you can picture yourselves dating?

If you're truly not sure, you have a couple options: one, go hang out with him sometime, keep an open mind, and see how things go. Two, tell him it's just too weird, and that it would never work. Three, ignore him.

Lol, obviously, number one would probably be the best idea. Because, since you're seriously contemplating whether you could date him or not, that means the possibility is probably there. And if it's there, it'd be silly not to take advantage of it, or at least consider it.

Worst case scenario: you might go out, and realize how weird it is. But at least then you'll know for sure. And if you're unsure now, this is really the only way to be sure once and for all.

I don't think you've led him on. High school boys often develop crushes on their friends who are girls. Don't ask me why - it baffles me just as much as it does you.. heh.

Good luck! Let us know how things pan out.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 13, 2005, 03:47:17 am

Jess- whoo! Attension!

Shortest- Worst case scenarios is actually you could go out with him and end up hating him- that's what happened to mewhen i dated someone who'd been a good friend for ages. B*****d. It hurts when you find out they arn't who you thought they were.

But if you really do know and you like what you know, then try what flummoxed said- start slow, and build from there. If it's wierd, stop.

Btw- do you know for definate from him that he does fancy you?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on May 13, 2005, 07:53:51 pm



On a happier note, lol, i randomly walked up and hugged daniel today... i'm really gonna miss those guys. :'( ahh, i told him that. he was like, "ahh, i know... i'll miss you too." i think it surprised him, though. ... and i actually think ryan was just down the hall... hope he didn't turn around. :-\ i guess he didn't... and jess was being all flirty and huggy today. he's so darn cute. lol, after i got home, my hand smelled like him for some reason... he smells really good, guys. lol. ::) :P

i've got about one week left with the guys... i can't stand to stop talking to them. i can't, and i won't.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: uNblessed Citrus on May 14, 2005, 06:05:20 pm

Thanks for the advice, y'all. Yesterday I avoided him, I just couldn't talk to him...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 15, 2005, 02:17:59 pm

Jess- count to ten and breathe girl!

You've said yes to Sam, so you can't back out without looking a plonker. So go, and have fun. You've said you'd go as a friend havn't you? So he can't realistically expect you to change your personality and stop flirting, as he has no 'claim' over you. And if you go out with him as a mate, then you think it could work, I'm sure you'll be able to stop flirting. Have fun in your last week.

Shortest- Evidently you don't want a relationship if you can't talk to the guy. Stop avoiding him. Don't mention it, and he might not either.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Luv on May 15, 2005, 04:52:08 pm

Jess - I hope for Ryan's sake he really understood when you said you'd go out with him as a friend! Go out with him by all means, but I think you should make it really clear that you want to be friends with him but that's it. Ryan sounds like an insecure boy, so going out with you and having you as a friend might really boost his confidence.

But I think it'd be only fair if you told Ryan that you like someone else. (There's no point telling him you like two other guys... ::) :) )

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: xLaurax on May 17, 2005, 11:31:32 am

Hello all. :)

Remember a few posts back when I was telling you about Sam and how pissy he was getting. Well AHA! Because, I, being fantastic found out today.

We went up town after school had finished and it was just me and him, very nice - until I stepped in dog poo.

But I made him, OK i pressured him into telling me his sordid secrets. And eventually he did. The reasons he was pissed were because as he told me. He was obbsessed with one o my best friends and his ex girlfriend. This girl he's dating Laura *not me* :P won't actually go out with him and....there was something else I forgot.

So it was all girl problems. ::) But I'm glad he can know share his problems with me.


So..sorted....hopefully. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on May 17, 2005, 12:31:39 pm

That's good, Laura. I hope he stops being so weird. Just be there to listen to him, even if it is just girl problems. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 17, 2005, 01:07:06 pm

Who gives the best insight on girl problems than girls ourselves?! Glad to know you've sorted it and will be there for him.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 23, 2005, 06:49:15 am

Hey- you remember that girl at work I was complaining about? Well, she's started going around with some other lads and as a result is not flirting with my boyf now. Granted she still annoys the hell out of us by insisting on telling all the staff under 20 the details of her love life, but ah well.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Luv on May 23, 2005, 02:53:18 pm

I have a bad problem for you, aunties...

My best friend, a girl I have known since we were seven, told me she's going to kill herself. And she's dead serious. Literally.

I've tried to talk her out of it. I've tried telling her all the reasons she should live for, but she won't have any of it. Then I told her I'd miss her terribly and I tried to make her feel guilty by reminding her how much suffering she would cause her family by doing herself in. She just said, "Yeah well, I'm sorry if I cause pain to people but that's not the issue. What about my suffering? Being alive causes me pain and I don't really care if my death hurts someone."

She's really depressed but she doesn't have any physical illnesses. I've tried to persuade her to get help for her depression but she refuses. I told her I would tell her dad about her suicide plans because I think he has the right to know. At least he would have the chance to try to help her. But my friend said that there's nothing her dad could do about it and telling him would only cause him needless pain.

So what do you think I should do? Is there anything I can do? My chances are limited because at the moment I live in a different country than my friend but there must be something I can do. Right?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on May 23, 2005, 03:30:16 pm

Luv - You have to tell somebody. No one's life is ever bad enough to merit suicide, and your friend obviously has a lot of people who care about her, you included.

She may insist that it won't help, and that you'd be doing her a favor if you just let her carry this out, but that's not really what she wants. When severely depressed people tell others about their thoughts of suicide, it's always a call for help. (Sounds like an episode of Dr. Phil here or something, but oh well - it's true.)

You need to tell someone. Tell her parents, or other adults close to her that can get her help. She needs help. Like you said, her depression can be treated, and she can stop having these thoughts.

You've been a great friend for trying and saying all the things that you already have. But it's obvious she's in no state to listen. So it's time to go a little higher up. Tell someone as soon as possible.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: BoudicaBabe on May 23, 2005, 03:34:55 pm

Oh crikey Luv, this is a really hard one to know the best way to go.

I know just how scary it is because I had to deal with the same thing a couple of years ago and I have never felt so worried or out of control of a situation as I did then. At least my friend was in the same country.

I don't really know what to say, the reality is that that you cannot stop her making that decision, the only thing you can do is keep reassuring her that you love her, that you are there for her and that you don't want to be without her.

Don't try to handle this on your own, you need to share it, my gut instinct is that you should tell her Dad - after all, he would rather know now and try to help than not find out until it's too late.

Hope everything turns out OK.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on May 23, 2005, 03:38:41 pm

If i was in your shoes, luv, i would call everyone that knows her to get them there to stop her. Depression can be treated... suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem. She can be treated... and... well, me, i would force her. ... but that's just me acting rash. I would most definatly suggest that you call someone near her, though... asap.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Luv on May 23, 2005, 06:58:20 pm

Thanks, guys. You voiced what I doubted was the right thing to do anyway.

Jess, you hit the bulls eye by saying that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I'll email that thought to her immediately, though I don't think it'll make her change her mind.

I know now I'll have to tell her family. But it's difficult to tell them something like that. I don't know how to do it. It's almost too awful to think about, let alone say it aloud to her parents.

Things are further complicated because I don't have her father's phonenumber and she refuses to give it to me. I don't know how to find out somebody's phonenumber when you're in a different country.

I have her brother's email address and basically that's my only hope to get in contact with her family. But unfortunately her brother is a total jerk. If I sent him an email saying that his sister is going to kill herself, he would be very likely to say something like "Good riddance!" At best he would think it's nonesense and he wouldn't take it seriously enough to tell his dad. But shit, I guess I'll just have to try and see what happens.

As for calling all her other friends - I'll have to think about that. She has very negative opinions of everyone but me. She just emailed me and told me she had erased everyone else's phonenumbers and email addresses so that she wouldn't go so low as to contact any of them.

I think it's because she's been depressed for so long and I'm the only one who understands her and bears with her. The others are less tolerant of her moodswings and crankyness. It's hard to predict what would happen if I told them. But one thing is sure - my friend would be furious with me. I don't think she wants all the world to know. Maybe I'm wrong.

Oh, man. She's going to be pissed at me if I contact her brother. But I guess I have no choise.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on May 23, 2005, 08:09:41 pm

It might work if you pick up your phone and dial "411" and wait for the lil recording to come up... if he's in America... i don't know if it works for other countries. Or perhaps an international operator? they have those don't they? If u know his name and the city he lives in... u could find him i'd say. Good luck, luv... i really wish you all i can.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Luv on May 23, 2005, 09:35:38 pm

Thanks, Jess. Actually they're in Finland, but I just emailed my friend's brother and asked him for their father's email address or phone number. I didn't tell him why I wanted them. I just said I'm a bit worried for his sister and I thought I should talk to their dad.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 24, 2005, 03:48:20 am

Aww! Luv!

*Hugs*

I agree you really have to tell her parents. E-mailing her brother was a good step. Even if you do end up having to say 'your sister's thinking of suicide' he may take it as a joke to begin with, but if you repeate it and convince him, he will care. Hopefully he'll give you the number though.

Remember to get support for yourself as well through this. It may seem selfish to think of yourself, but you need to tell someone- your parent?- what's happening so that you don't hit emotional burnout and hurt yourself mentally or physically in any way. We'll always be here to talk too, I'm sure.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on May 24, 2005, 12:36:42 pm

God, this is going to sound so cliche. Here it goes. Lately, I've just felt sort of empty. Sort of like everything is falling apart, and it's affected me inside out. My best friend Caitlin and I just don't speak anymore, as I've said before. My friend Will and I just got in a huge, explosive fight last night. I had to put my cat down. It seems everyone is going to the prom but me, AND all of my friends are dating - EXCEPT ME. The guy I like is taking his little crush to the prom. Plus he's starting to really frustrate me. When it's just him and I, he treats me sooo well. He's terribly sweet (and slightly flirtatious) and funny; but when he's around his friends, he's obmoxiously rude to me. What in God's name is that about? I don't get along with anyone in my house right now. It seems like there is no one I can turn to, even though I know that's not true.

So I won't bore anyone anymore. I'm just going to ask: Does anyone have a clue what in the heck is WRONG with me??

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: xLaurax on May 24, 2005, 04:54:39 pm

Whats wrong with you is your a teenager. :)

Everyone goes through that stage, I have done. It's just a part of life. The reason why your crush is acting like a...twat when his friends are around is because of the steroeo typical topdog. He has to act like a 'man' around his friend. Fierceless and bascially rude! I've been through it with boys as well. More than likely he fancies you too.

Why boys have to act like that around their friends is a mystery to me, what are they trying to hide?

Maria, time will pass and you'll feel find in time. As for your friend we all go through patches like that, I have an old best friend and we hardly even talk now but it's just because we've found new friends and just been drawn apart.

You'll be fine.

Sorry about you cat. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on May 24, 2005, 04:57:38 pm

Thanks Laura babes. :-* I contemplated this just being PMS, but PMS never lasts as long as this has. ;) God only knows what guys have to hide. I think that will be a lifelong mystery.

What makes you think the guy I like fancies me? *strokes chin intelligently* This is quite a new thought. I like it. :D

Anyway, I suppose the diagnosis is that I will survive. Thank you love! :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Luv on May 24, 2005, 06:50:29 pm

Thanks for your support, everyone! I emailed my friend's brother but he hasn't answered. It's possible that he doesn't check his email daily but I hope he still uses the address.

I haven't heard of my friend either. I'm worried but I think she isn't replying to my emails simply because she's mad at me for contacting her brother. I just couldn't do it behind her back, so I told her... and now I think she's furious. But then, she never said I couldn't tell anyone, so maybe she won't be mad for long.

Luckily I have a roommate who studies sociology and she has been trained to deal with situations like these. It's been really helpful talking to her. She has so much knowledge about how people's minds work when they're considering suicide, it's almost like getting help from a professional. No, it's better because I can hug her! I don't think people hug social workers unless they happen to know one...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 25, 2005, 04:04:44 am

Luv- ask your sociology studying friend if she knows/ can find the statistics for how many people who threaten suicide actually go through with it. I'm willing to bet it's only a small number.

Littlehalfling- I think Dr. Laura's teenager diagnosis is probably correct! How long have you felt like this? PMT can last abnormally long (I hit a patch recently where I felt slightly depressive and very pessamistic for about two weeks a month) so it could be effecting you. However- are you one of these leaving school at the moment? Because that's a huge change in your life and will make you look at things in a different light and that can be depressing. And if you think everyone is dating, count all your friends and casual aquaintances and see how many of them arn't- focus on that instead!

I wouldn't worry about your best mate- friendships change, it's a fact, but if you were friends once, you can be again. And as for this lad- lads are all different in big groups of their own sex. My boyf still goes into 'hard man' act when he's with certain friends (and I tell him he's been a jackass- he doesn't notice himself just how different he gets) so you can't really measure if he likes you or not that way. On a plus- prom? I didn't go to mine- I didn't like half the people in my year, and I found it more fun to meet up with my best mates, go bowling, and have a celebration that way.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on May 25, 2005, 04:57:51 am

[quote author=littlehafling link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=120#msg878429 date=1116952602]
God, this is going to sound so cliche. Here it goes. Lately, I've just felt sort of empty. Sort of like everything is falling apart, and it's affected me inside out. My best friend Caitlin and I just don't speak anymore, as I've said before. My friend Will and I just got in a huge, explosive fight last night. I had to put my cat down. It seems everyone is going to the prom but me, AND all of my friends are dating - EXCEPT ME. The guy I like is taking his little crush to the prom. Plus he's starting to really frustrate me. When it's just him and I, he treats me sooo well. He's terribly sweet (and slightly flirtatious) and funny; but when he's around his friends, he's obmoxiously rude to me. What in God's name is that about? I don't get along with anyone in my house right now. It seems like there is no one I can turn to, even though I know that's not true.

So I won't bore anyone anymore. I'm just going to ask: Does anyone have a clue what in the heck is WRONG with me??
[/quote].

Ow poor you, I so know what you mean!! I had teh exact same sage in my life a couple of years ago. You feel lonely, sad and not understood. Ad everybody seems to be loved besides you. But you have to know, it isn't true. I was always fighting with my parents an dit was terrible, but now we get along pretty well.
As for your friends. I'm afraid, sometimes you have to let go some friends, it is just a part of life. I also had to learn not to get to detached to particular people if you understand. Once my two girlfriends were everything to me, I didn't have anything else in life, we shared everything. But one day tehy weren't interested anymore, and there I was all alone. Then I realised there were a lot more people who also liked me :D, and now I have several good friends... I'm sure you also know people you wouldn't expect to like you, but they don just go and find out!!!

As for the boy: yeah boys can be really stupid ;). He is probably not mature aenough to realise you don't have to be rude to a girl when you're accompanied by your male friends. He will probably mature and realise what a wonderful girl you are, but by that time ofcourse you are together with the most cute and sweet guy of teh entire school 8) ow yeah... ahum..seems like a have a bit to much fantasie, but you get teh point right!

As for your cat, I'm really sorry to hear that! It always hurts when you lose someone you love. Try to remeber her kuddling and and teh warmth she gave you, and know, one day you will see her again!

goo luck hon!

Luv: I think you did teh right thing by contacting her brother. Hope everything works out fine!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on May 25, 2005, 12:31:37 pm

Thank you Artanis and Buzzgirl. It's a frustrating feeling, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who's been through it. Buzzgirl, I've felt like this for about two and half weeks. It's been a rough ride. ::)

Artanis, I like your view...I get the cutest guy. ;D Nah, just kidding. But thanks again. Things will start to look up, I know it. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on May 25, 2005, 02:53:38 pm

littlehalf~ like they said, hun. things will look up. That guy you like... well, I kinda know how that is. Guys can be weird... don't worry about it. you could ignore him when he's around his friends... like, talk to his friends and kinda cut him out of the conversation... or just not be around him. Then maybe he'll see what he's doing? i don't know, that's what i would do, though. Or you could just tell him what he's doing, and that it's hurting your feelings. that may work out better than the ignoring thing. Good luck, though.

Luv~ I think u did the right thing. ... i just hope her brother sends you the stuff you need. :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 25, 2005, 03:58:18 pm


Quote:
Buzzgirl, I've felt like this for about two and half weeks. It's been a rough ride.


Call me Ruth. Hmm. Could be pmt, but maybe not...

(How useful am I?! Lol)

Just a thought about the lad messing up around his mates. Do you have his cell phone number? 'Cos if he starts acting up, you could make an excuse to leave them, then text him with a daft message like 'Gee- thanks for acting hard around you mates- total exclusion is fun! Lol' and see if he'll get the hint. (Even more fun if you can secretly watch his reaction as he recieves it). Or if you wanna be upfront, text and say 'Stop being an idiot when your mates are around, k?'. But that might backfire! Lol.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Luv on May 25, 2005, 10:11:34 pm

An update - haven't heard of my friend's brother but my friend sent me a really long email. She wasn't mad at me for contacting her brother. She only said she was slightly annoyed because it's going to be awkward... and she asked me not to tell ANYONE that she's been thinking about suicide.

I'm hoping she'll pull through because she said that she might be just going through a stage and that she might not end up killing herself after all.
But I'm not sure what to think... somehow I got the idea she was only saying that to get me off her back. So I guess I'll still have to talk to her dad once I get his contact info. It sucks but what can you do. Sometimes you have to do shitty things to your friends in order to help them.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 26, 2005, 03:42:17 am

I think you have to try and believer her, or else you'll never trust her again. However, stick with the plan of telling her Dad- 'cos if it does turn out she's lying to you, it's better safe than sorry eh?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on May 26, 2005, 04:03:13 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=120#msg878901 date=1117051098]

Quote:
Buzzgirl, I've felt like this for about two and half weeks. It's been a rough ride.


Call me Ruth. Hmm. Could be pmt, but maybe not...

(How useful am I?! Lol)

Just a thought about the lad messing up around his mates. Do you have his cell phone number? 'Cos if he starts acting up, you could make an excuse to leave them, then text him with a daft message like 'Gee- thanks for acting hard around you mates- total exclusion is fun! Lol' and see if he'll get the hint. (Even more fun if you can secretly watch his reaction as he recieves it). Or if you wanna be upfront, text and say 'Stop being an idiot when your mates are around, k?'. But that might backfire! Lol.
[/quote]

Sorry...Ruth. Hahaha, I laughed very hard at this! I would love to do that just to see his face! :D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on June 02, 2005, 02:12:44 pm

well, this thread is dying... and i feel obligated to bring it back to life. ::) My life has been very interesting lately... Since school let out, i only see Jesse when i go shopping (he's a bagboy) ... and, unfortuanately, we don't need to go shopping as much as i'd like. :P I actually asked Ryan if he wanted to go see a specific movie... And i explained how i wasn't much of a commitment freak... and that i was more interested in a "casual date" instead of a serious relationship. At first, he said he'd go... but then he changed his mind and decided that we shouldn't. ??? And then Kari broke up with her boyfriend last night (YAY! yayayyayayyayay! i was so happy, he treated her like dirt! woot! i'm so glad she broke up w/ him. ;D ;D) and me and Ryan were both online, helping her decide whether she should dump him or not... and in the midst of his encouraging her, he said, "Heck, i'll take you to the movies if you just break up with him." and... now they're going to the movies tomorrow! And i think Kari could really like ryan, and so does she. I'm not, like, jealous or anything... I just feel... bad. And not for them, i hope they get together and get along really well... but i just feel... i don't know... kicked to the curb? and since i don't see jesse, daniel, or dustin anymore... i just feel unappealing, i guess would be the word.

and on top of all that, my dad keeps telling me how i have no life. and that he worries about me because i have no life, that all i do is sit in front of the PC and TV... and that's not true, i do other things, he's just never around to see them. But i would get a job, except i have to have my tonsils out, and we're going on two different trips this summer... and i really just want to see my family, and enjoy my last summer off... but he's making me feel like such a bum. I'm not a bum, i babysit his children almost everyday... and i clean his stupid house... but i apparently don't clean it well enough, and apparently taking care of two kids ages 6 and 4 isn't work. So ... shew ... i don't know. and it's raining outside! so that doesn't help my spirits either. :'(

Edit

NO! i knew he would do this! i knew it! Kari's boyfriend read her break up email... and has come back to talk to her... and he's just said that all that crap he put her throught was just a joke... and blah blah blah... and now she's thinking about taking him back. NO! she can do better! i would rather be out in the cold and have her marry every guy that likes me than go back out with that dude. he can be so mean to her! he's almost always mean to her. she can do so much better! he belittles her, and everything he can think of... and then says it's a "joke" and that he didn't mean it. >:( RWAR!

2nd edit

haha, she didn't take him back! woot! *dances*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on June 03, 2005, 09:29:52 am

Ah Jess! That thing with your father? I totally know how that is. That's what my dad always says to me. Finally I was just like, "Look. I do way more than you know around the house. One of these days, come home on your lunch break and I'll prove it to you." It worked, too. You should try that.

Concerning Kari, I'm glad she didn't take him back. He sounds like a real jerk.

You are not unappealing. I don't even know you, and I can still say that. :D Sometimes you just feel like a third wheel...I SO know how that goes. You sometimes feel like EVERYONE has a date except you. (Haha...look at my posts above! You'll believe me when I say it happens.) But don't get discouraged. It won't always be like this!

About Jesse, that is a suspicious move. He said he didn't want to go out with you AFTER you said you wanted it casual? Maybe he's trying to tell you something. It's a good possibility Jesse wanted more than a "casual" night out, if you know what I mean. Just be careful around him, and use discretion (I have no clue if I spelled that right!) when he DOES want to go on a date with you. :)

Hang in there, Jess. I'll be thinking about ya. 8)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on June 05, 2005, 07:06:23 pm

OK guys, you seem to be good at these - I have a guy problem.

I've never been the most confident person in the world. And the only boyfriends I've had have been the ones to make the first move. So I'm rather wary of doing the whole "first move" thing, as I've never had to do it.
The thing is, I really like this guy in my English class.

There's a lot of eye contact between us, and smiles. But we've never actually talked to one and other. We're at opposite sides of the classroom, and there is no chance for me to walk around the room to talk to him during class.

We are on "Hi" terms when I see him between classes.

The thing is, I want to make a move to let him know I'm interested, but I have no idea in this kind of situation. It's not like I can slip any hints into a conversation because we never have a chance to have any kind of conversation.

He's always with his group at dinner and breaks, and I'm always with mine. The only time the two mix is on a very rare occasion when Sarah stops him while he's walking to see his mates.
Sarah is a friend of his from High School.

I've thought about talking to her to get her to help me in my "quest" (hahahehe) but it's a no go. I don't particularly like her, and she seems to feel the same way about me. Chances are she'll do or say something to make me look like an idiot in front of him, and I don't want to risk that.

Any ideas as to what I can do?! I'm kind of desperate. :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Caz on June 06, 2005, 06:46:08 pm

[color=Blue]Aww Taf, I was going to suggest this Sarah girl but if you're not on good terms with her.. is there nothing that can be done about that? Maybe you could chat to her about something unrelated to this boy and see how she feels about talking to you? Is there a friend of yours who would be brave enough to go up to him and speak to him? Other than that, I would suggest just biting the bullet and talking to him. You could have a casual chat with him and then, when you feel it's right, ask him if we would like to have dinner and a movie for example. If you don't try, you will never know what could have happened! Good Luck, hun! :-*

Not knowing what could have happened brings me to my "problem". All throughout my time at University, I liked this guy called Tom. I think he knew this and I also think that in the beginning he liked me back but he had a girlfriend at the time. We sat together in lectures and there was quite a lot of chemistry. People seemed to know I liked him.. :-[

Anyway, I liked him but I never told him. Then in year 2 he stopped sitting next to me and we hardly talked anymore but still I liked him. When we talked, it was so sweet. I always wanted to tell him how I felt but I never managed it, and sometimes it was on the tip of my tongue.

In year 3 (2002/2003) the whole class went to Germany and I met a guy there. We went out until October last year. I graduated from University last summer and since then I haven't been able to forget about Tom. I sent him an email a couple of months ago but there was no response. I have his phone number in England to which I sent him a text this afternoon but there was no response yet. I assume he lives in Germany (we studied in England but he is German and only studied over here) and basically I have no way of getting in touch with him. That makes me sad and although I'm not happy about this, it seems like the only option is to get him out of my head :'( but how do I do that?

I could meet other guys but that's not exactly easy around here because there's nobody my age whom I could chat to and it seems cold to just write Tom off like that, when I obviously still have feelings for him. I'm not sure I could do that, you know? Plus, I'm not the type of girl that guys usually fall for. ::)

Any ideas? Thanks guys. :-*[/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on June 06, 2005, 06:55:42 pm

tafika

that's quite a difficult situation... You could try to get to English class early to talk to him... Or perhaps you could just walk up to him in the hall sometime and ask him about an English assignment that you "just didn't get" or "forgot about." Or you could befriend some people in his clique. That's what i did, it worked pretty nicely... and i have a lot of new friends out of it. Just casually bump into them/him, and have little conversations... eventually you'll find something you guys have in common, and once you can have normal conversations, you can drop some hints that your interested in something more than just friends. ;) Good luck. :)


Carina

Well, if you have his phone number, why don't you call him? The only thing you could really do is either call him, txt him, email him, or perhaps instant message him? maybe you could call him and ask if he has an IM server... if he does, get that, and talk to him through there... get reaquainted... and tell him how you feel. Or, ya know, just call him and tell him. ;) Anyway, good luck. Hope this works out for you!


And, Little Half, Thanks. :) :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Caz on June 06, 2005, 08:22:16 pm


on 1118098542, Jess_B wrote:
Well, if you have his phone number, why don't you call him? The only thing you could really do is either call him, txt him, email him, or perhaps instant message him? maybe you could call him and ask if he has an IM server... if he does, get that, and talk to him through there... get reaquainted... and tell him how you feel. Or, ya know, just call him and tell him. ;) Anyway, good luck. Hope this works out for you!


[color=Blue]Thank you Jess. :-*

See, the problem is I don't actually know whether his phone number still works, I sent him the text today but I have no idea whether the sim card is still active. I wrote him an email two months ago but there was no response, so either he didn't check it, the account is inactive or he doesn't care. I have no other contacts than that and the last time I saw him was last June just before graduation and I haven't been able to forget about him.

I know this is a tough situation and I'm sorry for laying this on all of you but I just had to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading. ;)

If I ever got the chance to meet him again and still felt the same way I do now, I would so tell him how I feel!! ::) :'([/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 07, 2005, 06:49:43 am

Kat- You really must like this dude. *Hugs*

Are the hi terms seemingly worth expanding on? That sounds cruel- I mean, does he seem happy to see you when he says Hi, or is it just a 'hmm- I vaguly recognise her' kinda thingy? Do you have any friends in common at all? I mean, you've been in the English class with him for a year, so do you have anyone in there who talks to you both, even just casually? That way, if you see them talking, then it'll be easier to kind of, filter into the conversation, say before class actually starts. Or you could sidle up to him as you're leaving and say "Did you understand what she was saying about *insert thingy here*? 'Cos I really don't get it!" Of course, it doesn't matter if you did! Lol.

Good luck hon. Hope you get at least friends with him, or else I'll come myself and prod you until you talk to him.


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on June 07, 2005, 07:22:47 am


Quote:
Kat- You really must like this dude. *Hugs*


:-[ Yeah, it's really getting to me cause I still don't know what it is about him that makes me think of him in this way. He's not my usual type, at all. But he's lovely. ::)


Quote:
I was going to suggest this Sarah girl but if you're not on good terms with her.. is there nothing that can be done about that?


I would like to get to know her, and see a different side of her that I could possibly like. But I think it would take too much time. To get to know her well enough to talk about my feelings towards Andrew so she could help out. I think it would be quicker for me to make a move with him than do that.


Quote:
I would suggest just biting the bullet and talking to him.


I've been thinking about this one. When I see him betwen classes sometimes, he is on his own. And I thought about after we've done the smiley hi thingy, I could just turn round and say "Andrew..." so his attention has been caught... but after that I'm stuck for what exactly I should say so I'm not stood there with him looking at me, saying "Nevermind" and running for the hills. lol


Quote:
You could try to get to English class early to talk to him...


I've tried this. Let us say, it's rare for me to be on time to lessons, let alone being early. lol :-[
I'll try harder on this one though.


Quote:
Or perhaps you could just walk up to him in the hall sometime and ask him about an English assignment that you "just didn't get" or "forgot about." Or you could befriend some people in his clique.


I think I may have a go at this. I work with someone who is friends with one of his friends from English. So I may have to get her onside (if she knows who it is I'm talking about) to help me out at some point.


Quote:
Are the hi terms seemingly worth expanding on? That sounds cruel- I mean, does he seem happy to see you when he says Hi, or is it just a 'hmm- I vaguly recognise her' kinda thingy?


I think it's in the good way... er, I thought so anyway.
Oh Ruth you've got me worried now! lol
When we walked by him and his friend once Tracy said that I'd got a rather long glance, which caused her to squeal a little and giggle muchly. lol :-[ So maybe it is in the good way... hoping so now. :-\


Quote:
Do you have any friends in common at all? I mean, you've been in the English class with him for a year, so do you have anyone in there who talks to you both, even just casually?


This one is the most frustrating. I'm in a group of people in my English class that very rarely pay me any attention. The girl that I sat with originally left a few months ago, and so there's just me and 3 others in our little group. They talk about things that I have no interest in, or can't join in with. They all know loads of people that I've never heard of and talk about them a lot. And it's not something I can easily join in with. Which I've always thought was pretty unfair of them.
I would love to move so much. But I can't. Everyone has their own seats and they dislike any disruption with it. :'(


Quote:
Or you could sidle up to him as you're leaving and say "Did you understand what she was saying about *insert thingy here*? 'Cos I really don't get it!" Of course, it doesn't matter if you did! Lol.


Tried this. I went out, and waited at the top of the stairs. But his group always stay behind to talk to Dave (the teacher) for some reason. Which is really frustrating, so I get bored of waiting and just go.

Thanks guys for your advice. I'll have a go at some of the things you suggested. I don't go back to College until the 13th of this month. But I'll let you know how it goes. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 08, 2005, 10:21:09 am

[quote]Quote:
Are the hi terms seemingly worth expanding on? That sounds cruel- I mean, does he seem happy to see you when he says Hi, or is it just a 'hmm- I vaguly recognise her' kinda thingy?

I think it's in the good way... er, I thought so anyway.
Oh Ruth you've got me worried now! lol
When we walked by him and his friend once Tracy said that I'd got a rather long glance, which caused her to squeal a little and giggle muchly. lol So maybe it is in the good way... hoping so now. [/quote]

Long looks= good I would assume. Means he at least is looking so you never know!

[quote]Quote:
I would suggest just biting the bullet and talking to him.

I've been thinking about this one. When I see him betwen classes sometimes, he is on his own. And I thought about after we've done the smiley hi thingy, I could just turn round and say "Andrew..." so his attention has been caught... but after that I'm stuck for what exactly I should say so I'm not stood there with him looking at me, saying "Nevermind" and running for the hills. lol[/quote]

well, instead of saying 'nothing' you can fall back on the good old 'do you come here often?'. Lol. No seriously. erm- you got any idea what bands he's into? If he's considerate enough to wear a band related t-shirt, you could say 'oh they're great them'/ 'are they any good then?' and start a conversation. If he isn't into band t-shirts, you could try asking him where he got a piece of clothing/ jewellry/ bag/ whatever and say you think it'd be nice for your brothers birthday, then some how start a conversation from that (eg- 'Got it at *insert shop*' 'Wheres nearest one of them?' 'Meadowhall.' 'Don't know my way round there. Fancy showing me?' 'Yes then I'll go back to yours and we'll have crazy naked love'. Well, maybe not the last part. Bit too fast...)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on June 08, 2005, 11:56:19 am

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=135#msg883977 date=1118240469]
'Don't know my way round there. Fancy showing me?' 'Yes then I'll go back to yours and we'll have crazy naked love'. Well, maybe not the last part. Bit too fast...)
[/quote]

lmao! well, you never know, taf. That may just be worth a shot. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on June 08, 2005, 01:21:54 pm


Quote:
'Yes then I'll go back to yours and we'll have crazy naked love'.


Sounds like a plan to me.
Ahem... ::)


Quote:
No seriously. erm- you got any idea what bands he's into? If he's considerate enough to wear a band related t-shirt, you could say 'oh they're great them'/ 'are they any good then?'


He's in a band.
*Giddy**Giddy**Giddy**Giddy**Giddy*
Plays at least guitar and drums from what I've heard.
*Giddy**Giddy**Giddy**Giddy**Giddy*

That could be a conversation starter...
Hmm, I shall start to plan something around that one me thinks.

He seems to be into the same kind of music as me from what I've been gathering out of being nosey, and what he's brought in to play to the class that's related to pieces of texts that we've been studying.

But dude, he's in a band!
*Giddy*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 09, 2005, 03:44:14 am

Perfectio! Find out if/ when he has a gig, go and then talk to him about it! Two conversations! Lol.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on June 09, 2005, 01:13:34 pm

ahhh... i love guys that play the guitar... hahahaha. Good luck, taf. he sounds loverly ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Jenny Baggins on June 10, 2005, 06:04:46 pm

hey, I was wondering if anyone could give me advice on the best way to support my friends. Recently I found out that 2 of my friends have been cutting themselves and I'm worried about them :-\ one of them has stopped, the other stopped a while ago but has started again just recently. They are both doing it for similar reasons , family trouble. (one, her parents are divorced and she doesn't get on with her mum at all and her dad lives far away, and the other, her parents are splitting up and her dads an alcohoilc and she hates him)
any ideas on how I can help them? :-\ thanks :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Finny on June 10, 2005, 10:23:51 pm

*sigh*

Here goes nothing.

I've got a best friend that I've had ever since my senior year of college (I graduated in '03, so that's about three years now); we were roommates together that year, and have lots of stuff in common.

However...in Jan. a friend of mine that I'd met at AnimeNorth (an anime convention in Toronto, Canada) came down to see me (he lives in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and I'm in Colorado Springs, Colorado), and we hooked up. He's asked me to marry him--though he hasn't given me a ring yet since he didn't have the money for one when he was down here last month; besides, we don't want my mother to know yet; he's planning on giving me a ring when I come up to see him in the fall--and I've said yes. We're basically soulmates, and love each other more than anything.

But...my friend from school, who has been dating and been engaged to a guy (and this isn't the first guy she's dated) ever since the two of us broke our engagement (yes, I'm bisexual, and so is she), thinks that I should have "waited" for her, and that her and I were "going out" when Gerard (my boyfriend/fiance) and I hooked up, even though Annie (my school friend) and I weren't doing anything of the sort. And so she now hates Gerard (they'd occasionally talked before Gerard and I got together), and doesn't like talking to me so much, because "all I do is talk about Gerard"--which is *not* true. I try to keep my talk about him to a minimum because I know she doesn't like it. But his name does occasionally come up in conversation, and she has a tendancy to go dead silent if his name does get mentioned.

It's like Annie doesn't understand that what she and Todd are doing--Todd being *her* guy--by going out/getting engaged without asking *me* is the same sort of thing that Gerard and I did--and that she has no right to demand that I ask her for permission before going out with someone...it's not like she asked for *my* permission before she went out with and got engaged to Todd.

Anyway, I know that's complicated and doesn't make any sense at all, but I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas that might help me? I don't want to lose Annie as a friend, but I'm not about to give up Gerard, either. So I really don't know what to do.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 13, 2005, 06:30:15 am

Jenny Baggins- You have to tell someone I'd say. No experience with cutting personally, but I know it can be incredibly dangerous aside form the scarred for life bit. If you can't talk to thier parents, is there another adult? Your parents, or a teacher you trust perhaps? Another suggestion would be to talk to your friends. Is there something else bothering them as well as their family troubles? Do you have any peers who've been through something similar and could talk to them?

Finny- It is a bit selfish of your friend to expect you to wait for her and vica versa. However, you did share something, and it will hurt her that you're moving on- I'm sure you know how it feels if you've been through the same situation. Did you make it clear that the two of you were over? You may have to be cruel to be kind and spell it out to her. She may be upset- actually, she probably will be- and you'll have to give her time to accept it, but if you stay true to yourself and your belief in your marriage, she'll either have to understand or not be your friend. It may have to be something you let go, although I really hope not. Try talking to her calmly, asking what the problem really is. She may just be slightly jealous, or afraid that you'll not be her friend once you're married. Reassure her if that's the case.
Good luck with your marriage by the way!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Jenny Baggins on June 13, 2005, 02:17:35 pm

well, one of the girls has already been to a teacher and her mum got told by the teacher and she has a social worker now, and the other one went to a teacher and she was telling her mum tonight and she is going to get counsiling thanks anyway for the advice :)
I have spoke to them but it's hard to think of something to say.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Finny on June 13, 2005, 03:24:06 pm

Thanks tons for both the luck and the advice! I greatly appreciate both.

I think, right now, it probably comes down to waiting to see what she'll do--I've made things as clear as I can without hitting her over the head with them, and I try to respect her wishes and not talk about him if at all possible, so now I guess I just have to wait and see. I've done my best to reassure her that I still want to be/intend to be her friend, whether I'm married or not, and I really don't see that there's much else I can do, especially since she is rather loath to talk about him or any related topic. I wish she could just be happy for me--I was/am happy for *her*--but that doesn't seem like it's going to happen. Oh, well.

Once again, thanks for the advice, and I'm sure the luck will come in handy!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on June 14, 2005, 11:12:05 am

I just thought you may like to know this guys...
Me and Andrew skipped English together today! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

We were sat in the refectory with Tracy and Sarah, and along came 13:05...
"Are you going to English Kathryn?"
"No, walking up stairs is too much effort right now"
"OK, I'll stay with you then"

;D ;D ;D ;D

Dudes... we talked!

*GIDDDDDY* ;D

Spent 2 hours sat with him and others while I waited for my Media lesson at 15:00. ;D

(I apolagise for the amount of smilies in this post. But I'm sure you agree... they were necessary ;D)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Jenny Baggins on June 14, 2005, 01:44:55 pm

glad you finally got to sit and chat with him.
you sound so happy lol bet you like him even more after talking properly with him :D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 15, 2005, 05:35:26 am

Argh! Kathryn! *Jumps up and down and squeels A LOT*
2 hours! Progress!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on June 15, 2005, 06:49:08 am

Aah Taf that's great!!! Keep us updated ;)

Jenny: glad they found a solution for their problems

Finny: hope everything turns out ok! :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Jenny Baggins on June 15, 2005, 02:45:40 pm

yeah they found soloutions but now the two of them have fell out ::)
It's not as if their problems weren't bad enough they should be supporting each other, not falling out and adding to each others problems :-\ ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on June 23, 2005, 05:01:21 pm

Update for you guys...

Spent more time with Andrew (and others) today.
I muckied him. Hehe. Oops. Offered to clean him afterwards, but he wasn't keen. (Makes sense really, it involved me throwing a very heavy water balloon in his general direction.)

Sarah fancies him.
He's not interested. (YES!! WOOHOO!!)
Alex told her I like him. She's told Tracy (One of my closest friends, like... evah! Along with Ruth (buzzgirl), who is a total DUDE too! :-* :-*)
Anyway... Tracy told her it isn't true.
She doesn't believe it.
She's said that I told her I like him. (yeah, like I'd do that)
Then she told Andrew one of her friends (no name given from what I know) fancies him.

All very interesting. lol

Was really fun today though.
Apparently his band has a website, with his photo on. So as soon as I know the adress, I'll link you. So you can see who all the fuss is about.

As for Ruth, if she's lucky - she may get to see or meet him tomorrow lunchtime. Oooooooh. How exciting.

Things are going good.
He's seeing a more sociable side of me. Which I'm hoping he will like.

*Fingers crossed*

On other news. I saw a pigeon sneeze today. Which was so effing funny! ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on June 24, 2005, 02:16:01 pm

Sorry for the double post. I can't edit the previous one for some reason. :-\

Anyway, AMAZING day today.
Ruth knows. She met him. HOW LOVELY IS HE?! ;D

Spent hours with him. (From 10am til 4pm)
I walked him to his bus. And he offered to walk me home, so I wouldn't have to walk alone. How sweet?!
Would have loved him to... but Father Dearest was home today.

(The pillock jumped into a wall, and can now barely walk, so he's off work)

DO YOU WANT TO SEE HIM?! (Andrew that is, not my Dad)
I got a photo. Which I'll delete after a few days.

Picture deleted.

He's not my usual type at all. But, as Ruth can now confirm for you, he's really lovely!

Grinning so much right now.
Pissed Sarah off hugely by flirting (and not realising I was :-[) with him. And him paying more attention to me than her. Infact, I don't think he talked to her at all today.
They were meant to be going shopping, but Andrew wanted to stay with us.

Wonder why?
*Hopeful*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on June 24, 2005, 03:46:09 pm

Aaah Taffie, that's really great!! That's so lovely, go for it girl, he looks cute ;).
Good luck! :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 25, 2005, 03:14:49 pm

Argh- he is soooooo luvverly! I totally agree with Kat's choice 'cos he is sooo like her! (I've gone all teeny bopper- sorry).

Gemma at work is back flirting with MY Andy. Grr. I know I shouldn't, but I keep getting really jealous. I trust him, but still! He doesn't seem to notice how I feel. He's heading a group of us at work tommorow and he CHOSE her for his- he even asked her before he asked me! (Admittedly though, he thought I wouldn't be allowed in his group. Still- the principal!). *Sigh*. Green monster yeah, but I had a bad day today (I knocked my face on a basket- it hurt, but it was hillarious!) so I'm probably over reacting.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on June 26, 2005, 09:46:38 am

Tafi has Andrews number!! ;D

Been texting... a lot.

One message in particular that I think you may find interesting is:

"So are we officially 'dating' now? I've got to tell you I'm glad you feel the same cos in all honesty I liked you since the first day of college."

(Which was September 2004)

Can you say AWWW?! ;D

Have English first thing tomorrow. I see this being a hot discussion topic. Not sure how I feel about that... lol
Meeting him after my last lesson so we can do something. Not sure what as yet, but... something is better than nothing.

First date... NERVOUS!!!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Jenny Baggins on June 26, 2005, 11:46:57 am

aaaw!
Thats great Taf glad things are working out well. :D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on June 26, 2005, 10:17:08 pm

Aww, taf, yay!! ;D ;D

I'm so very happy things are working out so very well for you and Andrew! I didn't get a chance to see the picture of him, but still! He sounds like a sweetie. Yay you!

Let us know how the big "first official date" goes.

Aww.. so nice when things work out this way, no?

You're making me feel twice as bad though, taf. Haha, I'm so jealous. My boyfriend is currently off in der Deutschland (AKA Germany) for 3 weeks. I miss him like crazy.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 27, 2005, 03:45:50 am

Go K-a-a-t! Go k-a-a-t!

Aww- he's luverly!!! Good luck! Don't be be nervous- be you!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: venomousflower on June 27, 2005, 09:22:25 am

yay!! taffy got him!!

took his time didn't he? ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on June 27, 2005, 01:02:30 pm

yay! taf got a date! woot! ;D I'm really happy for you, taf. Get him to play a song for you! lol... well, maybe? have fun, and yeah, just be you. have fun!! :D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on June 27, 2005, 01:59:05 pm

Apparently he writes most of the stuff his band plays, so I'm wondering if there's already one about me... you know, him liking for almost a year now! :o
I feel mean, I've only liked him for a few months. lol

I just put him on the bus about 15 mins ago... sigh.
We didn't do much, just around Meadowhall (shopping centre) and around town. Met a couple of his mates on wanderings.
And talked about the strangest things... we're so alike! ;D

We're going to see his mates band play at KGV on thursday night. So I can see me being introduced as "the girlfriend".

I made a mistake though, I told him I'm very ticklish... hmm, this could turn out interesting... ;)

He's going on holiday on Saturday!! No!! :'(
Thursday night had better be good now.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on June 27, 2005, 09:28:57 pm

Oh, he's cute, taf! Whoo hoo, go you. Have fun on Thursday! ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 28, 2005, 03:48:15 am


Quote:
I made a mistake though, I told him I'm very ticklish... hmm, this could turn out interesting...


That's a bad thing. Told Andy that, and if we get into a mock argument and he looses he retaliates by tickling the life outta me! Not fun and rather embarassing!

But still- lotsa conatact! ;)

Good luck with Thursday- tell me if they're any good!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on June 28, 2005, 08:01:22 pm

Taf, that's so great! Ah yes, big mistake telling a boy that you're ticklish. Big mistake. Luckily, whenever a boy tickles me (and I don't do this) I hit / elbow / kick him in.. the boy parts. Now they're scared. ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 29, 2005, 03:57:50 am

Kari- You've got a boyfriend yeah? Well, firstly before you act on anything with this new hot guy, you need to sort out your relationship with him by either giving it a go, trying to get him to come out of his shell a bit, or telling him you don't think it's working- which to be honest if you were activly looking for someone new, then it doesn't seem to be- and cutting him loose. If you do the first, you'll have to stop flirting with the new guy, and if you do the second you're free to persue him.

You only split up with your three years guy 28 days ago though. Are you sure having a boyfriend is the right thing for you? Don't you need time to get over him by being single for a while? (You could be over him now like and I'm being old fashioned, but just thought I'd ask.)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on June 29, 2005, 09:00:49 pm

[quote author=Kari Grace link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=165#msg891782 date=1120075796]

Well ... I guess you'd kind of have to understand my situation to get that. See, I dated him for nearly three years, but by the end of it, we didn't have much of a relationship at all. He was abusive, and I had taken it for a long time. [/quote]

*sigh* it's so good to hear you admit that. :)

hey, you guys notice the ryan she's talking about? remember the ryan i was talking about several pages ago? yeah... same guy. LOL... ahh, our group of friends is too small. :P ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 30, 2005, 03:35:47 am


Quote:
Anyway, though ... don't worry about me trying to make a relationship with somebody while I have a boyfriend. I'm definitely not that kind of girl.

I didn't think you sounded the type. Glad to hear it!


Quote:
Anyways, I need male affection/attention ... and that's why I took Ryan up on his offer. It's some weird ... necessity of mine, or something.

Ah- I get it now. Yeah that makes sense then.

I do think you should keep trying with Ryan. If he's talking to you AND was nice after you broke up with other guy, then he seems worth it to me.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on July 01, 2005, 08:13:51 am

[quote]*sigh* it's so good to hear you admit that.

LOL ... makes me feel really weird to admit it. It's a little saddening, actually. *Sigh.* [/quote]

I can't imagine going through anything like that. I think I'd just crumble, I'm sad to say. I really admire your strength.
Lol- anyone else feel like we should all be hugging and burning our bras in a show of female independence?!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on July 01, 2005, 02:43:59 pm

Just thought people might want to know, I ended things with Andy.
He's a great guy. But spending so much time with him has made me realise, he seems like more of a friend to me than anything.
He seems to understand. And we're just leaving things at 'good friends'. Which I'm happy with. I just hope he is too. :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Jenny Baggins on July 01, 2005, 02:47:28 pm

aaw, what happened. What did he say?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on July 01, 2005, 02:53:46 pm

Ow Taf, I'm so soryy it didn't work out, he sounds like a nice boy. But than again it's your decision, just make sure you haven't ended things because you are afraid of having a relationship ;). Not that I'm a a specialist or something, don't pay attention to me ;).

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on July 01, 2005, 03:01:48 pm

Aww Kat! *Hugs*
Ah well. Better to work it out sooner rather than later, saves a lot of mess. What'd he say? (If that's not too nosey).

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on July 01, 2005, 04:03:21 pm

He said that he understood, but he wished I'd given it more of a try seeing as we'd only been together for about 5 days. He thought I was enjoying it, and that I wanted to be in it with him. He said he knew what I meant, and he does consider me a friend.

It sounded like he was trying to get me to change my mind with that.
But then he said that he was 'infatuated' (his word, not mine) with me at first (ARGH! The guilt!) but he saw that it was turning more towards friendship.

He then told me that he didn't want to see me the next day (today) and that was totally understandable.

He said he was ok about it. And he understood that you never know if something can work out unless you give it a try.

He then texted me to tell me he'd written a song about me. But a nice song. So I shouldn't worry. lol

He must be ok with it. Because he texted me today to ask if I wanted to design a cover image for a song his band have done.
It's really nice of him to let me, because it'll be great for my portfolio.

So yes, I think things are good with us. And I do really hope we can continue to be close, and good friends.
We shall see. :)

I just want to say thanks to all you guys for listening and giving me advice. It was really very helpful, even if things didn't quite work out the way I originally wanted them to.
But, as Andrew says - you never know if something can work out unless you give it a try. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: curious bout efans on July 01, 2005, 08:07:13 pm

Taf, I think you made the right choice. I first got to know my last boyfriend and we got along really well, but we got into a relationship, even though I wasn't physically attracted to him. Whoever says that it's the person within who matters and only that is a better person than I am. The relationship progressed to three years and then I realised I just wanted the friendship. So I broke it off. He and I remained friends for about a month, and then it trickled off after that.

It just didn't work, being so close and then trying to recapture any of that clsoeness without the relationship aspect. It makes me kind of sad. Eh.

Anyway, I have a slight problem: I'm trying to move out of my parents's house and I have no idea what the hell to do about it. I've asked around and people say to visit certain sites and I just don't know what I'm doing wrong cause I'm not finding many options. And I just can't take home anymore, it's driving me crazy. I know my parents mean well but the more I tell them they're being unhelpful, the harder they push. It's so hard not to just up and shout at them.

But they don't care. It's only if someone else tells them something that I feel that it's valid. If I don't speak to anymore - therapist or otherwise- then I'm just being snippy and what have you.

I am so damn SICK of needing outside validation for my thoughts and feelings.

I need out but it's just so hard to find anything. And I have no idea what to do in the meantime, while I search.

Bah.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on July 01, 2005, 11:27:34 pm

[quote author=Kari Grace link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=180#msg892523 date=1120247802]
well ... hrm ... almost tried to rape me once, actually. He didn't, though. I think he was just so mad that I wouldn't that he lost himself for a little while.
[/quote]
I didn't know he was mad when that happened... ... Honestly, it's probably a good thing you didn't tell me too much about that. *he* probably would have gotten my big old #12 up his rumpus. >:( >:(


anyway, sorry this didn't work out like you had originally planned, taf. Though, you seem happy with your decision... so i'm happy for you. :)


I have something i'd like you all to read and tell me your thoughts about, if you're bored enough, that is. ;) :P

Umm, i've "known" this guy for close to two years now. i say "known" because my friend that i go to school with met him at a church function... but he lives in a different state, and i met him over the internet through that friend... but never personally. Anyway, yeah... we've talked over the internet/phone for close to two years now... and he's one of my best friends, as i am his--despite our distance (about 8 hrs by car :o ::)) --haha, he just signed on--, right, anway, throughout our 2 years, us having a ld relationship has been brought up several times by both of us, but we've just never done it... i feel it'd be too much of a pain. He has always said, though... and still does, occasionally, about how we'd "totally date if i lived down there." and how much he'd love to date me and stuff... well, i'm going down to visit my grandma for about 3 weeks, and it's only about an hour from where he lives... so he's gonna come visit me. we're gonna try to spend the day together. He's so excited... lol, it's so cute. He's like, "so what do you think it'll be like to finally meet? it'll be so great to finally talk to you without a phone between us!"

Well, the thing is... He has a girlfriend. Now, don't get me wrong... he's had MANY a girlfriend throughout the time i've known him... and i'm just like a buddy to him... we'll talk about them and stuff, so, i mean, he's not shy about them... and he's really open with me. but with this girl... holy crap... i immediately noticed a difference in him. I mean, he just cares SO much about her... it's honestly kinda creeping me out, because i'm one that doesn't think you should get serious while you're young. .... but he's telling her things about how he'd like to spend the rest of his life with her... and all this jazz (no, he didn't propose... he just said that ???) and it's absolutely killing me. like, i can take him having a girlfriend... but, for some reason, i get really upset when he talks about how much he cares about her... because i can tell by his voice and what he says that he really does. and i kinda said something to him about it, and he reverted a bit back to his old self...

anyway, he said he told his girlfriend about me... but he kinda lied to her about it. He said that he'd already met me when he was up here, and that we had just kept in touch... never told her he was gonna come see me, though. I asked him why he changed it... because it was just a little lie... and he said it was because "well, no one would do anything with someone from a church trip..."

and now that he's comming to see me... i'm really not sure what to expect of it. Since he has this serious girlfriend and such... i'm not sure what he sees me as. I don't want to act desperate or stand-offish... but, i mean... he's one of my best friends... if not a little more.... and i'm not really sure what i'll do or say when i'm with him. uhh... yeah...so do ya'll have any opinions about anything i've said?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on July 02, 2005, 03:28:14 pm

Just a quick warning.
I may require some Andy advice in the next day or so.

I'm sorry, I'm a pain - I know. :(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on July 03, 2005, 12:59:50 pm

Kat- ask for all the advice you need hon- that's what the thread is for! Lol. It's nice that he seems to be friends with you. Don't expect miracles (hell- look what Diddle put me through. Diferent 'cos hey- longer- but he turned into and stayed a jack-ass) although, Andrew seemed nice, so he should be ok. Give him time.
Just a question- do you think you did try hard enough to give it a go? I mean, you were good friends, so did you back out the second it felt wierd, or did you give it an honestly good try to develope it? Or was it obviously never gonna happen? (I'm being nosey- sorry. You don't have to answer if you don't want).

Slartibartfast (hee-hee- HG2G!)- Do you know people who have their own flats etc? Ask them how they moved out. Try asking in an estate agents near you about finding a flat. Oh, and you may not want to do this, but try talking to your parents, see what happens. If you put up a mature front, they might listen when you tell them they aren't really helping you. Might.

Jess_B- he may be very serious about this girl. Looks like you'll just have to accept it and be happy for him. Lets face it- you've never met him in person- only via the internet. He might not be your type in real life. People are often very different offline. I know I am. I'm not this talkative! Lol. Just talk to him as what he is- an unavailabe freind. Forget about trying to pull him, or wondering what he wants from you- just make actually face-to-face friends with him.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on July 03, 2005, 01:06:39 pm

OK, I don't really need advice at the moment because I think I have everything under control.

Andy texted me on Saturday, apparently out of habit, asking me how I was.
I told him I was feeling a little confused as to how I actually felt about him. Which I was.
I'd thought about him ALL day at work. Had I done the right thing? Had I made a terrible mistake?

There's part of me that sees him as just a friend. And part of me that really wants to be with him in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

I told him how I felt, and he said he'll be there for me whatever I decide, and if I regret ending things, he's willing to restart the relationship. (OMG, I seriously don't deserve this guy!)

I asked him if he would be alright with us spending time with each other just as friends, so I could see how I felt with him. (Because it's difficult for me to judge my feelings when he's not around) He said he's happy to do this, and he's grateful that I've been so honest about my feelings with him.

I still feel awful for dragging him through all this though.

We shall see how things are next week. (He's in Newquay until next weekend - which is just a little bit annoying since I can't stop thinking about him.)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on July 03, 2005, 03:20:40 pm

aww, taf... *hugs* Shew, just hang in there... and follow your heart!

Ruth, you're right, i believe. Thanks for the advice, hun. ;) :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on July 04, 2005, 03:45:27 am

Kat's courting! *Dances*. Wow- I love that phrase. The whole 'let me see if you're just a friend or not' thing.
Like they say, follow your heart. If it really feels wrong to be boyf/girlf with him let him off the line. But if you're this fixated on him, then be open to getting back together.

(Don't read this if you don't want to hear me sound preachy/ like I'm trying to be an authority- which I ain't by a long shot! Just a warning.)
Me and my Andy work because we're really good friends. You ever thought you may just be scared of getting into a proper relationship? If it's like you feel you could never comfortably be more than friends, then boy is my face red, but it's a thought...

***

EDIT (5:05pm July 4th)

How do you turn down a guy who's an 8 hour flight away? I got home from sixth form today, and found a love letter waiting for me from a guy I did an expedition with last year- and he lives in Kenya. He wrote all this stuff about how he liked me at first sight, and loved me within an hour. He wrote all this really sweet stuff about me bing 'his angel' and how he wishes he'd made a move so he could 'whisper all the stuff I'd only undersatnd if I were his' and it's nearly a year ago but his 'passion grows more every day'. How the hell do I tell him sorry, the feeling isn't mutual and I'm completely in love with someone else and have been for nine months without really hurting his feelings?! Boys are not meant to fancy me- they never have. Why the f*ck do they now when I'm happy?!
I feel slightly better now, but advice please- I need to write back to him asap so I don't look like a cowardly bitch when I tell him.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on July 04, 2005, 02:38:41 pm

OK. I gave in. I was talking to Alex today, and she's made me think. I want him. Plus I couldn't stop grinning everytime my phone lit up with "One new message: Andrew".
So we're back together. Woohoo!
Thing is... I can't see him until Sunday, or if he's working... Monday. :'(

Hm, nevermind.

Ruth
I've said it once, and I'll say it again - Men are like buses. Seriously, aren't they?! lol

About how you should let this guy down...
Tell him honestly how you feel. You're flattered that he feels this way about you. But there is nothing that can happen between you. For a start he lives in Africa, and you don't. Starting off a relationship that already has the issue of long distances is not ever going to work out, even if you were available.
And that you are with someone you love, and he loves you, and you are happy.
I'm sure if he really cares about you, he will understand.
Tell him that it's touching that he's told you how he feels, but you aren't willing to drop such a strong relationship for him.
I would tell him that you wish him all the best for the future, and that he finds someone closer to home to be with.

It's hard to say anything nicer than that. If he does like you as much as he says he does, then his feelings will be hurt, but he obviously knew there was a chance of that happening when he wrote you that letter.

You replying and telling him nothing can happen will help him get over you. He will understand that he can't be with you. He may not like that fact, but it is something that he will have to get used to. And you saying 'no' to him will help him get over you.

If that makes sense.
I'm sure you'll be able to write a very reasonable, kind hearted letter to him. Good luck. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on July 04, 2005, 03:09:42 pm

.Aaah Taffie, back togheter eh :), being in love is difficult don't ya think :-\

Buzz girl(Ruth isn't it :)) I would basicalliy do what Taffie said :D. Tell teh boy that you think it's really sweet and that you're flattered but that you already lost your heart to someone else, hopefully he understands. Good luck :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on July 05, 2005, 03:45:34 am

Go K-a-a-t! Go K-a-a-t! As said before- thank christ.
Remember- we want all the gossip!

I know I'm gonna have to be honest. I just really hate letting people down- I feel all mean. Plus NO experience at it at all. Andy suggested writing to the guy as if I were writing to him to say I'd met someone else. But that's crap advice 'cos I love Andy. ::)

Guess I'll just write and say thanks, but I'm in a relationship with someone I love and I see him as a good friend but that's all. But I'll make it sound nicer. *Sigh*. I'm usually so fluent in writting letters- seem to have lost the skill on this one!

Bus boys- tsk! We should paint 'em all red!

(Yes- it is Ruth btw)


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on July 08, 2005, 05:46:51 pm

Thanks guys!! ;D
I'm sure things will go great this time. I have a really good feeling about it all.

He comes home tomorrow! I might get to see him on Sunday.
Yay!! ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: uNblessed Citrus on July 11, 2005, 01:40:53 am

I have a problem.

Boy trama, as usual.

Uhh... well, there is my friend. His name is Stephen. He's funny, smart; all that jazz. I'm into him. He's not into me. (Or so he's said a few months ago. Alright, like Early January.) Recently, we've been talking on the phone. And presto! I fall for this guy (again!) even though I know it will never happen. I fall hard.

He insists that we are just friends. But I want to be his girlfriend. So badly. He doesn't give off any "I-like-you" vibes or anything. It's so hard to be friends with someone when you want to hold their hand. Argh. How do I stop liking him? He's a cool dude and I don't want to cut him out like I do with every other guy who rejects me. (Bah. I'm terrible like that.)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on July 11, 2005, 06:53:21 am

Aw Honey!

I don't think there's really anything you can do. You can't make someone fall for you (more's the pity- teenage years would be so much simpler!) and you can't stop yourself falling for them (ditto!). You're either gonna have to make the choice to cut him off, or swallow your pride, and be content with friendship. It's better than nothing isn't it? Give it six months or so and you'll get over him.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on July 21, 2005, 03:46:30 am

Hey girls- just a lil' update.

The bitch at work who was after my boyf has left. Has some trouble with taking too much time off, and so she handed her notice in claiming the hours weren't suiting her or some crap.

*Dances*

She'd probably have been alright if she hadn't tried for andy. *Shrug* Ah well.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on July 21, 2005, 03:05:17 pm

lol, ruth, i bet you're happy!

Well, i Brett came to see me... and he was, just as i had expected, the EXACT same person i have been talking to for the past two years. lol, It was cool to see him in person, but i was not surprised by him in the least... exact same dude... it was amazing. :P

Anyway, we had a good time... didn't get a lot of one-on-one time w/ him... but, yeah... couldn't do anything about that. haha, as far as uhh... not sure what would happen, the farthest anything went was kissing on the cheek... and that was at our departures... yep... well, that's pretty much all i have to say...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on July 29, 2005, 11:48:26 am

I am happy. Lol. Sounding a bitch, but ah well!

I'm glad Brett was what you'd expected hon.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on August 31, 2005, 08:09:10 pm

okay... well, this thread has been dead long enough.

*CLEAR*
*Bzzz*

Success! it has been revived!

So... i have this thing i wanna mention to you guys, and get your general opinion on it. So there's this guy... i met him last year. Some of you may remember him... Daniel? anyone remember him? well, i met him during my pursuit of and infatuation with Jesse. ... and we kinda had this underlying thing going on... but neither of us said anything because... well, i don't know why he didn't... i think he's just kinda shy in that area... but i didn't because i was obsessed w/ jesse... maybe he noticed that... anywho, nothing was really said of it. Anyway, this year i hadn't seen daniel much at all. I've seen jesse quite a bit, but, for some reason, i don't care all that much... anyway... i'll try not to make this too confusing. Okay, So i was walking around school a while back, and i ran into dustin (also a friend) and daniel hanging out. For some reason, it made me really happy to see daniel... and then we had to go... and i got really sad. Daniel gave me a hug and stuff... and we only talked for like 3 mins... but he's been on my mind ever since. ... that was like three weeks ago. Since then, i usually see him about twice every day... and it makes me really happy to get to see him... i go up and talk to him, and usually get a hug, and i leave.

well, ... point being... i don't know why i can't stop thinking about him. I mean, i don't really think we could date... we're SO opposite... to extremes... i mean... like... really, REALLY different. but i still love to stop and see him... ... and... and... ???

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: miSsliPgLoSoNastiK on August 31, 2005, 10:18:36 pm

Hmm. Two questions:

Do you think that you like him?
Do you think it matters that you guys are opposite?

Basically, if it could work, would you go out with him?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on September 01, 2005, 08:40:24 pm

[quote author=Jane link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=195#msg912765 date=1125541116]
Hmm. Two questions:

Do you think that you like him?[/quote]
I've never had so much trouble admitting to myself that i like a guy... and i'm not sure why i'm having trouble admitting it... but, yeah... i do. It's kinda stupid, really... i mean, i've been getting like... nervous excited around him. ::) omg... i feel so dumb. i really hate when i get giddy like that... it makes me feel like a stupid little teenage (which i guess i am, lol.)

[quote]
Do you think it matters that you guys are opposite?[/quote]
I think it could matter greatly. because... i mean... we don't have opposite personalities... we come from opposite upbringings... Like... my dad's a baptist preacher... and i don't think he even goes to church... and he's much more gothy looking than i am... and i'm an AP, usually A-making, student, and he's no where close. ... which is one of the main things i'm worried about. I'm not sure if he could carry on an intellegent conversation if i attempted it (which i tend to do) or if i'd confuse him by something i'd say... because i tend to use kinda large vocabulary. lol, ::), yes, i'm a dork. :P

[quote]
Basically, if it could work, would you go out with him?
[/quote]

yes. ... probably...

okay, i'm gonna sound like such a snotty, stuck-up, full-of-herself idiot when i say this... but i'm really not... I really think he doesn't think i'd be interested in him. Like... you know what i mean? Even though i flirt with him all the time... i still get a vibe from him as if he wants me, but thinks he could never have me. and, lol, i can read the poor boy just like a book. Lately he's been a bit more restrained... and i think we have another thing in common... i think we can both like several people at the same time. I know he likes me, i know he's liked me since last year... but he also seems to like one of my little friends... and she would be much more compatible with him on many levels...

okay, take today for example... He was eating my lunch... which he never does... but i saw him, and i wanted him to listen to a cd i'd brought. So i caught him as he was going back to his table and asked him if he'd come sit with me and listen to the cd i brought. He kinda thought for a minute... and then said that he'd come. He brought his stuff from the other table and met me at mine... i think he mighta been sitting w/ the other girl that he likes at the time. (i wasn't aware of it at the time, though) after he listened to a few songs... we talked... and, once again, i got the vibe that he really liked being there with me... but that it wouldn't last. he kinda looked uncomfortable around my friends, though, and i told him he didn't have to stay if he didn't want to... he went ahead and went back over to his other table, just to sit there and stare at me from across the lunch room... and, really, i can read his expressions amazingly well... i can almost gaurantee that was what he was thinking... but, yeah... i'm not sure how to let him know that... ya know... we could hang out more if he wanted to... without me being completely forward.. because i flirt with him a lot already. :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: miSsliPgLoSoNastiK on September 02, 2005, 12:30:16 am

Do you like just being friends with him? Because if you really don't think it would work, or you don't like him that much, you might end up not being friends with him, or at least not as good friends, if you go out with him. That can really suck. You need to be careful.

[quote author=Jess_B link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=195#msg913150 date=1125621624]
i'm not sure how to let him know that... ya know... we could hang out more if he wanted to... without me being completely forward.. because i flirt with him a lot already. :-\
[/quote]

So do you want him to know that you like him?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on September 02, 2005, 12:15:43 pm

[quote author=Jane link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=195#msg913245 date=1125635416]
Do you like just being friends with him? Because if you really don't think it would work, or you don't like him that much, you might end up not being friends with him, or at least not as good friends, if you go out with him. That can really suck. You need to be careful.[/quote]
i know... that's why i'm really hesitant to tell him that i like him. and that's why i probably won't. ...

[quote]
[quote author=Jess_B link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=195#msg913150 date=1125621624]
i'm not sure how to let him know that... ya know... we could hang out more if he wanted to... without me being completely forward.. because i flirt with him a lot already. :-\
[/quote]

So do you want him to know that you like him?[/quote]

umm, i guess. But i'd rather him just pick up on it than someone have to go out and tell him.

Quote:

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on September 02, 2005, 03:00:36 pm

I've got a couple problems. And I am so ready to run off to Siberia where no one will bother me, it is not even funny. ::) *deep breath* Here goes.

1) Boy Crap

Okeypoke, here it is, short version. (I will spare you of any nitty gritty details.) The guy I've loved for almost 4 years now found out I liked him due to my little sister's gargantuanly large mouth. Awkwardness ensues, and then he tells me I just want to be friends, yada yada. A couple months later, a friend asks him if he likes me, and he says he's not sure. Sooo we talk about it again, and he says no, he doesn't like me in that way, but that he really enjoys being a friend.

However - lately he's been sending off the strongest "I-really-like-you" vibes I've ever gotten from a guy. He's kinda touchy-feely (but not in a gross, creepy way), he's always smiling when he's around me, he's always very concerned about me...all the telltale signs. While I've been seriously enjoying this, I don't know what to think of it. What is he trying to tell me???? Anyone? I beg of you. This is driving me insane.

2) My mother

This one's a toughy. Short version: I'm 15 years old, DEFINITELY old enough to make my own decisions. I don't know what's come over her, but lately she's been crazy with the overprotective thing. This girl I was really close with turned evil as Satan not too long ago; and there's a wedding I need to go to, and I needed black shoes. (Actually, I still need them.) This girl had the shoes I needed, and I asked if I could borrow them. She was disgusted that I was breathing her air, but she said yes. Then I come home and tell Mom, and she says that if I borrow them from her, I will be grounded until the day I leave for college (which just can't come quick enough, that day.)

On the same token, she's been doing this with a lot of different stuff. My problem is this: there's no speaking to her when she's like this. So how do I tell her, respectfully but still in a way that will make her listen, that she needs to chill? IS there any such way?

I am a wreck.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on September 04, 2005, 01:05:36 pm


Quote:
What is he trying to tell me???? Anyone? I beg of you. This is driving me insane.


Ow poor you, this really must drive you crazy!
I would just go to him and ask: What are you doing, you said you don't 'like' me and now you're driving me crazy by acting like this.
If that's too direct you can always send an email or talk on msn or something, that always works for me :).



Quote:
So how do I tell her, respectfully but still in a way that will make her listen, that she needs to chill? IS there any such way?


Mothers are difficult people, probably even more difficult than guys ;). Maybe you should try and talk to your mother(but don't do this when you're really mad and you would only shout at her, pick a quiet moment) and tell you feel like she is overprotecting you. Tell her you're getting older and you will probably make some mistakes in your life but everybody does and you are happy to learn from them. Don't claim you know everything better but let her tell her how you think.
Try to make clear that you really feel unhappy about the way she treatens you and making try to make a compromise. You can do this if you do something in return.
It's very difficult for mothers to let their children go. I was the same as you when I was your age but now I realize she only acted that way because she loves me.

It's doesn't help to do teh complete opposite of what she says but try to find a way teh both of you can agree :).

I wish you al lot of luck, let me know how it went :-*


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on September 04, 2005, 10:54:30 pm

Thanks so much, Artanis. :-* Your advice was excellent - I have a couple people to talk to, I think! :o I'll be sure to let you know how everything goes.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on September 05, 2005, 11:48:04 am

[quote author=Colored~Roses link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=195#msg914264 date=1125888870]
Thanks so much, Artanis. :-* Your advice was excellent - I have a couple people to talk to, I think! :o I'll be sure to let you know how everything goes.
[/quote]


You're welcome hon :).

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on September 09, 2005, 06:00:57 am

Aw wow- I was wondering when this place would get its resurection! Glad to see its still being used so well (if that makes sense- lol).

I got a mini problem girlies-
On my hols (anyone who reads my lj will be sick of hearing about this btw) I met a guy my age called Ben. Very fit, and funny and we made made very good friends. Well, one night we got slightly merry via the vodka, and he started hitting on me big style. Now I'm back in england and he's still in Austria (he's english but works over there on the camp site I stayed at) but he's still texting me, calling himself my future husband and generally flirting his ass off. I'm flattered 'cos he was nice, but not interested as totally in love with Andy (as many of you may also be sick of hearing-lol). How do I tell Ben I don't like him doing this and don't care for him that way without insulting him, 'cos I really would like to still be friends with him. Added problem- I dunno if he's serious or just playing with me.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on September 18, 2005, 12:00:33 am

OK I have a new "problem" for you lovely ladies...Boy I haven't asked for advice on A&F since Jackie was here :'( Anyway, so yeah. I'm just starting college and I've made quite a few new friends (maybe 7 or 8 at least). Before I came, I was kinda worried about making new friends, even though me and my roomie spoke on the phone and internet before and had lots in common. However, I'm recently realizing that I really feel like I don't belong, even with my new friends. Maybe part of it is that I miss my old friends, i don't know. But it feels like there's something else, and I don't feel close enough to these new people to talk to em about it. :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on September 19, 2005, 06:06:34 am

How long have you been at collage? It takes a good few months to be completely at ease with most new people, especially if you're on your own with none of your old friends. I suggest a mix of talking to your old mates about it, and learning as much as possible about your new friends so that you can get to know them well enough to talk to them about any problems you have.

Are you settling into your course ok? Cos that could have some effect on the way you're feeling.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on September 19, 2005, 11:44:03 pm

I'm settling into my new course great! I love my professors (though some are a little :-X ???) but they're cool...it just feels like..sorta kinda like I'm left out of things sometimes....like I go places with them (the new friends) but it still feels like I'm not there all the time, ya know? the "invisible person" effect...like we had this "click" as soon as we got here, but now I feel like I'm not really a part of that click like i used to be when we all first arrived here...and i just started college this month...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on September 20, 2005, 10:40:24 am

[quote]I got a mini problem girlies-
On my hols (anyone who reads my lj will be sick of hearing about this btw) I met a guy my age called Ben. Very fit, and funny and we made made very good friends. Well, one night we got slightly merry via the vodka, and he started hitting on me big style. Now I'm back in england and he's still in Austria (he's english but works over there on the camp site I stayed at) but he's still texting me, calling himself my future husband and generally flirting his ass off. I'm flattered 'cos he was nice, but not interested as totally in love with Andy (as many of you may also be sick of hearing-lol). How do I tell Ben I don't like him doing this and don't care for him that way without insulting him, 'cos I really would like to still be friends with him. Added problem- I dunno if he's serious or just playing with me. [/quote]

Ruth: sorry girl, I really didn't see you posted somthing. Can I still give some advice?

I think you just have to be honest with the boy and tell him you don't like it when he says such things. That's all you say and then he can always clarifie wether it was mend serious or not.
Tell him you think he's a nice boy but that's you already like someone else...


Quote:
Before I came, I was kinda worried about making new friends, even though me and my roomie spoke on the phone and internet before and had lots in common. However, I'm recently realizing that I really feel like I don't belong, even with my new friends. Maybe part of it is that I miss my old friends, i don't know. But it feels like there's something else, and I don't feel close enough to these new people to talk to em about it.


I soo recognise what you mean that it is almost scary. I had/have the same problem. I'm in my third year of college now and I have some friends in my class. The're ok, but it has never been the same as with my secundary school friends.
With them I really could be myself, they knew me so well. With my new friends I always pay attention of what to say or to do.
But the last half year I also found a really good friend in teh city where I study so now I have her and it's the same as with my old friends. I can talk with her about everything also really personal stuf and that feels good.
So I would say. don't worry, you'll find some friends you will feel the same with but it takes time, a lot of time. The difference now is that you're older then you were at the beginning of sec. school and so it's more difficult I think to find 'true' friends. But just be patient and important, let your old friends know how glad you are to have them! they'll appreciate it...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on September 20, 2005, 05:31:38 pm

thanks Artanis! :-* that made me feel better thanks to Legolas too :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on September 21, 2005, 03:41:01 am

[quote]Ruth: sorry girl, I really didn't see you posted somthing. Can I still give some advice?

I think you just have to be honest with the boy and tell him you don't like it when he says such things. That's all you say and then he can always clarifie wether it was mend serious or not.
Tell him you think he's a nice boy but that's you already like someone else...[/quote]

Cheers for the advice hon. That's basically what I did- after it caused a bit of a p*** up in my current relationship and I realised what I sood to lose. But you know, I think we're better off for it. Gave us some unwritten ground rules I suppose. Plus Ben hasn't texted me in a week, so I think he's got bored. Shame- I mean, he was a good mate, but I suppose I'd rather have no contact than contact that's gonna stuff up me and Andy.


Quote:
i just started college this month...


I'd say just give it some time then. I assume you've grown up (practically) with your old group, and of course you'll probably still feel more comfortable with them than your new freinds, but it'll get better and in the end you'll have more friends which means more people to talk to when you do feel down. Hang in there hon *Hugs*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on September 21, 2005, 11:49:20 am

Thanks, but no I actually didn't grow up with my old friends...I moved around a lot :( My bff I've only known for about 5 years, my other old friends I just started hanging out with them my senior year in high school...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on September 22, 2005, 03:46:42 am

Well, then that's proof that you can make good friends easily isn't?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jazzspirit on September 22, 2005, 03:37:24 pm

I need some advice- my friend likes this boy, like REALLY likes him. I didn't now this till a couple of days ago. Well last saturday was our homecoming dance I went to a party afterwards and this guy was there. I have liked him for some time as well, not knowing that she did. THen at the party we got to talking and such, and about two days later I found out the my friend liked him and so I don't know if I should back off or not, I mean I like him but she doesn't know yet and I don't want to get her pissed off.

(hopefully that is semi- clear) ANY advice would be appreciated

-Kirst

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on September 22, 2005, 08:38:03 pm

:o :o :o that sounds just like the storyline for my first fanfic that I ever wrote! ;D :o Anyway, based on that storyline and its outcome (and because I'm actually giving some advice and not just telling you about some story I wrote ::)), I think you should be truthful to your friend. Tell her how you feel and talk more about how she feels. Having a crush can be a very strong feeling (though not as deep as love of course) and it's part of your emotions. You don't want someone getting hurt (which is obvious because ya asked for advice to avoid that). This isn't an easy case really, because you both like the same guy, and who's to say who gets him? You can't really say "Person A deserves to date him because...". So really what you two need to do is talk, if she's really your friend, it shouldn't go so bad from there. And if you're not already close, it could bring you closer. I know it isn't easy talking to people about your feelings, no matter how "close" you may be (Trust me I know that lil bit from lots of experience), but you should at least try. You don't wanna go crazy ya know... :P

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on September 23, 2005, 03:47:29 am

Just what JR said. Talk to your friend, almost like asking permission. If she really is crushing on him badly, then you may both have to promise to not do anything with the lad. Make sure you get her to promise the same though if that's what it comes to!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on September 23, 2005, 06:43:13 am

Angelic Devil - I have to agree with Ruth and Jordan on this one. ;)

Ruth - Eckle. Your Ben problem? Yeah, I'm having almost exactly the same thing with this guy, Steven. I really really like him as a friend, and have made sure I'm not sending off any signals. But I know he likes me - he told me so. I was very clear, saying I liked someone else, but that I really enjoyed having him as a friend. But he has been calling WAY TOO MUCH lately!!!! Almost every night. He even got our cell number and called on the way home from church last night!! It's getting out of hand, but how do I tell him that?

And how did my story turn into a question?! ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jazzspirit on September 23, 2005, 04:20:19 pm

Thanks ladies- might talk to her at the football game tonight- not sure because I don't wanna cause drama when people are supposed to be having fun- Let you know how it goes- THANKS!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on September 27, 2005, 08:44:01 am

coloured~roses- I actually have the goodly bad result in that Ben's stopped contacting me (texted me on my bday and hasn't replied to one i sent him since) so it shows that the guy might get the hint. What I did was to keep talking to him, but if he said anything either innuendo, or actually full on, then I ignored it or changed the subject. He might get the hint you're actually not into him like that then. Good luck babe!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on October 03, 2005, 10:16:00 pm

okay... let me try this again (darn this post-eating site)

It comes down to this: I like two guys... I like one (daniel) more than the other (never been mentioned on here before) ... i think both of them like me back. However, i can't decide which one to chose. I don't think my parents would let me see daniel... but i think they would let me see this other guy... whom i DO like... just not NEARLY as much as i do daniel... and i feel like since i can't decide... i'm doing them both wrong... because i think the guy walks down the hall where i see daniel everyday... and i stand there and talk to daniel... and hug on him and such... and... shew... i really do like them both... i just don't know what to do to be fair to them both. And, i mean, if i do date daniel... and my parents refuse to let it work... then, i mean, i couldn't just date the other guy... i don't think he'd be up for that. lol... and it would be kinda mean... and if i date this other guy... i think i'll still feel really strongly about daniel... So... any advice?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on October 03, 2005, 10:39:04 pm

Why wouldn't your parents let you see Daniel?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 04, 2005, 08:43:01 am

Jess- with your romantic entanglement I'd say it's a good idea to lay off boys until you're at least 30. Nah j/k

Put it this way- your parents can't decide your life for you. You know you like Daniel most, and therefore I'd say go for it with Daniel. If your parents don't really approve, talk to them. Explain how you're a mautre person now and have the rights to make your own decisions, but if it helps them to trust you, say you're willing to set ground rules, like you'll not be home alone with him, and you'll introduce him to them 100% properly as your boyf if they wish. Personally, I don't think my mum approves of me having a bloke, but she's gradually learning to get used to it and trust me (I think/ hope!) and so will your parents if you act responsibly about this. Of course, it may lead to 'The Talk' but that's life innit?!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on October 04, 2005, 03:29:18 pm

[quote author=Le Deux Machina link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=225#msg922127 date=1128393544]
Why wouldn't your parents let you see Daniel?
[/quote]

Daniel is... how should we say it... a little "rough around the edges" He just recently quit smoking pot, and he still smokes cigs, and he cusses freely, and he listens to TRUE death metal, he's got piercings, strange hair styles, tattoos, and dresses "punky"... and just last week he got in a fight, punched a metal door, and broke his hand, and... while i'm not entirely sure of what his grades/classes are... i'm pretty sure he's lacking a few credits to be where he should be...
lol, and compare that to me: ... we're complete opposit. LOL... why we're such good friends... i will never understand.

plus, daniel doesn't hang out with my clique... so there's no adults my parents can talk to that will vouche for him... the other dude, while he's not much better, does have a parent or two that would vouche for him if my parents went to ask.

LBG~ Thanks for the advice... I know they can't, but i think if i tried to do that, they would just doubt my judgement more... Especially since i know they would view daniel as a "punk" ... he's really not... reading what i put up there... while it's all true... it makes him sound bad. He's really not, though... he's a really nice guy that has ALWAYS been sweet to me... even if he's pissed and had a bad day, he's never taken it out on me. lol... maybe you're right... maybe i should just wait until i'm 30 :P

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on October 04, 2005, 06:20:40 pm

Well, if they won't let you make your own decisions, they can't be the best parents, can they? You can't be sheltered your whole life. I've been out with a few rebels in my time, and that was my choice. Listen to your parents, and any concerns they may have, but more importantly, make sure they listen to you. If they don't let you, they're basically saying that they don't trust you.

You like Daniel the best. So be with Daniel. It's not fair to go out with the other guy, and still have feelings for Danny boy. Maybe you only like him because you accepted that it wasn't likely for you to be with Daniel. But don't be with Daniel if you still like the other guy. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on October 04, 2005, 09:08:23 pm

I would comment to ya Jess, but I'd probably get ripped apart by all the seemingly more "liberal" folks over here, so I'll just be quiet...(word "liberal" not meant to be offensive)...Anyway, I have a little problem of my own. I know the answer to it, truthfully, but don't really wanna do it, but need someone to vent to...

Well, I'm in college now, and several months before I left (several several several months ::)), I let my bff know my password for my computer. I don't know how many of you guys have Windows XP or anything like that, but you know how each "account" on the computer can have its own password so only someone with a password can access their acount (with all their documents, etc.). So I created one, and few months later I let my friend know what it was cuz she was usin my comp for somethin and had to get on (obviously). Well, I noticed from the first time that she got on my computer that she would just browse through my documents n stuff. It really annoyed me, because as open as I can be, I'm still a very private person. So it kinda upset me that she just went thru my stuff, assuming that she could because she's on the computer and is my best friend. Anyway, so since I'm not a confrontational person, I let it slide (though it still bugs me). Anyway, so several times after that (before I left for college), I let her use my account on our home computer (cuz I share with my mom and bro-we all had our own accounts), and she did it again. I was annoyed all those other times as well (which I'm sure you could understand). But once again I didn't say anything.

So I leave for college. Didn't change my password. Over this past weekend, I visited home. I wasn't there long. Arrived in New York Saturday afternoon, left early Sunday evening. Spent most of my time with her. However, before I was gettin ready to leave, I was goin on my computer to get some of my music (I didn't bring any with me to college :'(). I was going thru all my mp3's. As my mom was rushing me (cuz she had to drive me back to New Jersey), I noticed that some things were missing. Completely deleted from my computer. Now mind you, I knew (directly from my bff) that she'd used our computer since I'd left, because she doesn't have a printer or was helping my mom (you know how most moms are with computers ::)). She was, and still is, the only one with the password to my account. So I realized that she deleted things from my computer. I examined everything, realizing certain things were delibrately deleted. It makes me really mad. I remember several months ago she was talking about trust. How does she expect me to trust her when I can't even go away for a month, and she has the audacity to delete something from my documents simply because I gave her the privilege to know my password? It really pisses me off. I understood her good intentions, because it was something I didn't really need, but she still doesn't have the right to do that. When she just browsed thru my stuff without asking, I didn't like it, but I didn't say anything. But to delete something from my computer without asking me, that makes me mad. And then when I visited, she acted as if she did nothing. Mind you, I didn't know that she did this until after I was gettin ready to leave. But now that I do know, I'm realizing she was acting all nice, knowing she deleted stuff from my computer without asking, or telling me. And she's the one always talking about trust. And another way I know it was her, besides the obvious, is that she kept hinting at what she deleted. Like say if she deleted a love poem about a guy I liked that she thought was bad for me (such is not the case, just using it as an example to protect my privacy). She would hint at it by saying, "Yeah and the poems about liking guys are nasty.." or something to that effect. Mind you, she was saying all this stuff before I knew she deleted it, so I didn't get it until after I discovered it was gone. Which makes me even more mad. But she's been my bff for almost 5 years, and I know the type of person she is. But it really pisses me off (as I'm sure you've already noticed). So yeah, I'll wait for replies..this post is already 5 miles long...but i'm mad.... >:(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on October 04, 2005, 09:21:54 pm

Why don't you just change your password, and let her create her own account, or use a guest login every time she needs to use your computer? That way she can't access your private things, and can still use the resorces she needs (such as a printer).

In regard to the more serious issue, she probably shouldn't have gone through your stuff, and she definately shouldn't have deleted things, so let her know you didn't appriciate it. Try and talk to her about the meaning of the word 'trust', and tell her that it's a two way street.

By the way, what does BFF stand for? :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on October 04, 2005, 10:39:55 pm

bff=best friend(s) forever....I wanna take your advice (thats the advice I was talking about that I know I should take but don't really want to), but I don't really feel like talkin about it b/c i know how she is....she'd be the one to get offended, etc. when I'm the one that's justifiably mad....

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on October 04, 2005, 11:08:40 pm

[quote author=JordanRiver12881 link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=225#msg922673 date=1128479995]
bff=best friend(s) forever
[/quote]

Ooh, I see. Thanks. :)

Okay, well if you don't want to confront her with it, next time you're at home, create another account for her. Say "now you have one too!" like it's a good thing for her. Ooh, sneaky. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on October 05, 2005, 03:07:36 am


Quote:
Okay, well if you don't want to confront her with it, next time you're at home, create another account for her. Say "now you have one too!" like it's a good thing for her. Ooh, sneaky.


I would have said the exact same thing. change your own password and give her her own account. You can always pretend she got it because she is soo 'special' toyou. when you really can't forget the incident I would really talk te her.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 05, 2005, 01:52:25 pm


Quote:
would comment to ya Jess, but I'd probably get ripped apart by all the seemingly more "liberal" folks over here, so I'll just be quiet...(word "liberal" not meant to be offensive)...


Don't be scared to offer conflicting advice- that's what this topics for. No-one will rip you to shreads 'cos we all respect one another opinion. If a debate is needed then they can bring it up via pm or on a seperate thread!

As for the XP thing- definatly change your password, and the setting up another account is a great idea. However, I think you need to talk to her about this. Just mention "Some stuff is missing from my heardrive. Do you think you could've had a ccident last time you used my account?" That leaves her open to say yes and sorry, and you can get her about browsing your files too.

(Of course, I'd be tempted to create a word doc with 'my diary' as the title. Then write 'quite reading my personal stuff *BFF's name* over and over. But that's juvenille, so probably not a good idea. Lol)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on October 05, 2005, 03:26:14 pm

[quote author=Le Deux Machina link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=225#msg922501 date=1128464440]

You like Daniel the best. So be with Daniel. It's not fair to go out with the other guy, and still have feelings for Danny boy. Maybe you only like him because you accepted that it wasn't likely for you to be with Daniel. But don't be with Daniel if you still like the other guy. ;)
[/quote]

lol... "Danny boy" HAHAHAHAHAAAA ... that's great. ;D and... what you said about me liking him because we can't be together may very well hold a bit of merit... i don't date people that i can't see a reason to break up with them some time in the future... just in case i change my mind. lol ::) i don't really MEAN to be like that... but i just am. But, really, the other day... i almost forgot we weren't dating... lol, and i almost kissed him... that might have been awkward... ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on October 05, 2005, 11:17:40 pm

Jess, it could also work the other way. Maybe you like this mystery man, only because you don't think it would work out with Daniel. ;)

Jordan, you're advice might help, too. I agree with LBG, you're not going to get "ripped to shreads". Go for it. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: PHF1138 on October 05, 2005, 11:22:26 pm

This is for JordanRiver:

Oh my goodness. That's horrible, Denarii! I can't believe you've been so lenient with her so far. In fact, I'm having trouble figuring out exactly what your question is. Are you asking if you should change your password? If you should tell her off for snooping around on your computer? Tell her off for deleting your stuff? Never let her use your compy again, password or no password? I might be a tad biased here, but the answers are YES YES and YES! See, if it were me, I would have descended on her like a thousand fiery Esperanzas (you're probably the only one in here that'll know what that means) the minute I saw her looking at my documents, saying something along the lines of, "WHAT THE CRAP ARE YOU DOING!?! THOSE ARE MINE, DAMMIT!! GET THE HELL OUT!!!!!" with smoke pouring out of my ears and both nostrils. But that's just me. I'm an extremely private person, and nobody but NOBODY touches my beloved laptop but me. Either way, I hope you get your documents back. :( That's just a bad situation, all the way around!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on October 06, 2005, 02:07:12 pm

[quote author=PHF1138 link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=225#msg923177 date=1128568946]
(you're probably the only one in here that'll know what that means) [/quote]

lol...I wasnt really asking a particular question, just venting...thanks for the advice guys....i hope i get them back 2 :-[

As far as the advice to Jess, I PM'd her, but if you guys wanted to see what I said, I'll post it here. It's not really advice, just a comment on something LBG said. Here's LBG's quote (well part of it) followed by what I said in the PM:

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=225#msg922357 date=1128429781]
Explain how you're a mautre person now and have the rights to make your own decisions, but if it helps them to trust you, say you're willing to set ground rules...[/quote]

I was just gonna say that Legolas makes it sound like parents and teens are equals just because we're teenagers and not little kids anymore...when they still have authority over us until we move out, and even then they should still give advice for a couple more years (like me, i'm in college, but i don't do EVERYTHING without my mom just because I'm not there anymore)

It seems like your parents are simply trying to be PARENTS and not your friends...which is understandable considering the situation (not saying you don't understand your parents' side) and truthfully, we as teens aren't as mature as we think we are (trust me take it from my own experience), so to try to prove your "maturity" to your parents and "negotiate" with them as if this is a business deal (and not your life) may not help. You may have good intentions, and Danny may not be that bad of a guy, but you never know where this can lead you...neither do your parents, and they understand that there can be negative repercussions...they're your parents...it's their job to care...I can understand you talking to your parents...I talk to my mom (don't live with dad) when there's a real problem in my life or whatever...its just Legolas' tone was that we as teenagers are more equal to our parents than what we really are, and that we have some kind of right, when in reality its a privilege, like she says say "you're willing to set ground rules..." as if we are on the same level as our parents. Setting ground rules is their job, not our right...it had nothing to do with the guy though, I'm sure he's cool...

BTW: This version of what I said is a little edited...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on October 06, 2005, 03:04:11 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=225#msg920179 date=1127825041]
coloured~roses- I actually have the goodly bad result in that Ben's stopped contacting me (texted me on my bday and hasn't replied to one i sent him since) so it shows that the guy might get the hint. What I did was to keep talking to him, but if he said anything either innuendo, or actually full on, then I ignored it or changed the subject. He might get the hint you're actually not into him like that then. Good luck babe!
[/quote]

Took your advice! It actually seems to be working quite well. He seems to have let up a little, and mind you, only a little. But it's a start! Thanks. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on October 06, 2005, 04:00:55 pm

okay, so i'm back... and this has nothing to do with anything i've said on here before... but with a different problem. (i'm such a frequent visitor to these types of advice threads ::))

Okay, so there's this guy i have in class. ... I didn't know him until this year, but he's a very open/lovey/touchy kind of person... and he's REALLY big... like, 6'6" 300+ lbs. He instantly was very friendly with me... but i didn't think much of it at the time. Well, it's now getting to the point where i'm kinda getting freaked out by it. He's asked out several of my friends... and grabbed my best friend's butt the other day... but now that they've all rejected him, he's focusing even more on me. He's making a lot of sexual comments towards me and such... and it makes me uncomfortable. Especially since he's so big... i mean, i'm 5'10", 178 lbs... but 6'6" 300+ could overpower me easily. but today someone said, "Jessica, *he* wants to do you." and the guy was sitting right there... and the other person said this to me as soon as i walked in the room, so i was under the impression that they were in the midst of talking about it. i said, "well, good for him." and he said, "oh, but it would be good for you too." and... just all kinds of stuff like that.

Anyway, on a way to a program today, He said he was going to sit by me. (this was just after he had said this.) and i actually said no... but, i think he thought i was joking or something... and i hated to say, "NO, really... don't sit by me." so he followed me into the gym, but i saw daniel and them sitting up in the bleachers, and i told him i'd be right back... and ran up to them. I told them what was going on (that i was being followed around by this guy, and that he wants to sit by me and stuff... and i don't WANT to sit by him...) and daniel was kinda protective of me, and wanted me to sit up there... but i didn't want to intrude. so i waited until i figured he had found a seat... and i went to where i normally sit. Anyway, he didn't sit by me... but he looked really sad... and i felt bad for it. but he just makes me really uncomfortable! I don't know how to like... tell him this without hurting his feelings... because he's not really a bad guy... he just overdoes things, i guess. *shew*...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on October 06, 2005, 08:19:46 pm

You're 5'10" :o Anyway, so yeah...dude sounds creepy...but he may very well be nice, i dunno...Truthfully, I'd just be str8 up and say it's nice that you're being friendly, but I'm really uncomfortable around you (or something to that effect), because even if he's sad, at least YOU'LL feel safe, and thats whats most important...and you never know...we all here and A+F may think he's nice (and you may too) but you never know what kind of mental issues he may have...it could get ugly, and you do NOT want to get caught up in that. If he eases up, good. That means you two can stay friends n stuff...If not, then it's best that you give him a lil bit of the blues, than for you to feel :-\ And if he's still being stalkerish, tell your parents IMMEDIATELY. As a matter of fact, I think you maybe should've told them already..I dunno *shrugs* If you do tell your parents BEFORE you deal with the guy, I would advise you not to make it seem like he knows where you live, etc. like as if he's planning to murder you n stuff. That would scare the crap outta any parent times a gazillion..lol Just give them a heads up on whats going on... ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: curious bout efans on October 06, 2005, 10:53:43 pm

You know, it's possible he's not aware of what he's doing. I think that you show concern when you discuss the situation - if you talk to him, I think showing that concern will help him see that you don't dislike him, but that he's sort of overdoing it. I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel - focus on how what he does makes you feel, don't say "stop doing this cause it's creepy." I think, from what I've heard, that there's a good chance he will react positively.

And if not, please do not ever be afraid to assert yourself. I used to hate making other people feel bad for saying no, so I wouldn't do it. I have been in so many uncomfortable situations because I didn't want to hurt someone. But you know what? If you focus too much on other people, you may end up hurting yourself. And that is doubly worse.

So I say talk to him and see how it goes. If he reacts well, maybe try to help him out a little, talk to him further, interact with him on a non-sexual level. And if he reacts badly, then there is not much else you can do and it's probably to your advantage to focus on other things and minimise contact with him.

Just my thoughts. Seriously though, I'd highly suggest not letting guilt influence your own comfort level. Do what feels right for you.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 07, 2005, 05:36:49 am


Quote:
like she says say "you're willing to set ground rules..." as if we are on the same level as our parents.

Ah- language barrier. I type in dialogue sometimes which makes me sound a lil presumptious. Should phrased that as 'you're willing to <b>stay within</b> ground rules'.


Quote:
I was just gonna say that Legolas makes it sound like parents and teens are equals just because we're teenagers and not little kids anymore...when they still have authority over us until we move out, and even then they should still give advice for a couple more years

I personally think we can be equals. *Shrug*. Yeah they still get authority- hell there's very little I do without parental permission- but there's a difference between being authoritative and controlling. Anyway- case closed, moved on. I could debate all day and end up with everyone yelling at me! Lol. *Hug* Agree to disagree- Peace?________________________________________________________________

Jess how old is the big guy? It doesn't really sound like he's mentally impared, but just a teenager. Girls mature faster remember, apparently. Although, he sounds like he does need a serious talking to . You gotta learn to say no babe, like slarti said. Although, if he really is getting stalkerish and carries on after you talk to him, then Jordan River's tell your parents idea might be for the best.


Quote:
He seems to have let up a little, and mind you, only a little. But it's a start!

Good luck hon- hope it gets better!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Seven on October 08, 2005, 02:54:27 am

An unstable, demented fangirl (who sometimes comes here to post) has decided I am her archenemy, and has been spreading lies about me, and stalking me on amazon.com in an effort to ruin my reputation.

What should I do about this person? (As hard as it is for me to use the term)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on October 08, 2005, 06:42:16 pm

Truthfully, the only thing I can suggest is to ignore her. You can't control what others say or think about you, and it is obvious that in her state of mind (which is to say, LOONEY ;D), she probably wouldn't listen if you asked her to stop. You are in no obligation to defend yourself against people over the internet, whom you'll probably never ever meet. So there is no need for you to say to the others "What she said is a lie. This is the truth about me..." blah blah blah. I can understand being upset, but truthfully, if you ignore her long enough, she'll probably get bored with you and move on to someone else (because if she really is looney, she'll have to find someone else to drive looney as well-don't let it be you :D).

Hope that helps!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Seven on October 08, 2005, 08:42:42 pm

I hope you're right, and I'll try to follow that advice for the moment.

But since her personality is obsessive, and she's trying to sabotage me, what should I do if she DOESN'T stop?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: curious bout efans on October 09, 2005, 04:27:46 am

People only as much power as you give them.

Honestly, if you ignore her, and honestly don't let yourself be swayed, there ISN'T anything she can do.

I've had brushes like this before. Trust me on this one, if you can.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Monkee on October 09, 2005, 10:18:55 am

[quote author=Seven link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=240#msg924102 date=1128754467]
An unstable, demented fangirl (who sometimes comes here to post) has decided I am her archenemy, and has been spreading lies about me, and stalking me on amazon.com in an effort to ruin my reputation.

What should I do about this person? (As hard as it is for me to use the term)
[/quote]

Definately like everyone said... Ignore her. I had a girl literally stalking me. She tried to take everything from me. Friends, crushes, etc. She was ridiculous. It wasn't until I ignored her that she got furious and eventually gave up. As long as she knew I was talking to other people about it and she knew I was giving a reaction, she kept it up.

So just ignore her. People only wanna mess with you if you react. Hope that helps. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Seven on October 09, 2005, 12:33:03 pm

Thanks Pandora and slart, I will try hard to do as you say.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 10, 2005, 04:48:13 am

Yeah ignore the girl. If she gets abusive or really out of control, then reprot her to the mods- politly of course lol- but I imagine she's just looking for a reaction.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on October 12, 2005, 03:47:52 pm

hey, guys, thanks for all of the advice. I think i'm just going to ignore him, though, until he chills out. I really don't feel bad for him at all anymore, because i was talking to my friend... and she said that she noticed he was sad (yes, SAME day, SAME program) and she asked him what was wrong, and he said that he really liked HER but that he knew there was no way he would be able to date her. Well, this guy if just trying to get some... he's asked out about 3 different girls in the past 2 weeks... and it's really getting on my nerves... so, yeah, i'm just going to ignore him. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: TotalGeek on October 12, 2005, 04:02:47 pm

My step-dad and I do not get along at all. We never have. I tell my mom she tells me to just talk to him.. I tried. He screams at me. Sends me away to my room for the rest of the day. Calls my mom and grandma and tells them I was being bad. Calls me profanity names. Once slapped me even..

Yet when he is around my mom or anyone else, acts completly different and sweet. I don't know my father so I can't go to him. My mom is always at work.. The only person I can really go to and will trust me is my grandmother, but I need it solved.

Is there any way we can reconstruct our relationship, so he won't always be angry and we can just get along? And suggestions? He's not abusive, though. He only hit me once, so I'm not in danger, he just seems to think that he can treat me like dirt and I'm getting tired of it... Every day, I hope he has a meeting (AA) or has to be called in to work so I won't have to dread coming home.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on October 12, 2005, 06:51:50 pm

*shakes head* no no no no no TotalGeek girlie...Never say "he's not abusive it was only once" especially if you say he attends AA meetings??? If you live with him, you need to get out of there. Truthfully, this isn't an easy sitch to resolve. It's not me with my best friend, or Seven with her online stalker chic. This is serious. Don't be naive enough to believe it will absolutely never happen again simply because he's your dad. It is obvious that he has some mental issues that he has to deal with. In the bottom of his heart he may be a great guy, but right now he has some problems, and they are obviously affecting you. You need to change your environment ASAP. I would suggest (and this is only a suggestion, other A+Fer's may have other ideas) asking your mom permission to stay with a friend for a while. If she consents, I'm sure if you explained to a friend (the closest one you've got, there are some chix that don't want what's best for us all the time) your situation, and then to that friend's parent(s), they would gladly take you in, knowing they're keeping you from potential danger. There is a possibility that your dad may never attempt to hit you again, but in this state there are chances that it can get worse. You don't want to risk that. You can resolve your father/daughter relationship once he gets his act together. That's his part to do. For right now, worry about yourself.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on October 12, 2005, 07:25:33 pm

TotalGeek, I'm really sorry about your situation. Like Jordan said, if he's hit you even once, then he's been abusive. I think that you should talk to your grandma about the problem, because you trust her a lot, and I'm sure that she'd do all she could to help you. Maybe you could stay with her for a while, because it seems you need to get out of your home environment for a while. You can't let yourself take all this emotional abuse from your step-dad. I hope you're alright, and that this works out okay. :-*

[quote author=JordanRiver12881 link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=255#msg925455 date=1129157510]
this isn't an easy sitch to resolve. It's not me with my best friend, or Seven with her online stalker chic. This is serious.[/quote]

I'm sure you didn't mean it, Jordan, but that comment sounded a little demeaning, as everyone’s problems are important, and dismissing some as seemingly trivial is really negative thing to do. Sure, the other problems that you mentioned may not end up in physical abuse, but they are exactly what this thread is about, help. If they were all easily resolved, there would be no need to post them here at all. Anyway, like I said, I'm sure you didn't mean it that way. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on October 12, 2005, 09:26:30 pm

Of course I didn't mean to make it sound like others' problems aren't important. I mentioned my own problem in there. But honestly, I do believe some problems are more serious than others. TotalGeek's is one of those.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on October 13, 2005, 01:56:08 am

[quote author=JordanRiver12881 link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=255#msg925505 date=1129166790]
Of course I didn't mean to make it sound like others' problems aren't important. I mentioned my own problem in there. But honestly, I do believe some problems are more serious than others. TotalGeek's is one of those.
[/quote]

Yeah, like I said, I'm sure you didn't mean it. I know TotalGeek's problem is very serious, and I wish her really well with working it out. I was just making sure that everyone's situations are given their fair amount of respect. That's all. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 13, 2005, 06:41:02 am

Lets stop making derogatory statements and dragging the relative importance of problems into this, people. Everything's important just on different scales.

Totalgeek- Have you told your mother or grandmother that your step-dad hit you? Becasue I think that that should be your first port of call, even if it was just once.

You mentioned he goes to AA meetings. So he's obviously trying to sort himself out. Does he seem to be successful with this? Does drinking contribute to his mental abuse of you (the name calling etc)? Do you ever feel you're in danger from him, or is it just that you can't stand the uproar and arguments? Until you work all that stuff out, you can't really decide if you'd be better off elsewhere.

Honestly, I think this isn't something that's going to be sorted out by a group of internet people who you don't know, like some situations can. You need to get your mother to listen to you, and work something out with her. She may be able to enlighten you to some aspects of your stepdad which you don't know about. I'm not saying they'll excuse anything, but they might help you understand why things happen with him. Unfortuantly, your mum may think you're over reacting, in which case you'll have to overstep the 'mother knows best' boundaries and insist she listens if you fell your really going through something here.

As for the moving out idea. Does your grandma live with you, or elsewhere? Is there anything to stop you going to her house until your mother comes home from work, or going to a friends and coming home when your mum does? That'd mean your in less contact with your stepdad, but not having to go through the overhaul of moving out fully unless that's something you want to do/ think necessary.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on October 13, 2005, 03:08:32 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=255#msg925583 date=1129200062]

Honestly, I think this isn't something that's going to be sorted out by a group of internet people who you don't know[/quote]

I totally agree; we're just giving suggestions. But you're right-this is reality, and cannot be solved on the internet with third parties. But I don't think anyone here believes they can solve it. If anything, I believe this thread is to support one another, even if we can't physically help. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 13, 2005, 03:28:27 pm

[quote author=JordanRiver12881 link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=255#msg925736 date=1129230512]
[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=255#msg925583 date=1129200062]

Honestly, I think this isn't something that's going to be sorted out by a group of internet people who you don't know[/quote]

I totally agree; we're just giving suggestions. But you're right-this is reality, and cannot be solved on the internet with third parties. But I don't think anyone here believes they can solve it. If anything, I believe this thread is to support one another, even if we can't physically help. :)
[/quote]

Exactly the intention I set this thread up with.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on October 13, 2005, 07:57:07 pm

umm... .... ....

...

okay, i'm not sure how to say this.

Well, let me put it this way... Total Geek, you should tell your mom that your step dad hit you.

Not to belittle the seriousness of the situation, but sometimes slapping isn't abuse. But someone who is willing to be physically forceful can become abusive if you are not careful. tell people what is going on.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on October 13, 2005, 08:23:38 pm

[quote author=Jess_B link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=255#msg925860 date=1129247827]
umm... .... .... [/quote]

I know we're supposed to be somber right now, given the current topic, but I thought that was funny... ::) Sad, I know...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: TotalGeek on October 13, 2005, 08:36:40 pm

Thanks you everyone, I really don't know what to say-

First of all - My mother was there when he hit me. And Jess, I agree with you it's not abuse. But I do agree with the other people, he really had no right to hit me - it was wrong, my mom threatened divorce, so he never did it again.

And I am NOT changing my story. He does act different when nobody is around it was only once he acted that way in front of my mom.

I don't feel afraid of him.. Only when he was drinking. IT took him 3 trips to jail, divorce papers, and us moving away for him to stop. ::) Of course my mom got back with him.

I also agree that this can't be solved by people I have never actually met. And I really thank you all for being so honest and kind. Just some suggestions, like if you get along with your parents how do you keep that up? I'm not going to cry myself to sleep everyday, depending on you guys to fix my life, but your support has helped and I really appreciate it.

The yelling, the childishness, did get me scared but then I realized - he slapped me once - never did it again. So I might as well be the better person and trust him not to do it again.. Calling me a stupid fu****** bi***, has not helped me on his part. ::)

And I really mean it when I say that you guys are really caring, sweet people. I know he won't stop anytime soon, but if I become a better person, I hope he'll learn to. I spend the weeks with my grandma, I talk to her about it and she said if he ever, ever drinks again or hits me, my mom will get a divorce ( She threatened 4 times, hopefully she means it) and he'll go to jail.. Not overreacting the court also doesn't want him drinking or he's headed to the big house.

But thanks to you all, I have discussed it with more people and been with my friends more, and it's a work in progress. I just hate doing this to my family, not that's it all my fault but I understand part of it is mine. I hate fighting with him - because it hurts them. He makes my mom happy. And I love seeing her happy with all she went through. I want to make it so we can stand each other.

Once again, thanks. Your support and care really enlightened me. That's what I needed! :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 14, 2005, 03:39:56 am

Glad to see you're getting on with this hon. *Hugs*
You can tell your mum and gran are serious about keeping you ok, which is excellent to hear.


Quote:
If you get along with your parents how do you keep that up


I generally get on with my parents, but if I do end up in a situation where we're arguing, I tend to just excuse myself and leave, let them cool off a bit, and let me re-jig myself so I'm ok.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on October 14, 2005, 05:06:01 pm

I usually have no probs with my mom at all. If I do, I usually surrender and she wins... ::) But seriously, I never really get into "arguments" with her per se. We live in a Christian household, so in the department of parenting and relationship of parent to child, we're pretty ok. It's the whole "Honor thy mother and father" thing. I'm not perfect, but there are never any "No mom you're wrong!" kind of arguments. Never those. I know better...but it's a cultural thing...some teens do argue with their parents in that manner. I don't...

I don't think it's best though to simply walk away and cool off (though it is a major part of it, so things don't blow up), but after you are cooled down, you should talk to your dad in a civil, calm way and you both should discuss maturely why it is that the both of you are mad, or upset, etc. This way, you aren't just sweeping the situation under a rug, but are actually dealing with the core of the problem.

Basically, when your dad is civil and calm, you should talk to him. When he seems in a decent mood or whatever...I don't know how your family works so it's really hard to say...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on October 15, 2005, 01:48:43 am

Ok, I'm ok at helping other people with their love life, but when it comes to my own, I'm rubbish, plus too much rejection, mean people and some 'so called mates' have totally destroyed my self-esteem.
Plus, my other friends are stupid at relationship advice.
Lets start at the beginning...

This guy in my film group, Carl, basically I like him. This all started about 4/5 weeks ago.
2 week later and we had to work in a group. I had be looking at him and looking away when he looked over at me for the past 2 weeks. We sat opposite each other and had so much eye contact, so I liked him more.
A week after, I got my friend to give him a note telling him I liked him and was too shy to tell him and it had my number and e-mail on. I sat near to them, but didn't look at him because I was too scared of his reaction. He told my friend 'Thanks' What did he mean by thanks? And no texts or e_mails.
Thursday, he walked down the corridor past me., standed by his tutor room for a few seconds, came back up the corridor, went out. Then moments later, came back through the corridor and back to his room.
Since then, we've been looking at each other quite a bit and on Friday, when me and my best mate were walking to town, he was on the opposite road,. Of course, mates are good to help you, so she kept looking at him. He apparently kept looking over at me as we were walking, but I didn't look because I didn't know he was there.
Tuesday, I got enough courage to talk to him, even if it only lasted about 1 minute. I didn't want to talk, but my mouth has a mind of it's own and before I knew anything, I had shouted Carl. Anyway, I asked him if his PSP was worth the money as I want to get one, he said yeah, he has a Nitendo DS aswell and PSP is so much better and recommended me buying it. It was a walking convo as we were both in a hurry, so I said ok, thanks and we went our seperate ways.
Wednesday comes. I'm 20 minutes early to the film lesson and he is there. I want to speak to him, but his friends are there and I get even worse around groups of people, so I got out my Playsation mag and flicked through it. 5 minutes before the lesson, his friends disappear. He walks over by me, stands around for about 2 minutes near me and moving about, then decides to sit down. He kept looking at me and vice versa, only out the corner of my eye. I am about to go and talk to him, but my friends go in the lesson. At the end, I get the courage to call him. Again, it was short thanks to rain. I asked if I could speak to him, he even moved his hair out of his eyes so we had good eye contact, which he maintained. I said sorry about my friend with the letter and he said ok. I then said I didn't want to give it to him that way. He smiled and looked down, silly me was wearing a white t-shirt without my jacket because I was hot. He looked back up and said it's raining. I looked down my self and just said yeah. He then had to run because he was getting a lift or something.
Today, we had a film lesson again. we kept giving each other quick glances and just watched the boring film all lesson. Afterwards, I walked off to go to see someone. He went to the same block as me and went inside. I went in after him and he was just coming out. I did my thing and left the block he was standing around outside. Me being me, thought I had lost my phone *wink wink*, so I stop and start mooching in my bag. Out the corner of my eye, he moves a bit closer to me, walks around a bit again like he did on Wednesday. 'I finally' find my phone and begin to walk off. He decides to go back in the block.

There, all out. I don't know what the hell to do. My confidence is still below the floor and I am confused by all these so called signals. Any help is much appreciated.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on October 15, 2005, 11:32:42 am

HEY, you put it in the thread! ;D now maybe some more people will actually be able to give suggestions, because I dunno what to say...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 17, 2005, 08:39:59 am

Well, it sounds like he knows you're there, which is a big plus for the confidence stakes. :) Unfortunatly mixed signals are horrible things to have to deal with ain't they? He keeps maintaining eye contact, but neither texted or e-mailed you yes? Well, maybe with him getting that from your friend he didn't think it was serious. How old are you both? (Just trying to get an age range there!). Maybe you could give your number and e-mail to him yourself? You don't have to say it's cos you fancy him, but maybe you could ask him to e-mail you links to any gaming sites he goes on, so you have places to look for PS games reviews- keep your common interests central. And progress from there.

I'd suggest trying to talk to him a bit more often/ for longer too, get to know him, but this can be really hard- believe me- I bet we've all been there before. *Hugs* Good luck hon!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on October 18, 2005, 08:53:45 am

Thanks so much, it helps, I just never find the right words to say or my nerves make me feel physically sick. I really need a confidence booster; too much rejection, he is the same age as me apart from a year or some months, not entirley sure, but near enough 17/18

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 18, 2005, 09:30:25 am

Hmm. You really got it bad babe *Lots of hugs*

Try and think of your nerves as a good thing. Trust them- if he didn't like you, do you think you could feel this much for him? Try and stop dwelling on whatever rejection you've had- they obviously missed something good, and now it's his turn to get what they missed out on.

As for finding the right words- if you really can't phrase it any other way, you may have to just go for it and say "Would you like to go out with me sometime?" I know it's hard- eat lots of chocolate before hand! (Really- it releases endorphenes (Sp) which make you feel happy and confident!)

*Crosses fingers and toes for good luck*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on October 18, 2005, 09:47:02 am

Thanks so much, I'll let you know. Today there was trip to a cinema for Media, he was there. He looked over at me a few times and when I walked out and stood, he looked at me like he really wanted to come over to me, but that might just be me. We hung out for a bit, but it was in a big group and I didn't get chance to speak to him because I was lost...

And he disappeared without me realising.

Thanks again.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: my_preciousss on October 18, 2005, 08:31:16 pm

This isn't really a problem... but I wanted to get some other people's opinions.

I was wondering if anyone thinks it's possible to change a guy.
My boyfriend can be such a sweetheart sometimes, but at other times he's a complete jackass (he can be pretty immature and always seems to say the wrong thing). And it pisses me off. I've broken up with him twice already in 4 months, but then he's always like 'I'll change, just tell me what I have to do' and all that crap... which is sweet I guess, and he has been trying not to do all those little things that I don't like, but I don't know how genuine his words are. Anyone have any experiences like this... and think it's possible?

I just gotta share this quote of his:
'You're like my best friend Nicola. You're like a guy' note he was being serious, he's just really stupid sometimes. ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: curious bout efans on October 19, 2005, 01:22:58 am

In my experience? You can't change guys. You can't ever change a person that doesn't want to change for themselves. Even if you got your boyfriend to stop doing certain things (such as acting like a jackass from time to time), he's going to be doing it for you, and not because he IS that way. In other wods, you'll be dating someone who pretends to be someone else. He'll be acting - you won't have changed him at all.

Some people have no problem with this, which I confess I don't understand. If you're going to fall in love with someone to any extent, I am of the belief that you should love them instead of what you wish they'd be.

Change is fine - I'm not knocking it. But changing who you are or how you act entirely for someone else? I've not seen it work on a long-term basis yet.

I say ask him if he wouldn't mind toning it down maybe? I don't know. My ex was very unemotional and I tried to change him and get him to talk more; it didn't work, because he had no interest in being emotional, he just wanted to show he loved me. Which is sweet, but love is the most trusting emotion I know of: if you're loving something that is false, is that really love? Or just ideal?

Er...sorry. Topic got away from me there.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on October 19, 2005, 01:33:56 am

I can't change you!
I can never change you
What's worse is better when that's what you want for yourself
I can't change you!
I can never change you
And I don't expect you want to change yourself...


These are the lyrics to a chorus that I wrote after having an experience with two friends. It is quite obvious by the lyrics that I learned that you can't change people. Albeit my situation was way different than yours, but either way, people are people, and trying to change them is trying to change them, regardless of the situation. It's impossible, and if he's gonna keep acting like a jerk, then he is one. I know that sounds harsh, but my philosophy is that you act like what you are. He's sometimes sweet, sometimes not. He's wishywashy, and a relationship needs to be stable. Any relationship, romantic or not...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on October 19, 2005, 05:24:47 am

Nicola! I haven't seen you in forever! :o :-*

In regard to your situation, I basically agree with what slartibarfast said. Plus, if you've broken up at all, especially twice within four month, maybe your relationship isn't that strong. I hope it all works out for you. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 19, 2005, 08:30:18 am


Quote:
We hung out for a bit, but it was in a big group and I didn't get chance to speak to him because I was lost...


Well, maybe that's your way into a conv with him. Start off in abig group, then a littler one, then a couple of mates and then voila- just you tw, by which time your confidence has expanded hopefully.

As for the change issue Snail. People do change genuinly sometimes- it's all a case of conditioning and positive reinforcment- sad but sometimes true. But at the end of the day- you're 16 (or that's what your profile says!), so I assume your boyf is about that age, which means it may just be that he hasn't grown up yet.

Quote:
he can be pretty immature and always seems to say the wrong thing

Kinda implies to me that he has some maturing to do. Although, side note- is he like this when you're both alone, or round his mates? If it's the latter, in my experience all lads are like that- the need to show off as a form of male bonding seems to require immaturity for some reason! ::)

He says he's making the effort- have you noticed any evidence of that? You might have to trust him and see how it goes. But don't be too suprised if you have to wait a few years and then see what he's turned out like.

(Ooh- btw- 'You're like my best friend Nicola. You're like a guy' sounds like a compliment from someone not very sure where he stands to me. Kinda sweet in a backhanded way.)

Oh and on the


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: my_preciousss on October 19, 2005, 05:29:10 pm

[quote author=Le Deux Machina link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=270#msg928058 date=1129713887]
Nicola! I haven't seen you in forever! :o :-*
[/quote]
Hey sweetie :-*

[quote author=Le Deux Machina link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=270#msg928058 date=1129713887]
In regard to your situation, I basically agree with what slartibarfast said. Plus, if you've broken up at all, especially twice within four month, maybe your relationship isn't that strong. I hope it all works out for you.
[/quote]I know our relationship isn't strong, and I doubt it'll ever get serious... It used to be a lot better. I guess it's just kind of going downhill.

He told me once that he felt like he's become a much better person from being with me... which is a bit reassuring.


[quote author=LegolasBuzzGirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=270#msg928058 date=1129713887]
As for the change issue Snail. People do change genuinly sometimes- it's all a case of conditioning and positive reinforcment- sad but sometimes true. But at the end of the day- you're 16 (or that's what your profile says!), so I assume your boyf is about that age, which means it may just be that he hasn't grown up yet.
[/quote]
No actually, he's 21. I thought by dating someone older he would be more mature. But that wasn't the case. The reason why I kept taking him back was because I just felt lonely without him... I hate to admit that I'm one of those girls that always feel the need to be in a relationship. :P I just love being loved, and I don't get it enough at home, or from my friends. Even though he pisses me off he's the one person in my life that makes me feel loved (not to go all emo, but it's true).

And he acts immature when we're alone, he doesn't have a lot of friends in Toronto (he's only lived here a year), so I haven't met any of them.




Thanks for the input everyone. :-*


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on October 19, 2005, 08:24:46 pm

[quote author=slartibartfast link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=270#msg928029 date=1129699378]
In my experience? You can't change guys. You can't ever change a person that doesn't want to change for themselves. Even if you got your boyfriend to stop doing certain things (such as acting like a jackass from time to time), he's going to be doing it for you, and not because he IS that way. In other wods, you'll be dating someone who pretends to be someone else. He'll be acting - you won't have changed him at all.

[/quote]

I don't fully agree. My friend and her boyfriend have been dating for close to 5 months... they love eachother, and he HAS changed quite a lot for her... And it's really him.... he's not just acting. He might have been at first, but he isn't now... he's like that no matter who he is with. But, perhaps he is just a special case.

Snail, you may need to change a bit too if you really want the relationship to work... look over these little things if he occasionally does it by accident... and try not to dwell on them so much. Honestly, what you said he said up there about you "being his best friend, you're just like a guy" ... i mean, i wouldn't have taken that offensively or "wrongly said" I would take it as him meaning that he feels comfortable enough with me to be able to talk and confide in me like he does his guy friends. ... Guys often have trouble conveying their thoughts and feelings to girls... particularly if they like them. ... So, sometimes, you just have to look past their words, and see their actions and know what they mean.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Heh, well, my situation has gotten 10,000 times more interesting since the last time i posted. (Daniel and other guy situation) If ya'll remember, i liked them BOTH, but Daniel more? Well, i was planning on asking daniel if he wanted to go w. me and my youth group to a football game... but, like... the day i was going to, i saw him with another girl. lol, ohh... what perfect timing he has. So, yeah, he's dating this new chick... get this... she looks like me! She has similar hair color/cut, wears same type of clothes, ect. ... just shorter and a little more... round. (not trying to be mean... but she is a lil.) Well, as snotty or haughty of me this may sound... i still think he likes me... i STILL think he does... and i still think i could get him. and i still WANT him.... really bad... :-\ Honestly, i think i will just go ahead and ask him to the football game with me... if he comes, great... if not... .... oh, well. *shew* ...

But this is the reason i think he still likes me: They've been dating... since ... tuesday, i think? The first day, when he saw me coming, he told her goodbye and came over and asked me to walk up with him. Then today, I saw him with her this morning, and he was holding her hand and leading her through a crowd... but he looked at me, and then just looked down. He looked kinda sad, honestly. (Daniel is one of those people that you can read every emotion and thought that he has in his eyes... not lying... lol, you just have to meet him.) Then today, in my habitual greeting of him and dustin, he looked really sad again! like really sad... and he gave me this long hug... and he was being sooo quiet... this is SO out of character for this boy... It made me feel so bad. I didn't know what was wrong... but i didn't really have time to ask. :-\ :'(

But, then, i have the other guy... who i do like if he will talk to me... but he seems to be playing that little game that we use to play in the 7th grade... where you look and then look away... i mean, he doesn't flirt at all... had i not known he liked me, i would have just guessed that he was being nice or liked me as a friend. But i can't play those games anymore! they bother me... if you like me, ACT like it.

So, in conclusion, do you guys think i should go ahead and try to get daniel? i love him to death... and i really think he's liked me since last year... and that he still does. ... or should i try to bring the other guy up to 17yr old status and teach him how to flirt... lol... ::) I like him well enough... and i would be satisfied with him... i think... .... maybe.... :-[

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on October 19, 2005, 08:47:06 pm

Nicola, I would have taken the best friends comment as a compliment, too. In fact, I've been with guys before that have said the same thing. I like it. I take it as him saying that you transend the relationship barrier - you're his girlfriend and his best friend - he feels comfortable with you as to talk about anything, and just hang out.

I don't really think you should stay with someone because otherwise you'll be lonely. You're cheating yourself out of real love that way, and it can't be great on him, either. It's a tricky situation.

[quote author=Jess_B link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=270#msg928294 date=1129767886]
So, in conclusion, do you guys think i should go ahead and try to get daniel? i love him to death... and i really think he's liked me since last year... and that he still does. ... or should i try to bring the other guy up to 17yr old status and teach him how to flirt... lol... ::) I like him well enough... and i would be satisfied with him... i think... .... maybe.... :-[
[/quote]

Well, from your last sentence it's pretty obvious that the 'other' guy isn't really what you want, and he's just a back-up if you can't get Daniel. I'd say focus on Daniel, because as you said, you "love him to death". You have to be really careful you don't earn yourself a reputation though, as you effectively, want to break up his relationship with his new girlfriend, so you can have him. Just go about it delicately.

I'd say ask him to the game, just as friends, and if something else develops, he likes you and obviously isn't into his new girlfriend. Maybe (like you) he's trying to settle for a second best, because he doesn't know that you like him.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on October 19, 2005, 09:31:12 pm

[quote author=Le Deux Machina link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=270#msg928301 date=1129769226]

Well, from your last sentence it's pretty obvious that the 'other' guy isn't really what you want, and he's just a back-up if you can't get Daniel. I'd say focus on Daniel, because as you said, you "love him to death". You have to be really careful you don't earn yourself a reputation though, as you effectively, want to break up his relationship with his new girlfriend, so you can have him. Just go about it delicately.

I'd say ask him to the game, just as friends, and if something else develops, he likes you and obviously isn't into his new girlfriend. Maybe (like you) he's trying to settle for a second best, because he doesn't know that you like him.
[/quote]

Yay! lol. I think for this is the first time ever that advice on from this board has actually made me happy... lol, you totally told me what i wanted to hear. (not that you guys don't give good advice... that advice just made me really happy. lol)

thank you, sarah! *hugs* ;D ;) ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on October 19, 2005, 11:09:32 pm

[quote author=Jess_B link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=270#msg928313 date=1129771872]
thank you, sarah! *hugs* ;D ;) ::)
[/quote]

Hey, no problem, Jess. *Hugs back* :) I hope it works out for you two, and let us know how the football game goes.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: curious bout efans on October 19, 2005, 11:41:31 pm

[quote author=Jess_B link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=270#msg928294 date=1129767886]
[quote author=slartibartfast link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=270#msg928029 date=1129699378]
In my experience? You can't change guys. You can't ever change a person that doesn't want to change for themselves. Even if you got your boyfriend to stop doing certain things (such as acting like a jackass from time to time), he's going to be doing it for you, and not because he IS that way. In other wods, you'll be dating someone who pretends to be someone else. He'll be acting - you won't have changed him at all.

[/quote]

I don't fully agree. My friend and her boyfriend have been dating for close to 5 months... they love eachother, and he HAS changed quite a lot for her... And it's really him.... he's not just acting. He might have been at first, but he isn't now... he's like that no matter who he is with. But, perhaps he is just a special case.
[/quote]

Sorry to belabour the point, but I honestly think that if he made the change, he may have been prompted to think about by her, but he ended up doing it because it was something he wanted for himself. I don't have the specifics, so perhaps I'm wrong. However, I have never seen it happen where a person makes a change they don't want just to be with someone. I'm not talking about something small like biting your nails or dressing a different way: I mean change on the inside.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: my_preciousss on October 20, 2005, 12:00:52 am

[quote author=Le Deux Machina link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=270#msg928301 date=1129769226]
Nicola, I would have taken the best friends comment as a compliment, too. In fact, I've been with guys before that have said the same thing. I like it. I take it as him saying that you transend the relationship barrier - you're his girlfriend and his best friend - he feels comfortable with you as to talk about anything, and just hang out.
[/quote]
I let that one slide... but personally, I feel offended by someone telling me I remind them of a guy :P

[quote author=Le Deux Machina link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=270#msg928301 date=1129769226]
I don't really think you should stay with someone because otherwise you'll be lonely. You're cheating yourself out of real love that way, and it can't be great on him, either. It's a tricky situation.
[/quote] I really don't think he cares, because I think he feels the same way. The second time I broke up with I gave him a call the morning after and he was just about to call up some other chick he knows to ask her out. He doesn't want to be alone either.
When I broke up with him... we both felt like total crap. I want to be with him so bad and I don't even know why... because he gets me so angry sometimes. Then I end up getting angry with him over the littlest things... and that makes me feel like a bitch. I guess the only reason I'm still with him is because I know he likes me a lot, and I know he doesn't like a lot of people, and I know he's making the effort to be a better person for me. I know that's probably not a good enough reason, but honestly, I'd rather hold onto that instead of feeling lonely.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on October 20, 2005, 12:13:31 am

[quote author=Snail link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=270#msg928372 date=1129780852]
[quote author=Le Deux Machina link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=270#msg928301 date=1129769226]
Nicola, I would have taken the best friends comment as a compliment, too. In fact, I've been with guys before that have said the same thing. I like it. I take it as him saying that you transend the relationship barrier - you're his girlfriend and his best friend - he feels comfortable with you as to talk about anything, and just hang out.
[/quote]
I let that one slide... but personally, I feel offended by someone telling me I remind them of a guy :P [/quote]

Aww, but I don't think he meant physically, haha. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 20, 2005, 06:14:07 am


Quote:
The second time I broke up with I gave him a call the morning after and he was just about to call up some other chick he knows to ask her out.


Wow- got over your relationship fast didn't he? ::) Sorry. I get the whole 'don't want to be alone' thing, really. If you really think you've got something, fight for it hon. 21 and immature seems a tad... well immature (could not think of the word I wanted!) but you can cling to the hope he'll grow up. Although, maybe if you do end up splitting again- I hope not- you could give each other a month and if you get back together, then there's obviously something to work with there. *Shrug*. Good luck

Jess- don't go and split them up. Yeah, ask him as your mate by all means and if something developes then that's great- I'll wave a banner for you- but if you split him up with this girl, then he'll judge you for it- badly. Anyway- if they don't seem serious it'll probably run it's course on it's own anyway.


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on October 20, 2005, 03:30:33 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=285#msg928454 date=1129803247]

Jess- don't go and split them up. Yeah, ask him as your mate by all means and if something developes then that's great- I'll wave a banner for you- but if you split him up with this girl, then he'll judge you for it- badly. Anyway- if they don't seem serious it'll probably run it's course on it's own anyway.

[/quote]

I went up there today to talk to them like i always do... and she was there with him... first time ever. It kinda bothered me... but i just ignored it and went on my way. Because of this, i didn't want to ask him to the football game... They now have a different lunch than me, but before my 5th period class started, and while they had just went down to lunch, I went down to see them. Lol, i'm sure i got several strange looks, because i just walked over to them, grabbed dustin (daniel's best friend) and pulled him away. I asked dustin what was up with daniel and this girl. (hey, if all else fails, ask the best friend, right? ::)) He said that they were "buddies" (and did the quotations with his fingers) but that they weren't girlfriend/boyfriend. (from my understanding, that means "friends with benefits.") and i told him that i liked daniel... and that i was thinking about asking him to come to a football game with me and some of my friends, but i didn't want to ask him if he really liked this other chick. I told him that i kinda thought that daniel had liked me since last year, but that i wasn't sure... and that i thought he, his best friend, might know... He said he didn't... lol. *shrugs* but he said he'd see this weekend if i wanted him to. i just kinda looked at him hesitantly... and he said, "i'll make sure she's not around." lol... But then i went on to say that i didn't want him to act weird around me... that if he didn't like me, that was okay, i just didn't want him to start acting strange. He said, "nah, i don't think he'll act any differently... if he does, we'll give him a shot of Ritalin or something." lol... soooo... yeah. That's my current situation. But, i figure, either way... i mean, this has to end. I can't stand not knowing if he likes me... and then kinda stringing this other guy along... I just want to know. If daniel DOESN'T like me, that's fine... i'll start working to not like him that way anymore... and i'll flirt more with the other guy... but this indecisiveness is killing me.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on October 20, 2005, 04:01:30 pm

Aggghhh!

What is it with men?! Seriously.

There's a guy in my Media, and English, and Tutorial (dude, he's taking over all my lessons. Will I never be free?!) anyway...
I'm getting the impression that he likes me. He hasn't said anything. But let us say, it's obvious. I can't have a conversation with him without him bringing up my looks. And I happened to talk to one of his friends (who had signed onto his MSN account) and the first thing he says is "Are you as good looking as Chris says you are?"
Plus he's always trying to flirt with me.

How do I get him to get the picture that I'm not interested? I don't want to sound big headed and just randomly say "I'm not interested in you that way. Back off." because he could easily turn round and say "I'm not interested in you either" and make me look stupid.

I want to be his friend. We have a laugh. But every time I meet some guy that I really want to be friends with, and nothing more, they end up liking me and making things awkward.

If he tells me he likes me, or asks me out then I can quite easily turn him down and make him understand that nothing is going to happen.

At the moment, I'm trying my best to get the message across but he's still flirting with me. He says "You're gorgeous" or whatever, and I just say thanks, and change the subject. You'd think this would make him get it. But no, he comes back with more.

Is there anything else I can do?
Or shall I keep on with what I'm doing and hope that the attention will die down once he gets the message?

This is really annoying more than anything. Bah! Men! >:(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: my_preciousss on October 20, 2005, 06:14:49 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=285#msg928454 date=1129803247]

Quote:
The second time I broke up with I gave him a call the morning after and he was just about to call up some other chick he knows to ask her out.


Wow- got over your relationship fast didn't he? ::) Sorry. I get the whole 'don't want to be alone' thing, really. If you really think you've got something, fight for it hon. 21 and immature seems a tad... well immature (could not think of the word I wanted!) but you can cling to the hope he'll grow up. Although, maybe if you do end up splitting again- I hope not- you could give each other a month and if you get back together, then there's obviously something to work with there. *Shrug*. Good luck
[/quote]
Thanks. That's really good advice. We were going to go on a break. But then he's like 'am I allowed to sleep with other girls?' and I just said 'f*** obviously not!' so I got a bit... afraid that he would. Except I'm pretty confident he would never cheat on me because he's constantly told me he wouldn't... but then again, what does that mean? ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 21, 2005, 03:47:10 am

Kat- Men! Lets shoot em all!

I'd suggest ignoring him when he compliments you. Shounds kinda harsh, but don't react. If he repeats himself or continues then say "Yes I heard you the first time" and carry on with whatever subject change you chose. If he doesn't get the hint, you might have to ask outright "Are you trying to tell me something?" (or if you wanna be really direct "Do you fancy me?") just to get it sorted above the table. *Hugs*


Quote:
We were going to go on a break. But then he's like 'am I allowed to sleep with other girls?' and I just said 'f*** obviously not!' so I got a bit... afraid that he would. Except I'm pretty confident he would never cheat on me because he's constantly told me he wouldn't... but then again, what does that mean?


Hon- I don't think he'd cheat on you in the relationship, but it sounds like he probably would when you're on a break if you don't say excatly that you don't want him to. Ick that's a hard one. Rules for a break- jezuz if it comes to that is he really worth it? Obviously you think so, so you may have to say that you think you both need a break to sort your heads out for a few weeks (if that is how you feel) and set ground rules. Which sounds kinda daft, but if you wanna insure against anything then...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on October 21, 2005, 08:25:01 am

I have aproblem but I'm not sure if it's right for this thread. It's my best friends Becky and Jodie. I love them dearly but Jodie doesn't text messgae me anymore and Becky keeps sending me chain e-mails. Which I delete because I believe our future is going to happen one certain way and sending this letter to x amount of people isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference. But they live closer to each other than they do to me so I'm always the trouble one. I can't get there certain Sunday's because my dads working... this year we've only seen each other once! And I worry that when they get together they talk about me. I can't tell them this so do I just keep sending them messages waiting for a reply or do the old "do you not like me anymore" bit?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on October 21, 2005, 08:33:40 am

[quote author=Elijahs Impact link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=285#msg928770 date=1129897501]
I have aproblem but I'm not sure if it's right for this thread. It's my best friends Becky and Jodie. I love them dearly but Jodie doesn't text messgae me anymore and Becky keeps sending me chain e-mails. Which I delete because I believe our future is going to happen one certain way and sending this letter to x amount of people isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference. But they live closer to each other than they do to me so I'm always the trouble one. I can't get there certain Sunday's because my dads working... this year we've only seen each other once! And I worry that when they get together they talk about me. I can't tell them this so do I just keep sending them messages waiting for a reply or do the old "do you not like me anymore" bit?
[/quote]

It kind of looks to me like you're getting a little anxious. There's no need to be paranoid! Why don't you text Jodie and tell her you guys need to talk more often? And also, you can tell Becky what you told us about your feelings on chain letters. I'm sure if you asked her to stop, she would.

However, worrying that they're talking about you CAN be pretty scary. But look at it this way. If they're really your best friends like you call them, why would they talk about you? And anyway, there's not a thing you can do to prove that they are. So just believe that they aren't and move on with your friendship - if you don't, it will tear it apart. Believe me, I am speaking from experience.

In your last sentence....don't keep messaging them. Tell them once. "Look, we need to talk more often. I'm beginning to feel left out." If they're truly your friends, they'll listen. ;)

Taf - Ick. Men. ::) Well I agree with Buzzgirl. Ignore his flirtations, and HOPEFULLY he'll cool it. But if he doesn't you're going to have to say something or it will never end! If he DOES turn around and say he isn't interested in you, thus making you look stupid, at least you'll know what the truth is. So what if he tells people what happened? Screw it. At least you'll be happier and he won't be such a pain. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on October 21, 2005, 08:54:43 am

Thanks. I weren't sure I was in the right place. It's paranoia becuase my best friend bullied me and a girl was whispering about me infront of me so! Thanks. If anyone else wants to answer feel free.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: my_preciousss on October 21, 2005, 02:54:28 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=285#msg928733 date=1129880830]
Hon- I don't think he'd cheat on you in the relationship, but it sounds like he probably would when you're on a break if you don't say excatly that you don't want him to. Ick that's a hard one. Rules for a break- jezuz if it comes to that is he really worth it? Obviously you think so, so you may have to say that you think you both need a break to sort your heads out for a few weeks (if that is how you feel) and set ground rules. Which sounds kinda daft, but if you wanna insure against anything then...
[/quote] Yeah I don't think he'd cheat on me either heh.

And yeah, I really do think he's worth it. Despite all the bad things, there are a lot of good things as well in the relationship, we have a lot of fun together, and really care about eachother. And I know how committed he is to me, and the relationship because he is changing. He's started apologizing whenever he does something he knows I don't like, and he's hardly doing those things anymore anyways. It is getting better.

I've done a good job on this boy if I do say so myself 8)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on October 21, 2005, 03:38:01 pm

amazing... it WORKED! :o :o omg, i don't know how... but it did! it WORKED! lol, i'm assuming you all saw what i did ^^ ... my post right before Taf's... I got to school really early this morning, and as i was passing them to go to the bathroom, daniel looked at me and said, "well, right there she is." LMAO!... do ya think they were talking about me?? ::) But i went back past them without saying anything... because i wasn't really sure how to act... got my friend... then me and her walked back over by them... and dustin said, "i told him." ... i was like, "yeah... i kinda guessed that..." and then daniel popped up out of the back of the group, and gave me this massive hug. he looked sooo happy. lol! He was back to being himself... but like... more. He was even more happy. lol. ::) ;D and i asked him if he wanted to go to the football game w/ us... so now he and dustin are both going to the football game with us... and he walked with me over to class and stuff... and he kept giving me hugs... lol... and the girl was NO WHERE to be seen. it was nice. It's nice to have things going smoothly for once... i don't know how long they'll be that way... so i'm desperately clinging to everything going smoothly.

OHHH, and to top the day off, this other guy that... well, i don't dislike him... but, it made me happy to see this: he like... almost fell down when coming through the doors... and i passed my biology test... and we made friendship bracelets in AP Spanish, and i'm now home to a pretty empty house.

haha, so, yes... today has been good. ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on October 21, 2005, 06:33:27 pm

Woohoo! Go Jess! ;D I'm glad today worked out for ya! :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on October 22, 2005, 04:11:40 pm

Thanks for all the advice, but some more needed.

Yesterday (Friday), I finally got chance to speak to him. He hadn't been there for two days. I grabbed him as he came out the room and asked if I could talk to him. He said yeah and came over to me. I said I didn't get chance to finish what I was saying last time. He couldn't hear me so he came closer and leaned in, I was scared. I repeated and he moved his face, but we were inches apart. I said sorry again and I really didn't want to give it you likle that. He said it's ok. I said I wanted to tell him to his face, but I was too shy. He said he'll add me on msn. I said I'm sorry, I'm shy, it's pathetic. He said it's not and then we went different ways. He looked like he didn't know what to do or say.
Anyway, I haven't been added to msn, but then again, I never checked if he had my address :-[ :'(
Some more advice if possible please.


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 23, 2005, 11:02:21 am

Ok- well dones to Jess and snail- hope you two keep on your respective right tracks now babes! *hugs* Good luck!

Hobbit-T- think positive. You've talked, he says he'll add you at some point, and he should at least suspect you like him now. It's all good. So stop apologising to him now ok? You've made a step forwards with the guy and you should be celebrating. And if he doesn't add you- and I'd give it a week, 'cos hell- lads are slow with important stuff it seems (lol- over generalised but there you go)- if he hasn't added you, next time you get talking just say casually 'oh have you added my msn yet? I havn't managed to get on and have a look'. Then if he says no, get his address of him and add it yourself.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: PHF1138 on October 24, 2005, 11:12:15 pm

Okay. I need some advice, probably from someplace more . . . well, like a professional counseling service, but I can't afford that kind of thing, so here it is: I've had a sneaking suspicion that I might be chronically depressed for some time now. But this is getting ridiculous. Most of the time I'm fine, but really little stuff will just set me off. Like I just went to pieces at work because . . . well, I don't really know why. Maybe I was just tired - I don't know. I can't tell if it's serious, or if I'm just really, really melodramatic. Either way, I need this to not happen anymore. What do you guys think? I mean, I know this is a little different than the sort of things you usually talk about in here, but any advice you could give will be greatly appreciated.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: my_preciousss on October 24, 2005, 11:58:48 pm

[quote author=PHF1138 link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=285#msg930344 date=1130209935]
Okay. I need some advice, probably from someplace more . . . well, like a professional counseling service, but I can't afford that kind of thing, so here it is: I've had a sneaking suspicion that I might be chronically depressed for some time now. But this is getting ridiculous. Most of the time I'm fine, but really little stuff will just set me off. Like I just went to pieces at work because . . . well, I don't really know why. Maybe I was just tired - I don't know. I can't tell if it's serious, or if I'm just really, really melodramatic. Either way, I need this to not happen anymore. What do you guys think? I mean, I know this is a little different than the sort of things you usually talk about in here, but any advice you could give will be greatly appreciated.
[/quote]

I used to have these suspiscions myself. I've talked about it with my therapist, and luckily I don't I'm just an angsty teen ::) If you say that 'most of the time I'm fine' I wouldn't worry about it. Depressed people will feel worthless and depressed for probably a minimum of 2 weeks straight. They often will not sleep at all, or sleep all the time, eat a lot or eat nothing at all. If you think you're clinically depressed you won't have any up feelings at all, and things that used to make you happy won't.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on October 25, 2005, 12:01:37 am

Rhoda, does anyone else in your family suffer from chronic depression? If so, that's a mojor indicator as to whether you have / will develop it or not. Maybe just seeing a regular doctor will help. :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on October 25, 2005, 10:47:08 am

[quote author=Le Deux Machina link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=300#msg930382 date=1130212897]
Rhoda, does anyone else in your family suffer from chronic depression? If so, that's a mojor indicator as to whether you have / will develop it or not. Maybe just seeing a regular doctor will help. :-\
[/quote]

I agree see a regular doctor and tell him your suspicions. You'll put your mind to rest if you do. Good luck
*hugs*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 25, 2005, 11:46:40 am

Theraphy need not actually cost you, if you can get refered by a doctor. (Or is that just UK? Argh- not sure on my health services!) Even if you think you may just be teen angsty, I'd still make an apointment with a regular doctor just to be safe.

Have you managed to find anything that does work to calm you down in the mean time? Counting to ten, or breathing exercises or such like?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on November 03, 2005, 04:13:18 am

Ok, appologies for the double post here, but I need some advice girls (and boys if theres any other there reading. lol).

How in the hell do I stop being so nice? It doesn't sound like your classic problem, but it has been recently. I've just descovered one of my mates basically plagurised (ie- copied word for word) parts of my psychology coursework which I worked really hard on. But 'cos shes one of my best friends and shes been told to redo hers, I havn't get annoyed with her- despite the fact that thinking it over she was really more sorry at the idea of the teacher been mad than taking the time to appologise to me. I'm not really fussed at whats happened- its sorted- but I just want to know how I can stop being so nice in situations where it would be better to speak up.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on November 03, 2005, 01:39:30 pm

To Rhoda: *hugs* :D If I have not learned anything else while here in college, I have learned this (in my Intro to US history class): When you are depressed it is not really that you are sad (though it may sometimes feel that way, or manifest that way), it is that you do not have feeling for anything at all. It is a state of apathy, where nothing means anything to you anymore (which is why they say one of the symptoms of depression is losing interest in things you used to love). Based on this, I don't believe you are depressed, but if you are feeling this way, I want you, and I'm sure everyone else here wants you, to take EVERY STEP POSSIBLE to prevent you from getting to this state, girly. We luv ya, and we don't want to lose ya (especially since there's no way for us here to find out if you, ya know :-\ because you'd be, ya know :-\) I'd really hate for that to happen. I was wondering where you'd been :D

To LBG: I know how ya feel, sometimes I get into a state of being a "people pleaser" in a way, not wanting to upset peaceful balances. I don't like fighting and arguments and such, so I try my best to avoid it (which is why I was reluctant to confront my friend about being on my computer). However, I know I'm not that passive (though sometimes I do lean more toward it), so I would just suggest that you remember to do more for you. If you don't, at all times, put yourself before others (not in a selfish way), then you can't put others before yourself. In other words, you can't take care of others without taking care of yourself. Ever heard the phrase "the blind leading the blind"? Well you don't want to be that. So assert yourself whenever it is needed. I'm not saying yell at everyone whenever you don't want something. For example, I know my roommate grew up just with her parents; she has no sisters or brothers (at all, no half siblings, no step siblings, nothing). Therefore, though in general she is a cool person, she sometimes has a tendency to let her "spoiled only child" side to come out. It's always subtle; she never blatantly says "No, I want it MY way!"-nothing like that. But you know that she was an only child and is used to, well having things. I am not; I was raised with a whole bunch of cousins, I have a younger brother, I grew up without my dad, and therefore we didn't have a whole lot of money. So on Monday (Halloween) I brought back to our room three Halloween balloons (cuz I like balloons ::)). You could tell she didn't mind (she and my other friend Joana thought it was funny; I was just carrying the balloons in my arms up the stairs ::)). But the other day, she asked if she could pop them cause it was sitting on the floor next to my bed. Like I said, she's a cool single child, so she asked first, but I told her "No, you can't pop my balloon!" I didn't yell, I actually said it in kind of a kiddish voice (which I think is funny). I said it like that mostly because I didn't want to seem mean (see there's a method to asserting yourself). But as I said, since she's a pretty decent person, she didn't argue; she said ok. I could tell she probably was thinking :-\ because she's used to getting what she wants (not in a bratty way; her parents are cool), but she was ok with it. However, I decided to take her feelings into consideration and now my balloons are hanging on the wall next to my bed (used tape :)). See, I realized "No, I don't want you to pop my Halloween balloons, but I understand you don't like them on the floor." I asserted myself, so I was able to go on not resenting her for allowing her to pop my balloons and therefore took her feelings into consideration. I showed her the balloons hanging on the wall and she started laughing. ::) So basically, through that extremely long demonstration, I'm just saying to make sure that what has occurred, or what may occur, is what you want. If it's not, make it known. In order to do this, you have to know yourself. I know I like having balloons around, so I didn't want the balloons popped. By understanding myself, I was able to assert myself. Because I asserted myself, I didn't resent giving in to what she wanted, so in turn was able to consider her feelings with no secret animosity toward her. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on November 03, 2005, 07:30:19 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=300#msg934433 date=1131009198]
Ok, appologies for the double post here, but I need some advice girls (and boys if theres any other there reading. lol).

How in the hell do I stop being so nice? It doesn't sound like your classic problem, but it has been recently. I've just descovered one of my mates basically plagurised (ie- copied word for word) parts of my psychology coursework which I worked really hard on. But 'cos shes one of my best friends and shes been told to redo hers, I havn't get annoyed with her- despite the fact that thinking it over she was really more sorry at the idea of the teacher been mad than taking the time to appologise to me. I'm not really fussed at whats happened- its sorted- but I just want to know how I can stop being so nice in situations where it would be better to speak up.
[/quote]

wow... i don't know... i think i need a lesson in that too. LOL. of course, if i give my work to someone... i just tell them not to copy it down word for word... but... you may not have wanted it copied it at all... i dunno.

I can't offer any advice on being more passive... as i am EXTREMELY passive myself... and kinda like it that way. I don't like getting all worked up over things... ie: i saw one of my best friends kiss the guy i like on the cheek... i didn't get MAD... but it bothered me... and i didn't even ask about it until LATE that night because i didn't want her to feel cornered or make her feel bad or anything... lol, so, yeah... i'm somewhat passive myself... ::)

ummm... gee, i dunno. lol, sorry. :-[ ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on November 03, 2005, 07:37:46 pm

[quote author=Jess_B link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=300#msg934678 date=1131064219]
wow... i don't know... i think i need a lesson in that too. LOL. of course, if i give my work to someone... i just tell them not to copy it down word for word... but... you may not have wanted it copied it at all... i dunno.

I can't offer any advice on being more passive... as i am EXTREMELY passive myself... and kinda like it that way. I don't like getting all worked up over things... ie: i saw one of my best friends kiss the guy i like on the cheek... i didn't get MAD... but it bothered me... and i didn't even ask about it until LATE that night because i didn't want her to feel cornered or make her feel bad or anything... lol, so, yeah... i'm somewhat passive myself... ::)

ummm... gee, i dunno. lol, sorry. :-[ ::)
[/quote]

Maybe you should take my advice :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on November 04, 2005, 05:13:42 am

Cheers JordanRiver (you got a real name?- screennames are always a bugger to type! lol). Yeah I'll keep that in mind next time I'm gonna just agree to avoid confrontation- and the saying what I feel nicely should work if I can avoid going into groveling over niceness! ::) Lol.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: MoNkEy on November 04, 2005, 12:00:44 pm

Hello everyone!!!
Wow, JordanRiver, that was some great advice!! LOL!!

Ok, well, I have a little problem myself. I have 2 really close friends. For a while now, everytime me and my friend Lauren would visit our friend Lizeth, Lizeth would get upset for some reason or another. The first time this happened, we were all sitting around the computer talking to people. All of a sudden she gets all upset and ran to her room! For over an hour or so, me and Lauren were trying to get her to come out and talk to us. Well, maybe 2 and 1/2 hours later, she comes out and she's perfectly fine!! :o Me and my friend Lauren were so confused!
Then, the next time we came, me and Lauren were doing London Bridge with our legs (LOL! We're wierd. LOL ;) ) and we were saying "come on Lizeth, go under!" and then, for another unknown reason, she goes into her room and wont come out. Me and Lauren decide to leave, since sitting outside her door is no fun.
And finally, just the other day, me and Lauren were over again. All 3 of us were just itting around watching a movie. When the movie ended, Lizeth was seriously ticked off about something! Again, I had no idea why! So we're all sitting there, not saying anything. Me and Lauren were talking in sign language to Lizeth saying things like "You hate me!! WAAH" we were just jokingly saying this, and then Lizeth shrugged and nodded! :o I left about 10 minutes later because she wanted us too!
I dont want to sound mean or bratty, but the way she is acting is really getting on my nerves! After acting so mean, and locking us out of her room, and then acting like nothing happened, is really confusing! I dont know what to do!! Shoul I confront her about this? :-\ I dont want her to hate me and Lauren, but it really seems like she does! :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on November 04, 2005, 10:27:31 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=300#msg934795 date=1131099222]
Cheers JordanRiver (you got a real name?- screennames are always a bugger to type! lol). Yeah I'll keep that in mind next time I'm gonna just agree to avoid confrontation- and the saying what I feel nicely should work if I can avoid going into groveling over niceness! ::) Lol.
[/quote]

No, LBG, I haaaave nooo name muah ha ha ha!!!!


::)

Ok, that was lame....I don't know a human being without one....I'm Denarii *waves* I think my name is cool..I was named after the plural form of a Roman coin :) Rome *nods* ancient Rome *nods again* isn't that cool...a Roman piece of currency? My name in the singular form is denarius (of course, since it's the name of a coin, my name normally wouldn't be capitalized in english, but since it's my name, I get a big 'd' :))

so denarii is like instead of saying I have 1 denarius, you would say "I have 50 denarii" lol...it's weird...if any of you have the King James Version of the Bible, my name is actually in the Bible (though of course, it's used when talking about money and such ::))

So yeah, my name's Denarii, and there's only one of me, so technically my name should be denarius, lol....but my mom wanted me to grow up and become financially successful, so she gave me the plural form of the word :) Plus, denarius sounds like a boy's name to me....by the way, it's pronounced "duh" "nair" "e" think of it this way....my name rhymes with canary (like the bird) people actually used to call me that when i was little-canary....and in high school this girl gave me the nickname canary diamonds, lol....so yeah enough about me, lol

To Monkey (lol, that was weird): This is a weird sitch to be in...just out of curiosity....if you are honest with yourself, do you seem to lean more toward Lauren or "Lizeth" (is her full name Elizabeth or something?)? If you seem to "like", or pay more attention to, Lauren then Lizeth might be upset that you don't seem to want to pay attention to her (I'm kind of in the same boat-if your situation is true, then I would be Lizeth :'()

Anyway, if such is not the case, and you seem to like them, or hang out with them, or treat them equally or whatever, then maybe Lizeth has a problem. I mean, if there was something seriously wrong with me, depending on what it is I may not want my friends to know, so she's just not telling you. Or, maybe she's showing you that something is wrong and wants to talk about it, but since you guys are just blowing her off as being "mean" to you, she thinks you don't care and don't want to hear about it. If through crying and stuff I was trying to get my friends' attention and they didn't seem to care, I'd be a little upset too. And I hate to think of this, but maybe she was gone so long because she was cutting herself....(which would make sense if she was dealing with an emotional situation as I just proposed), I don't know if you've noticed her wrists lately (though it doesn't necessarily have to be the wrists, so just pay more attention to her physically), but that may be the problem...or she may be doing something else in the room negative to calm herself..on the upside, she may just realize that whatever her sitch is, she needs time to be by herself to get all her tears and such out (let's hope to God that the latter is the truth) You say you're close to both of them, but just make sure you're not giving one too much more attention than the other.

(of course I personally believe it's impossible to love two people exactly equally, because we're all different, so naturally as humans even though we'll say "I love you both equally" there will always be, within our deepest hearts, a closer lean toward one person. I don't think this has to be negative; we just have to make sure that it is not so noticeable that it becomes a problem)

Just don't assume she's simply being mean to you and Lauren; ask her how she's doing (and I mean really ask-so often people ask that question but don't really mean what they're saying)...if she's reluctant to reply, remind her that you're her friend, and that you're willing to listen to whatever problems she may have (that is, if you actually mean that, if not, just simply see if she's willing to open up) it may be as "trivial" as a guy problem (I put it in parentheses because we all know that guy problems aren't trivial, but compared to some other things...) or it could be that her mom or dad has cancer, or that she's been raped and doesn't know how to deal, or that she's being pressured to do drugs...whatever the case maybe...and relay this advice to your friend Lauren....if she doesn't open up to you, she may do so for Lauren...and make sure you let her know, above all else, that if she doesn't want to go to you or Lauren, and she has a serious problem, make sure you tell her to talk to someone...because if she really is cutting herself, or doing something that is harming herself, she really needs to get help before it's too late (don't say all the part about cutting herself n stuff, lol...just the part about "just talk to someone, even if you don't wanna talk to me and Lauren")

By the way, you said you were talking in sign language. Is one of you deaf, or partially deaf? Or do you just like to talk in sign language (which is kool) :)


[quote author=MoNkEy link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=300#msg934868 date=1131123644]
Wow, JordanRiver, that was some great advice!! LOL!!
[/quote]

And thanks! *waves*


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on November 05, 2005, 06:42:16 am

Ok, I finally spoke to him again yesterday (Friday) and we actually had a better conversation. I said my msn was playing up (not) and I just windered if he had added me. He said he hadn't been on, but he would add me . I then asked if he had my address and he said he sure he had and then we had a slow 5 minute walk and talked about his music on his ipod, what ps2 games he could recomend and his psp and what games he had, it was nice. Then he got to go home while I had a lesson.
But I'm still un sure to what he feels, sorry to be a pain guys.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: MoNkEy on November 05, 2005, 07:03:14 pm

Hey! Thanks, JordanRiver. Yeah, her real name is Lizeth. lol. ok. See, for a while I was thinking it might be because she thought me and Lauren hung out more. I guess I have known Lauren for longer, but I still love them the same. Sometimes we all do stuff together, and other times we'll break up. Like, last weekend, on Friday Lauren went to Lizeth's, then Saturday Lizeth came to my place, and then Sunday we all got together in the afternoon. It is basically like that all the time. It's pretty equal.
She really has been acting wierd. The day I posted my problem, we were supposed to all go shopping, and she for some reason dropped out. Also, tonight, theres a party, and she isnt going for some reason. :-\
About cutting, I highly doubt its that. She is a really level-headed girl, and she doesnt seem the type to do that. I also asked my friend Lauren abut it and she said "I highly doubt she does, dont worry", so I really hope its not.
And she does have a lot of family issus. And sometimes that gets to her. For example, she lives with her aunt (who she hates) because her parents are in Colombia with her sick brother. Her brother has some mental issue thingy.
I will talk to her, because usually her responces are "yes." "good" "blah" and such, so I will try to really communicate.. thanks!!

Actually, I tought them sign language over the summer, and we've been making up some of our own. lol. we use it ALL the time. hehe :)

Thanks again!!!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Colleen on November 05, 2005, 09:43:21 pm

i'm actually not sure if this post belongs in here or not, but whatever.

anyways, i've been having like little mini panic attacks lately....over nothing! my mom was driving me somewhere the other day and i started getting all panicky and i didnt know why. its weird, and its been happening more and more often. i'm starting to get worried...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on November 06, 2005, 12:13:52 am

[quote author=MoNkEy link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=300#msg935301 date=1131235394]
Hey! Thanks, JordanRiver. Yeah, her real name is Lizeth. lol. ok. See, for a while I was thinking it might be because she thought me and Lauren hung out more. I guess I have known Lauren for longer, but I still love them the same. Sometimes we all do stuff together, and other times we'll break up. Like, last weekend, on Friday Lauren went to Lizeth's, then Saturday Lizeth came to my place, and then Sunday we all got together in the afternoon. It is basically like that all the time. It's pretty equal.
She really has been acting wierd. The day I posted my problem, we were supposed to all go shopping, and she for some reason dropped out. Also, tonight, theres a party, and she isnt going for some reason. :-\
About cutting, I highly doubt its that. She is a really level-headed girl, and she doesnt seem the type to do that. I also asked my friend Lauren abut it and she said "I highly doubt she does, dont worry", so I really hope its not.
And she does have a lot of family issus. And sometimes that gets to her. For example, she lives with her aunt (who she hates) because her parents are in Colombia with her sick brother. Her brother has some mental issue thingy.
I will talk to her, because usually her responces are "yes." "good" "blah" and such, so I will try to really communicate.. thanks!!

Actually, I tought them sign language over the summer, and we've been making up some of our own. lol. we use it ALL the time. hehe :)

Thanks again!!!
[/quote]

Hey, don't assume because you think she's level headed that she wouldn't resort to it. It reminds me of someone being interviewed about their neighbor who has just been convicted of murder "I didn't think he/she would do something like that" Most people are very capable of doing things that you wouldn't normally think of them doing, simply because you think you know them well. I'm not suggesting that that's what she's doing (and I hope she isn't) but if she's obviously having ongoing family problems, the continuous stress may have driven her to it, even if she's only just beginning.

What I'm saying is, don't simply brush off the idea. In 2005 it is very much a real possibility.

But I'm glad you're going to talk to her. :) And remember, ask Lauren to talk to her privately too, in case she doesn't open up to you, but may to Lauren.

To Moonlit Sky: I think you should see a doctor; I'm not an expert at obviously medical problems...I'm an English major in college; and even if I was a science major, I'm in school to learn-I wouldn't know enough yet to tell you what to do. So go see a doc and tell him/her what your problem is and its symtoms...thats what they get paid for ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on November 06, 2005, 04:56:25 am

[quote author=Moonlit Sky link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=300#msg935320 date=1131245001]
i'm actually not sure if this post belongs in here or not, but whatever.

anyways, i've been having like little mini panic attacks lately....over nothing! my mom was driving me somewhere the other day and i started getting all panicky and i didnt know why. its weird, and its been happening more and more often. i'm starting to get worried...
[/quote]


If it's been happining more often I would really go and see a gp, maybe it's just a medical problem, maybe it's more mental but a gp can always help you.
He is trained to handle such things!
good luck! :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Colleen on November 06, 2005, 11:02:21 pm

thanks you guys...my only problem is i'm deathly afraid of doctors. i havent had a check up in 3 or more years. i cant stand them, i'm nervous around them to begin with, which isnt good considering what i'm dealing with. i'm trying to deal with it on my own, but it gets worse and worse each time. :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on November 07, 2005, 10:57:32 am

Ow poor you. That's not fun when you are afraid of doctors :-\.

Maybe you can ask a really good friend to come with you. Or your mum(I dunno if you are close with her?). So you are more comfortable.
You can also do something really relaxing before you go see a doctor. Like take a long bath, listen to some music, drink some tea...

I'm sure that once you are with him it will go fine, it's just the first step you have to take I guess! I wish you all teh best :-*.

keep us updated, this is rather serious, so take care of yourself :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on November 08, 2005, 07:13:37 am

Aw man, Colleen, I didn't even know this was going on!! I agree with everyone else. Do something you know you'll enjoy. Listen to some Joshy, or some Aqualung...watch a sappy romance movie...do something enjoyable. If that doesn't work, you really should talk to someone you love and ask if they can come with you to the doctor's. Or better yet, have someone go to the doctor's for you. Have them be like, "This is what's going on with her..." and then come back with the results. Maybe it could work. ::)

In the meantime, take care of yourself. Much love, girl!! :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on November 08, 2005, 09:34:31 am

I'm so sick of everything to do with men.
Had a lesson today, the only conversation we had was 'Carl, can you please pass my pen from the floor?'
I'm so sick of my self, why can I not do anything for once in my life. :evil:
The one thing that is getting me down is I have had so many rejections, at least 10 in my lifetime so far and only 1 offer, and that was because the guy only wanted one thing - SEX and even then, he seemed more interested in my friend than me. I always feel secong best. Most the people I liked wanted my friends instead and then theres people who don't deserve a guy and they get one whos perfect and they treat them like crap. I'm just so sick of the world. What the hell is wrong with me, why doesn't anyone actually want me for once. I just feel like this is how the rest of my life will be. It's stupid, I know, but I want to be special to someone. I know I'm lucky because I have a great family and great friends, but I want to be special to someone in the lovers way and family or friends can't give you that. I know this is stupid to be feeling at 17 but I just have given up on ever finding love. To me, it doesn't exist anymore and that is one of the only things that I believed in life. I just feel empty...

Sorry, but I had to get it off my chest.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Colleen on November 08, 2005, 01:15:21 pm

a new problem has arrisen (um, i dont think thats a word. and if it is, that is so not how you spell it :P) anyways...my mom's a teacher. the teachers in my school district went on strike over a crappy contract. the administrators are being complete jerks about and not doing anything to resolve whats going on. they are really playing dirty and ended taking away their health benefits or something to do with their insurance that doctors visits and perscriptions and stuff are no longer covered. they did this without even telling the teachers! well, like i said, my moms a teacher, which means we are getting half the amount of income we used to. without the coverage of doctors visits, we cant afford to go. no doctor visit for me. this just keeps getting worse and worse :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: littlehafling on November 08, 2005, 09:22:54 pm

Oh boy. Well, Colleen, you need to stay calm about it all. Look around your area (or maybe even not in your area, it's that important) for doctors who take all kinds of insurance good or bad. I know there are some.

How are you feeling? Any panic attacks lately? I think you should write them down whenever they have them - the time and date and stuff. Keep track, that's always good.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Colleen on November 09, 2005, 02:59:43 pm

today...6th period. i couldnt even think straight to walk down to the nurse. i had to sit in the hallway and have the nurse come to me.

well, my mom basically has absolutely no insurance for these types of things. and we just cant afford a visit. i'm gonna have to wait until this whole contract business is taken care of.

i've already started a journal on these types of things. date, time, what happened, etc.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on November 10, 2005, 08:21:49 am

Hobbit T- Don't get worked up about men- they ain't worth it at 17 unless you're lucky. Next time you feel yourself getting boiled up over them, count to 10 and remind yourself of the good stuff you have- if you stop trying, they might come to you. *Shrugs*

Colleen- I'm sorry, but I don't know what to say about your predicament. Is there any way that you could afford to get some help or anyone you could talk to? Have you told your mum even about what's happening to you? She might find a way that you havn't thought of/ don't know of.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on November 15, 2005, 08:09:47 am

Well, thats all over with now.

I finally got the courage to speak to him again today, we had a short conversation and to be blunt, I wanted to know where he stood.
I. Have. A. Girlfriend.....
That was his answer.

So any good tips on how to get over him...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on November 15, 2005, 09:56:48 pm

[quote author=Hobbit_T link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=315#msg938991 date=1132060187]
Well, thats all over with now.

I finally got the courage to speak to him again today, we had a short conversation and to be blunt, I wanted to know where he stood.
I. Have. A. Girlfriend.....
That was his answer.

So any good tips on how to get over him...
[/quote]

aww! *super hugs* i'm sorry, hun... but i am TOTALLY in your shoes right now. I honestly have no advice to offer (as i'm here for a similar reason) except to say to just try to hang around other guys... and flirt with them.... it might help ya feel better.

So anyway, as i said... i'm totally in her shoes. ... lol, well... kinda. So you all know the story of daniel. ... daniel and "other boy" ... well, to bring you up to date: I found out something "other boy" did a long time ago, and i will not date him for it. Daniel never came to the football game, but couldnt' because his phone got disconected, and he wasn't able to get a hold of me. Well, he's been playing this lil game of flirting with me... but often i see him with this other chick... and he's doing the same thing. I finally just asked him today, "hey, listen... do you like me? if you don't, that's okay... i just need to know because if you don't i need to try to find someone else. I mean, it's okay if you don't, we'll still be friends and all..." he glanced around and looked down at the ground and said, "uhh... just friends?" *sigh* i said okay, and gave him a hug... and, it's true... we're still just as good of friends as we were. i just don't understand! i mean, he left his other chick when he found out i liked him... i don't know why he... *shew* so i guess i just have to move on. I swear, though, it absolutely killed me... i almost got sick because of it. I had REALLY grown overly fond of him. and i hated myself for getting that attatched... but... what can ya do. ... so... any advice or comments? i'm trying to get over him... i just... gee oh...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on November 16, 2005, 11:47:48 am

Aww girls! *hugs to all*

All I can think to say is that it'll get easier, which is the most pants advice there is really.

Hobbit- there's no reason you can't stay friends with him is there? and that might be a lot easier now you know where you stand. Could help, could not. *Shrugs*

Jess-
Quote:
i just need to know because if you don't i need to try to find someone else
seriously hon. You do not need a boy to be happy, you do know this right?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on November 16, 2005, 06:44:33 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=315#msg939503 date=1132159668]


Jess-
Quote:
i just need to know because if you don't i need to try to find someone else
seriously hon. You do not need a boy to be happy, you do know this right?
[/quote]

lol, of course! i'm almost 17 and i've never had a boyfriend... and i've been happy several times throughout my life. ;) hehe. I just want one mostly because i'm BORED. lol. ::) Honestly, what i told hobbit t up there about flirting around w/ other guys... that's what i've been doing... and, i mean, i'm quite happy... I just miss my daniel. lol. But i don't know WHAT he wants. lol, even the girl that he's hanging around with he doesn't like. ::) I just found that out today... strange boy, that one. i'd say he just likes flirting with everyone... as do i, ... i just like him best. lol.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on November 16, 2005, 08:47:15 pm

don't do too much flirting ladies (not that ya hafta do it at all) you know people think things sometimes :P I know you shouldn't "care" what people think about ya, but to a certain extent, you should...

And like LBG said, we don't need boys! (ok, yes we do sometimes....procreation, yum ::)) lolz...but you guys know what I mean... :P I don't think I have any problems right now...but I do kind of have a question thingy thats been bugging me these past few days...I don't know how many of you know him, but I have a crush on Ray Romano, from Everybody loves Raymond...the only problem is, he's like about to be 48 next month :P I feel all weird...am I the only young woman that finds some "older" guys attractive...am I :-X *dares to say it* weird...I mean, my friend assures me that I'm not...and another one of my friends has a crush on Ray as well (we're the same age), but I still can't help but feel silly and eww... :-[ embarrassed... :-X

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on November 16, 2005, 10:06:01 pm

[quote author=JordanRiver12881 link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=315#msg939716 date=1132192035]
don't do too much flirting ladies (not that ya hafta do it at all) you know people think things sometimes :P I know you shouldn't "care" what people think about ya, but to a certain extent, you should...
[/quote]
lol, well, i don't like... stratel (sp??) them and hump them or anything... i'm more of a "playful/subtle" flirt (lol, YES... i've taken the tests...) Really, i'm just super friendly. ... i give hugs and such.

[quote]but I do kind of have a question thingy thats been bugging me these past few days...I don't know how many of you know him, but I have a crush on Ray Romano, from Everybody loves Raymond...the only problem is, he's like about to be 48 next month :P I feel all weird...am I the only young woman that finds some "older" guys attractive...am I :-X *dares to say it* weird...I mean, my friend assures me that I'm not...and another one of my friends has a crush on Ray as well (we're the same age), but I still can't help but feel silly and eww... :-[ embarrassed... :-X
[/quote]

lol, YES! well, not him... but johnny depp... DANG... he's freaking hot! and Billie Joe is ... 33, is it? that's old for me ... i'll be 17 next month... but, dang, i don't care how old he is... he is HOT... and i have a friend that is my age that thinks bob barker (from the price is right) is the sexiest old man ever. lol. ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on November 17, 2005, 12:05:08 am

I actually like the "younger" johnny depp more....and I don't think 33 is 'old'...I meant like older guys...like late 40s, early 50s....not bob barker though...lol....I've never liked anyone over 55...he's gonna be 82 next month (just checked) but that's kool (as far as your friend liking him) I never could...but at least I know I'm not alone..anyone else? viggo is another one ;) :-* he's like 46 or something? I don't remember.... ??? and denzel washington..yum....he's 50

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on November 17, 2005, 06:26:57 am

I wouldn't worry about the celebrity fancying. The guy doesn't really look his age (ah the wonder of celluloid and a good make up crew) so that makes it less wierd, and the fact that he is a celebrity will also majorly influence you. And hey- it's fun to dream, and so much safer when you're not likely to run into the guy in the street and go all red. Lol.

Not really one for the older guy myself, but then again there're some mature actors out there who I would not say no to! ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on November 17, 2005, 09:03:28 pm

[quote author=Jess_B link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=315#msg939763 date=1132196761]
lol, well, i don't like... stratel (sp??) them and hump them or anything... i'm more of a "playful/subtle" flirt (lol, YES... i've taken the tests...) Really, i'm just super friendly. ... i give hugs and such.[/quote]

I think it's 'straddle', Jess. I give hugs a lot too, but I wouldn't call that flirting. ;)

Jordan, I agree with LBG, I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure we've all had crushes on older men. For me, it's Billy Corgan (he's thirty-eight), James Iha (thirty-seven) and Trent Reznor (fourty). They're all older than my parents!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on November 17, 2005, 10:38:47 pm

[quote author=Le Deux Machina link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=330#msg940059 date=1132279408]
[quote author=Jess_B link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=315#msg939763 date=1132196761]
lol, well, i don't like... stratel (sp??) them and hump them or anything... i'm more of a "playful/subtle" flirt (lol, YES... i've taken the tests...) Really, i'm just super friendly. ... i give hugs and such.[/quote]

I think it's 'straddle', Jess. I give hugs a lot too, but I wouldn't call that flirting. ;)
[/quote]

I guess... but if you'd known me for a long period of time... Well, see, i use to like... shrink up and cringe if people touched me... I hated being looked at by guys... i HATED it... it made me feel so horrible. ... I would try to avoid seeing people i liked, and i never, EVER randomly walked up and gave some guy a hug.... i wouldn't even touch people ... so, for me, it's VERY open... i mean, i just started doing this in the past 2 years... yes, okay... i had problems. lol, but i'm kinda getting over them. *shrugs* i don't really know what else to do. How do you flirt with people?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on November 17, 2005, 10:56:30 pm

Jess, I'm glad you're getting past those problems. Good for you. :)

Hmm, I don't know how I flirt with people. I haven't for ages. This sounds really arrogant, but I haven't had to flirt with people a great deal. I'm lucky in that every guy I've liked for the past four or so years has come to me. I guess a lot of it is showing that I'm interested in what they have to say and complimenting them. Also, making physical contact is up there. So I guess in a sense, hugging could be a way of flirting, but for me it's more of a friendly thing. I don't just hug people that I like, etc. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on November 18, 2005, 05:37:14 am

Well, I don't flirt when I need to and flirt too much when I don't if that makes sense. (Eg- the lads I've liked/ ended up with I didn't flirt with, but lads I'm just friends with I flirt with alot). I think it's a comfort thing. I'm not a very open person either- not a hugger except at drama where I'm more relaxed- so the most flirting I do is mainly the suggestive comments while looking totally innocent/ eye contact/ brushing past them line. And I don't usually see that as flirting- it's just what other people point out to me! Lol.

Tip I read once (on here poss!) that I've not had the chance/ guts to try is keep eye contact just a second longer than you're comfortable with, then lick your bottom lip and look down smiling slightly. Apperently it makes lads think you're thinking about kissing them. *Shrugs* If anyone knows if it does work it'd be interesting! Lol.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Honey84 on November 18, 2005, 11:21:42 am

I don't know about that, LBG, but apparantly maintaining eye contact, looking down for a second, then looking up at them again works wonders.

To be honest, I've never really gone in for all that stuff. If I like a guy, I try to talk to him and get to know him better, laugh at his jokes, compliment him a bit and then see where things go.

Like everyone else, I seem to flirt with my friends more than guys I'm actually interested in...I guess I don't really see "flirting" as a tool for seduction!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on November 18, 2005, 11:39:02 am

I wish I could use some of these tips but I can't! :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on November 18, 2005, 02:29:24 pm

hmm... why do we do that?? i've noticed it too... i flirt a lot more with guys i know i can't have(ex: in a relationhship)/guys i don't WANT to have... If i find out some guy likes this other girl... i'm more open and flirtatious... not because i want him, and not because i WANT him to want me... but just because i feel like i don't have to worry about him falling for me? is that strange? yes... yes, it is strange. and i don't usually flirt with guys i like...ex: last year, i liked jesse, but i flirted with daniel. ??? ::) and this year... lol, well, i guess i've changed a bit this year... i flirt with who i like... but why are we more apt to flirt w/ guys we dont' like? it's odd...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on November 18, 2005, 05:51:18 pm

I read once that when engaged in eye contact with the guy, not to look away to the side. You should always look down when you're looking away. Otherwise it gives the impression that you're scanning for something better or something.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on November 18, 2005, 06:31:13 pm

:P I'm not a flirter at all...not really anyway...it's just not in my nature...I don't particularly care for it either :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on November 19, 2005, 10:02:41 am

[quote author=JordanRiver12881 link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=330#msg940495 date=1132356673]
:P I'm not a flirter at all...not really anyway...it's just not in my nature...I don't particularly care for it either :-\
[/quote]

me neither!

And I don't like it. I wish that just for once I could flirt with a boy. When I see one I like I always clam up(can you say this ???). I'm really really shy with boys :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on November 20, 2005, 02:58:11 pm

Okay, guys... new problemish thing... lol.

Waaaaay back in the 4th through 7th grade (7th grade was about 5 years ago) i was like... best friends with this guy. And, needless to say, i had like... the biggest crush on him ever. I think he liked me as well, but I had hooked him up with another one of my good friends at the time. (don't ask, long story.) Anyway... i transfered schools in the summer between 7th and 8th grade year. ... and i haven't seen him since. We talked a bit on the phone/email and what not... he only lives one county over (about 20 mins away)... but i completely lost track of him about 3 years ago. ... until last night, that is. Me and my guy friend went to the movies for his birthday... and i saw this guy pull up in this really nice truck behind us... and i thought, "wow, he's cute..." then as we were walking into the cinema, i recognized him! oooooomg, you guys... he was SOOO hot. lol. He was on the phone at the time, though, and i didn't want to bother him. Anyway, me and my guy friend (it probably looked like we were on a date... i was the only one that showed up at his lil get together thing... everyone else had stuff come up :-\) but me and him got in line to get our tickets... the whole time i sat there whispering to him about who that guy was... and how hot he was... and how i would hate myself forever if i didn't go talk to him... lol. After we got our tickets, and the guy was in line a few ppl behind us... i went back and talked to him a bit. i was instantly sooo comfortable around him again. I mean, he had the exact same facial expressions and everything... lol, it was so cute. He hadn't changed hardly at all in 5 years. I told him who i was and stuff, and he was like, "oh my gosh! Jessica!? you look so different!" ---well, yeah, lol, i've lost 20 lbs and learned how to fix my hair... of course i look different. 8)-- But his friend gave him his phone... apparently he had another phone call... and i decided i'd go on...

So, anyway, now that you know my story... I'd really like to talk to this guy again. I mean, he was like my best friend all those years ago... and he is sooo hot. i mean, it like... i haven't had that kind of chemical reaction go off in my brain in years. lmao. ;D I know some people that know him... and i know his phone number (i have a really good memory, okay? lol, i'm not a freak or anything... i just remember phone numbers well.) .... but i kinda hate to call him and stuff... i would just really like to talk to him again... but i don't want him to think i'm weird or anything. *sigh* ya'll have any advice?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Colleen on November 20, 2005, 03:15:08 pm

i have a slight problem. not guys or sickness or anything like that. it has to do with my friends.

ok, so christmas is fast approaching and i realized i have a bazillion people to buy for. just so you get the idea i'll name their first names: mary, amanda, theresa, carly, emily, emily, jenna, casey, marian, sarah, caitlin, my sister, mom, dad, and grandma. i mean, thats a lot of people! and i want to get them decent presents and stuff. now the problem is that the first seven (mary-jenna) are all in the same group, and casey, marian, sarah, and caitlin are not. casey and marian are friends, and then i am friends separately with sarah and caitlin. now, i can handle buying separate presents for casey, marian, sarah, caitlin, and my family. thats fine. its just the big group throws things off for me. i have to buy all my presents myself without help from my parents. and me, without a job or any sort of income besides cleaning the house for $10 a week, cant afford it. i just cant! i was thinking, for the big group we could do like a secret santa type thing. pull names from a hat, ya know? that way, we arent all spending a fortune. i told my friends about it, but they didnt like the idea, and had already started buying presents for people. but they personally dont have to pay for it, their parents do. what do i do? i want to get my friends decent presents, but i just cant do it. quite a few of my friends are awful too. if i do something they dont like, theyll let me know by not talking to me or inviting me to things and stuff. and if they buy me a present and i dont buy them one, theyll be mad...gah. what do i do?

jess, i say go for it! if you truly felt comfortable around him, i dont see why it would be a problem. just an old friend catching up with an old friend. who knows? it could turn into something more ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on November 20, 2005, 04:14:01 pm

To Jess: I agree with Moonlit Sky

To Moonlit Sky: No offense to your friends (because I know they're your friends), I don't mean to sound harsh (though I probably will), but your friends suck. I've been best friends with my best friend since 8th grade (I'm in my first year of college now) and I've never had the money to get her a present (except one year, when my mom helped me out, and it wasn't much). She knew my family's mulah situation and understood-but she ALWAYS got me a Christmas gift, even knowing I couldn't afford to get one for her (except one year when she herself couldn't afford it, but of course I understood completely). If your friends can't be understanding enough to know people don't ALWAYS have money, then well, I'm not gonna tell you not to be friends with them (that would be silly), but I think your friends should really check their priorities. Christmas isn't even about gifts. It's primarily about the birth of Jesus; secondly it's about family. My best friend is my family. We had that understanding. She knew I didn't have a job, and most times my mom didn't have the money to help me get her a birthday or Christmas present. But she was still my best friend.

That's all I have to say about that.

(sorry bout the rant, I just can't stand people like that)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on November 20, 2005, 10:36:38 pm

aww... my friend just totally expressed all my fears:


Jessica says:
so what do you think i should do about nick? anything? lol...
kari s ryan says:
nah ...
kari s ryan says:
you haven't seen each other in forever
kari s ryan says:
who knows if you've got anything in common anymore
kari s ryan says:
and you don't want him thinking you're a stalker!
kari s ryan says:
lol


that's exactly why i don't wanna call him or anything... *sigh* ::) :-[

Colleen... Your friends ... don't sound very nice. ... as i've told you before. however, if i were you (and i HAVE done this this year, just so you know) i'd go up and say, "Okay, guys, listen... I'm BROKE. Now... if you want a christmas present from me, here's how you're gonna have to get one... Secret Santa! If you don't wanna do it that way, i'm perfectly happy with saving my money... but i can't afford to buy you all something. Aww, now... Suck it up... quit yer cryin'...." ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on November 21, 2005, 08:51:45 am

Moonlit sky- I don't think you friends are awful, just misguided. How old are you all? Because as you grow up you realise that it's not really what you buy that matters so much. I suggest if it's really stressing you so much that you talk to the most level headed and understanding of your friends on their own and just explain to them that you do not have the money to buy everyone fantastic presents, and get her to help you explain to everyone else. If they still don't get it, then tell them that they're been a bit selfish.

You could always do personal presents- photos of you and them and decorate frames or something, just so you have got them something.

good luck- I used to have 9 in my group- hell to buy for!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Colleen on November 21, 2005, 03:42:23 pm

i'm 15 by the way.

i've already done that Jess. i'll say something like "ok guys listen. i dont have any money and my parents dont pay for my presents. the only way i'm going to be able to get all of you a present is by pulling names from a hat. its either that or you guys just arent going to get anything from me and its completely ok if you dont buy anything for me either." and they'll be like, "oh, well, i (aka her parents) already bought yours and almost everyone elses presents..." in that kind of way that makes you feel guilty. and then they just drop the subject and move on. not the easiest thing to deal with. now dont get me wrong, not all of my friends are awful..two have said i dont have to buy them anything, but the others do that^^. grr... i still dont know what to do... :P

Jess, i still say go for it, but thats just me.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on November 21, 2005, 09:51:31 pm

[quote author=Moonlit Sky link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=345#msg941580 date=1132605743]
i still dont know what to do... :P[/quote]

Do what you can... :)

Think of it this way: whoever is unreasonably pissed for not getting a gift from you, you'll know they don't really care....you'll be able to see who your real friends are ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on November 21, 2005, 11:01:54 pm

Moonlit Sky, your friends seem like typical bitchy girls, especially if they're all around fifteen. It's a tricky situation, but at the end of the day, you simply can't afford it. I agree with Jordan in that Christmas isn't just about gifts. They shouldn't be putting that pressure on you to buy everyone presents. You know what I do? (Not really from lack of funds, though, that sometimes comes into it unfortunately) I like to get people joint presents. We split the cost of something, and it's from both of us. Maybe you could try something like that. :)

Jess, I say go for it. If you know people that know him, maybe you could all hang out in a group situation? Whether you want to try going out with him, or just being friends, it's a good way to start.

How did he seem when you talked to him? Amazed? Friendly? How did you feel when the conversation ended? These factors are sometimes good indications as to whether things went smoothly. Don't listen to your friend, you've got to take risks sometimes. He's hardly going to think you're a stalker if you haven't seen him or contacted him in like, five years. If it doesn't work out, so what? What have you really lost? You didn't know him (anymore) before, so it's not like you've lost him again.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on November 22, 2005, 02:38:58 pm

To Colleen:
Colleen, girl, i love ya! (in that friendsy sorta way, of course! ;) ;D) and... i mean, you never bought me a gift! lol. If your friends really get their panties in a wad over something like that... i mean, really... they weren't much of a friend to begin with. You're an awesome girl... and i'm sure if you don't have friends that treat you well... you COULD find some that did. Just do what ya can... You don't have to buy ppl things to be their friend. If they don't think that your friendship is a good enough present... then, bah, says i! bah! (lol, i know! i'm strange. ::) ;D)

[quote author=Le Deux Machina link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=345#msg941733 date=1132632114]

Jess, I say go for it. If you know people that know him, maybe you could all hang out in a group situation? Whether you want to try going out with him, or just being friends, it's a good way to start.

How did he seem when you talked to him? Amazed? Friendly? How did you feel when the conversation ended? These factors are sometimes good indications as to whether things went smoothly. Don't listen to your friend, you've got to take risks sometimes. He's hardly going to think you're a stalker if you haven't seen him or contacted him in like, five years. If it doesn't work out, so what? What have you really lost? You didn't know him (anymore) before, so it's not like you've lost him again.
[/quote]

That's a good point... and that's why i figured i'd go ahead and call him... lol, i tried last night... and he was in the shower! lol... so, right... haven't tried again.

Umm, well, i first went back there and said, "hey, do you remember me?" and he said "um, not really..." i said, "Jessica B____ from *old school*?" and he said " :o Jessica B____!? Oh my gosh! how are you? ... you look so different!" then we went on to talk a bit about like... who all we kept up with... i mean, we started exchanging stories even then... like, of what people had been up to. But then his buddy cut over me and said, "hey man, you got a phone call. it's ----" whoever it was... and he took it and i said, "well, i guess i'll go on. It was good to see you again." and he said, "yeah! it was good to see you too."

so, i mean... i dunno. lol. I guess if he'd really wanted to talk to me, he coulda said, "just a sec, this will only take a min." ... but, of course, i also had this boy that was with me that looked like my date... so... i dunno. there's lots of different ways you could look at it... *shrugs*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on December 02, 2005, 07:49:13 am

Sorry to keep adding bits on, but now I have problems again. If I don't get if sorted, I think I may self-destruct...

First; Carl. Ever since he told me about the girlfriend 3 weeks ago, I have been doing my best to just forget it and move on. That worked for a week. Last week, I left the lesson, he was walking next to me and he may have tried to talk to me, but my mp3 was on full blast and I was in sort of a rush. Anyway, he disappears behind me for a second, then storms past me in a huge huff.
Ever since that, he has just keep looking at me and everytime we have film, because I sit right on the corner and my friend also sits right on a corner, than him, he looks over at me and glances up from his work etc. He even looks at my work and hands.
The annoying thing is I talk to my 2 friends about guys I like and it is so obivious hes listening. He is writing, head down, but eyes up across at us.
And today, there was tension between us in the lesson and then we finished lesson early. I saw my friend and spoke to him for about half an hour and during that, my friend, Sam (male) saw he kept staring over at me and wasn't even talking to his own friends. Then when we leave, I follow where Sam is standing and guess what, there he is. He stares while I talk to 2 guys about my humps and guys I like. I go to leave and I give each of them a hug. According to Sam, he looked over really jealous and angry.

So I don't get him. He was the one saying 'I have a girlfriend' so why is he doing this. It is messing with my feelings and just annoying. I also keep thinking something was there because he dragged it out.

Right then, Second: Ollie Hes been doing this ever since the beginning of September. We have a joke sometimes, but not loads. Hes in my Drama and Media so I see him loads. In lessons, he looks at me, I look at him, we have the eye contact thing going down, we smile sometimes, but mostly just look away and I think we are both slightly attracted to each other. Anyway, problem is, I know he has a girlfriend. The thing is, everytime I am walking past him or he sees me, he attacks his girlfriend by kissing her, touching her right infront of me. I'm sure he does it too make me jealous and he does everytime he spots me when he is with her and he makes sure I see.

What do I do about that as that is really bugging me.

All your advice and help is more than appreciated.

Thanks muchly...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on December 02, 2005, 07:56:29 am

[quote author=Hobbit_T link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=345#msg947407 date=1133527753]
Right then, Second: Ollie Hes been doing this ever since the beginning of September. We have a joke sometimes, but not loads. Hes in my Drama and Media so I see him loads. In lessons, he looks at me, I look at him, we have the eye contact thing going down, we smile sometimes, but mostly just look away and I think we are both slightly attracted to each other. Anyway, problem is, I know he has a girlfriend. The thing is, everytime I am walking past him or he sees me, he attacks his girlfriend by kissing her, touching her right infront of me. I'm sure he does it too make me jealous and he does everytime he spots me when he is with her and he makes sure I see.
[/quote]

This isn't going to be the best advise but when you and Ollie are talking, try to bring up the subject of turn ons and turn offs with guys. Say that you find a big turn off when I guy, who is trying to make another girl jealous, attacks his girlfriend by kissing her, touching her right infront of the other girl.
I hope you get your problems sorted out sweetie.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on December 02, 2005, 08:20:54 am

Thing is I don't talk to him a lot, I get kinda nervous like that. Its really stupid, but I can't do anything about. I have been chosing to ignore him for the past few weeks, but I get curious and look and then he looks or is already looking. He probaly thinks I like him too. There is an attraction there, just not a huge one.

Thanks for your advice, will try it if I can

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on December 02, 2005, 08:30:20 am

It's not stupid to be nervous. Try not looking not matter how curious you get. It might stop.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on December 03, 2005, 08:30:57 pm

okay, so... there's this guy... (lol, i wonder how many of the posts on this thread start out like this.) who i've known for about... ehhh, 3 weeks? And i don't really know him... i just see him for about 15 mins during pop break. But anyway, i inadvertantly talked to him while standing in a big group of my friends... then the next day, he saw me after lunch and came over and said "hey look, it's my favorite person." ... i was like ??? but i didn't see him much for about a week or so... then around 3 days ago, he saw me again after lunch and said, "hey, it's my favorite person again!" i said, "do you even know my name?" and he said, "no, but you don't have to know your favorite person's name." ... but i told him my name... then saw him at pop break a few hours later.... i was talking to some friends, and he came over and said, "i love this girl. Isn't she great? i really do, i love this girl." then he gave me a hug... and then he did the same thing on friday... i was talking to my friends again, and he came over and said, "Isn't she cool? i love this girl, i swear i do. I love you." i said, "you can't love someone if you don't know their name..." he said, "but i do! it's jessica! and i DO love you. i don't say that if i dont' mean it." and he gave me another hug. i just kinda laughed and went on... but it's kinda starting to creep me out. lol, i don't even know this guy... except watching him with others at pop break and such... and, truthfully, he DOESN'T say that to anyone else that i've seen... and... uhh... I don't wanna hurt his feelings or anyting... but i wish he'd stop saying that. .... I'm not really sure how to get him to stop... i've never had anyone continuously confess their love for me. lol. ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on December 05, 2005, 08:39:40 am

Hobbit_T- Regarding Carl. Do you think now he knows for definate you like him, he's perplexed by it? I mean, maybe he's look at you and just thinking 'what if' kinda thoughts. Daft as it sounds, it's natural to get jealous over someone who you've turned down when they start hanging with other people and flirting with them. (Think of an ex you dumped- now think of your gut reaction when you see them talking to another girl for the first time). On the other hand, maybe he's not with his girlf anymore and is looking like that. Just ask him casually next time you talk "So, how's things going with your girlfriend?" Hard to get past the lump in your thraot maybe, but you'll find out if they're still together/ having problems/ perfectly hunky dory.

Regarding Ollie. I think he sounds a bit of a dick head to be honest. He sounds to be obviously trying to make you jealous. I like Elijah's Impact's idea of telling him it's not a turn on. (I'd be tempted to add "I'm sure your girlfriend doesn't like you eating her face all the time" or "You know you look desperate attacking your girlfriend like that when I walk by don't you?" Yeah- that's an idea. Hollar "I don't give a f*ck about you you idiot!" next time he does it... j/k). Actualy, maybe he isn't a dick head- maybe he's just insecure about his girlfriend...

Jess_B- next time he does it, either reply "Yes- and I love you too baby. Now I want a big white wedding, seven kids and a huge house in the country" then give him a big kiss; or look at him blankly, say "I don't like you doing that. Please stop it." And walk off. 'Cos, sounds silly, but it's amazing how seriously people take you when you stalk off in a huff...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on December 07, 2005, 03:14:17 pm

Oh my god...

On Monday I had Media, with Ollie. I knew him and Carl had the same friends, but while I was on the computer I was shocked. We had to do some project to do with pictures and we only had a few and guess what, to my shock. Pictures of them two hanging together.
Ollie saw us, came and looked at them and then patted me on the head and wheeled off on his chair. He kept coming over all lesson curious what we were doing to a pic of him.

What shall I do, I see them both at least once a day every week day and it is really messing with my head.

PS, thanks for all you great advice

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on December 07, 2005, 03:21:38 pm

Ooh- that must've been a right shock!
Think you're just gonna have to battle this one out until you can talk to/ sort something out with/ about them. (If that made sense :D).

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on December 07, 2005, 03:45:49 pm

I sort of get what you mean, it just does my head in and i feel really crap about my self at the moment. My confidence is at a total low and I don't feel attractive and I have given up on love. Everywhere I go I feel I'm never good enough, they always want someone else and I feel that there is everyone for someone, but I'm the odd one out. I would prefer to just push it all away, but when I try, fate purposefully pushes them my way.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on December 08, 2005, 06:12:49 am

Aww hon! *Hugs*

I think you need to sort yourself out before you sort your guys out. Have you tried any of those confidence building techniques? They crop up all over in magazines. A couple of good ones are-

1)Think of three things that you like about yourself, physically, mentally, personaility etc etc etc, and repete these to yourself at least three times a day, and beofre you go anywhere important.

2)Write 2 lists- one with your problems and one with EVERYTHING you like about yourself. Put them somewhere where you can't see them but will rememebr where they are. Ina month, get them out again and cross off all the problems you've solved. Seeing how many you get rid of really does give you a huge confidence boost.

They do work if you give them a chance- often without you realising!

Plus- us lot are always here to talk.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 09, 2005, 02:53:28 pm

Agghhh! Men drive me crazy! They really do!

OK, so I think I told you here about the guy that I thought liked me?
He told me he did, and I told him he was only a friend to me... and then things were left at that.

Recently, we've been extremely flirty with each other.
I was talking to a friend about it all, and she helped me to realise that I do have some feelings for him.
Last night, I (stupidly, I think) told him about these feelings. The subject came up when I told him my friend was threatening to offer him no-strings-attatched sex from me, which he said "This is not necessarily a bad thing... in fact it is more of a very good thing. But you're joking, aren't you?"
To this I replied, to be honest, I don't know...
And things basically went on from there.

I think he was hoping that there could be something between us. But to be totally honest, he's not the kind of guy that I see a potential-boyfriend in. You know? He's more of a .... "I have some feelings for you because you're so nice to me, you've made me feel better about myself, we have a laugh and... you're attracted to me." kind of guy, you know?
I think it's just a passing thing.
I honestly think that if I did let anything happen between us (even though there have been points when he drove me home where I was really tempted to kiss him) it would just end up like the Andrew-situation. (The guy who I was a total bitch to, split up with him twice because I was confused as to how I felt) I don't want that. That was a horrible experience.

The thing is... I need to tell him how I feel. Because I don't want to have him hung onto me in the hope that we'll get together. I've told him I'll let him know when I'm sure of what I want. But now I know... I have no idea how to tell him. I can't do it tonight because... well... it only came up last night, and I need to make it seem like I have thought about it and didn't think "Shit! Why did I tell him?" 5 minutes later... you know?

Help?
I know I've been stupid. Very stupid.
Anyone have any idea how to clear up my mess?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on December 10, 2005, 02:36:29 am

Taf, I'd love to help you, but this is most definately my weak area. No doubt about it. :-\

Hobbit T, that list thing really does work! :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on December 10, 2005, 02:33:26 pm

Kat- Ok- firstly I never pictured you as a no strings kinda girl. ;) Lol.

I know I've said you gotta tell him before, so I'll expand slightly. If you tell him Monday, that makes it look like you've spent time thinking about it and he'll not feel undervalued hopefully. Just tell him straight that you're not wanting a relationship and you're sorry if you appear to have lead him on, but you just want to be friends.

I know you might not want to think about this, but what if you did give it a try with him? I mean, do you think you could be judging him against Andrew and how you acted with him? It's damned scary letting someone get close to you, but maybe it could work. Maybe you could say to him "I want to try going on a date with you before we can decide anything." If you have thought of this, just ignore me lol.

*hugs*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elijahs_girl on December 10, 2005, 10:08:20 pm

Hey guys!
I've sort of come here for advice, but more really just to vent my feelings as I don't think much advice can be given on this.

Basically, I've liked this guy for ages, and I've told this to him, and there is no real way he is going to like me back, yet I still like him. And even though he isn't much of a nice person, I still like him! ???

I know you can't really give advice to that, i just wanted to share it. It doesn't feel good. Lol, that sounds weird, but I hope you know what I mean :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 11, 2005, 06:21:35 am

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=360#msg951038 date=1134243206]
Kat- Ok- firstly I never pictured you as a no strings kinda girl. ;) Lol.[/quote]
Hey, I'm lonely! :P

[quote]
I know I've said you gotta tell him before, so I'll expand slightly. If you tell him Monday, that makes it look like you've spent time thinking about it and he'll not feel undervalued hopefully. Just tell him straight that you're not wanting a relationship and you're sorry if you appear to have lead him on, but you just want to be friends. [/quote]

You know... I don't know whether I should tell him.
I was at his last night for a few hours and we were just in his room having a laugh. OK... there were close moments where I was like "I want to kiss you... but I shouldn't cos I'm only doing it because it's been a while... or is it?! I don't know! ARRRGGHHHH!!" (kinda spoils the mood when thats running through your head as you're kind of leaning in....)
Anyway, it was just close friends you know. And, does it really matter if I kiss him? It's not like as soon as I do it I'm committing myself to something. I mean, it's only a kiss...

[quote]
I know you might not want to think about this, but what if you did give it a try with him? I mean, do you think you could be judging him against Andrew and how you acted with him? It's damned scary letting someone get close to you, but maybe it could work. Maybe you could say to him "I want to try going on a date with you before we can decide anything." If you have thought of this, just ignore me lol.

*hugs*
[/quote]

I'm worried about it being the same as Andrew. I've never felt like such a cruel bitch before by leading him on, you know?
When that was over, I promised myself that I'd be 100% sure of my feelings before I got into something with anyone else. No doubts to think of, you know?
I know this sounds a bit stupid because you can never be 100% certain of every relationship. But that thing with Andrew really screwed with both of our heads and it was hard. So hard!

Agh! I don't know.
I'm going to leave things as they are for now and see what happens. See if my feelings change or is anything happens between us.
Wish me luck. For what, I have no idea. :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on December 11, 2005, 02:43:25 pm

[quote author=tafika link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=360#msg951227 date=1134300095]
And, does it really matter if I kiss him? It's not like as soon as I do it I'm committing myself to something. I mean, it's only a kiss...

[/quote]

Not at all! lol, go for it! You know dan... well, he may just want to be friends... and, actually, he's dating (i think they're dating) someone else... but we kiss around on eachother all the time... it's nothing really serious. Have fun and go all out. you only live once. ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on December 12, 2005, 06:08:10 am


Quote:
And, does it really matter if I kiss him? It's not like as soon as I do it I'm committing myself to something. I mean, it's only a kiss...


From personal experience I'd say don't kiss him unless you're willing to follow it up.

Good luck with whatever! *Hugs*

Hannah- I hope you sort yourself out a bit now you've posted, even if no advice is wanted *hugs also*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on December 12, 2005, 11:06:50 am


Quote:
From personal experience I'd say don't kiss him unless you're willing to follow it up.


I would do the same thing, if I can be honest. A kiss is never JUST a kiss, if you know what I mean. But maybe your view on a kiss is totally different :), for me it is something really special I would only share with someone really special...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on December 13, 2005, 01:12:55 am

I agree with LBG and Lies on the kiss subject. Only because he might take it the wrong way. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Kari_Grace on December 13, 2005, 04:35:17 pm


Quote:
And, does it really matter if I kiss him? It's not like as soon as I do it I'm committing myself to something. I mean, it's only a kiss...

I don't really think I'd kiss somebody that I didn't plan on committing to. I'm just the kind of person that feels like affection should only be given to those you truly care about ... and ... plan on being with. If he's like that, he might take it the wrong way. If he isn't, then go for it!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 15, 2005, 06:45:58 pm

OK. It is done.
We went to the cinema today, and then back to his place.
Yeah... we kissed. And OMG. AMAZING!! lol

We figured out that we are now an item.
I've figured my feelings out. I can't stop thinking about him. Yeah. I like him.
Didn't want to come home today. But Dad made me. :(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on December 15, 2005, 08:23:49 pm

[quote author=tafika link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=360#msg953023 date=1134690358]
OK. It is done.
We went to the cinema today, and then back to his place.
Yeah... we kissed. And OMG. AMAZING!! lol

We figured out that we are now an item.
I've figured my feelings out. I can't stop thinking about him. Yeah. I like him.
Didn't want to come home today. But Dad made me. :(
[/quote]

lol, woot! go taf. hehe, amazing kisses are always fun. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on December 15, 2005, 11:43:15 pm

Taf! Congratulations! I kind of had a feeling, cos I noticed you've been posting about him a lot. ;)

I love those amazing kisses that kind of make you feel hollow, and then tingly. Aww. Lucky, I get them all the time. Mog is the best kisser ever. *Dreamy*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Monkee on December 16, 2005, 12:03:38 am

[quote author=Le Deux Machina link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=360#msg953089 date=1134708195]
Taf! Congratulations! I kind of had a feeling, cos I noticed you've been posting about him a lot. ;)

I love those amazing kisses that kind of make you feel hollow, and then tingly. Aww. Lucky, I get them all the time. Mog is the best kisser ever. *Dreamy*
[/quote]

Aww, that's so cute. :) I love kissing my boyfriend because he's very passionate and his kisses make me feel so giddy, lol.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on December 16, 2005, 02:39:31 am

[quote author=tafika link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=360#msg953023 date=1134690358]
OK. It is done.
We went to the cinema today, and then back to his place.
Yeah... we kissed. And OMG. AMAZING!! lol

We figured out that we are now an item.
I've figured my feelings out. I can't stop thinking about him. Yeah. I like him.
Didn't want to come home today. But Dad made me. :(
[/quote]

yay!! Congrats Taffy!

Sarah and Pandora: you're so lucky ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on December 16, 2005, 05:41:40 am

Oh thank God- she's seen the light. You stole his t-shirt for christs sake! If you wern't gonna get together you'd not have done that1
Well done babe.
*Hugs*
Now you gotta bring him to Jennys so I can see him and give approval. 'Cos you can't do anything without my approval you know :P

As for best kisser ever- well, it depends on the situation doesn't it? ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 16, 2005, 06:47:54 am

Heheh! Thanks guys! ;D
I'm so giddy and smiley! lolz
But I won't see him today cos he's working :( boo.


Quote:
Now you gotta bring him to Jennys so I can see him and give approval. 'Cos you can't do anything without my approval you know :P


He's been invited anyway. lol
He's in mine and Jenny's media class, so the three of us spend quite a lot of time together.
I'm sure you'll like him. You remember him from Junior school right? I still have no clue who he is from there, and he's the same with me. lol Weird, eh?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on December 16, 2005, 07:26:26 am

I rememeber the name and a vague impression of short blondness. You'll have to get us a photo. :)

Aww- you gotta call in work on Saturday so I can squeel at you.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 16, 2005, 12:39:54 pm

I'm going into town on Saturday, so yes, I will be calling in and looking for you.

This is the only picture I have. It's not the best, so sorry. lol
Chris (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v490/tafika_web/Misc/304934301_l.jpg)

Jenny is being really weird about it all. She seems to be totally against us getting together. I have no idea why exactly. But she was being quite nasty about it today when we were together.
Everyone else is really happy for us though.
Jenny's weird. :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on December 18, 2005, 10:00:25 pm

Taf, I think Jenny is weird about it because you three spend a lot of time together in Media Class, and she doesn't want to lose the fun that you all have together. :)

Congratulations, anyway! He's rather attractive, I must say. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on December 19, 2005, 04:36:18 am

See- yours looks 19! And rather girly in that hat. Lol j/k. aww- luvverly

*Jumps up and down squeeling cos she couldn't on Saturday due to being on the tampon aisle at work and is also not girly enough to do it in real life*

le DM sounds right on the Jenny thing too. Unless she also fancied him... Hmm. She'll get over it once she realises that you're not gonna sit and snog and ignore her all the time.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 19, 2005, 10:23:24 am


Quote:
And rather girly in that hat. Lol j/k.


He does look rather rediculous there. I shall try and get some good photos of him. Everytime I point a camera at him he's wearing something daft.
I think he's gorgeous though. ::)

My Mum saw him for the first time the other night when he called around to take me to his house. When I got back home she says "Wow! He's really dishy!" lol
My Dad said she was expecting him to be small, kind of plump, and have dark hair in a basin cut. LOL! Thanks Mum.

Jenny hugged me today, and apolagised for being a bitch on Friday. I think she's still a bit funny with us though. But I'm not going to act as though I'm not with him while we're around her just to keep her happy. She'll just have to get used to it.

She doesn't/didn't like him herself. She told me that she thinks he's ugly (this is before we got together).
I think he's lovely though.

*Intense grinning and giggling begins for the 5th time today* ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on December 19, 2005, 02:36:56 pm

Taf: I like the picture, he is cute, epecially the hat ;)

I thought the same about Jenny as Ruth and Sarah, glad she hugged you and things are ok now...


:-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elijahwoodfans1413 on December 19, 2005, 02:42:27 pm

[quote author=tafika link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=360#msg953234 date=1134754794]


This is the only picture I have. It's not the best, so sorry. lol
Chris (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v490/tafika_web/Misc/304934301_l.jpg)

[/quote]

I can see why you like him ;D
Congratulations!
I like the hat...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on December 19, 2005, 02:43:01 pm

My friend Jodie would SO be into him!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 19, 2005, 02:51:09 pm

Awww thanks guys! ;D
That's really sweet of you all.

Oh jeez. I'm grinning again!
Please tell me this will calm down soon... my cheeks hurt. :'(

;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on December 19, 2005, 02:52:12 pm

[quote author=tafika link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=375#msg954382 date=1135021869]
Awww thanks guys! ;D
That's really sweet of you all.

Oh jeez. I'm grinning again!
Please tell me this will calm down soon... my cheeks hurt. :'(

;)
[/quote]

It will some day, but now you're still IN Loooove babe :D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on December 19, 2005, 02:55:13 pm

Taf and Chris sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Firts comes love

Come on girls you know the words!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 19, 2005, 03:11:10 pm

LOL! You guys do make me laugh so. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on December 19, 2005, 03:12:23 pm

It's our job! And my pleasure! (Look at me being modest ;))

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on December 20, 2005, 04:49:11 am

[quote]Taf and Chris sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Firts comes love[/quote]
THEN COMES MARRIAGE!
THEN COMES KATHYRN WITH A BABIES CARRIAGE!!!!

Can I be God mum? lol.

Glad you're happy babe. Oh and btw- you still end up grinning a year on, so I don't think it ever goes away. Calms down but not by much really.

***

Ok, sorry to move away from Kat's uber-happiness, but I got an advice need for you girls.

Remember Ben? (Lad from Austria who tried to get with me when I was there and kept texting me afterwards). Well, he texted me the other week, so I told Andy, 'cos I said I would if he did again. Andy got jealous, but now claims to be over that. Anyway, last night my phone was on all night (silly Ruthy!) but silent, and this morning I have two missed calls from Ben (do you know how much it costs to ring from Austria?!). Now my question is- do I text and ask what he was ringing me for at 2.15am when all the normal people are asleep and risk opening up the whole Andy being pissy with me and Ben pissing me off when I want is a mate; or do I ignore it and look like I'm avoiding him? This isn't anything urgent, I just wondered what people thought.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 20, 2005, 05:20:33 am

I'd just leave it Ruth. If you text him and say "Whats up?" it's like you're wanting to talk to him about his feelings and stuff, because it sounds like that he still has them.
If you leave it, then you're just saying "If you want to talk to me so badly, then try again. You make the effort." Do you know what I mean?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on December 20, 2005, 06:01:43 am

Yeah that was one way I thought. But then I though I might come over a bit ice queenish. Jezuz- I hate trying to be friends with someone when they want more. MEN! Argh!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on December 20, 2005, 01:03:13 pm

hmm... well, did he know what time it was where you were when he called? because, if not, that's kinda desperate and pathetic of him... and kinda rude at that. ... unless he had something REALLY important to say. I dunno... i think if you don't really care what he has to say... don't call/text him back. If you're curious, though... go for it.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on December 21, 2005, 03:39:23 am

I left my phone on with volume last night, and he didn't ring, so I assume it can't have been that important. Probably just got pissed and thought it'd be a good idea. Wish I'd have picked up actually- it'd have cost him a bomb *evil grin*.

Nah- I'll text him to say merry christmas so I'll ask him then.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on December 21, 2005, 09:35:19 am

Went on a Drama trip recently which included both Ollie and Rachel (his g/f) and god, was it horrible. Not only was he being his usual attack his girlfriend self, I had to deal with Rachel giving me and my mate, Tiff daggers everytime we were near then. It was like she thought we both wanted him. Plus, in the theatre, its just my luck I have to sit right next to him. He kept putting his hand on his own knee and she had to look and check where his hand was going, I mean how can a relationship work work with so much insecurity.

Grrrrr

As for Carl, still have my heart breaking over him with his looks and stuff. Because I wrote my christmas cards really early, I had one for him, so instead of making it a waste of paper, I decided to give it too him, only I didn't get the courage, but I saw his closet mate and gave it too him instead.
Silly, I know.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elijahs_girl on December 21, 2005, 03:10:41 pm

I know exactly what you mean Hobbit_T. It seems sometimes that alot of couples just shouldn't be together. But it seems really good that you gave Carl a card- I wouldn't even be brave enough to do that! And it's not silly at all, I can relate to it alot. I hate liking someone- it really sucks >:(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on December 21, 2005, 03:56:24 pm

hello girls,

I need your advice :)(obviously ::)).

There is this guy I like, a lot. I have been liking him for half a year now. But he got a girlfriend so I knew he wasn't available.

Now he broke up with his girlfriend since Sunday and I'm totally freaking out. Just the thought that he is single again makes my heart go, well really fast :). Of course I know he's totally not over it yet and won't be for the next months probably. On the one hand I feel so sorry for him because he's sad but on the other hand I wanna scream that I like him. What do I do? :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on December 22, 2005, 04:01:19 pm

[quote author=ElleJay link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=390#msg955888 date=1135283232]
My problem is resolved. Turns out the guy is seeing someone, in which he apparently told me but if i knew that, i wouldn't have gone near him. And he only met her 2 weeks ago where as we've had a little something going on and off for a year. Also you find out he went straight from the weekend we spent together to visiting her the next day and staying over the night and that's why his phone was off. And a few days later when you've found all this out you argue through texts and turns out he considers your relationship as "nothing". "It's not like there's anything going on between us is there?!".............................right. Nothing. Of course there is, nothing.

Men, well people in general infact, can be so heartless.
[/quote]

I'm sorry ellejay, that's really cruel :-\.

That really sucks!

:-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Laura on December 23, 2005, 08:51:46 am

-I've gotten rid of my posts because now i've had chance to write it down and rant, i think my private business is kept off the internet, just incase-

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on December 26, 2005, 11:59:14 am

Elle Jay- no offense intended, but this bloke sounds a right pillok. He had a girlfriend, yet he let things carry on with you? You're better off rid of him. *Hugs*.

Artanis- you have to make a move with this guy. Obviously, I'm not saying jump on him now, 'cos then theres the whole rebound issue, but I assume you're his friend, so you could comfort him right? And then in a month or so...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on December 26, 2005, 02:37:36 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=390#msg956943 date=1135616354]

Artanis- you have to make a move with this guy. Obviously, I'm not saying jump on him now, 'cos then theres the whole rebound issue, but I assume you're his friend, so you could comfort him right? And then in a month or so...
[/quote]

you thinks so? :)

Why did God make me so shy ::).... I'll try to go for it!


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: miSsliPgLoSoNastiK on December 26, 2005, 06:43:44 pm

Yeah, I reckon you should be there for him and stuff. He'll be understandably cut up at the moment, so you'll have to give him time. But try to stay close, for when he's ready.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on December 26, 2005, 06:43:59 pm

Good luck, Lies. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: blooming_wood on December 26, 2005, 07:47:03 pm

wow Christmas is over todays Boxxing Day..yippe Doctor Who special tonight!!

:-[Sorry

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on December 27, 2005, 08:07:46 am


Quote:
Yeah, I reckon you should be there for him and stuff. He'll be understandably cut up at the moment, so you'll have to give him time. But try to stay close, for when he's ready.



Quote:
Good luck, Lies.



Thanks guys, I'll keep you updated ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on December 29, 2005, 07:44:53 am

You'd better- lets have a sucessful year with new loves! Lol

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on December 29, 2005, 07:52:04 am

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=390#msg957902 date=1135860293]
You'd better- lets have a sucessful year with new loves! Lol
[/quote]

ow yes 8)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: my_preciousss on January 01, 2006, 01:14:12 pm

I was just wondering if anyone thinks this is cheating...

I got quite hammered last night, new years and all and kissed my best friend Emily a few times (just kisses, no tounge or anything). Right after I had called my boyfriend none the less. I do not consider this cheating but I'm a bit worried about what he would think of it. I don't know whether I should tell him or not. Would you consider this cheating?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on January 02, 2006, 08:17:19 am

Snail: I don't consider it cheating. New year is the one moment of the year when you can kiss everyone ;). You said there wasn't any tounge involved so I don't think you really cheated on you boyfriend. When it really bothers you, you can always talk with your boyfriend none the less to sort things out. I'm sure you'll be fine!

:-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 03, 2006, 06:19:21 am

Yeah- I don't think it's cheating. You didn't do it 'cos you fancied her just 'cos you were hammered. And it wasn't a proper kiss, so I wouldn't worry. Your boyf might just find it funny if you decide to tell him.

I need advice. My boyf's grandma died yesterday, and I don't know how to act around him. It's not something I've been throuh. I saw him at work yesterday, and he was doing a mix of being angry, quiet and overly jolly (himself, but very obviously forced) and I just kinda followed his leave. But there were times I just wanted to tell him to go sit in a corner and get on with crying ('cos he's told me he won't till the funeral). What do you lot suggest?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on January 03, 2006, 06:28:02 am

hey Ruth

hmm, that's a difficult one about your bf's grandma. Especially boys have difficulties showing their emotions. I think the best thing you can do is tell hem you are there for him if he ever wants to talk.
Most of the time the funeral is the moment where you realize what really happened and that's why people cry so much. Just try to be there for him and when you notice he doesn't say a thing about it I would talk to him because bottle up things isn't good :-\.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Laura on January 03, 2006, 11:10:46 am

[quote author=Snail link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=390#msg958581 date=1136139252]
I was just wondering if anyone thinks this is cheating...

I got quite hammered last night, new years and all and kissed my best friend Emily a few times (just kisses, no tounge or anything). Right after I had called my boyfriend none the less. I do not consider this cheating but I'm a bit worried about what he would think of it. I don't know whether I should tell him or not. Would you consider this cheating?
[/quote]

I wouldn't worry about it either. I think on new years eve especially it's a time to celebrate, be merry, and... kiss. Alot of cuddling, dancing and kissing goes on but it's not the type where you have that sort of feelings for someone. I think giving your best friend a few pecks on new years is absolutely fine and certainly not cheating. I don't think your boy friend even needs to know, but if you do tell him i don't think he'd mind. As Buzz said i think he'd just find it amusing anyway.

And Buzz, i really can't offer any advice, i've never been through anything like that myself either.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: my_preciousss on January 03, 2006, 03:09:30 pm

Buzz, I think the only thing you can do is let him know that you're there for him. Maybe try talking to him about it, but not in a forceful way.

And an update one my thingy... it was nothing, I just needed some reassurance. When I told him he actually said 'You kissed a girl?! Goddamn I missed it!' ::) He said it would have been different if it was with a stranger or a guy, but he knows my best friend so it was fine. Thanks for the help everyone.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on January 03, 2006, 03:41:09 pm

College starts back tomorrow and I'm so nervous I could either laugh or cry. I don't know what to do with myself, I keep thinking about both my guy dilemmas. I mean, it just got me so wound up the end of last year and because its a new year, I want it to be a fresh start. I just get so fed up that men never see me that way. I don't seem to attract any interest. It makes me feel unattractive and I am totally happy with my self as a person. I just don't know what guys don't like about me...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on January 03, 2006, 06:16:11 pm

LBG, are you going to the funeral? If so, that would probably really help him. Just physically knowing you're right there for him. If not, just do the best you can to let him know that you're there if he needs anything. Poor him. :(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on January 04, 2006, 02:26:31 am

LBG, I just agree with everyone else, let him know your there if he needs someone. Other than that, I don't think you can do anything else, guys are totally odd like that.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 04, 2006, 05:17:35 am


Quote:
LBG, are you going to the funeral?


I was gonna- then they put it back a few days to when I'm a college and can't get off to go. >:(

I think you're all probably right. He knows I'm there if he wants to talk. I just hope that his mood passes after the funeral. Went round his last night and we hardly talked. Argh! Mourning times are so different amongst people- I dunno how long to give him! :) Mind you, I'm meeting him today for dinner, so maybe away from his home environment, he'll be a bit more lively.

Snail- glad to hear your bloke was ok with it.

Hobbit_T- Maybe your new years resolution could be to stop trying to understand what they don't like? Focus on collage as a place where you have to work and chill with friends, and not somewhere to attract a boyfriend. Then outside, you can find somethings about yourself that people do like- ask your friends what they think are you best qualities- and when you know, lads might start to realise them too.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 04, 2006, 01:22:38 pm

Please Help!

This is going to sound very childish and probably thinkit's not worth answering but I really need help.
When I got up my mum asked if I would go to Egypt, I didn't answer but my mum seemed to take this as a "Yes I'd love to go to Egypt!" but I really don't wanna go there! I don't have anything against the place it's just not somewhere I'd choose to go. And so now she has it in her head that me, my dad, and her will all go there sometime this year. My brother doesn't worry about his answers sounding selfish like I do so he said he wouldn't go and so he doesn't have to go! I will probably be 18 when the holiday comes around and so I'll be OK to make my own mind up, but I don't wanna be selfish!

If someone could help I'll be so grateful!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 05, 2006, 05:43:35 am

I think you got 2 options hon.

1) Go to Egypt for what could be your last family holiday, age considered. You might actually enjoy it. What parts are you not bothered for? It's not all sand and tombs lol. Try having a look round the internet or talking to people who've been and finding out about anywhere in Egypt you'd be interested in going. I didn't want to go on my last years holiday to Austria but I ended up having a brilliant time.

Or

2) Tell your mother you've had a think and that Egypt isn't really a place you're bothered for going so would it be ok to either go somewhere different, or for you to stay home like your brother.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on January 05, 2006, 05:49:24 am

I agree with Ruth, Viktoria! I don't understand you don't want to go to Egypt though :D. It's one of my dreams to go to Egypt. It's such an amzing country with a lot of historical artefacts and so much great culture!!

Can I go in your suitcase ;)?

The best thing to do if you really don't want to go is just talk to you mother(or father). Be honest with them, they'll appreciate it!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on January 05, 2006, 05:59:28 am

I agree with Ruth, too. :)


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 05, 2006, 07:11:04 am

[quote author=Artanis link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=405#msg960382 date=1136458164]
It's one of my dreams to go to Egypt.[/quote]

Tell you what you go in my place.

It won't be our last holiday together but I know what you mean...I'll try and tell her today if I can. It's not the place I don't like it's just...I'd prefer to go somewhere else. No offence intended. Thanks for the help! :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on January 05, 2006, 07:13:09 am


Quote:
Tell you what you go in my place.


yay ;D

S where do you want to go? hope you have a great vacation :-*!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 05, 2006, 07:15:27 am

Lets see....Switzerland to meet up with Jśrg hopefully, New Zealand, America, Scotland, Ireland

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on January 05, 2006, 07:17:44 am

Make sure you tell her before she books anything. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 05, 2006, 10:42:05 am

Well I told her for all the good it did me! She didn't use these exact words but she basically said "Tough sh*t"

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on January 07, 2006, 07:16:02 pm

Weird things happen. I decided not to care anymore and then, all of a sudden, I saw Carl alone so I spoke to him again. I thought what the hell, better to regret somethig you do than something you don't do, plus I had nothing to lose, at least I gained more confidence. So anyway, I gave him my msn address. This time he added me. He still has his girlfriend, but I just want to be mates. We had a good long chat about stuff and it was fun. I then asked him the question that has been bugging me for ages, why did he never mention the girlfriend in the first place. All he could reply was don't know.
What does he mean by that.
Sorry if this is stupid and I must say, thanks for all your help and advice so far, I feel so much better with in my self, I feel a bit more confident know...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 09, 2006, 05:38:58 am


Quote:
Well I told her for all the good it did me! She didn't use these exact words but she basically said "Tough sh*t"


Well then, it looks like you're gonna have to do some research about Egypt and find out something you'd like to do while you're there. Make the best of it if you can't get out of it.

Just a lil qu- hope I'm not being nosey, but you said you'd prefer to go to-

Quote:
Switzerland to meet up with Jśrg hopefully

He was the waiter was he? Ever thought he might be the reason you're against the holiday, and not your dislike of the chosen destination? (Hope I'm getting the right person! If this wasn't you, just ignore me! *Hugs*)

[quote]I then asked him the question that has been bugging me for ages, why did he never mention the girlfriend in the first place. All he could reply was don't know.
What does he mean by that. [/quote]

Personally, I think he means it at face value- he doesn't know why he didn't tell you. We all do things without knowing why. Either that or he knew how you felt and didn't want to upset you and have you stop being his mate.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 05:41:12 am

Yeah Jśrg's my man.

I'm taking books!

I think, as stupid as this sounds, I don't want to leave the dog! ???
By the way; I had a dream about Jśrg last night.

Mum says that when we're going it's not going to be as hot. But I thought of what I'll do.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 09, 2006, 06:01:00 am


Quote:
But I thought of what I'll do.


What? (If you don't mind me asking)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 06:03:04 am

It's really silly and stupid! Are you sure you want to hear it?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 09, 2006, 06:17:21 am

Yes- it'll be neither silly or stupid!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 06:20:46 am

Alright well the first REALLY STUPID thing I thought of was try to think of it as making a film. When you're an actress you have to go places that you may not want to.
STUPID!

And then I thought if I take paper and a pen I can write a stroy while I'm there and post it here. Hopefully I won't end up writing 'Death On the Nile'!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 09, 2006, 06:25:55 am


Quote:
When you're an actress you have to go places that you may not want to.


It's a good way to put it in context. Nothing wrong with that.

I actually like the second, story idea. Like a diary kinda thing, or just a straight forward story? It'll give you something to focus on. I did that when I went to Kenya a couple of years back. Ended up where one day on the dessert trek (I went on a 5 week expedition btw) where we found this refuge church with disguarded food and plates and this mural on the wall. I wrote a whole story about a lil girl who went there and how the mural ws created. Very angsty, but very fun to do while I was there and inspired.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 06:30:25 am

Did you post that story? I'd like to read it.

I think I'd write both a story and a diary and if people wanted to read the diary I'd post it. Does that make sense?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 09, 2006, 06:32:15 am

Yeah that makes a lot of sense. I'd be interested in reading it. And I'll bet you now that you do find yourself having fun!

I'll probably post that story if I can find it. Have to be split into a few parts though. Called 'Watu Ya Amani'- look out for it. lol.

G2g- good luck with the story idea hon!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 06:33:19 am

Thanks! :-*

I like that title!

Bye! :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Enara on January 09, 2006, 02:00:31 pm

[color=Blue]Hi!!
Vicky, I“ve been reading through this thread about the trip to Egypt... and I“ve thought maybe you could use it as an inspiring experience for your future as a filmmaker...
Don“t you think so??

I love traveling and it is one of the best ways to open one“s mind and learn about other cultures...

And Egypt is in my list of places I must visit!!![/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 02:07:58 pm

[quote author=Enara link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=420#msg962158 date=1136833231]
[color=Blue]Hi!!
Vicky, I“ve been reading through this thread about the trip to Egypt... and I“ve thought maybe you could use it as an inspiring experience for your future as a filmmaker...
[/color]
[/quote]

I could.

In respects to the traveling I think in that sense I'm more of a Hobbit. I like to stay home around the familiar...well you've talked me into it. *Sigh*
Egypt here I come *sigh*

Thanks for all your help girls!

:-* :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Enara on January 09, 2006, 02:14:53 pm

[color=Blue]Do you know when the trip is going to be or how long it is supposed to be??
If you don“t mind me asking... :)

And remember that from time to time hobbits did leave The Shire!! ;)[/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 02:18:04 pm

Yeah...I think it's in March next year on a cruise down the nile...I hope I don't get sick! :-X :-[

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Enara on January 09, 2006, 02:20:57 pm

[color=Blue]I“m sure you won“t get sick!!
A cruise down the Nile... you must admit that sounds exciting even for a lovely hobbit like you!!
;)

And maybe you“ll meet another attractive waiter... ;D[/color]


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 02:24:55 pm

Maybe...if I'm lucky...I had a dream about that waiter last night! I woke up very happy. It was so sweet!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Enara on January 09, 2006, 02:25:53 pm

[quote author=Elijahs Impact link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=435#msg962190 date=1136834695]
Maybe...if I'm lucky...I had a dream about that waiter last night! I woke up very happy. It was so sweet!
[/quote]

Oh... it is great to wake up like that... with a lovely and sweet image!!
;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 02:32:07 pm

It was 4:30 in the morning when I woke up from the dream and half of me didn't wanna sleep! I could e-mail that hotel and find out if he's still there you know...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Enara on January 09, 2006, 02:35:32 pm

[quote author=Elijahs Impact link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=435#msg962195 date=1136835127]
It was 4:30 in the morning when I woke up from the dream and half of me didn't wanna sleep! I could e-mail that hotel and find out if he's still there you know...
[/quote]

[color=Blue]Why not?? you have nothing to loose...
I“d make a try!![/color]
:)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 02:37:32 pm

You think? OK blushing! I've done enough of that today! :) ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Enara on January 09, 2006, 02:39:21 pm

[quote author=Elijahs Impact link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=435#msg962198 date=1136835452]
You think? OK blushing! I've done enough of that today! :) ;D
[/quote]

[color=Blue]Hahaha... it is never enough... ;)
But take it easy... you have plenty of time!!! [/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 02:46:06 pm

Don't worry I don't think he's into me, he's like 5 and probably gay knowing my luck! I did give him a $20 tip though for drinks that weren't even half that!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Enara on January 09, 2006, 02:49:18 pm

[quote author=Elijahs Impact link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=435#msg962204 date=1136835966]
Don't worry I don't think he's into me, he's like 5 and probably gay knowing my luck! I did give him a $20 tip though for drinks that weren't even half that!
[/quote]

And how long ago was that??

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 02:50:33 pm

:-[Erm, 3 years ago... :-[

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Enara on January 09, 2006, 02:52:55 pm

[color=Blue]Then it sounds like a very intense experience for you...
That“s nice!! I mean that you still remember him and want to see him again...

It is not an easy situation... but who knows what future can bring to you.[/color]

:)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 03:03:03 pm

Being 14 it was kinda cool to like someone who wasn't famous. I've actually had a few dreams. I wrote the first one in my diary it was weird! I still can see it though! ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Enara on January 09, 2006, 03:04:57 pm

[color=Blue]I see...

Well, as I said, who knows what may happen... [/color]

:)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 03:05:59 pm

Thanks for the help! :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Enara on January 09, 2006, 03:09:32 pm

[color=Blue]Hey,
You are very welcome!!! :-*
We“re friends and future co-workers... ;)[/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 03:12:27 pm

Yep! Friends and co-workers only have each other! ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 09, 2006, 03:32:56 pm

Aww- bless ya both.
What was the dream (if you can repeate it on this section of the forum;))

I found that story. Gonna post it.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2006, 03:35:40 pm

Great can't wait to read it!

The first dream or the one last night? They're both repeatable ;D
I'm a good girl ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 24, 2006, 08:35:44 am

Both! Lol. If you've forgotten I will understand! Lol.

As for the Egypt thingy- Cristiel posted this on a thread in misc. Thought you might be interested.


Quote:
My best holiday was when I went to Egypt a few years ago. Since I was a child, I've been fascinated by the old Egyptian culture and it was my dream to visit the country. First, we flew to Cairo where we stayed at a hotel that offered a magnificent view of the Pyramids. We visited the Pyramids, the Egyptian museum (that houses the treasure of Tutanchamon), Sakkara and Memphis. Then we flew to Luxor where we boarded the ship for a cruise on the Nile. We visited the temples of Luxor and Karnak, Dendara, the valley of the Kings and Queens (went inside Tutanchamon's grave), the temples of Edfu and Filae and of course the most beautiful temples in Egypt: Abu Simbel. Just being there was so impressive. I'm definitely going back there someday.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 24, 2006, 08:51:57 am

Thanks! :-*
The first dream I had was really weird! This is taken from my diary:
Last night I had a dream me and Jśrg were making a film on the PC and he put some lipstick, blusher, and fake eyelashes on and pretended to be a woman! He was excellent!

I told you weird! And the last dream I had:
My parents and I were going on vacation to Switzerland and I showed them the way to the hotel Jśrg works at* When we got there dad went behind the desk with Jśrg. Jśrg was looking at me as if he remembered me and he had a scar on his arm** that I remebered. He had matured aswell!

* In reality I was actually taking them the wrong way in the dream but hey!

** In reality there was no scar on his arm!


Not very interesting but any dream with Jśrg is a dream worth having. I could try to e-mail him you know!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 24, 2006, 09:31:52 am

That's a really weird dream about the woman dressing. Each to their own lol. I wonder why your subconscious invented a scar for him?!

As for e-mail- I say go for it. It's be worth seeing if you got a freind in him at least! ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 24, 2006, 09:37:55 am

You're the second person to say that. It's actually the hotels e-mail address but I could ask if he still works there I suppose

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 24, 2006, 09:47:41 am

It'd be worth a try wouldn't it. They might be able to give you a contact too if he doesn't.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 24, 2006, 09:53:17 am

Alright I'll e-mail and ask if he still works there. If I get a reply I'll post it here!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elijahs_girl on January 25, 2006, 12:59:46 pm

Hey guys. I have a bit of a problem, and didn't know who else to turn to :(

First of all, I was doing something bad- I was supposed to be in my friends email account for a second to send something from it, and I noticed the title of an email she had been sent and thought i'd just have a sneaky look. The trouble is, I didn't like what I saw at all. It was from her sister to my friend and it was saying how her sister heard that my brother stole money from the pizza hut he was working in and it's really serious. I don't know why it's affecting me so much, but it is. I really want to believe he didn't do it- wouldn't I know if he had? And if he had done something bad there, why would he have wanted me to ask her sister if she knew him in the first place? That was how she knew he was my brother.

He's adopted and has had a rough time, but I just can't believe this is true.
Sorry, this is a ramble :-[

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 26, 2006, 03:58:34 am

Ouch. Not a fun situation. I think we can forgive you looking at your mates messages- never a good thing, but in this case you've found out something she really ought to have asked/ told you about.


Quote:
stole money from the pizza hut he was working in and it's really serious.


Do you mean serious to you, or a serious situation at his work? If it was the latter, then surely either he'd have mentioned it or (if it was true) he'd have been fired.

Don't condem your brother yet. Its about something your friends sister heard right? Not something she saw. So at the moment it's just hearsay. The only way your going to find out the truth is to ask your brother. Either that or you can think of it as simply rumor and try forget it.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elijahs_girl on January 26, 2006, 03:41:54 pm

Thats for the advice Ruth.

"It's serious" was what it said in the email.

I don't think I'm going to make a desicion just yet cos I don't know what to think yet. I'll let you know what I decide to do, and thanks again.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on January 27, 2006, 04:13:34 am

i dont really know anybody here yet but my problem is i have a good friend and sometimes i feel she can be over the top. i dont know. is it ok that she when she comes over to my new place arrange everything to make it look more homely that suits her??? she doesnt ask me how i want things. plus she tells me about my shortcomings but if i try to tell her she gets all moody.amongst other things but i feel like im bitchin so im not sure whether to say more. ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 27, 2006, 05:12:25 am

You're not bitching. And no she shouldn't be arranging things in your home to suit her. Have you tried telling her to stop telling you about your shortcomings?
I'm Vicky by the way ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on January 27, 2006, 07:11:07 am

I agree with vicky. you are not bitching at all. it's your home isn't it?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on January 27, 2006, 03:40:41 pm

yes it is but i feel impolite if i say much. :P maybe ill try to say it tactfully. ;) ps. also she is gay and sometimes refers to herself as a he and likes dressing in mens clothes. do lesbians do that?? why cant she just be her :/ also she got me to give her 35 dollars to pay a courier to deliver a package to elijahs new record label but has taken a long time to send it and still hasnt she comes up with excuses

i wrote her this mesage after she refused to give me the money back.

its interesting how everyone who disagrees with you is selfish and mean and you give them ultimatums and its never ever you.you pick at other peoples shortcomings but nobody is allowed to tell you about yours its a one way relatiohship with you jena . and ive been unhappy with you for a while . i find you controlling ,overbearing ,a bad atttude, no care or regard for my feelings or my things. how many friends have you lost in a few weeks jena??maybe you should look at yourself and the way you interact with people. you have the audoasity to use the fact that you cleaned my house against me?? when i never asked you to do any of that that was totally on you and you have the nerve to use that against me in a disagreement . ive has enough this was the last straw of things that have been building up .you.im telling you if you harrass me in any way or come near me again i will promise you i will call the police.so im telling you now to leave me alone and dont talk to me.ring me ot text me in any way anymore.this is the lastt communication i will be having with you.

she wont stop sending me harrasing text messages im afraid she will start on me the next time she sees me she has a terrible temper. :o

sorry for the long post.no-one has to answer me if they dont want too. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jazzspirit on January 28, 2006, 11:58:07 pm

Okay- I have a small problem which I could really use help with. I really like this guy and in these past couple of weeks he started to notice me, he would flirt with me and call me but now he is trying to get me to help him get a date with my friend. I don't want to but I don't want to be a jerk. This happens all the time where the guy I like falls for my friend and I am really sick of it so should I help him or not because everytime he talks to me about her my heart drops.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on January 30, 2006, 04:17:45 am

Emilys_star

Quote:
ps. also she is gay and sometimes refers to herself as a he and likes dressing in mens clothes. do lesbians do that?? why cant she just be her :/

She is being her. That seems to be just her style *Shrugs*

Is that the message you sent her? Because you may have come across a bit nasty. You probably should've phrased it a bit more seriously. Stated what exactly is the problem and such. And if you terminate contact with her, then how exactly are you gonna get your money back. I would suggest either writing to her again, appologising for being short in your last message due to neing angry, and just explain things calmly.

Angelic Devil

Personally, I think they guy is a bit of a rat if he was using flirting with you as a way to get to your best friend. It's a bit under the belt really isn't it? Suggest to him that he works on your friend himself if he wants her, and tell him that if he doesn't like you in that way to stop flirting because it's hurting you. He'll carry on doing it without realising that you like him and its effectign you unless you tell him.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on January 30, 2006, 07:04:18 pm

before i wrote that to her she had sent me a similar nasty voicemail.
so i was just retaliting.but yes it is better to talk through what the problem is. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on February 09, 2006, 06:43:18 am

K girls- what do you do when PMT hits and you start feeling ever so slightly depressed but don't know why? 'Cos I'm bored of feeling so damned neutral!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on February 09, 2006, 06:58:37 am

Heh Chocolate! It depends how down you feel. Crying helps because you get rid of some of the feelings.

That's why I didn't win The Best Therapist award! ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on February 09, 2006, 06:59:30 am

i try to get myself into a good mood. i take a nice bath, listen to my music, doing something good for my body. or i have a nice dinner out with my friends and we are chatting. sometimes i just try to forget about it.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on February 09, 2006, 08:32:13 am


Quote:
That's why I didn't win The Best Therapist award!
Lol- well I did and I have no clue! Lol. chocolate is always good though. Will have to dig in my bag see if I have any.


Quote:
i take a nice bath, listen to my music

That sounds nice. I think I'll do that when I get home.

thanks guys.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on February 09, 2006, 02:06:24 pm

I cuddle up in bed with lots of pillows and blankets and watch one of my favourite films with my teddy bear. I also eat a family sized bar of chocolate all to my self in the space of 2 hours.
PIIIIIG!
Feels so cosy afterwards though.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on February 09, 2006, 04:22:24 pm

is she right??? this is how it went today

i texted her to ask her iof her check came[ cos she was worried about it]

she said no

then i asked her when she was coming over

next week or something and couldnt talk

so i said k

the the next thingi know she rings me and screams down the phone in a tantrum saying she couldnt take nothing anymore and to stop texting etc...... liek i would know if she is stressed????. im so sick of her talking out her frustrations on me. but shes one of my only friends. i dont have many :'(

before that last time we agreed to just say time-out if we we pissed off at each other.but no she doesnt bother to do it.i know she isnt a very good friend but i dont know very many people.*sigh*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on February 10, 2006, 03:36:24 am

I think you need to try make some new friends to be honest Emilys_star. Try joining a social group or something. what hobbies do you have or an interest that you could try out?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on February 10, 2006, 05:19:02 am

I know this si a double post, but I felt it needed to be seperate just so people were aware-

Recently there has been a problem with sexual issues over on the misc forum. Now, we're willing to help with any problems or advice etc regarding sexual stuff, but it's going to have to be by PM. The following members are standing by to give you help in the sex area-

LegolasBuzzgirl (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=LegolasBuzzgirl;imsubject=Agony Aunts) (female)
Le Deux Machina (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE;imsubject=Agony Aunts) (female)
<*>Epica<*> (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=Frodo_Ubsessed;imsubject=Agony Aunts) (female)
Snail (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=my_preciousss;imsubject=Agony Aunts)(female)

Thanks. you may also notice that the first page has changed (the links to PMable members are on there too) and the topic has been put as sticky.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on February 10, 2006, 03:40:52 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=465#msg977203 date=1139560584]
I think you need to try make some new friends to be honest Emilys_star. Try joining a social group or something. what hobbies do you have or an interest that you could try out?
[/quote]

its funny you say that i just joined a yahoo group that meets up lol. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on February 11, 2006, 05:12:41 am

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=465#msg977225 date=1139566742]
Les Deux Machina (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE;imsubject=Agony Aunts) (female)[/quote]

Just noticed, you spelled my name wrong there. It's Le Deux Machina. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Frodo_Ubsessed on February 11, 2006, 09:41:52 am

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=465#msg977225 date=1139566742]
I know this si a double post, but I felt it needed to be seperate just so people were aware-

Recently there has been a problem with sexual issues over on the misc forum. Now, we're willing to help with any problems or advice etc regarding sexual stuff, but it's going to have to be by PM. The following members are standing by to give you help in the sex area-

LegolasBuzzgirl (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=LegolasBuzzgirl;imsubject=Agony Aunts) (female)
Les Deux Machina (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE;imsubject=Agony Aunts) (female)
<*>Epica<*> (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=Frodo_Ubsessed;imsubject=Agony Aunts) (female)
Snail (http://always.ejwsites.net/YaBBSE/index.php?board=;action=imsend;to=my_preciousss;imsubject=Agony Aunts)(female)

Thanks. you may also notice that the first page has changed (the links to PMable members are on there too) and the topic has been put as sticky.

[/quote]

*Waves to everyone* I'm here, at your service. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: ElijahLover713 on February 12, 2006, 08:15:31 pm

So, some of you might know about my boyfriend, Timmy. We've been going out since May of 2005, about 9 months. He's so awesome, I'm very happy with him. He's an awesome person, and a great boyfriend.

But...

There's this guy at work, Mike, that I'm starting to fall for. Well actually I've pretty much fallen for him. He's 2 years older than me, absolutely gorgeous... He used to have a girlfriend, but we would flirt all the time. I mean, he flirts with everyone, but my friends at work said he definitely never acted like that around anyone else. On the advice of one of my friends, I [stupidly] told him that I was starting to like him. He gave me the "I have a girlfriend" line, and then started getting really shy around me, blah blah blah. Eventually they broke up because she cheated on him like 6 times.

He's been flirting with me again. I find myself thinking about him alot, things I should be thinking about Timmy. Nothing would ever happen with Mike (it's just one of those things that wouldn't work out...). He's a pothead, which is one reason I wouldn't want anything to happen. He likes sex. I'm still a virgin, by choice (I've had a hard time with this, I give myself credit! I'm starting to wish I wasn't though, hmm). He has his own apartment...my dad works with us too, and probably would not let me anywhere NEAR him. He doesn't trust anybody that works there. He threatened all the guys before I started working there that if anybody touched me, he would beat them to a pulp haha.

So, my question is...what should I do about Timmy? I feel like I'm cheating on him by liking Mike, even though I can't help things like that. I haven't been acting on these feelings but the urge is getting harder to resist haha. Like the other day, I had the most major urge to slap Mike's ass when he was bending over the freezer. If I hadn't had a pile of silverware in my hands, I might have. I'm having dreams about Mike. It's ridiculous!

I feel like I should break up with Timmy, but I know that once I do I will regret it more than anything. I hate feeling like I'm sneaking around though. I need a flirter...I love when guys flirt with me. Timmy's not a flirter..it's not really in his personality. Mike's a majorrrr flirter. I love it. I don't think I'm made for relationships, but I really enjoy the one I'm in right now. If I could have two relationships, I'd be fine.

I don't know if any of this is making sense, but any thoughts would be appreciated. It's been dragging me down for like...4 months. If you have any questions or want to know more or anything, PM me or post here. I'm desperate, I feel like I'm getting split in half. :(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on February 13, 2006, 10:21:42 am

Oops- sorry Sarah. I'll change that. I saw 'deux' and think 2 so 'les' is automatic since it's plural. Lol- I'm a freak. The link still works though at least.

***

Glinda-I think you need to sit down and have a good think about how your current crush effects things with your boyf. When you're with Timmy do you find yourself wishing you weren't? Are you any less attracted to him that you were? If you did split up, would you be any happier?

You've said that

Quote:
Nothing would ever happen with Mike (it's just one of those things that wouldn't work out...). He's a pothead, which is one reason I wouldn't want anything to happen. He likes sex. I'm still a virgin, by choice (I've had a hard time with this, I give myself credit! I'm starting to wish I wasn't though, hmm). He has his own apartment...my dad works with us too, and probably would not let me anywhere NEAR him. He doesn't trust anybody that works there. He threatened all the guys before I started working there that if anybody touched me, he would beat them to a pulp haha.

which basically sounds like you've accepted nothing would happen even if you weren't taken.


Quote:
I feel like I'm cheating on him by liking Mike, even though I can't help things like that.

You're not cheating on him. We all get attractions when we shouldn't when we're in a couple (believe me- been there, done that). The only thing that makes it cheating is acting on it. There is nothing wrong with liking someone. Think about it- you're attracted to Elijah Wood (or other actors) and that's not cheating is it? :) I know it's different, but try rationalise it like that. Ok, so he's a man you happen to fancy. So what? you're with Timmy and even after 4 months, you're still with Timmy. Tells you something doesn't it?

Plus-

Quote:
He used to have a girlfriend, but we would flirt all the time.

would you really want to take a chance on someone who you know is like that despite being in a couple? Whats to say he'd be any different if going out with you?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: my_preciousss on February 14, 2006, 06:22:08 pm

Glinda, I really don't think you should break up with your current boyfriend. First off, leaving one for the other isn't fair, especially since the relationship you have with Timmy seems pretty stable, I'm assuming you guys haven't been having problems.

Secondly, you seem to like Mike mostly for the attention he gives you and the 'want-what-you-can't-have' deal. Also from the description you gave of him, do you really think you guys have enough in common to work out?

So you have a little crush, and flirt a little, big deal. I jokingly flirt with my guy friends ALL the time and I'm in a relationship. As long as there are no underlying feelings it's okay. And since you've already said you don't think anything would ever happen (and since you don't WANT anything to happen) I think you're good. Don't feel guilty, it's normal, you've done nothing wrong :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Colleen on February 14, 2006, 06:37:23 pm

mind if i ask for advice? its not exactly about guys...actually it has nothing to do with guys...its about school. exciting life, i know. ::)

i realize i'm only in 10th grade, but its never too soon to worry about colleges and things like that. i know when i go to college (which is another problem...i dont even know where to apply!) i want to do something with either journalism, psychology, and music. i know i want to do music as a minor, but what do i do about jorunalism and psychology? i want to do both equally as bad...and i could do one as a major and one as a minor...but i want music something (which reminds me...i need to look up what i can study having to do with music) as my minor. a friend suggested a double major, but that would be nuts and way too much of a workload if you ask me. i cant figure out what i want to do more...and what university would offer classes with good programs for these studies. blah...help?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: HobbitFancier on February 17, 2006, 01:30:23 pm

Well, for one thing, you are only in 10th grade, so there's no need to get stressed about all of this now. Enjoy high school! Lol.

As far as your majors go, it's good that you already have an idea of what you'd like to do. But, let's face it, two or three years from now, your mind may change!

My advice would be this:

Start looking up colleges, finding out which ones offer all the things you're interested in. Don't worry about deciding your major right now. Just do some preliminary research. You still have quite a while before you need to start applying places.

Look at colleges that appeal to you (this appeal is different for everyone, depending on what qualities you want your school to have), and also ones that have a broad range of majors and classes (including the ones you're interested in).

If, when you start applying, you are still torn between journalism, psychology, and music, this is what I suggest:

Pick one as a major, and list another as a minor. Don't get yourself bogged down in a double major right away.

Then, go to school, and take some classes. For most people, freshman year is full of mostly general education classes anyway. So you could take some psych classes, maybe get involved in a band or music class, and try writing for the school paper or something. That way, you could get involved with all 3 of your interests.

I mean, you may find out that you hate one of them, and like something else better! Once you're in college, you have basically 2 full years to cement your major. You can change it as many times as you need to, or even go in with no major at all.

Bascially, a major is definitely nothing to stress over now!


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on February 20, 2006, 04:51:50 am

Put it this way- I have 8 months before I go to uni, and I only decided what I was doing a couple of months ago. And it was entirely different from what I wanted three years ago. So don't stress about it yet. Give it a year, get some experience like Flummoxed said, and then you can decide what you'd prefer. And it always helps to talk it out with your teachers, friends, and parents and get their advice too.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on February 20, 2006, 05:20:54 am

I agree with Manda and Ruth. I'm in grade twelve this year, and I only made up my mind last year. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on February 20, 2006, 04:01:40 pm

I don't know what age you are in 10th Grade... but I'm picking up that you have a few years to go yet before you hit Uni age.
I only decided what I wanted to do when I started College (this isn't university in Britain) which is Graphic Design. 2 years before that however, I was interested in estate agency, and before that it was teaching. Quite different subjects, eh? lol
It was only when I got close to the stage of applying that I finally decided what I wanted.

Things will become clearer as you get older as to what you want. You will understand how things work as your school starts to explain things to you, and how you think you'll be able to cope with the pressure of the different courses that you're looking into.

Until then, all you can really do is research the things you are currently interested in. Find the courses that you think will be useful to you for exactly what you are wanting to do.
I wouldn't get too worried about things at this stage though, you have a long way to go, and once you're up to deciding you'll see that its all pretty easy really because you're at a point where you know exactly what you want.

Until then, sit back and enjoy the easy life that is High School. ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on February 22, 2006, 12:35:08 am

like the others said, don't worry. I'm starting uni next week and i only decided what course i wanted to do the day or a few before that i had to apply. I had wanted to do arts/engineering (i don't know how aus uni systems compare but it meant i'd have a major in engineering and a major in the arts like journalism or whatever) but then decided in the week i was due to apply that i wanted to do marketing instead which is entirely different. and i'm still so glad i changed. So don't get urself stressed about it. It'll come to you.. and even if it doesn't you are allowed to make mistakes and swap degrees and what not. Just let it find you instead of over analysing things too much :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on February 22, 2006, 04:25:30 am

Hey friends i have got a problem. my relation with my dad is very bad. i hate him. he doesn't accept who i am and stuff.
the thing is that his wife turned in now. she asked me to talk with her so she can talk to him. the thing is she is one of my problems. i don't like her a lot and i just can take to see how my dad treads her cos he never did that with my mom (things like a nice touch or a kiss). i don't know if i shall talk to her cos i know where it ends. my dad will deny everything and i am the bad one again. and he will hurt me again...
what shall i do? i don't even wanna see him!


oh and something completely different: what do you do when you feel totally lonley and no one is around?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on February 22, 2006, 04:54:19 am

Tamara- sorry to hear about your problems woth your dad. That must really bite.

I'd be tempted to talk to your stepmum. If you can get on acceptable footing with her then that might actually help get thinks ok with your Dad. I mean, you could always ask her to talk to you and NOT tell your Dad. That way you two can get to understand each other and she might be more willing to help you out when he kicks off.

When I feel alone I read or draw or stick on music and just dance around. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on February 22, 2006, 05:05:18 am

thank you LegolasBuzzgirl . the thing is i don't accept her as a stepmother i have my mum and don't need or want anybody else trying to take this place which she tries. and i am scared that my dad will do it again..hurt me...not only my soul but my body again...if you know what i mean.. :'(

not alone but lonely..inside i mean..

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on February 22, 2006, 05:11:56 am

Aww, Tamara. I'm so sorry about your Father. If he's hurting you, maybe it's best that you just stay with your Mum. Does she know that he's hurt you physically, before?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on February 22, 2006, 05:15:09 am

nope i never told he because i don't want her to think bad about him. a part of her still loves him. a natural thing i think. she has got to children with that man so...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on February 22, 2006, 06:03:06 am


Quote:
the thing is i don't accept her as a stepmother i have my mum and don't need or want anybody else trying to take this place which she tries


Well, don't think of her as a step mum then- think of her as a potential allie.


Quote:
nope i never told he because i don't want her to think bad about him.


Is it better to live a lie or know the truth though? Would you want to be told if you were your mum? Even if she does still love your dad then she loves you as much or even more- you're her child and as such deserve her protection.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on February 22, 2006, 06:36:23 am

I think talk to your mum about it. I would think it'd hurt more if i was a mum to be kept in the dark about my daughters problems while she's talking to the step mum about it... not that i don't think you should try and reconcile with your step mum but maybe give your mum the chance... you don't have to tell her everything.
If he's abused you physically or mentally you need to tell someone! It's not fair for you to have to live like that.

As for lonely. I'm actually going through a bout of loneliness at the moement... but i always find watching micheal Jackson dance makes me happy! So i put on my MJ number ones dvd... Or i talk to my mum... today i had a good cry to her and then my dad and the problem's not solved but i feel a million times better! :) or do you have a friend you can call? Or a favourite movie? I just try and do things that make me feel happy?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on February 23, 2006, 05:44:24 am

thanks guys. i decided not to talk to my fathers wife cos it's none of her business. i will just go on living my life as it was. i don't need my dad, never did never will!
well i never told my mom but mom's are knowing things even without you said it loud. the day the will come i will tell her but i don't thing it is the right time now. in october will be better cos of my bro. as long as he is underaged my father is a danger for him so i will wait till then

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on February 25, 2006, 04:14:39 am

Hey my sweeties got another problem..what do you do when you get exam nerves?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on February 25, 2006, 10:33:30 am

I had my GCSEs a while ago (the last exam you take in high school in England) and I was nervous. If you can occupy yourself with something else.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on February 25, 2006, 10:46:42 am

i also just finished high school... and had my final exams about 3 months ago. I was one of those people who just doesn't get nervous... which is as bad as getting overly nervous. So i didn't really have to deal with it except for the odd occasion. But all i can reccoment is that you study enough so that you can be satisfied and convinced that you did as much as you could.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on February 26, 2006, 03:26:31 am

thanks anna i hope it get all the stuff into my head till then cos when not i will have to do it again 6 moths later and that would be the worst thing ever!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on February 27, 2006, 04:53:47 am

I'd say study so you know it. Then after an hour of so stickon a cd and just chill so you're not over loading yourself.

Nerves can be good- they keep you focused. Try think of 'em as positive!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on February 27, 2006, 05:36:34 am

yeah. good point. over studying becomes unproductive! you need to give yourself a chance to absorb stuff

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on February 27, 2006, 06:48:44 am

thanks ladies but what do i do when i am sitting right in the test and loosing my nerve?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on February 27, 2006, 07:12:29 am

just stay calm. If you've studied you'll most likely know the answers. Try not to panic and take it slowly. If you read through them and know nothing, try and make logical guesses! that's what i'd always do in physics tests and it usually worked

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on February 27, 2006, 09:38:32 am

If you do essay based subjects do a spider diagram plan before you start. That calms me down, because I know that I know it, and also whoevers marking your paper at the end of the day can see you know what you're on about too.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on February 28, 2006, 07:06:33 am

thank you again. the thing i fear most is maths because i am not good at it. but i think when i get the test right it will be not so bad

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on February 28, 2006, 07:23:23 am

with maths... that's the best thing to study for... well at least i think so. i did a course that was mostly calculus, trig, algebra kinda stuff... and it's all rules and methods... so if you just do heaps of practice questions/exams you'll be great! make a cheat sheet for yourself that has examples of questions you've gotten wrong in the past so when approaching a new one that has the same kinda method you can try and learn from your mistake, getting that help without totally giving up on it. And if you do do all the questions you can ... or can bare to do... you'll most likely not get something you've never seen before and at least know how to approach it. I'm not sure how it is elsewhere but in Victoria we got consequential marks, which means if we showed that we knew the method we should be using to solve a problem we would get marks for that even if the answer was wrong.
hope that helps! :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on February 28, 2006, 10:02:06 am

Online revision got me through maths. GCSE bitesize, SAM learning, s-cool... even sites not directly linked to the exam we were doing were usueful cos they give you questions and answers, so you can see your rating too.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: TotalGeek on March 01, 2006, 07:55:51 pm

OK, I have a friend issue.

Lately my friend has been really rude. She's never been before, but now she is. She ignores me when I try to talk to her and the only time she will actually talk to me is to tell me something that hurts my feelings. Ok, and I'm Costume manager for an upcoming play and she went to the person who ran the whole thing, telling her how it's not my thing, and how she's all into fashion. It's like, that job, has nothing to do with fashion design. I don't make the clothes. And I really want to do it.
And she has this thing that just because I don't wear a buch of make-up and I don't straighten my hair like her, I'm dirt and gross. I take a shower everyday. Not good enough.
So I tried talking to her. She rolls her eyes. I really love her and she seems like family to me, but I don't understand why she's being this way. There has been many other things. And I'm not perfect, I've done things too, but she's really hurting me and she won't listen. I'm worried about her .. it's not only me she's been doing this too, everyone has been saying the same thing.


So my question is, do you have any advice on how to get her to listen? It may seem like I dislike her, I'm just annoyed and tired. And worried.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on March 02, 2006, 04:55:34 am

Maybe there's something going on at home and she's putting up defenses. I had a really bad few months a while back, my brother was a real arse for a while, and i needed to be treated normal at school and by my friends so i kinda tried to keep them at bay so they wouldn't find out how shit i was feeling at home at times.
Anyway maybe just give her some time. I know it's not fair on you or anyone else she's treating poorly but there might be something deeper behind it.
That being said i think you should confront her at some point, maybe try and ring her at home or drop around unexpectedly so you can talk properly. If things don't get better over the next few weeks.
Otherwise i'm out of ideas... i've never really understoon the relm of girl fights... there's so much subtext! lol

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on March 02, 2006, 05:49:56 am

It sounds like she has a thing with you because of thsi job. Did she go in for the same thing? I'd suggest asking if you could share it, but that might cause more arguments or even one of you trying to take over (be it probably inadvertedly in your case).

How long has it been going on? How long has she been like this with your other friends? Maybe you should all go talk to her together. Not gang up on her, but make it very clear that while you're concerned and willing to help her with anythign she's going through that's causing this, that none of you will stand for abuse. I think you may all have to be ready to really walk away before she'll open up.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on March 08, 2006, 07:43:46 am

OK this is a weid kinda question but what else would you expect from me?!

There was a murder over here in England of a little 11 year old boy nad for some reason I keep having dreams that put me at the scene and I keep thinking I could have stopped it happening.

Anyone know how to stop these dreams?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on March 08, 2006, 08:34:03 am

Ouch- that's a really nasty dream to be having! I've heard of the case (I think- is it the cystic fibrosis kid?) and I bet this has something to do with all the media attention it's getting. When that dies down (I'd give it a week or so) your dreams probably will too. Aside from that, I'd suggest trying to learn to control your dreams (which is actually possible). When you feel yourself kinda waking as they happen, try and influence the course of events so it changes to something else. I can do it in early morning, but I dunno if it'll work at night or for other people. Other than that, I got no ideas! :(






Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on March 08, 2006, 08:36:38 am

Yes that's the case. It's so weird because now I'm actually thinking that I was there when he met the murderer and could have stopped it. The young boy was from Manchester and that's a fair distance from where I live so it's totally weird I think that in my dreams.

Thanks for the help!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on March 12, 2006, 02:56:47 am

as dreams are a way of the human brain to handle things i think they will go away in time so don't worry.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on March 16, 2006, 09:08:16 am

Thanks ladies. The dreams have gone. It was weird. Now I'm back to dreaming of dead people of many years ago! Honestly.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Laura on March 19, 2006, 01:43:07 pm

Now i typed it all out i feel better so decided to delete this post.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on March 20, 2006, 04:01:49 am

you're not a loser babe. Never think that. The correct term is 'victim of circumstance'. *hugs*


Quote:
A guy who she's talked to a few times through text and met once or twice

So they kinda know each other. At least it wasn't a stranger, 'cos that would've been really bad for you.


Quote:
When she was away in the toilets i swear i felt him flirting

So this negates-
[quote]whenever were out shes the one who gets all the attention.
[/quote]
As does-

Quote:
One guy even had to pull me away as he said i looked like a gooseberry stood there by myself

So it's not really that she gets more attention than you. Does she usually follow up on said attention? Maybe it just feels like she gets more because you're too fixed on what she's getting to see what you're getting.


Quote:
And why did i have to get left, stood in the middle of a dance floor while they would start kissing for a solid 2 minutes
at the end of the day, did you really expect they wouldn't? I mean, they arranged to meet, spent four hours flirting, and it would be weird if they hadn't got that far. I'm not saying it's nice- I'd never do that to a friend, personally- but she was drunk, so not entirtely in control.

It might be rebound like you said. I mean, have they met since? Would it annoy you more if they did, or less? You might be able to put it down to a drunken misshap, which your mate'll be sorry for causing.


Quote:
How do some girls have such good luck finding a guy and some find it almost impossible

Personally, I'd look somewehere else other than clubs. It's all alchol fuelled. Not saying it can't work, but it'd be better to talk to them sober first.

You didn't even have a real question, so god knows what advice I'm giving. Lol. Hell- we're here to rant to in the end ain't we? Lol. *hugs*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Laura on March 20, 2006, 07:44:01 am

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=510#msg993649 date=1142845309]



Quote:
How do some girls have such good luck finding a guy and some find it almost impossible

Personally, I'd look somewehere else other than clubs. It's all alchol fuelled. Not saying it can't work, but it'd be better to talk to them sober first.


[/quote]

Yeah i've definitely come to that conclusion that it's never a good idea to look for a guy in a club. It's just... where elsewhere? I've really difficult.

How did you and your guy meet?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on March 20, 2006, 08:24:26 am

I work with him, thats where we met. Any prospects where you are? :) Alot of my friends with partners met at social groups, like personally I do drama, but there's stuff like hobby groups, or volunteer work and the like. Gives you something in common to talk about too.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Laura on March 20, 2006, 11:51:31 am

In a couple of weeks i finish my lectures at uni and once all the work is out of the way within the next month i'll be free to do anything. I'm looking for a job, or two. And interested in some sort of social group. Just what, i don't know. I'm starting to look into it.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: practically magic on March 23, 2006, 07:12:53 pm

Any suggestions on how to get rid of a stalker?! LOL!!!! ;D ;D

Actually not as bad as that.... but he's still texting me after 3weeks of me not replying?!

Should've realised he was gonna be a strange one after originally meeting him when drunk at a club, snogging him (ooops, me bad!! but he was damned cute.... 5'7" BIG green eyes, brown hair nicely styled....and when he put his glasses on when we left the club to find me a taxi home - I truely thought I had found my very own geeky hobbit!!!!! ;D ;D) but then next day via text he's telling me he was in love (wuv) with me ...huuummm ???... but he was cute so I went along with it and met up with him a few days later.
This time I was sober..... he, unfortunately, got drunker and as he got drunker felt he had the right to keep trying to put his hands down the back of my trousers (which I protested I hasten to add but he said it was either that or keep attempting to fondle my breast?!).... GOD! we were in a bar with LOADS of people around?!?!? >:( ??? but I STILL gave him the benefit of the doubt.... and a few days later I went back to see if it could ever work out..... and.... NO WAY!!!!! :o :( :'(

So I dumped him later on that evening via text (...sorry ::) ....I had actually dumped him when he walked me to my car and attempted to avoid his kisses goodbye 3 times!!!) but he still thought we were 'going out together' ??? - something again that I said wasn't really the case as we'd only ever met each other twice when he was pushing me for an answer as to if I was his girlfriend?!??!

...anyway..... long story to date.... have not texted him for 3weeks and he's still texting me?!??!!! ??? I actually thought he'd got the message the other night when he huffed about the fact I was ignoring him then 30mins later sent me a text asking if I needed a flatmate as he needed to move out of his flat!!!! ::) (thank GOD he doesn't know where I live?!??!)

SO - being told it was never gonna happen, ignoring his texts doesn't seem to be working, any other suggestions?? ;D ;D

All suggestions would be greatly appreciated ;D ;D

oooh - and he also kept saving that he 'wuv'd' me rather than love...... I amazed I never slapped the guy!!!!! :D

Any suggestions on how I can find a nice guy..... clubs/bars don't seem to work (tend to get too drunk to gain confidence then things like theabove happen!!), have tried internet dating (waste of time!! - seem to attract waaaayyyy too many teenagers who want to have an older woman pass on their knowledge and experience in the art of 'love making'?!??!! ::) ) and unfortunately I work in an office with 1 other girl so no chance of an office romance there!!!! **sigh** ::)

****PANTS!***** (an english terminology for something not being good....)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on March 24, 2006, 03:49:44 am

Ah pants- sums up everything that ever goes wrong anywhere doesn't it? Lol.

I can't really give tips on where to find 'em (apart from the idea of joing a social thing, be it a group or a gym or a night class etc).

As for the stalking. Start keeping a record of his messages, and that way if he does continue for what you consider to be an inapropriatly long length of time, you have stuff you can use if you end up feeling the need to involve police action. For the time being, try texting him and telling him that you do not want to go out with him, and never did. You're sorry if he misunderstood, but what he's doing is becoming a problem for you. Then tell him that you're keeping his messages and if he doesn't stop texting you, you're willing to go to the police to stop him. It may sound extream, but if it'll make him stop then it might be worth it. Of course, you will have to be prepared to actually follow up on your threats if he should continue.

http://www.antistalking.com/
A lot of stuff on there is for the really obsessive stalkers, but it's probably worth a look.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on March 29, 2006, 12:55:37 pm

OK before I go any further I realise this is a completely idiotic thing to write about but if I don't tell someone I'm going to be sitting at my computer crying all night.

As some of you know my best friend bullied me when I was 10 years old. Which forced me to leave public school and since then I had a home tutor. I have a slight fear of going into public with people. And I took last year off but now I feel huge amounts of pressure on me to go to college this year. And I have just recieved a letter from someone who is supposed to be helping me but it has just terrified me. The letter says:
"Dear Victoria,

Please find enclosed a prospectus for Regional College. I have spoken to them and it is fine for you to apply to the first diploma in Performing Arts. You will recieve a date for an interview, as part of the interview you will have to do an audition. The course tutor holds the auditions so will offer you feed back and support.
If you are successful they will give all the information you need about the course including start dates and times.
If you are not successful the advisers at the college will go through your options to see what other course is more suitable.
Either way Victoria you need to be prepared that you will be attending college in September.
I hope that you have contacted the counsellor as this will help you prepare for college.

Wishing you all the best."


I do know that I'm a stupid idiot for getting so worked up but I just needed to vent.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on March 30, 2006, 02:53:28 am

You're not being stupid. Going to uni/ college is hard enough for those of us used to public situations, so for someone not in school it must be tripple the anguish!

Think logically- you're doing something that when you were 10 you would never even have dreamed of. It's something you want to do and you shouldn't let anything stop you. Maybe you should see abotu contacting thsi counciller they mention to help you prepair, find out whats expected etc?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on March 30, 2006, 02:58:51 am

Thanks. :-*

After I wrote on here the tears stopped and my mom talked to me about the letter. She like me didn't like this part "Either way Victoria you need to be prepared that you will be attending college in September."

Thanks again :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on March 30, 2006, 05:56:21 am

It is phrased kinda harshly isn't it? I doubt its intended that way, but I can see why it would be upsetting. Hey- think of it as an adventure, as they always say. Just don't go all 'mean girls' on us ok? *lotsa hugs*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on March 30, 2006, 05:57:32 am

Oh you mean I can't have no three way phone call where you all bitch about each other? Darn! ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: uNblessed Citrus on April 03, 2006, 06:37:00 pm

Okay, so there's this guy I think is really attractive. But, I don't have any classes with him or any opportunity to talk to him. So, I need some way to talk to him without seeming weird and stalker-ish.

SOS.

Title: Help in the "romance" area, please
Post by: elijahfreak on April 03, 2006, 09:16:35 pm

I have a question which will probably make most laugh, but I'm gonna ask it anyway.

I have a guy who is a close friend of mine. We are both 15. We are in musical theater stuff together and all that. I have a huge crush on him and have never "gone out" with anyone before and am not quite sure exactly how to go about this business. :-[ I moved to the school recently so he does not know me extremely well, but he calls me a friend. I have no idea how to hint at the idea that I like him, and anyway, am terrified of the notion that he doesn't like me in that sense. I have never dated anyone in my life so I'm not sure what to do. :-\

Again, I'm probably just being silly, but I wanted to know what you guys all thought. :)

Title: Re:Help in the "romance" area, please
Post by: daadsta on April 03, 2006, 09:25:50 pm

One of my best friends is in a very similar situation...only it's kind of the opposite. She just moved away from the guy she really likes and he likes her back, but she didn't find out until after she moved.

Anyway...an easy way to go about this is to just ask him to come hang out with you and a few friends. Do something like going to the movies or bowling or whatever is available in your town. If you can, it always helps to throw a random party for no reason and invite the guy. Just make sure that at first whatever you guys do, if you're not the only girl there, he shouldn't be the only guy there. Once you manage to get him to hang out with you a couple of times, go for it and ask him out! :D Good luck!

Title: Re:Help in the "romance" area, please
Post by: lisbethstar on April 04, 2006, 03:56:19 am

You are not at all being silly! It reminds me of the endless conversations that we had with my friends on how to hit on a guy.. I'm trying to remember our conclusions.
I guess that to compliment him subtly would not be a bad advice .. I know it sounds old fashioned but it can work! like "I love the way you are dress" and to see how he responds to it
if he goes :-[ it will maybe lead to :-* !
Ok, I acknowledge I'm not really good at it... ::). With my boyfriend I was quite direct and for some strange reasons it worked so maybe it's not a bad idea, but I guess that you will first have to know him better, try to enquire about his tastes !
I hope I have helped!

Title: Re:Help in the "romance" area, please
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on April 04, 2006, 05:41:33 am

I agree with Lisbethstar. Compliments are always good. ;)

This should probably be moved to the Agony Aunts thread..

Title: Re:Help in the "romance" area, please
Post by: Laura on April 04, 2006, 06:38:51 am

"Hi, are you doing anything tomorrow night? Because me and a group of friends are going -here- and I wondered if you wanted to come along if your not busy?"

"Have you ever been to -here- before? Because me and a group of friends are going this Friday and wondered if you wanted to come along?"

Or something like that?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 04, 2006, 08:33:06 am

Shortest name ever- Start by just saying hi when you walk past him. Or do you have friedns who know him, that could wangle an introduction for you?

Soprana- not silly at all. I think most people here were the same at 15- in fact most of us probably are NOW deep down inside! Like they've all said, asking him to come with a group of you, then you can work the numbers down until you're on your own. And if he doesn't get it by then, spell it out for him. (they can be slow bless 'em. lol)

Hey people- go here-
http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html
and it's got lotsa stuff about how to flirt. And it's all written very precisley and not in the teeny-bopper fashion of magazines. Havm't read it all (just skimmed it) but theres some good sounding stuff)

Title: Mad at my Roomie-or upset, i dunno
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on April 10, 2006, 11:28:10 pm

Recently I have been dealing with some personal issues that I didn't want anyone to know about. Not even my roommate knows, but for a while now it has been quite obvious that she knows something is going on. However, my problem is that instead of coming to me, she goes and blabs it to other people (both of whom are friends of mine, just so you know). I didn't want anyone to know, so this is NOT making me happy.

>:(

Just venting...

Title: Re:Mad at my Roomie-or upset, i dunno
Post by: eLijAhZpuMpKiNlOvE on April 11, 2006, 01:48:22 am

She blabs what to them? That there is something going on with you? If so, maybe she was just confused, and didn't know how to talk to you about it.

Title: Re:Mad at my Roomie-or upset, i dunno
Post by: Storyteller on April 11, 2006, 08:07:20 am

How close are you to the roomie? A lot of people NEED to talk when they are worried and if she is concerned she may NEED to talk to someone about it. Have you thought of talking to her about your troubles? I can understand if you can't and it REALLY isn't her business, but if you include her, you may turn her need to talk back to you and away from other people.
Just an idea.

Hugs,
Rach

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 11, 2006, 01:35:07 pm

It might be a good idea to open up to your room mate, if thats possible. If not, you could try asking her to not blab about you been off in future.

Mind you- if I was worried about a friend and thought I couldn't talk to her, then I'd have to ask other peoples advice too, see if they've noticed anything. Maybe she wasn't blabing, just looking out for you?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on April 11, 2006, 03:04:19 pm

Ahem, I was trying to be discreet, seeing as how I didn't want anyone to know (including you ladies). It isn't actually a problem that I'm having. It's simply something about me. Therefore, there has never been a need for her to be "concerned" about anything. :P


Quote:
She blabs what to them? That there is something going on with you? If so, maybe she was just confused, and didn't know how to talk to you about it.



[quote]How close are you to the roomie? A lot of people NEED to talk when they are worried and if she is concerned she may NEED to talk to someone about it. Have you thought of talking to her about your troubles? I can understand if you can't and it REALLY isn't her business, but if you include her, you may turn her need to talk back to you and away from other people.
Just an idea.[/quote]

We aren't that close. We are very good friends. We care about each other, etc., but there are many things about me she does not know, and vice versa. We don't talk to each other on a regular basis, etc.

As I said, there is nothing for her to be concerned or worried about. It was something about me and I didn't want anyone to know. I understand her need to talk about it, but I believe she should have came to me first, instead of assuming I wanted others to know. Her actions are understandable, but that does not make them right.


Quote:
It might be a good idea to open up to your room mate, if thats possible. If not, you could try asking her to not blab about you been off in future.


I will be doing both of those things, Ruth. I have chosen to be honest with her, while at the same time telling her not to say anything anymore. This is to prevent further damage.


Quote:
Mind you- if I was worried about a friend and thought I couldn't talk to her, then I'd have to ask other peoples advice too, see if they've noticed anything. Maybe she wasn't blabing, just looking out for you?


As I said, there's nothing to look out for me about.

But thanks ladies. I understand I was a little unclear. As I said, I was only trying to be discreet. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 12, 2006, 08:10:53 am

Well then Denarii babe, ignore her and take some time to work out your dilema in your own head. But if you do get to a point where you need to talk, rest assured we are all discrete ladies here- I'm sure all of us will be happy to be Pm'd if you need it.

*Realises how 'discreet ladies' could be interpreted. lol*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on April 15, 2006, 03:34:15 am

:'( my rabbit is gone! i woke up this morning and nyah was dead! chancer! no doc could do something! that's not fair!! my sweet baby has gone!

[IMG]http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c73/TZentgraf/ea024036.gif[/IMG]

that is her. she has been with me for 5 years now. i miss her...... :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on April 15, 2006, 03:38:40 pm

[quote author=Tamara link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=540#msg1001830 date=1145086455]
:'( my rabbit is gone! i woke up this morning and nyah was dead! chancer! no doc could do something! that's not fair!! my sweet baby has gone!

[IMG]http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c73/TZentgraf/ea024036.gif[/IMG]

that is her. she has been with me for 5 years now. i miss her...... :'(
[/quote]

The doctors knew she had cancer and didn't do anything??? *scratches head*

Well I'm sorry for your loss...*hugs* :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: PHF1138 on April 16, 2006, 12:28:16 am

Okay. So, for a while now (a 'while' being somewhere between three and four years) I've found myself periodically slipping in and out of these horrible, horrible moods. I hesitate to say 'depression', because I don't know if it's that serious. I honestly can't tell whether there's actually something wrong with me, or if I'm just really melodramatic. (Which is entirely possible.) I get into these moods of really intense loneliness, so much that it's almost a physical sensation. When I was in college, they had these walk-in counselling services that I would go to a few times a month, and eventually I came to the conclusion that most of it was coming from class and finals - stressers in that general area. But now, I don't know. Why am I still feeling like this? Possible it's because I have a degree now and I'm still in a shitty job, living with my parents, with my kid brother moving leaps and bounds beyond anything I've ever done as far as motivation and adventure are concerned. I want to go somewhere, to a doctor I mean, but I'm having such a hard time finding one in the area. Google is no help. I've been up and down the part of town where all the medical buildings are. I guess scanning through the phone book is my next step, but I'm also concerned about whether or not I'll be able to afford treatment. The thing I'm most afraid of though is getting an appointment, and then having them tell me there's nothing wrong with me, and therefore there's nothing they can do for me. I wouldn't know what to do with myself then. Does that make sense at all?

Sorry; I know this is kind an abstract problem to put in here, but I really, really need to talk to somebody about this right now.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on April 16, 2006, 12:54:06 am

Oh, I remember you talking about this several months ago Rhoda. I'm sorry it hasn't been solved yet. *hugs* Can you pinpoint anything that happens during these moods? Maybe you're the most stressed? Or someone hurts you in a specific way? If not, maybe something from the past (either recent or not so recent) is still "haunting" you, in a sense? I think for things like these, you really need to dig a little deeper into yourself, and for that you sometimes need a little help. If you can't afford it, maybe there is a family member you can confide in that can help you pay. I would hate to see you vanish, especially knowing we would never know what happened.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on April 16, 2006, 03:42:22 am

thank you denarii :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on April 16, 2006, 03:46:54 am

[quote author=Tamara link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=540#msg1002173 date=1145173342]
thank you denarii :'(
[/quote]

You're welcome. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 17, 2006, 12:24:26 pm

sorry bout the rabbit Tamara. *hugs*

Rhoda- Do your parents know? It might help you a lot to talk to them, both for support and to see if anyone else in your family has ever suffered from this kind of thing.

You say you have a degree but a bad job. What degree do you have? Is there any way you could find a new job which fits you as a person better?


Quote:
with my kid brother moving leaps and bounds beyond anything I've ever done as far as motivation and adventure are concerned

Would it be possible for you to take a holiday, maybe do some exploring somewhere, even if it's just an hours drive away? The main person who can motivate you is you.


Quote:
I want to go somewhere, to a doctor I mean, but I'm having such a hard time finding one in the area

Who do your family go to? Or can any of your friends reccomend a good doctor?


Quote:
The thing I'm most afraid of though is getting an appointment, and then having them tell me there's nothing wrong with me, and therefore there's nothing they can do for me.

If you've been having these mood swings for near on four years, then they will most likely say something is wrong with you. Don't be affraid of wasting their time- they're getting paid for it, and you feel like you need help, even if it's just sitting talking to someone. In themean time, have you tried any of the herbal mood remides? Evening primrose oil is good for mood swings.

How often do you get the mood swings? It could be anything from chronic PMS, to Season Affective Disorder, to melodrama. Best thing is to go get checked out.

And I agree with what Denarii said about digging into yourself too. Could help.

Hope you begin to feel better eventually. *hugs*



Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: JordanRiver12881 on April 17, 2006, 12:45:09 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=540#msg1002570 date=1145291066]


Rhoda- Do your parents know? It might help you a lot to talk to them, both for support and to see if anyone else in your family has ever suffered from this kind of thing.

You say you have a degree but a bad job. What degree do you have? Is there any way you could find a new job which fits you as a person better?


Quote:
with my kid brother moving leaps and bounds beyond anything I've ever done as far as motivation and adventure are concerned

Would it be possible for you to take a holiday, maybe do some exploring somewhere, even if it's just an hours drive away? The main person who can motivate you is you.


Quote:
I want to go somewhere, to a doctor I mean, but I'm having such a hard time finding one in the area

Who do your family go to? Or can any of your friends reccomend a good doctor?


Quote:
The thing I'm most afraid of though is getting an appointment, and then having them tell me there's nothing wrong with me, and therefore there's nothing they can do for me.

If you've been having these mood swings for near on four years, then they will most likely say something is wrong with you. Don't be affraid of wasting their time- they're getting paid for it, and you feel like you need help, even if it's just sitting talking to someone. In themean time, have you tried any of the herbal mood remides? Evening primrose oil is good for mood swings.

How often do you get the mood swings? It could be anything from chronic PMS, to Season Affective Disorder, to melodrama. Best thing is to go get checked out.

And I agree with what Denarii said about digging into yourself too. Could help.

Hope you begin to feel better eventually. *hugs*



[/quote]

*agrees and nods*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: PHF1138 on April 18, 2006, 10:11:19 am

[quote]Do your parents know? It might help you a lot to talk to them, both for support and to see if anyone else in your family has ever suffered from this kind of thing.
[/quote]
I know my mom went to a therapist of some description for a while. She had cancer several years ago and had to come to terms with a lot of things (she's fine now) and went there for that reason. I think I mentioned to her that I'd like to talk to this person too, but it was a while ago.

Quote:
Would it be possible for you to take a holiday, maybe do some exploring somewhere, even if it's just an hours drive away? The main person who can motivate you is you.

I have done a few of those. I went out of town most recently to see a concert, and to hang out with my old roommate for the first time in like a year, as well as a girl I knew in high school that I hadn't seen in even longer. I've done a few other things that are quite awesome actually - spent a semester abroad in London two years ago, went to Austria with a choir and with my mom this summer, spent New Year's in the Caribbean. London and that concert thing were the only ones just by myself. And after I come home I feel okay for a while, but then a week or so goes by and it's right back into the daily grind. The monotony bores me and depresses me, I guess.

Quote:
What degree do you have? Is there any way you could find a new job which fits you as a person better?

I have an English degree, and it's just a problem of motivation. I've been promoted at this boring-ass job once already, which was nice, but I don't want it to happen again because that could lead to a permanent station there, which is the last thing I would want. At the same time, I don't want to burn any bridges behind me, because it's actually a decent job with really great people that I love hanging out with. However, it's emotionally and intellectually unstimulating. The problem with my degree is that what I really want is to be a novelist. Which isn't a 'normal' job; I've been looking at publishers and agents and stuff, but it takes so long for me to finish anything because I get distracted really easily. And then you have to wait and see if you can actually sell your stuff to anyone. (That 4-part fanfic thing, Denarii, is like the third thing I've ever finished in my life. That's out of at least a round dozen of half-completed stories - probably more - hanging around my harddrive in various places.)

Quote:
If you've been having these mood swings for near on four years, then they will most likely say something is wrong with you. Don't be affraid of wasting their time- they're getting paid for it, and you feel like you need help, even if it's just sitting talking to someone. In themean time, have you tried any of the herbal mood remides? Evening primrose oil is good for mood swings.

I'm not too worried about wasting their time - I'm worried about wasting my money. I've been putting off three different appointments - dentist, dermatologist, gynecologist - lately simply because I'm broke and can't do the co-pay. Which is why my finding a free clinic somewhere is so important. However, I suppose I could always talk to somebody at church. I'm not a profoundly religious person, but I do believe those guys have their hearts in the right place. Anyway it's free, and it can't hurt, right?

Thanks for all those answers - I really appreciate your breaking everything down like that. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 18, 2006, 11:53:25 am

[quote]I think I mentioned to her that I'd like to talk to this person too, but it was a while ago.
[/quote]
Mention it again then. :) See if she still has the contact address. Checking the cost can't hurt you even if you don't go there.


Quote:
I went out of town most recently to see a concert, and to hang out with my old roommate for the first time in like a year, as well as a girl I knew in high school that I hadn't seen in even longer. I've done a few other things that are quite awesome actually - spent a semester abroad in London two years ago, went to Austria with a choir and with my mom this summer, spent New Year's in the Caribbean.

You've done all that, and you think your brother is more motivated and adventurous? Girl- you're sounding like one of the most adventurous people I've talked to!

[quote]The monotony bores me and depresses me, I guess.
[/quote]
I know how that feels. I think we all get like that. Is there any way you can make your day a bit livlier? Take up a new hobby. Salsa dancing or something crazy. Or even get involved with some volunteer stuff. I'm a Brownie leader and that really break the monotony, 'cos you never know what'll happenw ith kids! Lol


Quote:
At the same time, I don't want to burn any bridges behind me, because it's actually a decent job with really great people that I love hanging out with.

What's your job (I never asked!)? Looking for something new won't burn any bridges because you'll still have your job. Plus if you do get an interview you can move on, and if you don't nothings lost and no-one need know.


Quote:
it takes so long for me to finish anything because I get distracted really easily.

I totally sympathise with you there- three fanfics are my sum total of finished stories. Lol. If it's what you really want to do, go for it. Even if it takes years. You know you can finish a story is the important thing. Plus, there's always the idea of developing a finished story, by adding extra characters and plot twists and stuff. Good luck with the novel!


Quote:
I'm not a profoundly religious person, but I do believe those guys have their hearts in the right place. Anyway it's free, and it can't hurt, right?

Good idea that. Plus they might be able to help in finding a free clinic. (Not sure how your health system works. England has the NHS which is free anyway. :-\)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on April 18, 2006, 04:08:10 pm

Hello girls,

how is everyone?

I kind of have a 'problem', though it's not really huge or something.

As you maybe know, I have been away for some months, abroad and that did me really well. I met new people, I did different things, I could breathe new air. And strange was, for the first time in my life I really felt well... happy. I had the feeling that this was real happiness.

Now I'm back and I have a really hard time. I can't say that I'm unhappy or depressed but not happy anymore if that makes any sense. The scary part is that I had to get away from my life to another life to be happy. And I want to be happy in my 'own' life :). I know this sounds kind of abstract, but I don't know how to describe it best. It's this uncanny feeling I have that I'm not happy. Maybe I am, maybe this is just happiness but it doesn't feel like it :-\. Does this sound weird or do you know what I mean? Sorry about the rambling...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 19, 2006, 05:17:17 am

How long ago did you get back? Could be that you've just hit the back home blues. I'm always morngy for a good few months after holidays. Lol.

Try think of things in your own life you are happy with. There must be some, even if they're future plans.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on April 20, 2006, 05:03:58 am

whoa got lots of confused whinging to do!

I've met a guy... and i'm totally confused with what's going on...
we met on a camp and he said stuff like 'you remind me of my first crush'etc. and 'you're the coolest chick ever'
and then like msged to see if i wanted to go out with him and some friends one night. Then since then we've been hanging out heaps like every day and always doing stuff together... without other people around.
But when we're together sometimes he'll talk about how hard it is to meet girls these days and stuff and yeah...
then last night we were talking and he was like 'well you tend to just be friends with people from uni' which i am... and then he met my friend last night... and was kinda singing her praises today... just a bit but you know,.. i read way too much into anything when he's concerned! there's so much stuff that's happened... oh and he calls me kiddo... but he also apologises for tlaking about his ex around me... :-\ i can't deal with it.
For the moment i've decided to take it that he doesn't like me and just thinks of me as a mate... and then just stay friends with him. and see where things go. But at the same time i know i'll be heartbroken if he finds another girl... so rationally i know i should just stop hanging around him... if it is that he doesn't like me... but arghhh!
i also don't know whether it's a matter of me having not responded to signals... because i could never tell... and so i have been making an effort not to let him know i like him... well you know... i will say stuff and what not but it could be a friendly comment or it could be a i have a major crush comment too... yeah so me not responding to signals so he's given up. But my brother has been like 'no way any guy hangs around a girl that much and doesn't like her' cos he's at my house like every second day!

sorry that's such an incoherent ramble! But i am so confused!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on April 23, 2006, 10:05:58 am

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=555#msg1003032 date=1145438237]
How long ago did you get back? Could be that you've just hit the back home blues. I'm always morngy for a good few months after holidays. Lol.

Try think of things in your own life you are happy with. There must be some, even if they're future plans.
[/quote]

Thanks for you reaction Ruth :-*. You are probably very right. The experience was so great and all, and I just miss everyone like hell. Like I said, it's not that I feel relaly unhappy or something, I probably just need time to adapt :).

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on April 24, 2006, 08:29:40 am

Anna- man signal are the pits ain't they?! Lol.

[quote]But when we're together sometimes he'll talk about how hard it is to meet girls these days and stuff and yeah...
[/quote]

Off the cuff response from me would be "Well, I'm a girl" then hinting eyes. Might work.


Quote:
he calls me kiddo

My bloke started his friendship with me by refering to me as 'muppet'. I wouldn't take that offensivly.


Quote:
For the moment i've decided to take it that he doesn't like me and just thinks of me as a mate... and then just stay friends with him. and see where things go. But at the same time i know i'll be heartbroken if he finds another girl


So you do like him then? But would you be willing to just sit back and accept that he doesn't like you? I doubt it. Either you're going to have to accept it, or you'll have to make a move.


Quote:
so rationally i know i should just stop hanging around him... if it is that he doesn't like me.

Does it heck as mean you can't hang out! girls and boys can be friends. Plus, you break friendship, then you have to explain it's cos you fancy him and don't think he likes you like that. Actually, tht could work for kicking him bum into shape and realising he likes you. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on April 25, 2006, 08:41:23 am

thanks ruth.

it's all very very confusing. i do like him... a lot... but i don't want to take the risk incase it's not reciprocated and then loose the friendship too. i'm pathetic enough to cling to the whole 'if he doesn't like me now, it doesn't mean he never will' :-\

gah... the thing is... from what i can tell he seems like a pretty forward person. so if he likes me i reckon he'll make a move. but i know i'll never have the guts to make one myself so i guess i'll just have to wait it out!

Title: NEVER BEEN KISSED
Post by: azea on May 07, 2006, 12:09:39 am

Hi there! Well, I've a major problem. I'm 25, and still single. If you saw the movie "Never been kissed", starring Drew Barrymore; my situation is actually something like that. I'm not rushing to get married; it's just that sometimes I do feel "wanna be love by someone special."
So, if anyone of you out there, kindly can give some assistance for me, that will enlighten my life. :-)
Thanks.

Title: Re:NEVER BEEN KISSED
Post by: PHF1138 on May 07, 2006, 12:48:55 am

I am 23, and have only just gotten a boyfriend. And a virtual boyfriend at that - someone I've never met face-to-face, so the not being kissed yet is still unresolved so far. All I can tell you - and this is from experience, so trust me - is that love most often finds you the minute you stop looking for it. Also, I wrote an essay last Valentine's Day on the subject of V-day blues. (We all get them.) You can read it here (http://www.geocities.com/arwen_tinuviel0047/vday.html) if you want.

Title: Re:NEVER BEEN KISSED
Post by: emilys_star on May 07, 2006, 03:22:01 am

ive had one kiss and it was super slobbery since then not one meh i feel your pain. :P

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on May 07, 2006, 05:55:09 am

i've only kissed one guy... it was horrible! hehehe! i know how you feel... and all i can say is be open to experiences... i realised that the reason it took me so long to kiss anyone was my own doing because i was scared and wouldn't let guys get close to me. I've had big self esteem issues with my weight and am one of those girls that tends to be considered as a mate by most guys... it's not easy... and no amount of analysing will solve it... i'm still not confident... but just try and bare in mind that it's not that your not found attractive by guys... just that you probably arn't responding to signals and are too shy...
well that's my take.

Title: Re:NEVER BEEN KISSED
Post by: mayadeprei on May 07, 2006, 01:00:25 pm

[quote author=azea link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=555#msg1009379 date=1146974979]
Hi there! Well, I've a major problem. I'm 25, and still single. If you saw the movie "Never been kissed", starring Drew Barrymore; my situation is actually something like that. I'm not rushing to get married; it's just that sometimes I do feel "wanna be love by someone special."
So, if anyone of you out there, kindly can give some assistance for me, that will enlighten my life. :-)
Thanks.
[/quote]

hey Azea!

Don't worry. I know how you feel. I feel a bit the same. I have kissed one guy once, and it was nice but only because I really liked him .When you just kiss a guy for the kissing it's kind of gross I think :).

And it maybe sounds stupid but it is true what Rhoda says.The moment you stop looking for a bf and stop worrying, love will find a way to you. It's just I guess, when you really like yourself and are satisfied with who you are, other people will notice that you shine :).

the best of luck hon :-* and when you ever feel bad, just remember there are lots of girls who don't have boyfriends, one day he'll come ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 08, 2006, 04:04:20 am

Have you got friends with friends they could set you up with? Might help get the ball rolling.

Usually yeah- love finds you when you're not looking. Did me anyway. Lol. Just have fun. do a Bridget Jones- be happy single but willing to let *him* find you.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jazzspirit on May 20, 2006, 12:10:23 am

I really liked this boy, Derek. We went out a couple of times and were getting pretty close to being boyfriend and girlfriend and actually being in a real relationship. I went to a bonfire with him and I wasn't feeling good so I had him drive me home. He then dropped me off and went back to the party to pick up a guy who had been drinking to drive him home cause he was sober. When he went back he apparently hooked up with his ex-girlfriend. My friend told me and I asked him about it. He didn't deny it and said that it means nothing and she was drunk. (I don't get how her being drunk makes up for the fact that he hooked up with her but anyway) I made it clear to him that I hated him- even though I still like him- and he has kept calling and apologizing and sending flowers asking for one more chance.

So do I give him another chance? Or do I just move on and let it go since he cheated on me. I still have feelings for him but I am very hurt. I have gone through things like this before where guys go back to ex's and I am sick of always being at the end of it and think I deserve better but he acts so sincere. What do you all think?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: PHF1138 on May 20, 2006, 11:24:55 am

Well it doesn't count as 'cheating' unless he's actually your boyfriend. On the other hand, the ex-girlfriend shouldn't have been an issue in the first place if he was really interested in you to begin with. (And her being drunk is just an excuse - ignore that.) I say you give him an ultimatum: ask if he wants to be your boyfriend, in all seriousness, and if he says 'yes' you should give him his second chance. If all he wants is somebody to 'hook up' with, forget it. Life's too short to waste your time on somebody who won't be dedicated to you and you alone.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on May 21, 2006, 08:09:46 am

i agree with PHF! with the ultimatum! you just need to be upfront. It sounds like he's already upset you heaps anyway so you've got nothing to loose and everything to gain! even if all it is is piece of mind!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on May 21, 2006, 11:34:00 am

I'd definatly agree with the baove. Talk it through with him. Even if it ends in a shouting match, at least you can clear the air, be it for better or worse.

Do you want to take him back? If he could prove that he was totally sincere and it was all just a stupid mistake (and we all make them don't we?) then would you want to take him back? You have to know thatbefore you can give him the ultimatum, because it's no use getting through this and realising you don't want him. Go for it if you do, walk away if you don't.

good lcuk with whatever you decide. Stay strong babe. *hugs*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on June 06, 2006, 06:16:58 pm

i moved into this bungalow with 2 other roomates.one of the roomates has gone on a trip for 4 months.so this young man moved in all was well until the other day. he keeps bringing this friend of his around and he has let him stay the night two days in a row.the boy has only been here a week. ::). and they bought some beer which they put in the fridge. i hate alcohol.and they seemed noisy in the night banging doors it woke my roomate the other one who came out and said everyone was banging she said it to me like its anything to do with me i came out of my room to tell the boys to quieten down.. not sure if im just being picky i just dont feel comfatable with this boy coming over who i dont know and i dont even know the new roomate.the landlady chose him saying hes very nice.she never even met him she only spoke on the phone to him i think it was a reccomendation from the girl that has gone away for 4 months back to lebanon.he is only here for 4 months. i dont know whether to tell the landlady.also the day he moved in he asked about internet and i said i have internet he wanted to hook up his pc so i said we can talk later whe i got home i found all this stuff connected in my room without asking he set it up whilst i was out lol.grrrr. we are supposed to split the cost 21 dollars each but i have yet to see payment from him .the bill is due on the 14th. also he needs an extension cord and there are wires everywhere. ::) ::).am i just being nitpicky??.my other roomate has nothing to say. :P

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on June 06, 2006, 11:34:00 pm

i don't think you're being picky. there are basic standards everyone needs to live by if you're all going to get along. if it was something that occurs once and he behaves well the rest of the time then i would say sit it out, but it would annoy me if someone i knew well went into my room and helped themselves to my stuff without permission let alone a stranger. Maybe you need to set aside time as a house and figure out some arangments like no loud activites after 10pm on weeknights or something like that. i'm guessing because it's the first kinda experience of independence you've gotten you wont want strict rules. but maybe you just need to establish some loose groundrules that can be broken on the odd occassion but are perfectly reasonable for the majority or the time. :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on June 07, 2006, 02:56:25 am

[quote author=*ANna* link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=570#msg1018536 date=1149651240]
i don't think you're being picky. there are basic standards everyone needs to live by if you're all going to get along. if it was something that occurs once and he behaves well the rest of the time then i would say sit it out, but it would annoy me if someone i knew well went into my room and helped themselves to my stuff without permission let alone a stranger. Maybe you need to set aside time as a house and figure out some arangments like no loud activites after 10pm on weeknights or something like that. i'm guessing because it's the first kinda experience of independence you've gotten you wont want strict rules. but maybe you just need to establish some loose groundrules that can be broken on the odd occassion but are perfectly reasonable for the majority or the time. :-\
[/quote]

yes thats true. ill talk to him nicely about it. the beer and the friends. but he mainly keeps to himself.but i just would prefer quiet at night thats all.hes only been a week here so i suppose i should see what happens.he said he would pay me for the internet. ;).just the beer and friends at night that bother me the most. :P

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 07, 2006, 09:48:20 am

I agree with Anna. Get everyone who lives under your roof together, and sit down and hash out some ground rules. He might just be behaving how he did at his last place and not have realised that you lot want something different.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on June 10, 2006, 07:05:51 am

I think I have to dump my friend...but I'm not sure how to do it nicely.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on June 10, 2006, 03:23:16 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=570#msg1018605 date=1149688100]
I agree with Anna. Get everyone who lives under your roof together, and sit down and hash out some ground rules. He might just be behaving how he did at his last place and not have realised that you lot want something different.
[/quote]

things have really quietened down now. :D i didnt say anything yet as he seems really low key right now.lol.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Honey84 on June 12, 2006, 11:35:59 am

Can I get involved in the problem-sharing? :)


I'm in the middle of a mini emotional car-crash.

I decided yesterday that I am in love with this guy at uni. It has been coming on so slowly. For ages he was just another irrelevance in my life, and then, yesterday...wham. Like Mr Darcy says to Elizabeth Bennet, "I was in the middle before I even knew it had begun."

I am so cross with myself - this is so out of character for me! I don't fall in love like this. I am far too sensible. It's so irritating.

I have purposefully not fancied anyone for a year or so, because I find fancying people really annoying - it just takes up all your thinking time. So I have absolutely no idea how this one managed to slip through the net.

Problem - I have two weeks left with him (in which time I will see him two/three times max) before I leave uni forever and never see him again. Which, to put it mildly, is a bit of a shame.

I don't have his number.


Can anyone suggest any good tips for forgetting him and getting on with life? Help would be particularly appreciated in getting over the "you are such an idiot, why didn't you realise this last year, or last month, or even last week" thoughts.

I could do the unthinkable, but I'm not sure telling him how I feel would be best for him. It's difficult to explain -he is very focused on what he is doing at the moment and I don't want to mess that up. To be honest, I'm not sure I would be good for him.

Normally, I probably would just go for it. Unfortunately, in this case, I care for him too much and I want to do what it best for him. Damn it >:(

Anyway, it feels good to rant about it. Thanks guys, you're all such fountains of knowledge and good advice!!

Honeyxxx

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 13, 2006, 04:18:45 am

*Sews up mouth to stop all the tell him advice spilling out cos thats not what you wish to do*

I know you'll hate to hear this, but if you're leaving in a fortnight then maybe you can just wait for time to do the forgetting. Out of sight out of mind kinda thing. If you've got no contacts for him, then you'll not be able to get in touch even if you want to and therofre he'll gradually slip away. But yeah, that'll take a good while. Someone else may have better adive for you there hon!

[quote]Help would be particularly appreciated in getting over the "you are such an idiot, why didn't you realise this last year, or last month, or even last week" thoughts.
[/quote]
When you start thinking like that, for one time only do the imaginary trip then you can have the gooey feelings. Then next time the thought come up, ruin the hell out of them. Example- why didn't I think about this a year ago?- Because then it's most likely that I would have been struck down with an incurable tropical disease and I'd have turned green and gammy and all my face would have peeled off and... etc etc. You soon forget you were thinking about him cos you're spending half an hour too focused on the finer points of your horrible disease. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on June 14, 2006, 07:28:09 am

my instinctual advice seems to be like Ruth... I know rationally you are wanting to get over him, but i think you should maybe devote a little time to thinking about whether this is something to forget about. Are you going to spend time in the future wondering 'what it?' From my experience, i don't know that it would be that distracting for him... guys don't analyse stuff like we do. If he's not interested, he probably wont devote that much time to it, and if he is interested he'll be thrilled! and then you can gain peace of mind either way.

But if you've thought about it and don't want to tell him, then Ruth's advice seemed pretty good to me!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on June 15, 2006, 02:00:56 am

we tried to sit down with this conner and have a little meeting but he was having none of it.didnt want to know. so we are talking with the landlady about how best to deal with him my concern mostly is respectfulness at nightime with noise.btw he doesnt have much manners.but luckily he is only temporary and the lovely lorien will back in 3 months and one week.. wheeee . we will never have to see him again. :D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 15, 2006, 10:04:09 am

At least your rude housemate isn't forever then. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Honey84 on June 15, 2006, 07:33:23 pm

Hey girls :)

Thanks for the advice. I have calmed down a little now!! :-[ I think I was disturbed by how out of character this is for me. I think I also had a slightly superior "I'm 22, I'm not 14 and thus don't have crushes any more" attitude. Turns out that that isn't true!

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=570#msg1019875 date=1150186725]
*Sews up mouth to stop all the tell him advice spilling out cos thats not what you wish to do*
[/quote]

I am starting to wonder whether this would be the best idea. I agree with Anna that guys don't analyse stuff like we do. Maybe it is time that I put myself first in this situation. I mean, I think he's great - and everyone likes being told they're great, right?

Anyway, through some slightly manipulative actions I have managed to secure a week leading a kids project with him in a couple of weeks time. I figure then I might as well flirt outragously and let him know! he can take it from there if he likes.


He is awesome though *sighs*. Strong and masculine yet so caring and gentle. Anyway, I'll stop gushing!

emily's_star - I do sympathise on the housemate front. Mine are wonderful but I've heard some shocking stories! At least he will be out of your life soon.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 16, 2006, 06:06:08 am

[quote] I figure then I might as well flirt outragously and let him know! he can take it from there if he likes.
[/quote]

Yay! *Unsews mouth*
Hope he takes the hint. Lads can be ever so dense when it comes to reading the 'I fancy you' vibes...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on June 19, 2006, 05:37:15 pm

aww thanks for the kind words. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Honey84 on June 20, 2006, 03:52:52 am

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=570#msg1020634 date=1150452368]
[quote] I figure then I might as well flirt outragously and let him know! he can take it from there if he likes.
[/quote]

Yay! *Unsews mouth*
Hope he takes the hint. Lads can be ever so dense when it comes to reading the 'I fancy you' vibes...
[/quote]

You're telling me >:( They are rubbish aren't they. I think that line in Mary Poppins has it about right: "though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid".

Anyway, had a lovely chat with him on sunday, and he's popping around to see me this week. OK, it is to drop off some stuff for me, but still. Let's hope I'm in when he calls round!
Hxxx

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on June 22, 2006, 06:57:01 pm

my roomate who i get on with mostly keeps mentioning this al.anon group that she goes too.because i said i dont have many friends and how my mom used to drink but thats ages ago and things are healing between us on their own so i keep telling her im not really into it but she keeps bringing it up and im getting tired of telling her that im not interested soon without coming across as rude.... ::).i would rather find another way to make friends without going to some group with people who have drinking or drugs familys.. :P.what do i do?? as she just wont listen.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on June 23, 2006, 03:51:19 am

Repetition. She'll hopefully eventually get the message. Or change the subject whenever she brings it up. Or maybe you could go once to just check it out (it might be a laugh) and then you can just tell her it's not for you if thats how you feel by the end.


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Tamara on June 23, 2006, 03:56:11 am

life sucks those days! i don't know if i will get a job after my apprenticship. it is ending this month and i need and want this job here cos my mom will loose her job soon and she got nothing new yet. if that stays that way i have to be the one bringing money home. i need that job...it is all so frustrating! i am down anyway and now this... :'(

edit: it is all good again (at least this one topic)!! i got the job!! yay

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on July 15, 2006, 01:57:03 pm

bathroom issue.

My roomate has approached me to tell me that she doesnt want to have to come out of the bathroom whilst shes doing her makeup so I can use the toilet anymore. Im supposed to use it before she goes in there im really quick btw, there is only one bathroom in the house. Im suppposed to plan when i need to use it??. Im supposed to use it before she goes in? this has really peed me off and i feel like she thinks she owns the bathroom. Today she informed she was going to be in there for an hour so Id better use it before she goes in. I cant plan when i need to use it. ::) ::)am I really being unreasonable or what ? I dont know what to think. :-\. This is coming from someone who agreed that our current temp roomie was an a- hole for making me wait whilst he was in there showering and he hadnt even gathered his things or undressed yet.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on July 16, 2006, 09:08:43 pm

hmm... i'd tell her that there were other mirrors in the house, but not other toilets... and unless she wants me to start crapping in random places in the house, she best get her butt outta the bathroom. ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on July 24, 2006, 02:25:21 am

We sat down and talked over our issues and its now resolved. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on July 25, 2006, 01:56:10 pm

Ok, here I go with another problem relating to men. I'm not sure if I need advice or anything like that, but I do know that I need to get it all off my chest or I'll go insane and this will most likely be a long one again, so please read and bear with me.

Ok, so I went abroad with my mate for the first time without our parents, just the two of us. We went to Stalis, Crete in Greece. The first two days were pretty boring and nothing that I need to say happened then, so I need not go into those details. Anyway, on Sunday, we went to the bar and that was when it all began.

They guy who worked on the door, I shall call him X just for my sake, owned it and he worked on the door, inviting everyone in and being really friendly and flirty. Of course, to me I knew he was off-limits, but stupid me fell for him anyway. I spoke to him with my mate and found out about him, he was 26 (8 year age gap - age doesn't bother me one bit), came from London and said he was into 2 girls or more. I also spoke to his cousin and I said "I bet X's type is tall, skinny, blonde fake boobs..." and his cousin says "no, your his type". Later that night, whether it was due to alcohol or just me, I told him that I found him really attractive. I can't remember what he said or what happened after. I remember on leaving, I told him he was a massive flirt, but not with me, too which he just grabbed my boob and smiled. I also remember when talking to him, I kept kissing him on the cheek. Then, I left. I just woke up the next morning thinking, bugger, why do I always want what I can't have!

So, me and my mate head there again the next night because, even though I felt like a bit of an idiot, we had fun. My friend told him that I was coming to see my lover boy (him), to which he just cuddled me and kissed me on the cheek. Then, while my friend met a guy, I felt a bit lonely so I just sat by myself. He would always be walking in and out with ne customers and everytime he did, he saw me and either blew a kiss, gave me a kiss on the cheek or did the V sign and wiggled his tounge between his fingers, to which I just did it back. Then, when it came to dancing on the bar, he was watching me, with his mates who kept pointing at me and laughing and acting like they were teasing him, to which he just looked at me and smiled. I went over to him and told him " I bet you love all this" too which he just smiled and nodded. He also kept pulling my skirt up and grabbing my bum. Then, when I went to leave, he was giving me a huge hug while slapping my bum. Stupid me slipped on something and nearly fell with him on me, luckily, I fell against a wall with him and I just joked, saying "don't get me up the wall yet!" He helped me up, grabbed my bum once more and I left.

Third night, he greeted me in the same way. Then my mate kept saying "Toni needs to talk to you", too which I wanted to but was way too shy, so in an attempt to play a joke on her, I said "my friend needs to talk to you". I ran off, thinking she would realise it was a joke. However, she told him I liked him. She came back and told me he is only into 2 girls or more and he already has 2 girlfriends. However, this is not the end. I go out to grab air and he comes up to me and shouts over to his supposed uncle and says "this is my future wife" and kisses me on the lips. Then, in a joke, I talk about I want half the money when we divorce and we just carry that on for about 30 mins as he talks to his 'lawyer' friend and his uncle tries to marry us. Then, he basically kind of ignored me all night. He didn't like the fact I was talking about 'divorce before we were even married'. So I left.

I went back for my last night there, he greets me in the same way again, I tell him how it is our last night, to which he looks at me straight in the eye for what felt like ages and I tell him when I get there I want to speak to him on a free moment and clear up what my mate said. So, I just get on with dancing having fun. When I think I have lost my bag, I go outside (long story, but I went for a walk) and try to leave to find my bag, but he grabs me mid-way conversation with these two girls and says "here's my future wife", too which they look most dipleased and tell me something about their mate liking me and how their ex-boyfriend does to and that I can have him. I can't help it that thye were dressed kind of like slags and he wasn't interested. So I just said, sorry I'm taken, patting Billy on the chest. I then went for numerous walks for my bag. When I get back, I see my chance to tell him my self how I feel. So I do, I say I like him and that I'm not into 3-ways and that I think he is special and needs to finds someone special. He still says he only likes 2 girls or more and says sorry. So, I go back in, be down for a bit and just think, forget it and party. I saw him look a couple of times and after that, he did seem like he was on a bit of a downer. Then, I say bye, too which he kisses me on my lip about 3/4 times, hugs me alot and grabs my ass and humps me. I then leave.

On the fifth night, just before I leave, I go for a walk to clear my head and I see him outside his bar. (Ok, I walked past there, hoping to see him) We just chat and when my other mate who works there, gives me his myspace, he says "oi, stop chatting up my girl!" Too which I just smile. Then, I leave, give him a hug and tell him the same again and he tells me the same again too.

So, that was last week and basically, I know you are all thinking what is the point of posting this long post.

Firstly, I want to know, do you think he actually likes me?

Secondly, for my own piece of mind. I am beginning to feel really cursed in love. I never seem to get the guy. The last two guys I told you about had girlfriends and if that isn't the case, they never seem to be interested in me back. Then, for the first time in my life, it feels like someone shows me some genuine interest and I hope to god that it will be different with him and yet, it isn't. It's always the same hurt at the end of it.
I know this sounds stupid, me being 18, but I really want to meet someone and settle down, get married, start a family. I don't want loads of random guys or one night stands, I just want the real thing.
I don't, maybe I read too much into this, but this time, it did feel slightly different. I have already spoke to people who have said, well, thats his job, but it felt like he was only like this with me. Plus, this is the only time I have ever been honest about my feelings in ages as when I got hurt ages ago, everytime I have fell for someone, I just hoped that they would notice and make the first move. I don't want to be so confident so I can get knocked back again.

I have so much I want to say, but just can't find the words to get it all out.

I just hoped that maybe I could be someone so special, he would want to change and ever since we left, he has been on my head constantly.

I just feel that I will never be special to anyone. I know I have family and friends, but I mean to my chosen life partner. I just feel that fate pushes me in only to get hurt and I don't know if I can get hurt anymore. I feel like I will be a lone forever in that respect.

And I know what you will all say, it will be 'oh, but your young', 'oh, he wasn't worth it', 'oh someone is out there'. But believe me, with all the rejection I have had, I am seriously losing my hope on love. And I think I may have already lost it. And I know you will all say that I have too look for love, but I'm just fed up with looking.

So there, I think I got it all out. If you can't give advice, don't worry cause it is just helping slightly to get it off my chest.

Thanks for taking the time to read it. And sorry for being a complete idiot.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on July 25, 2006, 02:55:18 pm

Can I give some advice too? if not, just tell me...

Hobbit_T.... Honey, I am so sorry to tell you this but I don't think he likes YOU but your BODY.... I mean he grabs your boob and you ass... and you don't even know him... he kisses you and people tell you that he already has TWO girlfriends... I mean... If he really likes you he wouldn't have 2 other girlfriends... and those rumors don't start by themselves, if you know what I mean...
I can be Absolutely wrong, this is just my opinion!

And about the whole "I will never find the love of my life"-thingy... I'm sure you will... I mean everyone will in the end but you have to want it... I don't know what you've been trough in the past but I know you'll find a boy who's worth you and loves you for who you are. boys aren't always asses, if you know what I mean..... And by the way you're only 18 and you've got time enough! I guess you just don't look good enough cause there are a billion hot boys... If you take your time and look good, you'll find them. you know what they say... good things come in * oh know.. they don't say it... Sorry :-[ * ugly packages.

I hope I helped you a little.... and that everything's gonna be okay!
Good luck, Love Pam.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on July 25, 2006, 03:15:51 pm

Thanks, it was probably just my wishful thinking for him to be different. What I don't get is why would he want my body when I am not a size 8, but 14 and I haven't got the perfect figure, skin or apperance full stop.
That might just be me though cause I was always told by people at school I was fat, ugly, worthless etc. Even my best mate said it. I thought someone liked me, confided in her and all she could say was this:
Friend: Why doesn't he like me too?
Me: Why should he?
Friend: Well, I am prettier than you.

I just think I have no self esteem what so ever. I mean, I am happy with my self and my life, it is just men area I have trouble with.

Again, thanks for the advice, I just really need to get it off my chest too.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on July 25, 2006, 03:35:40 pm

[quote author=Hobbit_T link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=585#msg1029192 date=1153854951]
Thanks, it was probably just my wishful thinking for him to be different. What I don't get is why would he want my body when I am not a size 8, but 14 and I haven't got the perfect figure, skin or apperance full stop.
That might just be me though cause I was always told by people at school I was fat, ugly, worthless etc. Even my best mate said it. I thought someone liked me, confided in her and all she could say was this:
Friend: Why doesn't he like me too?
Me: Why should he?
Friend: Well, I am prettier than you.

I just think I have no self esteem what so ever. I mean, I am happy with my self and my life, it is just men area I have trouble with.

Again, thanks for the advice, I just really need to get it off my chest too.
[/quote]

OMG did your friend say that?? OMG I'm sorry to say this but she's a f*****g B***h!! But the best thing is that you're okay with yourself... It doesn't matter what others think of you... That's what I think... and I also think that you're a sweet girl.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on July 25, 2006, 04:56:16 pm

Thanks for saying that about me even though you don't really know me.

I got over her comment along time ago. My opinion on life is this:

If you don't like me. Tough. I won't change or be anyone else for you just because you don't like who I am. If it's that bad, leave and shut the door on your way out.
If that someone is someone I like, I just think f*** them, I don't need them that bad.
I try to never change over people either, so there is probably no way me and X could work out anyway.

I just go a bit happy cause he was the first real attention I have ever recieved from a man that has been obvious. I mean, I have seen guys look etc, but they never did what he did.
Oh well, I'll live.

On the friend - we are still mates sorta, but we have never been good mates since. BTW, she wasn't the one on holiday, however, I plan to go back anyway with nasty mate, good mate and some other mates and go to this bar and show Mr. X what he is missing!!!

Thanks for some great advice! ;D ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on July 26, 2006, 06:35:28 am

I hope you'll have a great time and I bet that mister X is banging his head against a wall for letting you go...!! he doesn't know what he misses!!

Love, Pam.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on July 26, 2006, 07:22:29 am

Can I be incredibly frank?

This guy works in a bar in Greece yeah? You live in England. Would you really be willing to start a long distance relationship with an older guy who already has two girlfriends? I know polygamy is on the up but...

Unfortunatly, I doubt that anything he said was wholey serious. Yeah, he probably liked you, but from your descriptions of his actions, he was obviously in the market for sex, not a commitment. In his line of work, think of all the girls he's probably had/ gone after. He sounded practised to me. Sorry.

[quote]What I don't get is why would he want my body when I am not a size 8, but 14 and I haven't got the perfect figure, skin or apperance full stop.
[/quote]
I'd prefer a size 14 girlf if I was a guy actually. Size 8 generally equals skinny with no curves. :) No offense to any size 8 girls here. Lol.

You sound pretty in touch with yourself, and I love your outlook on life, but can I ask something? Do you respect yourself? You seem a bit fixated on wanting a man when you obviously don't need one to make you feel good about yourself. Instead of living up to your life outlook, you're focusing on a unobtainable man who sounds like a player who wouldn't deserve you anyway.


Quote:
I just go a bit happy cause he was the first real attention I have ever recieved from a man that has been obvious.

Trust me- I've found the best guys ain't obvious. The guy I've been dating for nearly two years was one I didn't even realise liked me!

Don't worry about the finding a guy thing. At 18, most they lads I know are immature anyway. May as well wait til 20 and have a decent man than settle for a loser at 18.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on July 26, 2006, 09:25:48 am

i hope nothing i say is upsetting...

it sounds to me like you're quite insecure and will jump on any form of gratification. If you truly do want to find someone long term then how can you assess who fits the job when you're relationship is purely superficial. this guy hadn't even had a proper conversation with you before he was groaping at you. If someone treated me like that i would interpret it as a total lack of respect and that the said guy thought of me as a piece of meat. if that's how the relationship starts i would have no expectations that things would improve with time. This guy wasn't even drunk and i would not tolerate someone behaving that way when interacting with me.

I'm not a feminist or anything like that, but i am hugely influenced by people's personalities and if someone's not willing to engage in conversation with me i'm not likely to get along with them.

I'm not going to patronise you by saying you're young and don't give up looking. My oppinion is that you need to stop looking, stop thinking of any man you meet as a potential boyfriend (i know it's hard to do!) and try and train yourself to find people who share interests with you and who really listen when you speak and enjoy interacting with you on an intellectual level to be paying you a complement rather than a guy who grabs your arse. Don't get your heart set on a guy you meet at a club or bar because i don't know about anywhere else... but here in australia they are places to pick up not start relationships.

Even though we all like to be attractive on a superficial level.. that's only going to get a relationship so far. I think a good rule to follow is when viewing a potential boyfriend, ask yourself honestly 'is this someone, who i would love spending time with, without the benefits of being in a romantic relationship' because you need to get along as friends if it's going to be truly rewarding and fullfilling.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on July 29, 2006, 05:57:29 pm

Hobbit T, it's already been said... but i couldn't agree more... this guy just sounds like a smooth player trying to 'get some', as they say. The fact that he flirts by grabbing your boob and sticking his hand up your shirt to grab your bum ... as well as him admitting that he had two girlfriends... i mean, this guy is a player to the Nth degree... I'm sure he was probably hot, and that he made you feel nice by paying you attention (believe me, i totally know how that can be. i've fallen for so many guys just because they gave me a bit of physical attention. ::)) but from your description of what you're looking for --love-- well, i'm almost 100% positive that this guy would not be the type of person you're looking for.

As far as you giving up on love... Well, i'm 17.... and i've never had a boyfriend either. Hell, i've never even been on a date. The only guys that i've even talked to on the phone regularly are long distance guy friends that i've met over the internet. And i also have the problem of falling for guys that i couldn't/shouldn't have. If they're not too old for me, they're too far away or have very different behavioral patterns than i do. ... and sometimes all three. lol. point is, you're not the only person that has had bad luck in such things, hun! i have too. Things'll work out, though... so just don't stress over it too much.

as far as what your mate said... haha, what a butt head. i think i'd be looking for some new friends.


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on August 18, 2006, 02:48:14 pm

Jess B, Are you one of the "Agony Aunts"?


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on August 19, 2006, 08:11:32 am

there are actual 'agony aunts' i thought it was open to who gave advice! the more diverse the better i would think.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Laura on August 19, 2006, 09:10:09 am

I know Ruth is the one on this forum who helps out with 'agony aunt kinds of problems' but we don't really have set AAs. No one here is qualified or anything. This thread is open to advice from anyone who wants to give any.

:)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on August 19, 2006, 09:10:28 pm

[quote author=*Elijah's Princess__ link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=600#msg1033493 date=1155926894]
Jess B, Are you one of the "Agony Aunts"?


[/quote]

haha, are there set ones? lol
*sees post right above mine*
ahh, yes, she explains it.
Nah, i've just been around the board for a long time... and i use to come here for advice a lot when it first came out... and i'd give it when i felt i could contribute something. ... but that's not very often. ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on August 20, 2006, 08:40:27 am

Quote from the very first post-
[quote]So this thread is to turn us all into agony aunts (or uncles- no discrimination) so we can all offer advice, as well as asking for it.
[/quote]

Some of us will be able to advise on some issues (we have some kick ass relationship advisors, and others who rule at life coaching) while others are better at different ones. Pool everybody and you get the best range of advice possible to chose from. Anyone can answer advice, or ask for advice and everyone will be listened to.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on August 20, 2006, 10:25:22 am

it was no offence or something, I'm sorry to upset someone.. didn't mean to!!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on August 21, 2006, 09:20:48 am

sorry if i sounded like i was snapping! i have a tendancy to over use the exclamation mark!!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on August 21, 2006, 12:18:58 pm

Don't worry about that! :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on August 22, 2006, 02:19:11 pm

Behold. after several problem-free months.... i return. As some of you may or may not know, I have recently started college (august 20th was move in day) ... classes haven't yet started... but just getting here and moving in has been crazy. you know i have to walk up 88 (yes, i counted) steps to get to my floor?! And i don't even get to park on campus. takes 20 mins to get from my car to my dorm room. it's crazy. ANYWAY. I think i may go insane here. I feel completely cut off from the outside world. I can't get on AIM, my cell phone doesn't work ANYWHERE nearby (i drove 20 mins to the nearest "town" and still didn't get service) and this school is almost like a babysitting service. they even said something about they're so strict so they can "protect us from people we don't need to be with... people that might hurt us... people that our parents don't want us to be around" ............ that's when i went 'eh?' you know, i mean.... i thought we were suppose to be adults now... but instead i'm at a college where they're trying to make sure i'm not around ppl that my parents don't want me to be around. it's crazy. how do THEY know who my parents want me to be around?

And, as most, i'm starting to worry about what i'm gonna do about guys. ... Like, i've been talking to this one guy every single night for HOURS and hours for the past .... .... monthish? nah, closer to two months. but i've been talking to him on the phone for a while now (yet another reason why i despise the lack of cell phone service... and i really, REALLY like him... but.. he lives about, oh, 10 hours away? and he seems to really, really like me as well... and i just miss the hell out of him! this darn school takes away everything! even things i never had. *sigh*

BUT.. i don't really know what to make of the situation between me and him. He's awesome. He likes me, i like him. .... he lives 10 hours away. why do i ALWAYS do this? lol. We're NOT dating... but i don't know exactly what we ARE doing. at least....... i don't think we're dating. i don't even know anymore. everything just went so fast. i went from not talking to him at all to talking to him until dawn every morning.

Anyway, while i've been here i've met a few people. I've already got one guy that likes me. lol. It's ... very obvious. and i MADE this one guy meet me. lol. I'd been watching him since orientation a month ago. ... he's really cute. lol. but they were standing behind me in line and i just turned around and started talking to hiim and his friend. They're both really nice too. So i kind of feel like i'm back in high school. I've been here 3 days and i've already got someone crushing on me, almost crushing on someone else, and the guy back home. lol. awww... no... i really do like him. I would LOVE to be able to be with him... but i just don't really know what to do! It's a tricky situation. I'm seriously considering going down there and seeing him when i get a break from school... but ... even then, it'd only be for like a week. ... bleck.

Anyway, on a positive note, i am proud of myself for being a little bit more out there than usual. In HS i was really shy and wouldn't talk to people... and i'm doing better about that now. People all have their lil groups of friends and i'm a bit of a loner down here... but i figure if i keep including myself, i'll have friends soon enough.

EDIT:

The guy that i said had a crush on me and that it was pretty obvious just asked me out. lol. Well, he asked me to the lil dance the school is putting on. I ..... didn't know what to say. I said i wasn't sure if i was going or not. this wasn't ENTIRELY true as i had been planning on going since i read about it. however, i was NOT planning on going with a date. lol. I told him the truth... that i didn't usually take dates to dances. lol. and he looked kinda sad and i told him that if i went i would dance with him, though. but that i just didn't take dates and stuff. Not really sure what to say. I don't want to hurt his feelings... but i don't even know his name! I said i had to make a phone call and that i was gonna head back up to the dorms. he insisted that i take his phone card and use it. he wouldn't take it back! well i was gonna go back up there and call my boy in flordia. lol. and i didn't want to use his phone card! now it's sitting on my desk staring at me. I want to go back outside to the thingy, but i don't want to be rude... or .... gah! i dunno.


... i can't believe it, but i actually have to make a second edit on this post.
Edit 2:
My LD boy just called me a few minutes ago... Turns out the day after i left home... he got engaged. He's... he's ....... he's getting married. In less than a week. He's getting married. How the f*ck can he be getting married? He explained it all to me... They're doing it for certain reasons that i'm not sure should be exposed on the world wide web... either way, they don't love each other... but they're getting married. at least for a few years. and it absolutely... killed me to hear this. I understand his situation. i understand why he's doing it. but i don't WANT him to. and we talked and talked and neither of us know what to make of US ... all i know is that he really, really likes me... and that i really, really like him... and that we miss each other. but past that i don't know what we are. But we talked about not talking for a while to try to figure out what was going on in both of our lives...... but i just do NOT want that to happen. He's one of my bestest buddies. I just can't lose him. i don't know. it's late. i have to do things tomorrow. good night.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on August 23, 2006, 12:33:39 pm

Jess, I'm gonna be frank now, and I hope you'll not hate me for it.

The bloke you're having the long distance with is probably not the guy for you. Yeah, feel free to have the laugh with him (you sound like you're having fun) but don't make a commitment to this guy. He's marrying someone he doesn't love (and I'm betting I can guess why, but I'll respect your not wanting to say) and didn't have the guts to tell you that they were considering it until it happened. If you really do think you could make a go of things with him, then you have to ask him for definate where you stand. If he wants you as much as you think, then he'd call this sham marriage off. If he can't tell you that he wants you and just you with certainty, then I think you may have to cut him back to just a friend.

The other bloke on your college campus though- now there's a shot. He seems like a sweet guy- and he's not 10 hours away. If you don't know his name, just ask him. I get you not wanting to be his date for the dance, but go and give him a dance! Have fun! You've bemoaned in here about not having a boyf for ages- grab this one while you can if you like him. If it works then great, if it doesn't, at least you'll know. It'll be a major confidence boost either way.

Good luck with the college. It bites that they're so over protective, but I guess thats a fail safe against being sued by parents if anything goes wrong with their kids. I like your making an effort to get friends attitude- hope that works out for you babe.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on August 23, 2006, 03:27:18 pm

It's not really that i expected to have a real future with him as it was. I mean, i like him, he still likes me... and we just get along really well. I love talking to him and i can be myself and say things to him that i wouldn't say to other people. ... But i didn't know what could happen. I'm still half way planning on going down there and seeing him come winter... But i don't want to go down there and see him and his "wife." ... especially since i know she is a manipultive wh*re who is going to end up milking him for all that he's worth. and i don't think he's considered this. i think he feels like he's just doing her a favor and in the end she'll be greatfull and leave without making it a big. .... but, uh, from what i've heard, i don't think she'd be that kind of person. i just don't want him to screw up his life. Which is what i think he'd be doing. whether me and him ever have more than a friendship... i don't want him to do that to himself because his emotions are rulinghim. anyway, i gotta run.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on August 23, 2006, 09:52:43 pm

Jess i agree with Ruth. And despite the fact that you guys get along really well (you and the LD) you can't be sure that what he's telling you is completely true. I'm sorry, i'm just really skeptical about relationships formed when you haven't actually met in person. He sounds like he's at a different phase of life to you. I don't want to impose my values on you or anything... but i think if i was you, and totally trusted that this guy is genuine, the rational side of my brain would say call off contact for a few weeks. The main reason i'm saying this is that you're beginning a new phase of your life, and i think you will benefit more to being open to exploring new friendships and relationships at college, without feeling like you are cheating or owe anything to the LD guy.
I think you dealt with the guy who asked you out well! maybe next time you talk to him, if it comes up about the date, you could say something like 'i'd still really like to get to know you though' then you're not burning any bridges before they're built.
But i mean, you need to do what makes you comfortable! i hope the LD guy doesn't cause you and heartache.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on August 24, 2006, 01:20:00 am

Lol, okay. the LD guy is a bit too complicated to explain fully. The best way i can say it is something along these lines: "if we COULD date each other, we would. but because we can't, we're just gonna keep talking like we are and be friends... maybe more... but still dating other people." it's ...... very complicated. ..... but we both know that being exclusive would be too hard. HOWEVER. ... getting married and dating are very different things. Anyway... new topic.

I need some advice on what to do for my friend. She's from russia and is currently in the states and wants to stay. anyone know any info on green cards? how about college. does anyone know that if you get accepted into a college here in the USA if you can attend it reguardless of what your home country says? i REALLY need some info on this asap if anyone knows. i've been trying to find out about it.

and the guy that likes me... i didn't really handle him well... he's still followin' me quite a bit. I don't want to be mean because he's nice... and i want to be friends with him... but i'm not really feeling anything more... but it makes me feel bad when he's trying so hard and i want to go flirt with other guys. there was a dance tonight on campus ... and the lil guy found me and kept wanting me to go dance with him... so i kinda did... but it was more of me dancing by myself and him standing there next to me. Then later after he'd left i was dancing with another guy... and ... we were dancing a bit .... closer. *cough* anyway, i DO want to be the other guy's friend. he's nice. i just... don't know how to tell him i don't want to be more.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on August 24, 2006, 08:17:18 am


Quote:
"if we COULD date each other, we would. but because we can't, we're just gonna keep talking like we are and be friends... maybe more... but still dating other people."

If you can do that go for it. But bare in mind that your prospective other dates might not as open to it...

If you don't want more with other guy, you don't want more, simple as (sorry- I misunderstood your last post re. him). Just be nice when you tell him. The whole 'you're a nice guy for a friend but I'm not into you that way' spheel. (Do you know his name yet?) Then the balls in his court. Good luck hon. *hugs*

Not sure about your Russian friend. Is there an advisor at school could help you out?


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on August 24, 2006, 08:49:25 am

You're probably in a good position at the moment anyway not being able to call LD guy as freqently. Just because you can keep up that friendship but also, it wont inhibit you making friends because it isn't so constant. I suppose i'm just worried that you'll miss out on opportunities with people at college, be it just a friendship or a boyfriend... but it sounds like you're dealing with it well! sorry if i keep going on about it!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on September 06, 2006, 03:06:22 am

i need someone to chat too about something but i dont really want to say it here id rather it was private. :'( :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on September 06, 2006, 11:50:41 pm

Emily, i would offer to help you, but i can hardly figure my own problems out right now... i don't think i would be of much assistance. I would advise PMing Ruth or one of the other frequent advice givers and asking them if they wouldn't mind to help you.

Anyway, girls, i'm back. Since we last spoke well ... i think my blog may better be able to explain it. allow me to do some "copy/paste" action:

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Did i suddenly get pretty or something?
Current mood: curious

Hmm... you know in the past weekend i've been TOLD by at least 6 guys that i'm hot. asked out by 2 guys (not part of the 6) and, well, let's see... have around 12 that seem like ... interested in me. yes, i counted. am i weird for it? ... yes, i am. lol. It's just really strange to me. In high school i hardly ever got a second glance from guys... now that i'm in college they are ... frequent viewers. Did i suddenly get pretty or something? i'm so confused! why all the sudden attention?

Special note to the bolded part. and add 2 to that number. shortly after writing that ... ... the number increased. lol. so 14, i suppose. Anyway, yes... Since arriving on the college campus i have become ... somewhat popular. Which i don't mind... it's kind of fun. ... anyway, while i do enjoy the attention, and i'm having fun meeting people and hanging out and stuff (i met a really cool guy sunday that i really hope i can see again ... he's back home, but he seemed awesome) ... i ... have this person that just kind of lingers in the back of my head. Yes, i'm sure we can all guess who he is. ... the long distance boy ... and despite my many attempts to just kind of ... move on ... if i don't talk to him for like 3 days, i just like... can't concentrate. He keeps popping up in my head and i just plain miss the hell out of him. I've had long distance "relationships" before ... and i could go weeks... even MONTHS without hearing from them and it really wouldn't effect me all that much... but i can't stand not talking to that boy. I HATE not having cell phone service in my area so that i can talk to him at night. Tonight i drove 30 mins just to get service so i could talk to him. and i sat outside in 50 degree weather in the parkinglot and talked to him for like an hour. And i swear, i haven't been so happy in a long time. I just love talking to that boy. He can make me so happy, yet so sad, all at the same time. ... I just ... i don't know what to do anymore. I want to be with him so badly. Maybe if i really did go down to see him something would click and i wouldn't have THESE specific romantic feelings for him... maybe i'd see we should just be friends. Maybe i'd see the exact opposit. I don't know what i'd see anymore. I care about him a great deal. i really do. i know a strict relationship would be nearly impossible... especially since he's getting married. ... dumb ass. .... but still. I don't know what i want anymore. i don't know what i expect. we haven't got to just sit down and talk about it in a long while. I KNOW he likes me. i know he does. I just don't know what to do, girls. He's my baby. I'm sure i'll get a lot of rebuttle for this. Logically, no... it makes no sense at all. If i was reading this from your chairs instead of my own i'd be thinking "aww, poor girl. She's so confused. she needs to try out the guys on her campus." ... that's the kind of advice i would give myself if i was in your chairs instead of mine... but i'm not. i'm in my chair. And i know that the idea of not talking to him anymore breaks my heart. I know how much he means to me. I know that i can't just forget about him no matter how hard i try. and i know that i don't WANT to forget about him. That's why i can't give myself that advice.

Maybe i should have listened to happier music when i was writing this. lol. it might notta come out so sappy. *sigh*


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on September 07, 2006, 06:35:09 am

emily you're welcome to pm me if you feel comfortable.
Jess. I don't understand how you can say you'd be fine being in a relationship and not hearing from the bloke in months, but you then say you can't stand going days without speaking to the long distance guy. Doesn't really make sense to me.
Have you actually met LDG?
I donno, sounds like you've got lots of options at college, and you might regret knocking them all back in the future for an intangible relationship that doesn't seem to have a future.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on September 07, 2006, 06:41:47 pm

lol, that's not what i meant by the months vs. days things. What i said was that i'd had a ld relationship before, and we didn't talk that often... but it didn't bother me very much. I was comparing long distance relationships. :)

And i'm not knocking all of them. lol.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Colleen on September 07, 2006, 07:18:30 pm

i didnt want to post here until Jess's post was answered, but i just cant hold it in anymore. they say getting it off your chest is one of the best things to do...and i dont do it often enough (i'm usually the one helping my so-called friends with their problems), so i figured here, where no one knows the people i'm about to talk about, is the best place.

so i have these stupid, self-centered "friends." my first issue with them is they are never considerate of each other, and the worst towards me since i just take being treated like crap.

but here's the main issue.i dont want to say their names, so i'll just abbreviate: (they're is 5 of us in this group: me, TJ, CK, JL, and AS)
so TJ and ZR were dating. ZR was a complete jerk to TJ, but she never realized it. me, and my other "friend" JL try to tell TJ over and over again that ZR was cheating on her, but she never did anything about it (because she was, in my opinion, cheating on him in the sense that she had feelings for another person, AP). TJ finally confronted ZR about the cheating and he revealed he was in fact dating TJ's best friend CK. TJ and ZR break up, and CK and ZR continue to date.
likewise, JL had recently broke up with DZ, though JL still had feelings for him. AS, JL's best friend (please take note as to how they consider particular people as their best friend...and i'm left as the 5th wheel) then convinces JL that she is going to talk to DZ to try and get the two of them back together. JL and AS dont talk as much during this time, which JL doesnt understand. soon, we found out AS and DZ are secretly going to homecoming together. JL feels double-crossed, and JL and AS stop talking for good.
one night after a football game, we decided we wanted to go out to eat. it's one of our "traditions" to go to Eat 'n Park, so CK said she would drive. but, we found out, that her mother, father and sister also wanted to go. that turned out to be 8 people in a 7 passenger van with all our band crap...so obviously that wouldnt work. TJ says that her mom can drive her, me and JL and we'll meet the others there. TJ told AS this, and AS said she'd tell CK. we go to Eat n Park, see it's crowded like crazy, and decide to call AS and CK to see if they wanted to go somewhere else. oddly, they dont answer their phone, nor do they pull into the parking lot after nearly an hour wait. finally, CK answers her phone and claims "we didnt like being left at the highschool, so we went to King's." after a while of arguing, the confused fight escalades in to AS and CK are sick of TJ and JL interfering with the relationships with their boyfriends, though TJ and JL claim to have done nothing (besides, from my observations, to completely shun CK and AS) and the conversation ends with a petty "i'm not talking to you anymore."
a few days go by and no one talks to each other. tuesday at lunch, the first day back to school since the football game, we all sit at the same table (for some odd reason). everything's quiet for the first 20 minutes, but that last 10 all hell broke loose. CK apologizes, i naturally accept her apology (since she didnt do anything to me to begin with) but TJ and JL refuse it. the lunch then turns into a screaming fest, and i get up and leave to go to my locker. i cant stand screaming fights...the past 2 days, we still sit at the same table. i'm friendly to AS and CK, but TJ and JL are very icy. to me as well...they call me a traitor. blah.

so now i'm stuck in the middle. i was in the van, so TJ and JL expect me to be on their side, but i shouldnt be on any side since i didnt do anything to anyone, and nobody did anything to me. personally, i want out of it in general. if i've posted in here before, it's most certainly been about how crappy my friends treat me, and i've been trying for the longest time to be aloof and not be the best of best friends with them anymore. the only problem is, i dont know who to be friends with. sure, i have other friends, but i've never been considered a part of their "group." more or less, i'm in the middle of what could be described as high school drama to the extreme.

if you have any advice on how to help my "friends", become better friends with the other ones i have, or anything else, i could use all the help i could get.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on September 08, 2006, 06:40:22 am

Jess - sorry i misunderstood! i donno, i get the feeling you don't actually want advice you just need to vent or alternatively want one of us to say 'no go for the LD guy' but i donno, it just seems redundant to me. I know how you feel being able to understand everything logically in your head, and logically you should be able to get over it, yet you can't and don't want to. It's a tricky situation, and i found that time was the only thing that helped me, and conciously putting distance between me and the guy before i could do that.

Moonlit - sounds like a difficult situation, i had a lot of trouble actually following the story with the initals but i think i got the basic drift. I'm not really sure what to tell you. I probably had similar troubles at school, i've never been one to be really close to people, i've had the few really really good friends and everyone else seems to be friends out of circumstance - now that i've been out of school for almost a year, so many of my 'friends' i actually am stumped as to what to talk about with them because school was our common ground. Anyway that's besides the point.
I think if you're friends are stuffing you around so much maybe you should give them an ultimatum. Probably the only reason you're not part of the other friends group is because you're attatched to the one you're in. Maybe you need to confront the friends you have currently and say 'stop being dick heads, no one has done anything specifically to me for me to be upset with so you guys sort out your bullshit and stop putting me in the middle of it. And until you stop putting me in the middle of it i'm going to go hang around *other friend* so let me know when you're ready to treat me like a friend.'

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on September 10, 2006, 12:59:03 pm

Jess- if you want to go for LDG then you'll do it regardless of what we say here.

Evidently, you're an attractive gil, and you have so many chances to get a real, tangable boyfriend who could do all the stuff LDG promises and more. Plus, they won't be getting married to anyone else.

This might hurt (and if it does, then I'm soooo sorry) but think about something for me. LDG is getting married. Whatever the reason for the wedding, LDG and his wife will most likely gravitate to having sex, if they havn't already. So this means that whatever you two have it's basically him cheating on you emotionally AND physically. I know you probably don't refer to him as your boyf, but it's still like he's cheating on you.

However, if you do want to persue something with him, then you have to go and see him, find out if your feelings are a) correct and b) reciprocated by him. If they are then you'll work something out together (with him NOT getting married and leaving you as the other woman hopefully). If not, then he's screwing you over royally by stopping you having a love life, even if he doesn't realise that that's what he's doing. If you do see him and realise you both feel the same, then I do wish you the best of luck together, and really hope you get treated in the way you should. Long distance relationships can work, but only if both of you are commited to it.

***

Moonlit- God that was confusing! I got hand written notes so I could work stuff out lol. (Future reference- numbers are easier to follow than initials).

I like Anna's give 'em an ultimatum advice.

Would you actually be sorry to break away from the friends you're having this problem with? Because if you aren't then it might be worth orcastrating a total split from them and getting yourself integrated into your other friendship group. Explain to the other group whats happened (without being bitchy cos that'll just cause more problems) and just see if they'll accept you, which they most likely will I would imagine.

If you do want to keep in with the other lot, then you'll probably have to stick out some more crap for a while. Keep insisting that you're not on anyones side- tell all of them seperatly that you have no reason to fall out with anyone and so you won't, and stay strong on that- don't be drawn in to anyone else battles. Most likely it'll all blow over, although, remember that it's shaped up as the cheating girlfriends vs the cheated on girlfriends, so it may mean that you'll have to wait until the relationships run their course.

***

Emilys_star- I'm up for PMing if you still need someone to talk to.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on September 11, 2006, 09:37:22 am

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=615#msg1036566 date=1157907543]

This might hurt (and if it does, then I'm soooo sorry) but think about something for me. LDG is getting married. Whatever the reason for the wedding, LDG and his wife will most likely gravitate to having sex, if they havn't already. So this means that whatever you two have it's basically him cheating on you emotionally AND physically. I know you probably don't refer to him as your boyf, but it's still like he's cheating on you.
[/quote]
hehe, no. it doesn't hurt. I've thought about this looooooooooonnnnggggg before i read it here. well, it's not a PLEASANT thought... but it's one that has already crossed my mind. many times. :-\
[quote]
However, if you do want to persue something with him, then you have to go and see him, find out if your feelings are a) correct and b) reciprocated by him. If they are then you'll work something out together (with him NOT getting married and leaving you as the other woman hopefully). If not, then he's screwing you over royally by stopping you having a love life, even if he doesn't realise that that's what he's doing. If you do see him and realise you both feel the same, then I do wish you the best of luck together, and really hope you get treated in the way you should. Long distance relationships can work, but only if both of you are commited to it.
[/quote]
and i just sent him an email about this last night. lol. so it looks like i'm up to par on the advice. ^_^ hehe. it is good to at least know that i'm not the only one that thinks like this.

colleen... lol. i have no idea what that said. i'm confused. i'll have to come back and read it later when i have more time. until then, *hugs* and good luck!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Colleen on September 11, 2006, 11:00:26 am

haha. sorry guys. i didnt realize it would be that confusing. ::)

it seems things have cooled down. we decided to not really talk about it (which i dont think is that smart, but at least no one's fighting [kinda]).
everyone is friends except for...um...JL (sorry again haha.) so because me and the other girl are talking to the rest again, she's mad at us now too. ughh. people make my head hurt.

whatever. i'm trying to take your advice and not really get involved. i've sort of separated myself as much as i could, and my other friends invited me to their movie outing. we'll see how things turn out.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on September 12, 2006, 08:10:36 am

moonlit. i am a firm believer that communication is the best approach and i think if you don't confront the crap that's been going on in your group the other girls are going to harbour these feelings and it's not going to be resolved. but it's easier said than done.
Hope the movies goes well! :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on September 12, 2006, 09:22:34 am

Girls I am in need of advice.

Background info- 2 very important things-
1) I'm off to uni on Saturday or Sunday. This involves moving out to a drom about an hour away from my home. Not too far, but far enough.
2) I've been with my boyf Andy for just short of 2 years and I'm still irrationally loved up (lol).

Right- the problem.

My moving away means I'm only going to see Andy at weekends, instead of most days as we have been doing. While I'm not pleased, I've accepted that it'll have to be that way and tried to see the positive side of things. Andy hasn't. I've tried telling him all my positive things that help me when I get a bit down, and I've reassured him that nothing will happen between us about a million times. But I can't break through his pessimism, and it's starting to get to the point where I'm just stoping trying or changing the subject. I know that sounds horrible, but I can't deal with the fact that I'm moving out, I'm starting this whole new stage of my life, I'm worried as hell about everything almost, and he's the one acting like he'll not survive.

Any suggestions on how to get through to him?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on September 12, 2006, 09:40:17 am

Wow Ruth, I wouldn't expect him to be like that. I mean, it is only half an hour. He could even see you every day during the week if you wanted.
All you can really do is reassure him that you love him, and you have every intention to stay with him, keep the relationship going. Tell him that you have no intention of breaking up with him.
You both need to be strong to make it work. You need to make it clear to him that he needs to be more supportive of you, you need to know he's happy with what you're doing. Yes, it means the relationship has to be tested but it's a way to prove that you are a strong dedicated couple.
It won't work out if he doubts it, and is continually questioning whether you can do it.

Or, you could always ask if he fancies swapping places with me and Chris, then he'll see how easy it will be for you guys in comparison. ;)
(between 5 and 7 stations on train, taking between 5-9 hours dependant on day and time)

I'm so jealous of you!
Trade me places! :'(
lol

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on September 12, 2006, 01:27:42 pm

I've used you two as a comparison point many times hon. *Sigh*

[quote]You need to make it clear to him that he needs to be more supportive of you, you need to know he's happy with what you're doing. Yes, it means the relationship has to be tested but it's a way to prove that you are a strong dedicated couple.
It won't work out if he doubts it, and is continually questioning whether you can do it.
[/quote]
I'd not looked at it that way. Sounds kinda blackmail-y but it could work. I've spent ages trying to support him, now it's my turn.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on September 12, 2006, 02:05:59 pm

I am a bit stuck at the moment about a career choice.
I am finishing of a college course part time and working as a childminder for a year for my mom. After that, I am planning to find work, but after having a long hard thought, I'm not sure out of the two options which I want to do.

I have been wanting to be an actor for 3 years and did an A-Level at college, but I know after it is over, I chose the wrong course for me as it was more theary than pracitcal. I still want to be involved with acting and would love to be in films etc, but I feel that being a healthy size 14 UK clothes size that I would not be accepted as an actress because it seems the world opf acting is obssesed with slim people. I just feel that I would be in for a tough ride finding work and to be honest, I know I have talent, but is todays acting world, that isn't enough. I am determined to get where I want and I am happy with myself and wouldn't change for anyone, I just wonder whether that would be good enough for me to get an acting job.

The other option I would love is to teach young children. I even found a course where you get a basic knowledge in everything and can even specialise in drama.

So, I'm at a stand still, I don't want to chose one and regret not doing the other all my life. I know it should be my choice at the end of the day, but I just need some other opinions on it.

Thanks a lot.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on September 12, 2006, 02:54:21 pm

Its ok thanks everyone I resolved the issue that I had now. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on September 12, 2006, 11:58:51 pm

Ruth- sorry you and andy are having problems! My initial reaction is that he probably feels like he's being left behind a bit. Like you said you're going away to college and starting this new and exciting life where you're going to be meeting all kinds of new people and experience living away from home free of parental constraints.
I don't want to be morbid or anything but maybe you need to talk about the possibility of things changing. Not that you'll break up or anything but that things are going to change in that you're going to have new friends andy doesn't know, and experiences to talk about that andy wont be able to totally relate to. There's no point denying that things arn't going to alter, i just started uni in february myself and i can tell heaps has changed about me without having moved out of home, the fact that you don't always have the comfort zones around you and suddenly don't know everyone around you, don't have the support that school gives or the requirements; i'm not sure how uni opperates in other places but in australia it is totally up to you to turn up to classes and hand things in.
Anyway Andy's probably just worried that all these natural changes will mean you don't want him or need him anymore. But i suppose you need to explain that even if you stayed put there's no guarantees, and that all you can do is assure him that you do love him and really an hour is nothing! i spend 40-50mins travelling to and from uni every day and i live like 6killometers from my uni, and that time flys! especially if you do homework while you travel!
Also have you spoken to him about the things you're feeling insecure about. It might reassure him of how much you do need him.
I don't know it's a tricky situation! i hope that helps! it was probably just stating the obvious!


Hobbit T- i know what you mean! i'm about 3/4 of my way through my first year of uni and i'm starting to doubt whether i'm doing the right course! i've wanted to be an actress for a good 6 or 7 years now and like you don't have the ideal body type or look... and some serious doubts in my talent. However yesterday i was talking to one of my friends who wants to be a producer and has gone and gotten work experience with one of the film industries - she's studying law so she wants to get to being a producer by becoming an entertainment lawyer.
Anywho that inspired me so i'm trying to get volunteer work in the marketing department (i'm studying marketing) of the biggest theatre company here because i think at least then i'll be in the industry and i'll be able to learn from those who've done it.

I would say that if acting is really your passion, you need to chose a career path that will allow you to have it part of your life and the drama teacher sounds like that. However you're still young, what's to stop you taking a year off and doing every audition you can get to and whole heartedly making a go of it and if that comes to nothing you can start the teaching course and still be doing what you loved - also teaching is a career you can do anywhere and if you want to take time off again and try it you can, especially being a drama teacher - the experience will make you a more valuable resource for employers!

Also don't write yourself off because you don't necessarily fit the mould. there are countless girls out there who are pretty little things that can fill the role, if you have a unique look and unique talent people will want you!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mini_T on September 13, 2006, 08:16:04 am

I know, I love acting to death and I enjoy it.
My other reasons are the fact that I want to show everyone in the world that you don't need to be some size 0 to be beautiful or have talent. I also want to give any big money I get either back to my parents to help pay bills or to charity. I have no need for all the money actors get nowadays. I want to do acting because it is something I love, not because of the money, fame or glamour.

Thanks, I am maybe going to take that uni course and keep my eye out for auditions. I might even record myself doing some acting and send it off everywhere and when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on September 13, 2006, 08:24:16 am

Hobbit T, are you aiming towards specifically film acting? Or are you up for anything in the acting area.
Because a lot of todays film actors began their careers on stage. Is this something you're interested in as well?
Are you a member of any kind of amatuer dramatics club or theatre group? This is an excellent way to practise your art, as well as get yourself noticed.

I know a lot of people in the theatre business. Some teach drama. Some teach the theory side of things. I even know some who are involved with the running of a theatre as well as appearing in some of the productions. (One guy I know worked with Billy Boyd on stage!!)
Are you only interested in acting? Or would something behind the scenes take your fancy too?

I know this isn't really advice as such, I'm just voicing some ideas in case you hadn't thought about them. There's loads of ways to get into the acting business.

And I wouldn't let being a size 14 bother you too much. It's usually the Hollywood actress that are the size 6 variety. You look on stage and on television and the talent is there in many shapes and sizes.

Good luck. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on September 13, 2006, 09:47:12 am

I sound like I'm really ragging on Andy. I'm not- we have no problems apart from this one, and last night I did talk to him and he really did seem to get that I was shit scared too and that we're both gonna try this thing. Lots of tears, lots of talking. I think he's been soul searching cos he came up with a hell of a lot of the stuff you guys have mentioned. I made sure he knew that I'm willing to reassure him, but that I need to be reassured he supports me. And he did. We'll be ok, it just tears me up to see him worry like this- it's almost like he's not willing to see past his needs in case, I don't know, in case he finds that I don't need him as much as he needs me. Which is rediculous.

I'm not making sense. Guess I'll just keep repeating myself, then have a major freak out.

***

Hobbit T- the best actress I know is a size 20 something. It doesn't stop her being amazing. On stage, size means nothing for serious acting roles. Yeah, theres obvously a size matter in TV and Films, but look at the likes of Renne Zelweiger in Bridget Jones. Yeah she gained weight for the role, but it must mean theres chances for larger actresses. (Although- size 14 isn't large its healthy so...)

Like Kat said, get some experience with an amature dramatics group. Thats what I've done for four years now and I love it. Plus, I'm doing drama for three years at uni and then doing the teaching course for another year, because that way if I decide not to teach (I don't want to be an actress, teaching is my ultimate goal) then I can have time off to do other drama related stuff (in your case the auditions etc, in mine maybe working in theatres in a different capacity, or working in the community- I'd love to do drama in prisons) then go back and do the teaching degree when I've tried that stuff. Good luck with it babe!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on September 15, 2006, 06:20:47 pm

Hey, Ruth, you know, I could seriously see you two living together in Hudd next year. It would be so easy to do. He transfers to a place to work near uni, and you both rent a flat together. The cost would be pretty much the same as a place rented through the uni, so it's no great cost at the end of the day, and could even be made cheaper with the 2 of you contributing.
(Basically the same as my brother is doing now, except with your boyfriend rather than your best mate)
Put that idea to him, you never know, his fear may turn to excitment ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: delusional on September 15, 2006, 11:57:20 pm

Okay, I have a bit of a situation that leaves me needing some advice that I will share :)

I was dating this guy named Michael for about two years when it was time for him to leave for college (he's a year older than me), and he got accepted to a college in California (and I live in Wisconsin) because it's a really good art school. Nonetheless I was bummed and didn't think the relationship would work, but we did decide to stay a couple and see how things went. He left at the end of August. We chatted through email and occasionally on the phone, but I didn't see him again until Christmas. Things were good then and we had a lot of fun. He left in January and didn't come back until June (of this year) and things were still good. I asked him if he had met anyone in California, and he said no. We had talked about it and decided that we still wanted to be with each other and no one else. Well, the day after he got home, after we spent the entire night together, his friend from California called me and told me that he had been seeing someone for almost his entire time in California and that things were getting pretty serious. He even sent me some pictures of her and Michael through email. I asked Michael again if he had stayed faithful and he said yes. But then I confronted him about the phone call and the emails and he just exploded at me and said it was all lies and that I was stupid if I believed it. His defensive tone told me that it was true. I left his house and called a friend to pick me up. He didn't try and call me for a few weeks, but recently he's been randomly showing up at my house and knocking for hours even though we won't let him in. He's been emailing, calling, and sending letters.

I guess my main problem is how do I talk to him? How can I heal that piece of my heart that broke and can't trust him? How can I really know that he doesn't just want me for a physical relationship until he goes back to California in December? Do you ladies have any similar experiences?

-Ashley :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on September 16, 2006, 11:49:05 pm

Hmm, that's a tough one. Maybe you could give him a chance to explain, but not do anything physical with him until and if you are sure he's telling the truth? If he is just using you for sex or whatever he's not going to bother sticking around. But i suppose that will take a lot of strength, i think if it was me i'd want to believe him and so it may not be so successful for someone like me.
I suppose all i can suggest is that you figure out what's going to enable you to come out of the experience stronger and avoid what'll lead to the most hurt. Pretty obvious advice i know, but i think if you do want to give him a chance then just don't participate in anything physical until he's earnt your trust back, and explain to him if he starts to complain that you want to believe him but you have to protect yourself as well and he'll just have to wait until you're ready again. Maybe that'll help you gage what's going on!? ???

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on September 17, 2006, 08:00:16 am

Kat- yeah we've talked about doing that if possible. Could be good.

I think things are going to be ok with us. Hope so.

Delusional- has he actually admitted to having an affair yet? Because if he's still denying it, then hear him out. You'll probably be able to tell if he's lying. If he has/ does admit it, then you're going to have to work out if you can forgive him. If you can't, there's no point staying with him because it'll be dragged up every time something bad happens between you.

Talk to him. It'll be very hard I would imagine, but he owes you an explanation. If it was some stupid way for him to deal with the seperation, then he should be willing to call it off and commit to you, if thats what you decide you want. If he refuses to talk about it, or makes no sign that he'll dump this girl then you'll probably have to be the strong one and break it off.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: delusional on September 19, 2006, 04:07:48 pm

Thanks for your replies, guys. It is is a tough situation and the best thing to is to just sit down and listen to what he has to say from there, no matter how hard it will be to listen to him talk.

:-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on September 22, 2006, 05:03:04 am

Tommorrow school is starting :( I don't want to go there after 2 years :'( any helps? :-\ I'm really getting nerveous :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on September 22, 2006, 09:20:39 am

Why don't you want to go back? Bullying, dislike of the school, or just a want to retain the holidays? Cos if it's the first two and you find you can't deal with it, then see about changing schools. My little sister did that a year into high school,a nd she went from being quiet and prone to crying to being the happiest I've ever seen her in a matter of days.

Or is it you that were home schooled, and are now going to collage? Because if it is, don't worry. You'll have a blast!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on September 22, 2006, 12:08:27 pm

I can really emphasize with your nerves because I suffer from social anxiety/social phobia. I left school 16 years ago I hated every day of it, do you also suffer from shyness/social anxiety?

Perhaps you should try and make a list of the things that you are worried about and hopefully? some of the things you are looking forward to and try and think about the postive things.

I am sorry this advice is pretty lame but because it sounds like we have similar issues i am not being very constructive.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: delusional on September 22, 2006, 04:50:10 pm

I am going to be feeling the same way when I go back next year after a year off, so I need the same advice as you, Veronica. Are you starting college?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on September 22, 2006, 05:03:33 pm

Veronica, I am in the same boat as you. Next year I go to a public college where there will be at least 300 people and I have been homeschooled sine I was 10 years old so it will be different for me. I was talking to someone about this and they said "You're studying drama, right? Then pretend it's a role. You're not Victoria, you are 'the student'."

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on September 23, 2006, 01:40:11 pm

[color=Purple]I feel depressed going school :-\ I want to cry. school is very hard in my country :( What if my headaches starts again? :-\ :'( No...and making friends is so hard :-\ I never had a real friend at school.. :-[

I;m going to 11th grade[/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on September 23, 2006, 01:45:00 pm

Don't worry honey!

Everything will be alright! In the beginning it will be a little hard but that's with everything! I'm sure you'll do great!

Making friends... I know everything about it but always be yourself and never let people say something bad about you.. then they know they souldn't mess with you and then they'll be nice to you...

Good Luck!!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on September 23, 2006, 01:48:56 pm

[quote author=*Elijah's Princess__ link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=645#msg1038933 date=1159033500]
Don't worry honey!


Making friends... I know everything about it but always be yourself and never let people say something bad about you.. then they know they souldn't mess with you and then they'll be nice to you...

Good Luck!!
[/quote]

:-\ the problem is how to be myself. I don't know :-[

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on September 23, 2006, 01:52:03 pm

Be the girl you are when you're with your family I guess...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on September 26, 2006, 09:59:12 am

I'm never myself at school. No matter how many times people tell me 'be yourself' I can never do it. But I make friends, and they do get to know the real me over time. The best way is to start small. Talk to the girl/ boy sat next to you in your lesson. Just start with "I'm x, who're you?" and then keep it flowing, even if it's just about the work you're doing. You'll always have something in common with these people, since you're all at school together.

It's always hard, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. Believe me- even two years ago I'd sit in a class and not talk until someone talked to me. But you can't live like that- you have to make an effort. And it's still hard now (and I'm at uni!) but I can do it with only a small degree of awkwardness which buggers off pretty quickly!

(Ps- what age is 11th grade? I don't know your school system)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on September 26, 2006, 02:38:01 pm

[quote author=LegolasBuzzgirl link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=645#msg1039732 date=1159279152]
I'm never myself at school. No matter how many times people tell me 'be yourself' I can never do it. But I make friends, and they do get to know the real me over time. The best way is to start small. Talk to the girl/ boy sat next to you in your lesson. Just start with "I'm x, who're you?" and then keep it flowing, even if it's just about the work you're doing. You'll always have something in common with these people, since you're all at school together.

It's always hard, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. Believe me- even two years ago I'd sit in a class and not talk until someone talked to me. But you can't live like that- you have to make an effort. And it's still hard now (and I'm at uni!) but I can do it with only a small degree of awkwardness which buggers off pretty quickly!

(Ps- what age is 11th grade? I don't know your school system)
[/quote]

[color=Purple]I unerstand what you say. the more I think about it the more it gets harder ::) You see I talk to my class mats, I laugh wth them and stuff but I don't have a certain/exact,ect friend. you know..all students are 2by2 or 3by3 toghether. I can't fit myself between them..I'm mostly walking around them ::)

people in 11th grade have 16 or 17 years of age but since I couldn't go to scholl for 2 years now I', 18.[/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on September 27, 2006, 11:58:14 am

Veronica, i have discovered over the years that i have multiple personalities - i'm a totally different person when i'm with my friends and i have no control over it, i feel like i come off as an idiot when i'm with my friends because i'm the one who makes everyone laugh but i can't snap out of it either.

In regards to the groups thing, at my school (which was huge- 300 people in my year level and it was all girls!) i started there in yr 10 when i moved so everyone all knew their places (yr 10 is 15- 16 i think) and most groups were a bunch of different little groups, like in my friendship group you'd all go out for dinner or whatever on occassion but everyone had the one or two friends you did stuff with all the time. I would suggest you try and get involved in something you really like. You said you love drama yeah? i also did and because there was only ever one drama class we all knew eachother really well and all knew the stresses going on over the year etc, and so you'd get into little groups with those people and because you knew and liked them you'd tend to like their friends so you just find yourself fitting in.
Don't be hard on yourself though! it takes time for anyone going to a new school let alone someone who hasn't been for 2 years! you'll find your place when you find out who you are with those people.
I found it quite liberating changing schools because at the old one i was always my brothers little sister... and we actually have really similar personalities which i felt like it took away credit for my successes because it was just 'copying' my brother, and then kinda getting my own identiy at the new school was really good for me!
anyway hope that helps ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on September 29, 2006, 02:30:02 pm

Veronica, I know how it is to go to a strange school where you don't know and aren't really good friends with anyone.. take my recent move to college, for example. I knew a few people from my high school that were here, but i wasn't really good friends with anyone. They were nice and we could talk a little, but we don't really hang out a lot or anthing. So i basically started from scratch when i came here. I just kind of include myself in things, whether i'm invited or not... i haven't met anyone yet that really seemed to care that i was there or that i was talking or saying something... most usually respond and we just start having a conversation... It's let me meet a lot of people. Get into groups and talk to the people in your classes and you'll make new friends soon enough. Good luck. *hugs*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: LegolasBuzzgirl on October 04, 2006, 10:46:23 am

I havn't had a best friend since I was maybe year three (that's aged about seven or eight). Personally I don't think you need a best friend- I'd much rather be able to have the groups of people I could flit between than be stuck with one person forever. But saying that, I have got friends who know me better than other, who in a way could be called my almost-best friends.

Good on you for getting talking to people though- that's the hardest part!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on October 05, 2006, 01:43:51 pm

I've got a problem with my personal weight... Well... I guess.. should I post my problem here? or in the weighty issues thread? it's about me being anorexic (or not) ....

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on October 05, 2006, 01:44:36 pm

I think it'd be ok here

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on October 05, 2006, 01:55:45 pm

OK... Right... it's a long story... but it's bothering me...

I'm on a diet and everything is going really well. My mom thinks I should quit, because she thinks I'm getting too skinny. I don't wanna stop yet, because I wanna loose a little more weight. I don't want to be a walking skeleton, but I think I'm still too fat. I'm really scared of becoming anorexic, but I don't want my body to be like this.
These days I'm really not hungry and if I am, I can't swallow my food because I feel sick and I'm not hungry anymore. I've got this feeling for a few days now and it's kinda scary. I do eat candy to make sure I'll have a little sugar, but I can't eat "normal" food...
I also love the fact that my wrists are very thin and that I can feel my ribs. Sometimes I pull my skin and then I feel little bumps of fat and that feels so gross... If I feel them, I feel fat again and I wanna loose weight again.

OK, the last point... That's all because of myself but the eating thing... It freaks me out... and I can't go to the doctor or talk with my mom about it... because my doctor... he doesn't understand me and my mom... she told me to go eating... My weight is BTW about 62/63 kg and I'm about... 1.70 meters.

Can any of you please help me??

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on October 05, 2006, 02:04:45 pm

Well, I hate to say this but to me it does sound like you have a problem. And I really would recommend you talk to your mom and try to make her understand your point of view. But if you can't talk to her, I know how difficult that is, then why not write her a letter and place it on her bed or somewhere where she'll find it. And then you can say everything you want to say in the letter without your mom cutting in.

I'm also worried about you saying that you "love the fact that my wrists are very thin and that I can feel my ribs"...your wrists shouldn't be really thin and you shouldn't be able to feel your rib cage. Can I ask, if when you undress and look in the mirror can you see where your ribcage is? Like bones sticking in your chest, like this person http://zero.uselessjunk.org/images/stories/anorexia_4.jpg

I really do recommend you talk to someone around you about this.

Not everyone is the same, remember that. And I'm sure you're not fat. We're born special.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on October 05, 2006, 02:10:34 pm

OMG no I don't look at that girl.... OMg that's aweful...

I still do have fat on my waist and it's not "She says it because she only thinks it"... I can't see my ribs, but I can feel them with my hands...

The reason why I can't talk with my mom is because she sees me eating breakfast and dinner and the candy. But when I'm at school, I'm supposed to eat an apple and 2 slices of bread. It's a big struggle really but I do eat them ( my friends keep telling me to eat it... I told them about this too ).

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on October 05, 2006, 02:17:17 pm

Could you not say (or write) to your mom that you are worried about it.
You are only 16, you should be too skinny. Now I'm not gonna spew out lnes like "You're so young you shouldn't worry about this" and all that because I hated my body when I was 16 and I'm not keen on it now but I'm not gonna make myself ill just to fit into a size zero pair of jeans. I like meat on my bones and yeah I'm always going to be a little bigger but that's good because it's what the world needs. PLEASE I beg you talk to someone close to you a family member or a teacher about this.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on October 05, 2006, 02:21:45 pm

Okay... I'll do it... if I still have this next monday okay? If it's gone by then I won't.... Thank you Vic... I love you :-* I feel a lot better now... telling this to you :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on October 05, 2006, 02:22:48 pm

I love you too darling :-* Don't be scared though :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on October 09, 2006, 11:09:41 am

I really do think you should go to the doctor about it. They will be able to help you a lot more, as they have the medical knowledge about this kind of thing, and they should understand.
If you feel you can't talk to your doctor about this, then I think you should consider changing who you see.
Doctors are there to help, and if you feel that there is something wrong, or could be eventually then they are there for you. To make sure you stay healthy, and give you the correct help and advice to make sure you are healthy. They will be able to put you in contact with people who specialise in dieting issues such as these so that you can be confident that you are being healthy in what you are eating, and how much of it.

If you're scared, then you need to make your Mum listen. She may think that you're overreacting, but once you get across clearly that this is worrying you, then I think that she will be grateful that you've told her, and she will be great emotional help for you whilst you visit the doctor to make sure that you are ok.

Don't expect it to be easy, it won't be at all. But you will feel so much better once you've got it out in the open, and you've found out if there is actually a problem.

Good luck. I hope it all works out for the best for you. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on October 09, 2006, 02:36:16 pm

Thankx, Tafika!! Thanks for you concern about me :)

I must say, I can eat again, I eat my bread and my apple :) I gained weight (The only thing that's not so good, :P ) and my mum just asked me what was wrong and I told her the story. She said that she would help me and that I should have told her before, but that she understood why I didn't say anything.

She's helping me to lose the weight I want, but I promised her that I will not be less then a certain weight. We have a deal and it's simple for me to keep the promise that I made.

Anyway, Thank you, Vicc & Tafika, for your concern! Thanks so much for letting me tell this to you and for giving me advice!! Thanks alot.

Love & Kisses, Pam.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on October 12, 2006, 03:39:59 am

im feeling strung out and id like somebody to talk to especially if they know how to deal with tension headaches. :'( :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on October 13, 2006, 10:36:48 am

Elijah's Princess- just wanted to say, it doesn't sound like you're unhealthy yet! you sound like similar size to me and i know the feeling. I was up to 75 kgs and got down to 63-64 and am about 170 in height too... and i still wasn't totally happy with my weight, but i had always said i didn't want to be smaller than a size 10 Australian because i think i'd just be skin and bone then. Maybe if you start trying to do more exercise targeting the problem areas like sit ups for your stomach or something like that...
But some of the stuff you were saying did sound like it was a problematic attitude for the future, maybe if you do go to a doctor they can reccomend exercises to help you tone up those areas instead of trying to loose it all through diet, you can never guarantee it'll come of where you want it to anyway.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on October 14, 2006, 04:54:19 am

Ok this is embarrassing but I need some help with a guy I really like. He's older than me.
It all started yesterday afternoon in Asda, mum was looking at their Halloween selection and I looked over to the DVD/Technology area to see if Marc was working, which I often do. Then I saw that they sold the Pirates Of The Caribben keyrings that I saw in their Christmas catalogue a week or two ago. And it occured to me that they might hve the DVD player that I want for Christmas in stock. I say this to mum and she says "That's what I was thinking, go and ask." Sounds simple enough right? Just go and say "Do you seel portable DVD players?" job done! Wrong. I couldn't do it. I didn't want him to say no and think I'm an idiot. So, after 5 minutes of working out hw to ask and not sound like and idiot, I went and waited at the til he was serving at. After a few minutes a woman in an Asda uniform stops talking and I go up to her and say "This is a really dumb question but my mum is making me ask; do you sell Portable DVD players?" she looked a bit confused and then called over to Marc "Do we sell portable DVD players?". Marc [without even pausing to think] replied "We haven't got any in at the moment."

And now, all I can think about is Marc. I've always thought he was cute but something happened yesterday. Even though I am 95.5% sure he is gay, i really want to tell him what I think/feel. came up with the idea of writing a letter and either leaving it on his desk next Friday or send it to the store c/o.

And I couldn't go to sleep last night because my head was playing games with me by creating scenario's of how to give him the letter, and what would happen after I gave him the letter. For instance, I decided rather than put my home address on the letter (like I usually do), I could just give him my e-mail address. And my head is creating scenario's where he e-mails me and we becme close (and I find out he's not gay)

Also, if I were to send a letter, what the hell do I write? I don't want to scarethe guy and make him think I'm a stalker! All the way round the store I kept laughing and smiling at the thought of him. Hell! While mum and I were waiting for dad to pick us up, I started to get cold and so my mind created a little picture of Marc giving my his jumper and wrapping his arms around me to keep me warm.


Any advice? :-\
By the way; yes I realise I sound like a complete and utter Fatal Attraction pyscho.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on October 14, 2006, 10:48:05 am

hahaha. you don't sound weird EI. It's a tricky situation, i've always shyed away from letters myself because you can never deny stuff then! How well do you know marc? would he know who you are properly? as in if you only know him through going to the store?
My suggestion would be, before you write a letter telling him how you feel, maybe you could try and build up a friendship, you could ask him if he has any films to reccomend or just try and make conversation when he serves you like 'long shift today?' etc.
I'm not the best person to get advice from since i get completely shy with guys... the only way i ever make friends with guys is if i have no attraction to them when i meet them... or if they are particularly nice.
I must say, i admire you for having the courage for writing a letter, i'm not sure if it's universal but i dont think it'd be the best way to approach an Aussie guy, i don't think they'd know how to respond.

Anyway, there's no harm in trying to get to know him better before you committ to a letter. :) good luck!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on October 15, 2006, 11:38:56 am

*ANna*, thanks for the reply :) I feel much better now, I have to do this project in school and just to get it all out of my head that skinny is good, the subject in Eating Disorders.. It's helping me a lot to see these disgusting pics!

Okay Vic... Your problem... Well I have the same thing.. But I think you should go to the store and ask his advice on something. Just flirt with him if your at the store and you know.. show him what you've got!?!

And about the gay-thing... Are you sure about that? what makes you say he is? maybe he's bisexual?!

And I agree with *ANna* :P

Good Luck...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on October 15, 2006, 07:45:11 pm

Being as my question was ignored I won't be posting in this thread anymore. ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on October 15, 2006, 09:12:57 pm

Soz em. i just had no response, i am not someone who gets stressed or tension headaches and without any other detail it slipped to the back of my mind when EP and EI had given detailed problems. As i said previously you're welcome to pm me if you don't want to share on here if you're comfortable but yeah. Sorry you felt ignored i just got distracted with the others.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on October 16, 2006, 01:44:07 am

Awwwww its ok I just sounded off lol. :-* :-**hugs* :-* yeah I might pm you but I feel ok right now.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on October 16, 2006, 03:14:36 pm

Sometimes I have tense headaches... and it sounds gross.. but if I throw up... it goes away... I have it once a year... when the summer ends/autumn begins.... it''s a type of migraine, my doctor says...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on November 03, 2006, 03:04:29 pm

Guys, i have a problem. It's a boy problem... but not the typical one. It's very complicated, really, and you have to look at it from all angles... but i think that any way that i look at it everyone is screwed... but i'm stuck and seriously need some help.

Alright, i suppose i should start from the beginning. I play an online RPG (role playing game) as i'm sure several of you remember. I've played it for about a year, and i've made several IG (IG means in game, RL or IRL means real life or in real life, and ooc means out of character) Well, over my year of playing, a few of my IG friends have become pretty good OOC friends. About 4 months ago, the bully in the game started showing intrest in my character... but, yeah, i didn't really want to talk to him IG or OOC because he seemed like an ass hole. However, i had just got AIM and when he asked for my screen name, i went ahead and gave it to him. When we first started talking on AIM he continued his haughty, ass hole attitiude. He would make rude, sexist remarks that would piss me off and i'd just pretty much ignore him or i would counter him with a clever arguement. It was apparent that he had no respect for me or anyone else. HOWEVER, when we actually had a genuine conversation where he wasn't being a butt head, he had a very interesting perspective on things... he was very smart... and, really, i liked talking to him. Over the course of about a month and a half i noticed the "tone" in how he addressed me slowly change. He went from being disrespectful to respecting me and my opinions because he said that i was actually a "smart, logical girl... which are hard to find" Well, eventually we exchanged cell phone numbers and we started talking a bit on the phone. He seemed to become attatched to me instantly... Now let me give you a few things i've learned/observed about this boy over the few months we've been talking... For 6 years he was clinically depresed and suicidal. He was on legal meds for a while, but they didn't help his depression and he still wanted to kill himself... so he got intruced to pot, which slowly lead to other drugs... and he claimed these drugs made him feel like life was worth living again. He overdosed twice in those 6 years and almost died. The closest he got was when he ODed on heroine... he stopped breathing and the guy he was with gave him mouth to mouth while they waited on the ambulance to arrive. He said he almost wished the guy hadn't given him mouth to mouth... and he said that when it actually happened he really didn't care if he died or not because he honestly thinks that death will be the end of all his emotional and physical torment. This bothered me, obviously. He is indifferent to living and makes these types of comments all the time... even when he's "happy" (not that i've ever seen him happy... his "happy" is most people's "normal"... and his lows are downright scary.) I've tried and tried to help him... i've suggested EVERYTHING that i can possibly think of for him... but he's so resistant to actually ... being fixed. It's the strangest thing i've ever seen. It's like he wants a way out, but when a way out is suggested to him, he rejects it. Plus, he's a very shy person who hates any kind of failure... which i think may be one of the main roots of the problem. But, yeah, he doesn't spend time with any girls in his area because he's shy and he hates his school... so he runs straight back home to his off campus house and gets high with his buddies. ... which is obviously NOT fixing his problems... *sigh*

and on top of that, he really, REALLY is getting attatched to me! He's 5 years older than me and 13 hours away... but he gets jealous and sad and clingy if i even mention another guy. It's like he's trying not to be overbearing... but you can tell it really worries him... and this worries me... because of the above. And not just that, but because ... well, frankly, even if he lived right down the street from me, we wouldn't have any hope of having a good relationship. I can't handle the drugs. I can't handle his indifference to life. I just wouldn't be able to take it. it would drive me crazy. I want someone who laughs easily and doesn't get so damn down in the dumps. (i've only heard him truely laugh about 3 times... ever.) I know everyone has their lows... but, damn. i don't want to worry about them killing themselves because they're so upset and leaving me there to clean up what's left behind (speaking figuratively, of course... not clean up their literal remains.) ... i think we could be friends... but i really don't think we'd have any hope of being anything more... I've mentioned to him before that i couldn't handle the stuff that he does... and he said that he'd change for me if i was there. ... which i countered with "easier said than done." ... But i really don't know how to tell him this because sometimes i think i'm one of the only things he is still living for. BUT, looking at it from another angle, i worry that i'm dealing with a time bomb here... he's fighting to be stable, but, frankly, there is something seriously unstable in that boy... and i worry that if i told him such, that he may become a stalker or something. So i REALLY just don't know what to do. I want to paste a conversation that we had last night. i am "you" ... but i'm going to change his name. This was the worst i had EVER seen him. I really didn't know what to say.

him: hey doll
him: i dont know if i've ever been lonelier than today
You said: why, baby?
him: because i drank
him: i dont know why
You said: you don't know why you drank or why you felt lonely
{long pause}
You said: oh god.
You said: this guy is so amazingly good at the guitar
You said: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzK1b1PNb9Q
You said: you have to watch this
{instant reply}
him: not gunna bother
him: sorry
You said: please? lol. he really is good
him: too sad
You said: it's beautiful
him: oh well {He's never been so short with me like that.}
You said: yeah. oh well.
him: f*ck why do i have to feel so sad
You said: hell if i know, babe. all i got was that youd drank
him: i've been working hard all week
him: and all i want is to die
him: i dont get it
You said: lol. i sure as hell don't either, babe.
him: f*ck
You said: *sigh*
You said: you seemed fine yesterday
You said: *nibbles*
him: and i cant find anybody to love
him: i just want to end this shit
You said: "and"? was there a first part?
You said: cause i just got that part
him: who cares
You said: umm... me?
You said: *pokes*
him: i just really wish i could die
him: like thats all i want right now
You said: umm
him: it hurts too much to live
You said: babe... I ... i don't know what to do for you. have you thought anymore about moving? {he hates his state. everything about it.}
him: i dont have the energy or drive to move
You said: you did like a week ago
him: right now pulling a trigger is about the most work i'm capable of
You said: baby... please don't talk like that.
him: i feel so sad it literally hurts to be conscious
him: what the f*ck is that
You said: it's depression. i saw it on a commercial. (heh) there's some new medicine out that takes care of the physical and emotional pain of depression
him: nah
You said: yes huh
him: i tried everything already
You said: well... try that. it's new.
him: nah
You said: why not?
him: i tried every catagory of drug they've invented
him: unless they come up with a whole new catagory
him: it's useless
You said: well... they said it was new... it may be worth a shot, dammit.
him: who did i kill to deserve this shit
You said: if it is indeed a chemical imbalance in your brain, then you can't blame anything... and that may very well be what's wrong
him: thats why i dont believe in god
You said: dude i so saw that one coming.
him: yeah
him: well it's true =p
him: i have a test tomorrow
him: a writing assignment i'm not going to die
him: to do
him: and i want to end it all and i cant even do that
him: bullshit
You said: baby, ask your doc about that new stuff. maybe it'll help. you haven't tried EVERYTHING if you haven't tried that.
him: i dont have a doc
You said: get one?
him: i went through every doc within a 50 mile radius
him: they gave up
You said: expand the radius? {another long pause}
You said: *nibbles*
You said: woud.... seeing a pretty asian woman dance around make you feel any better?
him: no{instant repsonce}
You said: darn.
him: i think the only solution is to end my consciousness
You said: *sigh*
You said: i want to make you feel better
him: i want to cry but i cant, i want to die but i cant
him: it sucks
him: i wish i was with you baby
him: i'm so lonely right now
You said: *sigh* i wish i could make you better
him: i know baby
him: i only get sadder and older though
You said: you're not OLD. you're 22.
You said: i don't know what to do for you.
him: nothing can be done
him: thats whats frustrating
him: i'm just guna go to bed
You said: alright
him: it hurts too much to be awake
You said: and i don't think you're a hopless case {the following was said so fast it was almost like it was all in one post. he wrote it all then ran.}
him: i do
him: i do love you though
him: you're sweet
him: <3
him: goodnight
You said: g'night

... I'm just really at a loss of what to do. I've went to recruiting people to help me pray for him. **sigh**

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on November 03, 2006, 03:40:47 pm

It sounds to me as if he has Bi-polar. And if that is the case there are many things he can do to sort his mind out.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on November 03, 2006, 03:48:28 pm

no, he's not bipolar... he doesn't have extreme highs and lows. He's usually very mellow... or ... suicidal. No highs. just normal, lows, and even lower.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on November 03, 2006, 03:55:41 pm

Hmmm, well has he tried Lithium? Sorry, I know I'm no help :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on November 03, 2006, 03:58:04 pm

I've met people like that too... I think you should try not to worry too much. And keep on telling him to get help!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on November 04, 2006, 03:39:01 pm

maybe he is bipolar... lol. i called him yesterday and like... he actually sounded happy. like... a normal person's happy. he was goin' to go with his friends to watch that borat movie. lol. he was all excited about it. it was cute. lol. ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on November 04, 2006, 11:23:47 pm

Jess that's an awful situation!!! I just think you've got to be really aware that it's not your fault if something bad does happen. He seems totally intrenched in his thought process.
I have no experience at all with dealing with that... one of my friends does suffer from depression and gets withdrawn every now and then, but she doesn't unload it all onto me, she just is distant for a while and then comes back after a month or so and all i can do is makesure i'm there when she's ready to interact again. So from that experience i don't think there's anything you can really do, he ultimately has to get himself out of that mind set. All i can suggest is trying to remind him about what's good in life. Maybe ask him what his favourite memory is or something and share some happy times from your childhood? i don't know. i think that's how i'd try and deal with it and just remain positive with him... don't accept his suicidal statements. as in 'you have got things to live for, you're smart, funny etc...' But at the same time i think you've got to work on pulling yourself back so your not his main support source. and try and keep him in a positive mindset while you're talking... easier said than done i know!
Anyway i hope that helps... probably not but that's all i can think of.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on November 06, 2006, 03:59:43 am

Jess, I'm sorry to read all this... Gosh I understand how you feel... (Not fully, but I think I can imagine..?) My friend is really negative too, but not in a way like your friend.

Look, you might not wanna read this, but maybe he's just pretending to me "depressed". maybe he wants you to rush over to his place and then... I don't know... but maybe it's not true he wants to die.

At the other hand... If you call him and never heard him laugh, it might be true. I think there's nothing you can do, except listening to what he says and telling him he's worth it and stuff...

I'll pray for you and I hope everything will be okay.
Good Luck :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on November 06, 2006, 09:42:42 am

[quote author=Young&Desperate 4Attention{DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=675#msg1052589 date=1162803583]
Look, you might not wanna read this, but maybe he's just pretending to me "depressed". maybe he wants you to rush over to his place and then... I don't know... but maybe it's not true he wants to die.

At the other hand... If you call him and never heard him laugh, it might be true. I think there's nothing you can do, except listening to what he says and telling him he's worth it and stuff...
[/quote]
I was thinking the same thing... But it's very hard to know if it's fake or real!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on November 06, 2006, 02:40:58 pm

[quote author=Marit {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=675#msg1052728 date=1162824162]
[quote author=Young&Desperate 4Attention{DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=675#msg1052589 date=1162803583]
Look, you might not wanna read this, but maybe he's just pretending to me "depressed". maybe he wants you to rush over to his place and then... I don't know... but maybe it's not true he wants to die.

At the other hand... If you call him and never heard him laugh, it might be true. I think there's nothing you can do, except listening to what he says and telling him he's worth it and stuff...
[/quote]
I was thinking the same thing... But it's very hard to know if it's fake or real!
[/quote]
I agree with you.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on November 12, 2006, 12:37:21 pm

I just need some advice...


For two weeks or so, my best friend has ignored me. She doesn't say hi, she doesn't hug me, she never laughs when I say something funny and stuff like that. I asked her, but then she just said she's tired of my humor. But the thing is, she isn't tired of my other friends humor, and he got exactly the same as me! He is in love with her, and none of us knows what she feels...

I hope I explained the situation good enough... It makes me really tired... So I hope to get some advice about how to fix it!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on November 12, 2006, 02:04:49 pm

I would talk to her and say that her behavior bothers me. I would ask her whether she still wants to be my friend or not.

Maybe something's wrong... You know.. something she's ashamed of or something... Maybe if you tell her that she can tell you anything, she'll tell you what bothers her. Love, good luck and Kisses :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on November 12, 2006, 07:06:31 pm

Marit. maybe something's going on at home your friend can't talk about and it's making her withdrawn, If that's the case i think you just need to give her time, and likeY&D said let her know you are there if she needs you.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on November 22, 2006, 11:54:17 am

Hey aunts,

I have a small problem/question. There's this guy I quite like from myGerman class. We regurarly chat, we know each others name and e-mail adresses. He is really cute and nice. He is friendly but I don't really see signals that he likes me the way I like him. It's not that I'm really head over heels in love but I would really like to get to know him better, also outside German class. I'm really shy when it comes to these things and I really don't dare to e-mail him. What if I do and he starts acting all cool against me :-\.

What do you think I should do? It doens't easily happen that I like a guy so I know he's special, but I'm really confused...

ps I have only had one bf in my entire life and that was because the boy really told me he liked me... ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on November 22, 2006, 03:00:33 pm

Hmm... You can ask him if he wants to do something some day, or maybe you could just do homework together?


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on November 25, 2006, 02:22:50 am

Artanis, just email him... on the pretense of asking about a german thing... and then go on to more general chat, if he replies and chats back then you've made that connection to be able to do it... do you have an instant messeger at all? that's a good way to chat. and if he only replies about the question then maybe he just wants to be a friend. i donno...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on November 26, 2006, 06:09:39 am

Thanks for the advice, I'll let you know what became of all of it ;).

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on December 16, 2006, 02:21:59 am

School, Physics and some partsof Chimstry...I have problem with them :-\ it's making me worried :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on December 16, 2006, 05:34:08 am

Any news Artanis?


What's wrong Veronica? Maybe we can help?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on December 16, 2006, 08:31:45 am

[quote author=Marit {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=690#msg1064775 date=1166265248]
Any news Artanis?


[/quote]


Thanks for asking, but not really. I Just haven't got the courage to e-mail him. I'm first trying to get to know him better and we always sit together in class, I suppose that's a good thing. The coming weeks we have exams and won't see each other :(. I really want to try to do things slowly because I'm so fraid of losing him otherwise...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 18, 2006, 07:43:17 pm

I have a problem. Don't know what to do.
As some of you know, I broke up with my boyfriend of a year 2 weeks ago. The thing is, it feels as though nothing has changed. Not because we're staying in touch, or that the feelings are still there - in fact, nothing to do with him at all really.
It's his family. They're still treating me as if I'm part of the family. Which is nice, I don't want to cut them out just because me and Chris split up. But the thing is, they're always asking after me (mostly his little sister), and they've even bought me a Christmas present.
You'd probably think, what's the problem with people continuing to be nice to you?
But the thing is, I need them to step back a bit so I can move on.
What do you think I should do?
I'm going to talk about it to Chris when I next see him, but I was just wondering if there's anything else I could do...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Laura on December 18, 2006, 09:39:17 pm

Maybe they just bought you a present before you split up? Or because it's so recently and your kind of close with them they feel they should still give you something? I just think they're trying to be polite and thoughtful, and asking after you to see if your coping alright. I'm sure it'll die down after Christmas.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on December 20, 2006, 01:56:57 pm

I agree with ElleJay...

If they keep being like that, you could try and talk to them and tell them you need them to step back a little.

Good luck.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 20, 2006, 06:33:23 pm

I'm going to go round before Christmas, get this present, and give them a big tin of chocolates for the family (because it would be rude to not get them something in return), talk to Chris about it, and then hope that they realise that since I won't be there every day like I used to be, that I'm not part of the family any more, and they'll back off a bit.
I've blocked his sister on MSN, so that's a start... lol

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: venomousflower on December 21, 2006, 06:00:18 am

taf maybe u should talk to your ex's family as well as your ex because they may/may not be aware of your split and tell them that you aknowledge them for their kindness during the year that you spent with chris... because a year is a long time for his family to know you and treat you like one of them, so they should hopefully understand that you are greatful and start to lose contact.

If that makes any sense!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 21, 2006, 06:25:14 am

Oh, they're perfectly aware that we broke up. I had to go through talking to each of them about it individually as they asked ::)
I'm not going to say anything to them. I'm not comfortable with doing that. I'm just going to drift away quietly.
It's not like I'd be able to see them any more anyway. Seeing as I am now living 2 hours away at university.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: venomousflower on December 21, 2006, 06:28:04 am

maybe they know somethin you dont know then... lol but just ride it out and you wont be as comfortable as you would hope but it should be ok in the end eventually!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 21, 2006, 07:17:58 am

[quote author=*Mello* link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=690#msg1065753 date=1166700484]
maybe they know somethin you dont know then...
[/quote]

Like, say, that he still loves me, and that I still love him, and that in fact neither of us wanted the relationship to end?
Everyone is fully aware of all of that.
It's not the fact that we don't want to be together. It's that we can't. Because the long distance relationship wasn't working for us.

As for being comfortable with how things work out, like I said, I now live 2 hours away from them, and so I will see them probably once a month, if that, now. So it's not much of an issue.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on December 22, 2006, 08:58:53 am

[color=Purple]am I alowed to ask you somethig? you can ignore me if I sounds nosey :)

I think, I just "think" you 2 brole up for some reasons that I had about someone on the forum. the special memeber, Elijah :P
Taf I think you too are making youselfs to stop your relationship am I right? Maybe his parents know that you 2 can make a very good couple?....I feel this from all you said on the last page...[/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 22, 2006, 09:34:43 am

I'm not quite sure what you mean...

I know why we broke up. We broke up because we moved to university, which meant we were living a long way away from each other. Which meant that we only saw each other for 3 days every 2 weeks.
This wasn't enough for us, and only having contact through phone was putting a strain on the relationship. It was generally a mutual decision to end things, because we both knew that it wasn't working, and that we'd just end up hurting each other if we tried to keep things going.

It had been said by both of us, that we wish we could stay together, but it just wasn't working.

His Mum was like a second Mum to me while we were together. And she said when we broke up that she wouldn't take sides, as we are both adults. (Even though there really was no side to take, since we were both in agreement that the breakup should happen)
I'm all for keeping in touch with the family, they just need to realise that I'm not part of them any more.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on December 22, 2006, 02:23:25 pm

[color=Purple]tafika do you still love him? don;t say no cause I'm sure your lying :-[

I know why we broke up. We broke up because we moved to university, which meant we were living a long way away from each other. Which meant that we only saw each other for 3 days every 2 weeks.

You're forcing yourselves,aren't you two? that's IMPOSSIBLE or if...


Quote:
This wasn't enough for us, and only having contact through phone was putting a strain on the relationship. It was generally a mutual decision to end things, because we both knew that it wasn't working, and that we'd just end up hurting each other if we tried to keep things going


C'mone!!!! do you want me to tell ya a secret ( it won;t stay a secret anymore ;D ) I hade a boyfrind and I couln't seee him much in 1 year and 3 months that we were together I only saw him 3 times! ;D!! can you belive it? :P but I broke up cause I found out he was a JERKE....[/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 22, 2006, 03:10:24 pm

I do love him.
I love him more than anything.
And I honestly believe I always will. He changed my life more than I could have imagined possible, and I'm hurting so much now that we're not together.

This isn't an issue of why we broke up, or whether we should have, or if we could get back together.
The relationship has ended. It's over. And we are not going to get back together.
Yes, we are forcing ourselves apart. But it's because we need to do that. We needed to break up. If we hadn't, we would have ended up hurting each other, and possibly hating each other.

I can't lose him. He is my best friend. I don't want to hate him.

Yes, it hurts that we're not together any more. But I'm happy with how things are between us, because it's the best that it can be. And I know it will get easier as time goes on.

Like I said. My reason for asking for help here is nothing to do with my relationship with Chris at all. I have no problem with him.
It's his family that was the original problem.
So please don't try and analyse my relationship with him. You know very very little about it, and I don't need any help at all in dealing with the issues that were brought up with the break up. I'm doing perfectly fine on my own, thanks.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on December 24, 2006, 10:17:23 pm

Hey, taf. *hugs* to you, hun. I'm sure you're needing them right now. I understand your breakup with chris... long distance stuff is hard (i know. lol. very, very hard.). I'm sure Chris's family understands it too, but they, like you, will just need some time adjusting to the way things are now. I'm sure that if you just give them some time, that they'll let up a little and treat you as a family friend, and no longer as family. *hugs summo* good luck with it, hun. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on January 04, 2007, 09:51:11 am

Sorry if I did anything wrong. I shouldn't try to do something like from the beginning

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: potatoes on January 07, 2007, 05:05:43 am

Hey everyone.

I was wondering if i could just talk about something and maybe if other people had the same issue.
well i moved here from a different country a little while ago and I have made some good friends, but not that many. The thing is, all of them have boyfriends, and as they were nice to me when i was new, i thought it would be rude to try and find "single friends", becuase it shouldnt be a problem. Only, when i go to parties with them I feel left out and sometimes ive had to drink and do stupid things i dont want to do so that i can make friends. Its made me really sad and when i say i dont want to go out they call me boring, or they just ask me out atall and enjoy talking about it all the next day when i have nothing to say. Its also when they say they hate their bf's, only they will spend the whole weekend with them and not call me once.

So thats why, instead of really making this a problem, i wanted to say thankyou. This messageboard is so great! My friends don't understand how i can like a movie so much or a person, elijah, so so much. I feel i have to shy away from it, but on here its so nice that i can talk to other people who like the same things. I can be me!

So thanks, and yeah, im sorry to sound selfish about my friends, i just felt a little lonely.

:-[

I feel a bit selfish moaning about my friends, its just one of thoose nights when everyones out except me and I just found this and thanks i guess, to all the people who made an effort to talk to me :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Haru on January 08, 2007, 03:45:04 am

Don't feel selfish! If your friends are the ones making you feel uncomfortable than they're much more selfish (no offence).

Moving countries is really tough, but just be yourself and you'll meet some wonderfull people who will love you for who you are (that may sound slightly corny but it's true!) ;)

PS. Don't feel lonely! We all love you ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: potatoes on January 08, 2007, 03:54:58 am

aww thankyou Haru, that was a really nice thing to say
I know what you mean about my friends i guess, but its hard to not be picky and choosy.
But thanks
i love this place, its such a nice, friendly place

:D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 08, 2007, 10:48:39 am

If your friends were true friends then they shouldn't pressure you into doing something you don't like or want to do. If you stay true to yourself then you will find true friends that likes you for whom you are and not what they want you to be.

I had friends that liked to smoke pot and atuff. But they never asked me to do any of that cause they knew I didn't like it and do it either. They were true friends.

I also love LOTR, Frodo :-*, Lij :-*, dragons and such but no one in my family or friends mind it one bit. They like or love me the way I am and your true friends should do the same for you.

If you don't want to drink, party, or anything the you shouldn't and no one should laugh or make fun of you for making the right decision. Peer pressure is bad and it shouldn't even exist.

I don't drink, do drug, or even smoke and it's fine with my family and friends. That stuff is bad and will kill you.

All I am saying is don't lose yourself in these so called friends. If you do then one day you will never find yourself again and when that happens then those friends will not be around to help you out.

So just be yourself and some real true friends will find their way to you. It may take time but it will happen I garuntee it sweetie. Just be true to you and only you and you always have us here.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: potatoes on January 09, 2007, 03:18:28 am

again thanks :)
Its not surprising how right you are about my friends drinking and smoking and being myslef will bring alot the right people
Thanks Scroll :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: After_Forever on January 09, 2007, 05:28:09 am

*thinks*

people can be so insensitive....even those close to you
i hate that feeling
especially when they don't seem to realise the damage there doing

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 09, 2007, 09:38:20 am

Just remember Potatoes be true and you will find the right people that will be true to you too.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: After_Forever on January 18, 2007, 06:32:23 am

im almost certain a friend of mine has an eating disorder and i have no idea what to do or who to tell.
i feel really bad...
i know i should do something.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Haru on January 18, 2007, 06:48:39 am

When someone close to you has an eating disorder it's always hard to know what to do, especially if that person or their parents hasn't recognised it and sought out help. I have a close friend who has an eating disorder, and her parents have been making her go and see a councillor. The way that I try to help is by telling her how amazingly beautiful she is (which she is ;D) but I say it after she'll go on a rant about how ugly she feels and I tell her how beautiful she is every oppertunity I get!

It's really raised her self-esteem and she's becoming more comfortable with who she is. The point you should try and get across to her is that you love them just the way they are, and you should try to encourage a healthy diet. You should also maybe encourage them to excersise rather than eat less by maybe going for walks or joining a gym together and then go out and grab something healthy to eat.

But like I said, it's extremely hard to know how to help, so doing some research on the topic might help.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: After_Forever on January 18, 2007, 07:05:27 am

hmm thanks very much haru.


whenever ive brought up the subject, she denies it.
she doesn't think anything is wrong!
i always tell her she's gorgeous (because she is extremely pretty)
doesnt seem to work though.
i think i will:
research the topic and
have a talk to my parents about it.

thanks again haru...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Haru on January 18, 2007, 07:32:46 am

Your welcome, I hope it'll help ;D

Talking to your parents is a really good idea; people seem to think their parents don't know anything about issues such as this one, but they're just full of knowledge ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 30, 2007, 10:24:28 am

Ok since this a topic area to get advise I thought I would come here and ask for advice. Here is my delima.

Ok I have been unemployeed for a few months now. Just learned that I get to start college this summer for 2 years and it is paid for by the government. A law called The Trade Act Assistance. It is where a company closes its doors and have more than 100 employees. 3 or more employees can put up a petition to be reeduacted for another trade for a career. Our petition was approved.

I went last monday and yesterday to the local college to take assesment career tests to see what kind of career would be suitable for me. I was going to study and be an CNA. But that is only a 10 week course, there is no garuntee that I would get in since it has a long waiting list, and I would only get a certificate. So that is out of the question cause if I am going to go to college and not pay for it I want to take the whole 2 year course and get a real degree.

So here is my delima. My hubby and I both picked 3 good choices for me to go to school for and can't decide what I want to do. y options are:
Health Care Management Technology
Dental Hygiene
Early Childhood Associate of some kind
I have until Friday to decide (that is 3 days) cause that is when I have to present my choice to the unemployment person to get it sent in and approved. I have until the end of February to get my approved for the choice I make so I can start classes this summer.

So can anyone please help me to decide? My 13yr old (SAW) told me she thought I would be good in the childhood thing. Counseling kids, teacher's assistant, welfare child stuff, or something. I have wanted for so long as a kid growing up to become a teacher until I discovered I wanted to be awriter. But there is no garuntee to a career in that. But I can always do that on the side of a career.

So PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 30, 2007, 10:48:32 am

I know it sounds terribly clichéd and it's not as easy as it sounds but listen to you heart. Which of the three choices appeals to you most?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 30, 2007, 11:02:10 am

Thank you Victoria for you advice. I will keep it in mind. I know I don't want the detal thing cause I don't want to wear a uniform everyday. I want to wear my own clothes. Can't stand to wear the same things everyday. I know it sounds a bit selfish and stupid. But if I go into a medical field I would have to wear certain things all the time everyday. With the child stuff I can wear my own things and look nice. That is what I want and there will always be a job with child type jobs.

I know it all sounds so foolish, selfish, and idiodic.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 30, 2007, 11:12:16 am

[quote author=Scroll link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=705#msg1075774 date=1170172930]
I know it sounds a bit selfish and stupid.[/quote]

No it doesn't, I understand and agree with you.

[quote author=Scroll link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=705#msg1075774 date=1170172930]
I know it all sounds so foolish, selfish, and idiodic.
[/quote]

Don't say that! It's not foolish, selfish, or idotic at all.

It sounds to me as if you're leaning more towards the child one.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 30, 2007, 11:55:06 am

I guess I need to put certain feelings aside and think of what kind of jobs it out there and will always be out there. Need to think of my fanancial status and my family more than my feelings.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 30, 2007, 12:01:09 pm

But you still need to enjoy your career, darling.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 30, 2007, 12:10:03 pm

I know. I have just been working in factories since 87 and I am so tired of factory work. I want something in an office or something. If I go into the child thing I can work in a walfare office working with children or something like that. I am 38 and going to be 39 in April. I have never done any schooling beyond high school and I don't want to die and not show I have done anything like getting a college degree and I don't want my kids to think I haven't done anything besides factory work. I want to be on the outside of a factory looking in. I just want to better myself before it gets to late.

I am trying to change my body, getting my teeth worked on soon, and just want a whole new change. I want to be able to go to work everyday looking nice. I want to feel good both in and out. I want a whole new change. I want to look and feel like a professional and make a difference in someones life.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 30, 2007, 12:14:43 pm

[quote author=Scroll link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=720#msg1075792 date=1170177003]
make a difference in someones life.
[/quote]

Well for that one sentence I would suggest the child thingy. I'm no help, sorry

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 30, 2007, 12:20:57 pm

You are being a bigger help than you know. You also made me realize my determining a job based on what I wear is not the best way of deciding a job.

You are such a big help my friend.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 30, 2007, 12:24:15 pm

The most impotant thing is that you are happy with your decision :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 30, 2007, 12:29:03 pm

I need to be happy.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on January 30, 2007, 12:48:40 pm

Hey Scroll,

if I know something about life it is: Always stick with you first choice. 9 out of 10 times it's the best choice.

Don't think about the money or the career you can make. The most important thing is that you like what you do, no? Because you'll probably do it for the rest of your life.

I choose to become a teacher because I love to work with youngsters and mean something in society. I know very well I'll never make teh big money or make a career for myself, but that's ok because I love teaching!


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 30, 2007, 12:59:31 pm

I did want to be a teacher all my childhood until I won a blue ribbon on a story I wrote in high school. That is when I turned to wanting to be a writer. I haven't never forgot of my childhood dream but I did realize it wasn't it for me cause of different things in my life. So I worked in factories all my adult life so far. But now that I have a chance to go to college and get a degree I want to make the right choice. I don't to think in years from now that I made ther wrong choice.

I wish someone could make the choice for me and it be that. But I know I am the only one that can make that choice and it is hard for me to make. I don't do good at making choices. I have always had someone all my life telling me what to do. No I have the most important decision to make and I have to make it worth while. Since my out come will result in my being happy, taking care of my family financially, and still be able to work on my book/books I am writing.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on January 30, 2007, 01:17:36 pm

Okay, I've read every single post, from the start, Scroll and I definitely think you should do the child-thingy. You said you won't feel comfortable with the other jobs and you've always wanted to be a teacher, so I think you should go for that!

My mum (in April she turns 38) is in college too, she also wants to become a teacher now and she's doing great. We're all really proud of her and help her in the best way we can. I bet your kids & husband will be supportive too.

My mom didn't want us to know that she didn't study that much in her childhood and stuff, but she did tell us. It's really helping, so we now know that we really need to work our asses off, the become what we want. And it's not really weird that you've always been in a factory, because back then, the educations weren't as good as they are now you know. There weren't a lot of jobs to choose from, you know.

I certainly don't think you should do this, to prove yourself towards your kids. They will learn from YOUR experiences, like I learn from my moms (and dads, partially).

I know about the money issue, but I think that working in a factory, won't make as much money as any of the jobs you mentioned, but since I'm only 16, I don't really know about that.

But remember: now you don't make any money and if you finished college, you will and it doesn't really matter how much you're making, because you enjoy your job and it'll always be more then you make now.

But then again, I don't know how the money thing is, there in your house. This is just what I think.

Anyway, You've got to make the choice yourself, nobody can do it but you. You of course can discuss it with your husband and we're helping you now, but it's all up to you.

I hope I helped you a little and I hope it will all work out fine. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 30, 2007, 01:21:42 pm

Thank you my friend Young for your advice. I thank all my friends here on the A & F for being here for me on this most important dealing.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on January 30, 2007, 01:23:00 pm

You're so welcome, I'm glad I could help you :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on January 30, 2007, 01:23:52 pm

No problem Scroll. I'm sure you'll make the right decision. Believe in yourself :-*!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 30, 2007, 01:28:00 pm

I am trying so hard to. Like I said before it is so hard for me to decide on things. It takes me 30 minutes on just what to wear if I am leaving the house for something. Then when I think I have made up mu mind I change 2-3 times and then finally settling on what I first pick out. then when I do leave and it is all said and done I second guess myself if I made the right choice.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on January 30, 2007, 01:29:00 pm

That's why I think you should discuss it with your hubby, he'll help you :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 30, 2007, 01:37:28 pm

I am. SAW has already says she thinks I would be good with the child thing.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on January 30, 2007, 01:44:29 pm

I think you will too, since you've been wanting to be a teacher for ages :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 30, 2007, 01:51:32 pm

I think I will do the child thing.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 30, 2007, 01:52:28 pm

So you've decided?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on January 30, 2007, 01:52:33 pm

Good for you!! :D I bet you'll love it!!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 30, 2007, 01:54:39 pm

I think so. It seems whenever I talk about what to decide either here on the forum or with my family I tend to mention more of the child associate more than the other two. So I think that's it.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 30, 2007, 01:58:53 pm

Good luck, sweetie :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: scroll on January 30, 2007, 02:00:30 pm

Thank you too sweetie.

LOL that is so funny. We all are sweeties on here LOL.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on February 01, 2007, 12:38:56 pm

I think I've got mental issues and I'd like to talk to someone... But not really here, rather via PM... And if there's someone out there who's a cutter (or was), I'd be even more pleased..... Please? help me..??

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on February 01, 2007, 03:34:51 pm

I've never been a cutter. But two of my ex'es were. And several of my friends. If you want to, you can PM me any time :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on February 02, 2007, 05:17:14 am

[color=Purple]I was never happy with my dad. I never felt happy when he was here and I don;t. I hate him..I always hope he dies and I don;t want to see him in my life..I'm tired of arguing with him everytime..he knows nothing. a total idiot and

I don;t give a DAMN what he says[/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on March 09, 2007, 03:23:19 pm

[quote author=~VeRoNiCa~ {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=735#msg1076261 date=1170411434]
[color=Purple]I was never happy with my dad. I never felt happy when he was here and I don;t. I hate him..I always hope he dies and I don;t want to see him in my life..I'm tired of arguing with him everytime..he knows nothing. a total idiot and

I don;t give a DAMN what he says[/color]
[/quote]

What's wrong, sweety? What's up between you and your dad?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on March 10, 2007, 03:25:03 pm

[quote author=~VeRoNiCa~ {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=735#msg1076261 date=1170411434]
[color=Purple]I was never happy with my dad. I never felt happy when he was here and I don;t. I hate him..I always hope he dies and I don;t want to see him in my life..I'm tired of arguing with him everytime..he knows nothing. a total idiot and

I don;t give a DAMN what he says[/color]
[/quote]

I've got some of the same problem... But not that bad

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on March 11, 2007, 02:45:36 pm

Pamela, it's kinda over :) this was for like a moth ago :P I hate it so mich ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on March 13, 2007, 01:34:35 pm

So you and you're dad are okay again?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on March 14, 2007, 01:51:14 am

Well,yeah..kinda ::) I try not to talk with him as much as possible ??? ::) lolz..life ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on March 14, 2007, 11:59:43 am

Yeah, indeed... :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on March 21, 2007, 04:20:17 am

That's how I get along with my dad too, not speaking more to him than I really need :P

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on March 21, 2007, 12:58:13 pm

I'm so sorry for you guys about your dads. I get along so well with mine. He's like my hero :).

But I can imagine what it is to have problems with your parents. When I was younger I was constantly fighting with my mum, luckily that's over now. I hope the same will happen for you guys :-*.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on March 21, 2007, 04:55:05 pm

My dad gets drunk every day. That's why I got a big problem with him ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on March 22, 2007, 03:53:47 pm

I hate alcohol, even though nobody in this house ever drinks one drip of it. My grandpa is ALWAYS drunk, and he's freaking annoying... He doesn't even recognise me when we meet in the streets. I hate him.

Me and my parents get along really well, so it's hard for me to imagine what it feels like for you guys. It's not like we hug everyday (we barely hug, but I'm really closed and stuff and I'm not the type of person that hugs and kisses very often with family. With friends I do though, so that's weird...) , but we always have fun and we discuss EVERYTHING. But I can imagine having trouble with other family members, cause that's what I have ALOT! anyways, I'll always be here if one of you wants to talk about dad/mum-problems :)

I'm sorry to hear all this... kids and parents should get along with each other... that's what parents are for... That's what I think.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on March 22, 2007, 05:36:48 pm

[quote author=Marit ~GLEAHD~ {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=750#msg1083976 date=1174510505]
My dad gets drunk every day. That's why I got a big problem with him ::)
[/quote]

I'm sorry Marit, I didn't know that, I didn't want to sound pedantic :-\. that must be really hard for you...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on March 22, 2007, 05:40:03 pm

Don't worry ;) I grew up with it. I'm used to it now. But I like to be open on it, so people understand why I react like I do some times ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on March 24, 2007, 03:35:42 pm

[quote author=Marit ~GLEAHD~ {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=750#msg1084213 date=1174599603]
Don't worry ;) I grew up with it. I'm used to it now. But I like to be open on it, so people understand why I react like I do some times ;)
[/quote]

I think that's really brave of you. People like honest people :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on May 22, 2007, 08:54:23 am

Hi

I'm sorry that some of you don't get along with your parents.

For me it was my mum who I didn't get along with. I would end up stomping up the stairs and slamming my door, once I remember I slapped her in the face and she slapped me back. Also after i had met Mark I remember I was on the way to his mum and dads and can't remember why my mum was angry but she grabbed hold of my wrist and wouldn't let me go, Mark had to step in.

I think deep down she just wanted me to show I loved her. my mum and dad always argued, I heard it at night and would shout real loud "Shut up!" they would then start again, it was my dad that talked, my mum just listened and didn't stand up for herself.

But i love her very much and now I am living away from home with my husband I find I get on better with her.

I have always got on good with my dad, never argued.

Are family has never been a cuddly family, like I wished it would have been. It's a shame.

Elizabeth

;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on May 28, 2007, 11:18:24 am

Any-one who can help me get over my nerves for my audition?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on May 28, 2007, 01:13:40 pm

Aaww, Vic *Hugglies*

I'm sure you'll do fine! Remember to do lot of breathing exercises! Breathe with your stomach, then you'll feel much calmer! ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on May 28, 2007, 08:46:27 pm

Victoria.. just know your lines inside out, practice infront of your friends and family! especially if you find that embarrassing and uncomfortable because it'll replecate how you'll feel in the audition. if you can get rid of your nerves with other people then you'll have less when you get there. Also Auditioners usually want you to feel comfortable so just remember they want you to do well!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on May 29, 2007, 05:11:55 am

My biggest problem is that the script calls for me to scream...I'm a High Pitched Screamer

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on May 29, 2007, 05:30:18 am

well definetly practice that! you don't want to break the mood by getting embarrassed within the audition and with practice you might be able to lower the pitch. When people write screams in they're probably expecting it to be high pitched because that's what you think of when you think of a scream. do you have somewhere you can go and be as loud as you want without people rushing to your aid thinking the scream's real?!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on May 29, 2007, 05:33:56 am

[quote author=*ANna* link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=765#msg1093755 date=1180431018]
do you have somewhere you can go and be as loud as you want without people rushing to your aid thinking the scream's real?!
[/quote]

Funniest sentence ever!

Not really, I can growl but ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on June 19, 2007, 04:47:34 am

Does anyone remember when I got my MRI? like a month ago and I still haven't got the results! They used to send the results today but they didn't! >:( I'm so pissed off >:(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on June 19, 2007, 04:53:35 am

Phone tem up and ask about it.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on June 19, 2007, 04:56:00 am

:P We've done that 1000 times...but still no answer..they say we've faxed it but we don't know why don't you receive it :o >:(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on June 19, 2007, 05:05:39 am

Aw, I hope you get it soon! Good luck!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on June 19, 2007, 05:08:49 am

I'm do0omed! :P Maybe when I'm dead I receive the results..those idiots >:(...hate them a lot ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on June 19, 2007, 03:14:07 pm

Cheer up, mate. I am sure you will be fine and the results will arrive soon.

Elizabeth

:-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on June 20, 2007, 04:24:52 am

[color=Purple]I got my results a few hours later :P... ::) ( the "F" word really works for me :P ) have to wait one more year to see what should we do for the rest of the treament... ::) which means this summer no US not HP and no nothing! :'(

I still am thankful that there was nothing bad ::) [/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on June 20, 2007, 04:33:43 am

So good and bad, huh? Best of luck for next year! And look on the bright side of life, it could be worse! :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on June 20, 2007, 04:57:31 am

You're right Maryd..it could be worse but I can't see HP in the US :'( well I guess I have to go to Dubay for that,,AUE you call it??

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: alanah5115 on June 20, 2007, 05:12:25 am

Hey I read about your problem and I was really concerned about you; besides Iknow how frustrating it is to wait for some test results and get all sorts of ideeas. I`m really glad you got the results and it`s not bad. Now think positive! The good part is that you get to see HP even if it`s only in Dubay (I can`t belive I said "only") and the better part is that your health problem isn`t serious.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on June 20, 2007, 05:16:16 am

Thanks dear :) Yeah I can see it in Dubay "Hopefully" if I get to go there and I still don;t know when is the realese date ???

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on June 20, 2007, 03:49:38 pm

Hi Sweetie

Please cheer up cos you sound real sad about the results and not seeing HP!!

Just remember everything happens for a reason in your life, even though sometimes you can't understand why. But it will all work out in the end, you'll see.

Take care and don't worry

Elizabeth
:-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on June 21, 2007, 04:49:26 am

Good advice, Elizabeth! Veronica, I'm sure you'll hear about the release date in plenty of time, they'll show ads and stuff...you could check the imdb or mugglenet.com? They might have the release dates! Plus, I'd love to go to Dubay, its gotta be better than the old cinema where I live!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on June 21, 2007, 05:09:50 am

[color=Purple]Thanks Elizabeth and Mary :)

Elizabeth, You're right..I am sad tht I won't go to the US this summer and I am not able to see HP. I REALLY am :'( My only chance is to go to Duby ( U.A.E) or somewhere that they show the movie..I know everything happnes for a reason, you're right. That's what mom says to me everytime I'm upset about things...I just wish I could know the reason ::)

Maryd, I went to Dubay (U.A.E) once...it's very nice and very warm...even in winter it's way too warm ::) but a very beautiful place :D[/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on June 21, 2007, 05:12:37 am

I did just check the imdb for a release date but it didn't show a whole lot...I reckon it could be any time from the 11th July to 23rd August...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on June 23, 2007, 12:09:47 pm

Aww Shaydaa So sorry to hear, but you can always come over lol :P Holland sucks, but we do have HP :P We even have notebooks, pens, pencases.... etc. etc.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on June 23, 2007, 12:22:24 pm

Okay fine..everywhere else does have Harry Potter except here, fine? The forum is even throwing me to the RANDOM sec :'( >:(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on June 23, 2007, 12:23:15 pm

Awwwww I'm so sorry for you... But I bet there are more countries without hp...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on June 23, 2007, 12:28:26 pm

I don't care I said...more important now => the forum is moving me to the RANDOM section >:(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on July 08, 2007, 02:28:59 pm

I need to talk with someone :'( :'( not on here in pm

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on July 08, 2007, 02:33:48 pm

I'm always here. At least now and for a while. And I always want to try to help people ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 08, 2007, 02:39:05 pm

[quote author=emilys_star *~DA~* link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=780#msg1099559 date=1183919339]
I need to talk with someone :'( :'( not on here in pm
[/quote]

whats up sweetie you can PM me anytime honey, you are all my friends on here. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 10, 2007, 08:52:30 am

you want to talk on here Julie I still feel sad :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 10, 2007, 08:57:42 am

I only just noticed your message, I am here to talk if you want to sweetie.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 10, 2007, 09:01:47 am

I thought I was ok then I see your reply and it made me cry again..I wish Mark would come home :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 10, 2007, 09:05:04 am

Oh I hate the thought that I set you off again :(, i am sorry.

Can you phone Mark at his work?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 10, 2007, 09:06:39 am

Yes, I think I may but he will be busy he doesn't want me calling when he is busy. I can see him when he gets home at 4.30..I have a teddy he got me to cuddle :-[

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 10, 2007, 09:14:04 am

Give your teddy a cuddle until hubby comes home.

Have you considered a pet? Because I live alone i used to find my Poppy a great source of comfort and I'd give her a stroke and cuddle if I was feeling upset. I am going to get a new cat at some point.

Because you don't like being completely alone it might be something to consider. Lots of cats and Dogs are looking for a loving home and you have a lot of love to give.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 10, 2007, 09:26:07 am

we are not allowed pets unless we have written consent from the landlord but in this flat I should think only a small pet if we could afford of course, I have made myself a cup of tea and have a choc bar I should be okay now Julie, thankyou so much it meant a lot to me that you listened to me and talked to me then :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 10, 2007, 09:32:23 am

I am glad you are feeling a little better now :-*

Horrible landlords...boo....hiss.....

I live in a studio flat...but luckily we are allowed a pet as long as it doesn't annoy the neighbours.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 10, 2007, 09:37:51 am

[quote author=Russell's Eyeliner {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=795#msg1100128 date=1184074343]
I am glad you are feeling a little better now :-*

Horrible landlords...boo....hiss.....

I live in a studio flat...but luckily we are allowed a pet as long as it doesn't annoy the neighbours.
[/quote]

I am happy for you there Julie, I want a dog mostly but I need to live in a house to have one so it has plenty of room to excecise in ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 10, 2007, 09:41:46 am

Yes to be fair i think people do need a garden to give the best for a dog so it can run around and do its business. Cats are much lower maintenance than dogs.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 10, 2007, 10:11:57 am

An alsatian would need a lot of room, I am not that keen on small dogs I find them yippy and yappy round the ankles, I prefer big or medium sized dogs.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 10, 2007, 10:12:57 am

[quote author=Russell's Eyeliner {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=795#msg1100175 date=1184076717]
An alsatian would need a lot of room, I am not that keen on small dogs I find them yippy and yappy round the ankles, I prefer big or medium sized dogs.
[/quote]

we have so many things in common you and I which is good ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 10, 2007, 10:57:49 am

It is good finding people who you have things in common with. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 10, 2007, 12:51:51 pm

[quote author=Russell's Eyeliner {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=795#msg1100197 date=1184079469]
It is good finding people who you have things in common with. :)
[/quote]

I am glad I got you as a friend Julie :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 12, 2007, 08:51:18 am

I don't know if this is the right place for this but anyway for the past year i've been having symptoms which might be early menopause, my Doctor did some other hormone tests on me but because I am 33 testing for menopause isn't automatic and I am actually going to have to outright ask him to test me for it which will be really embarrassing. So I don't know whether I should say something to the doctor or just leave it and see how things develop.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 12, 2007, 08:53:03 am

[quote author=Russell's Eyeliner {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=795#msg1101058 date=1184244678]
I don't know if this is the right place for this but anyway for the past year i've been having symptoms which might be early menopause, my Doctor did some other hormone tests on me but because I am 33 testing for menopause isn't automatic and I am actually going to have to outright ask him to test me for it which will be really embarrassing. So I don't know whether I should say something to the doctor or just leave it and see how things develop.
[/quote]

not to sure sweetie cos I don't know what symptoms are or what age you get it..maybe leave it see how it develops than ask your doctor if you are still concerned :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 12, 2007, 08:57:28 am

Thanks I'll leave it to see how things carry on for a while. One of the main symptoms for me is having the hormonal crying/weeping and the bloating and pain that comes with period but the period doesn't actually turn up, or it lasts for 6, 7 and 8 weeks, and all sorts of other irregularities.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 12, 2007, 08:58:50 am

[quote author=Russell's Eyeliner {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=795#msg1101065 date=1184245048]
Thanks I'll leave it to see how things carry on for a while. One of the main symptoms for me is having the hormonal crying/weeping and the bloating and pain that comes with period but the period doesn't actually turn up, or it lasts for 6, 7 and 8 weeks, and all sorts of other irregularities.
[/quote]

that sounds horrible I hope I don't get that bad with my periods. :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 12, 2007, 09:05:30 am

I don't think you need to worry too much if you have a history of 'normal' periods. However ever since I started at age 11 my periods have always been crazy. Lasting an average of 3 weeks and excessively heavy so I've never had a normal cycle. The new thing is all the other period symptoms without any bleed.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 12, 2007, 09:26:22 am

[quote author=Russell's Eyeliner {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=795#msg1101073 date=1184245530]
I don't think you need to worry too much if you have a history of 'normal' periods. However ever since I started at age 11 my periods have always been crazy. Lasting an average of 3 weeks and excessively heavy so I've never had a normal cycle. The new thing is all the other period symptoms without any bleed.
[/quote]

I feel sorry for you that must have been hard when you were a kid still :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 12, 2007, 09:28:32 am

Sorry to moan but it was frappin awful. I lost so much blood I ended up in hospital at age 14 needing a blood transfusion totally due to periods. ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 12, 2007, 09:30:01 am

Oh no you poor thing, I am giving you a hug through my mind Julie..can you feel me hugging you.. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 12, 2007, 09:34:52 am

[quote author=Russell's Eyeliner {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=810#msg1101108 date=1184247100]
Thank you I can feel it sweetie. :-*
[/quote]

good..now I will blow you a kiss..feel that chicken :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 12, 2007, 09:38:21 am

Yes I felt that too, I'll blow you a kiss back. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 12, 2007, 09:40:01 am

sweet, I felt your kiss Julie..this is pretty weird hey..but fun :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 12, 2007, 09:44:40 am

It is fun ;D And it doesn't matter if it is weird...weird is good. ;D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 12, 2007, 09:49:22 am

you certainly got that right Julie..I like to be different to other people..I like to be myself ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on July 12, 2007, 01:56:05 pm

[quote author=Russell's Eyeliner {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=810#msg1101103 date=1184246912]
Sorry to moan but it was frappin awful. I lost so much blood I ended up in hospital at age 14 needing a blood transfusion totally due to periods. ::)
[/quote]

Really that bad? Oh wow, I thought I was bad!! Since my first period on I lose a lot of blood, but I thought nobody ever had it as bad as I do haha. Wow, I feel sorry for you... Maybe you have these symptomes because you had heavy periods as a child, I dunno? Periods are curses... I hate men for not getting any!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 12, 2007, 02:22:25 pm

Yes..I don't like periods they serve no purpose to me because I don't want kids..why do we have to have periods..men don't suffer with any monthly problems do they girls ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on July 12, 2007, 02:36:06 pm

No!! and they don't have to labour a big baby out of their vagina :-X

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 12, 2007, 02:38:59 pm

exactly that is another reason I don't want kids Pam, the pain of labour..no thanks ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on July 12, 2007, 03:00:53 pm

Haha I don't mind the pain so much.. You'll forget it when you see the lovely child... :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: jubeth on July 12, 2007, 03:30:06 pm

[quote author=Young&Desperate 4Attention{DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=810#msg1101334 date=1184262965]
[quote author=Russell's Eyeliner {DA} link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=810#msg1101103 date=1184246912]
Sorry to moan but it was frappin awful. I lost so much blood I ended up in hospital at age 14 needing a blood transfusion totally due to periods. ::)
[/quote]

Really that bad? Oh wow, I thought I was bad!! Since my first period on I lose a lot of blood, but I thought nobody ever had it as bad as I do haha. Wow, I feel sorry for you... Maybe you have these symptomes because you had heavy periods as a child, I dunno? Periods are curses... I hate men for not getting any!
[/quote]

Yeah I reckon my history of abnormally heavy periods are the reason I've got strange things going on now.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 16, 2007, 04:28:45 am

I hate periods its like a curse for women having to go through that every month..luckily mine are not that bad and I rarely get period pains. I hope I have my next lot before I go on holiday..wishing ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on July 16, 2007, 05:12:15 am

I feel so sorry for all you girls who have the curse! I got very nice birth control pills which stops the curse ;D Love it ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 16, 2007, 07:41:52 am

but do they make you ill marit? Just wondering some pills do I have heard ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on July 16, 2007, 07:43:56 am

Not at all! No head aches, dizzyness, gaining of weight, nothing!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tiram90 on July 16, 2007, 06:46:33 pm

The school nurse :P It's called Cerazette, but I think it's only here in Norway :P

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: WackoJacko20000 on July 16, 2007, 07:11:51 pm

The fact that this thread is still going continues to astound me ;D Good job, gals!

Jax x

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on July 17, 2007, 03:29:38 pm

I am glad this thread is still going I can air my sorrows here when I need to
::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: WackoJacko20000 on July 18, 2007, 06:27:58 pm

So then ladies, how about some advice. I've recently got out of a really bad relationship which hurt me a lot in many different ways. It lasted for three years, until the person in question decided our relationship was doomed and basically shut me out without ever really explaining himself. Because of how this has ended I haven't got any real type of closure, and he won't respond to me when I'm trying to sort things out. For example, I want back the ring that I gave him for our 6 month anniversary - it was a symbol of love and there's no love there anymore! I want back the £200 I loaned him when he was hard-up and didn't have any money. I want the tickets to see Bill Bailey live in November, or at least to buy just one off him so that I can still go. I'd really like back the £500 I spent on an XBOX 360 and 80GB iPod Video for him, but I know that's probably not possible, so I'm prepared to let that one go.

I'm still upset, a bit bitter about it and a little angry, but mostly I want to be able to forgive him so that I can move on with my life, but he won't give me that. I've been trying to call him for two days, and either he ignores me or he turns his phone off so that I can't contact him. Email is out of the question, as he'll probably delete it.

I guess what I want advice in is how do I stop myself from feeling anything for him anymore. Because that's what hurts the most - that I still love him. I think probably the biggest proof of this is that I'm prepared to let him go so that he can be happy, and if that happiness is without me, then so be it.

I've deleted all my photos, thrown away letters and deleted anything that had anything to do with him, but I just can't get over him, and it's driving me mad. I need advice, I probably need to talk to a professional at some point, because I'm sure the manipulative behaviour and guilt he bestowed upon me over three years has had significant psychological damage. Anyone out there? Be much appreciated!

Boy, this is a cheery post from someone who's just returned here after a year and a bit ::)

Jax x

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on August 09, 2007, 02:20:16 am

Hey jackie,

First i would say let yourself have a really really good cry! i think you've got to let urself get the emotions out. and then decide you're not going to cry about it anymore... (or do if you still need to.)

I would also say forget about the money he owes you... my thinking is that even if it's subconscious you probably want to hurt him because he's hurt you so much and really it's not going to make you feel better. It's probably easier said than done but someone said to me yesterday 'why are relationships not concidered a success just because they end' i think you'll be much better off if you kinda reflect on it as 'well look how much of me has changed for the better for having known you' etc. and of course there will be negative things but you will have learnt things from the relationship too.

i think you need to distract yourself too. Maybe you could start a new class or learn a new skill...

my brother was dumped by his girlfriend of 2 years about a year ago and he really struggled with it and the councillor got him to draw a circle of control where he wrote everything he can control inside the circle and everything he can't out... and he said he realised all he can controll is his own reactions and it's up to him to be proactive in building his life back and recognising that he's still the same person without her.

I guess what i believe is that you have to allow yourself to feel your emotions but not be victim to them and you doneed to be aware that you can actively get over things by keeping yourself busy and finding new passions in life.

sorry, i don't think that was very helpful at all :-[

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: WackoJacko20000 on August 11, 2007, 10:02:30 am

Thank you for your response, sweetheart.

Since I wrote this post I did actually manage to get the closure I needed from him, he's written me a check for the money he owed (the £200, not the £500) and is returning the things I asked to be returned.

I had a MASSIVE cry. Huge. Quite a few in fact, but it didn't really make me feel any better. What did make me feel better was that I managed to talk to him about everything, and even though I know that it wasn't my fault that it ended, it helped to hear him say it.

Distraction is in the form of a 4-week holiday in Spain at the moment, so that's been great for me! ;D Thank you for your advice though, love, it did help!

Jax x

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on August 11, 2007, 08:01:43 pm

well that's great you got to talk to him! i'm glad you've gotten some closure! have fun in spain! i'm planning to head there for 6 months next year! whooo

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on August 14, 2007, 03:52:07 pm

Lol how about a guy who you sacrfised everything for and just brushes you aside? wont listen to anything you have to say draws his own pre concieved ideas...about you. it just hurts so bad.... im feeling very angry and very bitter and sometimes its hard not to punish yourself over it although im trying.. miss sixty knows as ive told her all about it and shes helped me through it *winks* relationships can be great but when they sour they seem to really sour. aahh men!!!! ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: WackoJacko20000 on August 23, 2007, 05:22:01 pm

Exactly the same situation for me, love. I literally gave this guy everything and he totally turned me over. Just got back from a four week break in Spain only to discover the things he promised me would be done (so that I could move on) haven't been done.

To say I'm angry would be an understatement.

The only thing that you can do when you're stuck in a situation like this is just to try and forget and move on. It's difficult, I cry every night because I can't get rid of the memories, but I know that it will get better. It has to.

If you want a chat from someone who's been through it just drop me a message!

Jax x

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on August 27, 2007, 05:34:44 am

Aw Jackie, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. That is not fair at all.

A thought, maybe he is acting this way as a method of fully getting over you? Maybe being nasty like this is how he handles it.
Not an excuse at all, but just a theory there.

All I can say really, is keep yourself busy. I find you cry most when you're alone, so get your friends and family to make sure you're out of the house and doing things all the time.
The more you keep yourself busy, the less you will think about him, and gradually you'll get used to it and he'll just be a memory. Not a very good one, but you'll have got used to not thinking about it in any great detail.

Just think, he's just one person, you can't let one person effect you like this. There are so many more people out there who deserve your time and friendship. You will move on. It will take time. But you will.

Just think that you have learnt something from this experience, and even though it's not the nicest feeling at the moment, just think of it as a fresh start where you can move on to bigger and better things.

Chin up chicken ;) all will be well.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: WackoJacko20000 on August 27, 2007, 06:12:26 am

Thanks Taf, hun.

Unfortunately things have taken a turn for the worse and I'm going to have to go and see someone. He sent me my things back, but sent me some really heartfelt emails and stuff, and then I found out that he's seeing someone new already. Less than a month and he's sleeping with her, he met her ONE WEEK after we broke up. He called me yesterday because he said he was 'worried' about me. Bull. He doesn't have the right to be worried about me anymore.

Anyway, long story short, I've got to go and get some professional help, I'm really not in a good way. Been depressed for about a month and a half now, can't sleep, can't eat, crying all the time. My dad finally started listening to me and said he's going to help me find someone to talk to. Everything is such an effort at the moment and I keep having really bad thoughts, like, why should I even bother anymore?

I hate the way he's made me feel, but at least I'm doing something about it, right?

Jax x

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on August 27, 2007, 02:40:11 pm

Awwww I know how it is, just awful.... I gave up everything for this lad that I liked, moved countries, and nothing.. I kind of set myself up to be hurt in a way because he didnt ask me to come.. but its the just the pre concieved notions and dismmissal of me that hurt, it wouldnt have hurt to be friends but to just shut me out even though we went to coffee one day after my friend persuades him to go can you believe? just horrible. Well I hope things get better for you jackie, it probally is a good thing to see someone, maybe I should too, since ive got alot of pent up resentment and anger, we really shouldnt punish ourselves for what is in effect his loss and his problem, im trying to do that, yeah the sleep thing.. I dont sleep unless i take herbal medicine... :P

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on August 27, 2007, 04:38:37 pm

:( I really am sorry that you're feeling so down about this.
But it's good that you're doing what you can. And seeing someone to talk to about how you're feeling right now is a really good idea. I know someone who's off work at the moment due to stress, and he has ended up seeing a councillor, and it really has helped him get back to his usual self. I hope that you will find the same for yourself soon :)
All the best hon, let us know how you're keeping.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: WackoJacko20000 on August 28, 2007, 06:00:14 am

Thanks doll. I will.

I'm getting everything out in a blog at the moment, because with a lack of someone to talk to I need to write down what I feel and how it's affecting me. The problem last time was that I never said it, I just kept it all inside, and then it escalated into this.

I'll keep you updated :-*

BB - that really sucks. And I know how you feel because, y'know, same boat, etc. I would say that you should probably do the same as me and seek counselling. The worst mistake you could ever make would be to hold it all inside. Do the herbal pills work?

Jax x

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on August 28, 2007, 01:52:05 pm

Yeagh you should try them! I take L.tryptophan and 2 drops of rescue remedy and I burn lavender oil in a burner. It works for me, its non addictive. I really dont like conventional sleep medicine. O ther good herbal aid is meltonian but I like the L tryptophan , it also deals with mood/relaxation too. lol. The boys mother called me last night but the building manager saisd I was out! so she will call me today, im like wow!!!! sounds like she feels for me and thinks her son wasnt very fair,makes me feel better a little bit.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: WackoJacko20000 on August 28, 2007, 04:34:16 pm

That's a good sign! Let us know how it goes, then.

I'm going to wait and see what happens, because I might have to get onto anti-depressants. As it now stands, I have an appointment with GP next Wednesday. Will keep you updated.

Jax x

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: crazyboutlife on September 16, 2007, 04:49:08 pm

I really need help. I know it's probably really silly (its a high school problem) but I'm really stressed out about it.

Okay here it is. I'm new to my high school and don't know anyone there. So when one of the girls started talking to me, naturally i was happy someone was talking to me. We started to talk about guys and I mentiond 3 guys that I thought were CUTE, not that I wanted to go out with. Anway, that was in the middle of the day. By that night, it seemed everyone knew about it at the football game. This one girl that I barely knew came up to me and told me that she had heard that I like Adam.
Then, after the game, as I was walking out, two guys were talking and then saw me. One of them told the other that I was "The girl who liked adam"
My question is, I have school tomorrow and people are undoubtfully going to mention it. How can I reply to defuse the rumour and have people stop talking about it?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on September 16, 2007, 04:54:14 pm

The sarcastic part of me wants to tell yoy to say "Actually, it's the other way around. Adam wants me." But that's not what you're looking for.

May I ask, why you find it so stressful?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: crazyboutlife on September 16, 2007, 05:04:48 pm

Well, it's because I am so shy. I like being in the background then being upfront where everyone talks about me. Besides what if the guys don't like me. And all three of them I have to see every day and talk to them. SO...it might make things awkward.
oh and, adam is like, the most popular guy in school and only dates really popular and pretty girls....so....

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on September 16, 2007, 05:10:27 pm

I can tell off the bat that you are a pretty girl

As you can see, Jackie is really the one for advice giving, but I'm here she's not.

What is the worst that could happen? They aren't interested, (I'm 19 so I realise that that is actually a scary a thing! ;)) but the gossip will die down eventually. Besides if this girl was responcible for telling everyone and you haven't confirmed it by saying "Yeah it's true" or anything to that effect, you can always deny it. But all it is is gossip, in a few days they'll find someone/something else to talk about.

Something like that happened to me, when I was ten years old rumos went around school that I had slept with the guy my friend fancied (I have better taste!) but after a day or two it disappeared.

I really don't think you have anything to be nervous about. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: crazyboutlife on September 16, 2007, 05:16:50 pm

alright, lets hope so. But thanks for the advice. I'll write back tomorrow and tell you how it went. Maybe they already forgot. lol ::)
Sorry about the sleeping with the guy thing.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on September 16, 2007, 05:18:16 pm

I know it wasn't necesarily advice but it's just my take on it ;)
Hope everything's cool for you tomorrow :-*

I didn't fully understand it at the time ;) So it didn't bother me that much ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on September 17, 2007, 01:25:25 pm

[color=Purple]My love life,is gone. He left me in nothing.I don't know..he diteched me or he really had the problem..his dad..wouldn't let him to continue this firendship, maybe it wasn't a relationship to him but it was to me. He always said you're my dear firend but he was a prince charming for mr..the one riding a white horse and surviving my little heart.
He left me without a soul. I'm not the Shayda I was before,I can't be.I died last night,I was going to kill myself, why didn't I do that? I'm gone, dead, destroyed, melted, burnt..I have no soul..like a crying body without anything. Let them think I was weak to face this, let them think whatever they want, but I wasn't. He was weak, not having the courage to tell me the truth.
I still love him, and will love him till the very end. He's in my heart forever. I'll never forget him..
I hope someday he'll find out how much I loved him and how much I will, just hoping it won't be too late..forever and ever, I'll love him from deep my heart.

I was nothing, in my nothing he meant everything to me..[/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on September 18, 2007, 02:26:53 am

That was very poignant to read Shayda I cant begin to understand how you must be feeling I can only offet my symapthies, and let you know I am thinking of you sweetie. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: WackoJacko20000 on September 18, 2007, 04:44:44 am

Just a quickie because I've got to pack my stuff up to get to my new house in a minute, but Shayda sweetheart, I know exactly how you feel. I'm in the same place at the moment and it's a horrible place to be.

I know, this isn't very helpful and everyone is always saying it to me and I hate it when they do it, but the only thing that helps is time. I still feel horrible and crappy and every morning when I wake up I contemplate whether life is actually worth living any more, but then I weigh it up against everything else in my life and decide that yes, today I will have another stab at it, today I will keep going. Maybe tomorrow I'll decide differently, I don't know, but if there's anything I've learnt from all this it's that life is too short to think about the what ifs and the maybes. There's far too many to waste your time dwelling on the past and on someone who broke your heart.

Get yourself out of the house, fill up your time with things. That's all I've been doing for the past two months. I'm going to see a counsellor to talk things through, because I'm still so hurt and confused, and I think it'd be a really good idea for you too.

Just hang in there, darling, because I know, it really sucks right now, but every day it will get a little better. I promise. If I can do it so can you. Big hug.

Jax x

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on September 18, 2007, 09:54:06 am

[color=Purple]Thanks Elizabeth,

Jackie, I can't..I still love him, time won't change anything..I still love him an nothing has changed for me..I don't believe and I can't! Maybe I'm weak, then let me be that way..my best friend,Yasmin, she's with me whenever she can but I'm still crying whenever mom and dad are not around..they didn't know a thing and with my family and culture no one should know, only friends know of course..I love him, and Yasmin is shocked to see after all these things, I still love him and want to be with him forever..even if it becomes a hell![/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on September 18, 2007, 10:46:21 am

crazy- i would say... don't be ashamed about it! i know it's easier said than done... but there's nothing wrong with thinking someone's attractive! I used to really admire my friend in high school who was totally honest about her crushes and no one teased her because they knew she wasn't embarassed about it so there was no point. she never validated their teasing because she was like 'yeah. so. he is hot' kinda thing and there was no fun in it for them.
I wish i hadn't taken it so seriously because i promise you you'll look back on it and thing 'what was i so scared of' high school is full of romances failed if they even start... so there'll always be something to talk about.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on September 18, 2007, 10:46:32 am

Hey Shayda,

I'm so sorry to read about your break up. That really sucks. I want to write so much, but it won't help. But please don't do anything stupid! I'm sure there are so many more people in you life besides this guy: think of your family and (online)friends... We are all here for you if you want to talk. Pm me if you want...
:-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on September 18, 2007, 01:05:32 pm

Shayda! Oh my God! Don't say such aweful things! I don't know the full story and the history with you and that boy, but I wouldn't mind you telling me or something.

I want you to know that he's "just a boy"... there are so many other boys in this world. It hurts now, you'll think you won't ever be able to love again, but believe me if I say you will meet another boy. Maybe even the same, maybe everything will be alright someday. But if not, then it just wasn't meant to be. You'll end up with the One, you certainly will. Just believe and have faith.

I love you :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on September 18, 2007, 02:30:18 pm

Shayda, I'm really sorry about the way you're feeling. Things like this always hurt. :'( But I hope you feel better soon. This is probably the last thing you want to hear :-[ but there are plenty of others who appreciate you for the person you are and one day you'll meet someone special.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on September 23, 2007, 02:11:06 pm

Hello aunts,

I need a little piece of advice, maybe just a bit of comfort, anyways...

I have been feeling really nostalgic lately. So nostalgic even that it makes me sad and touchy. I know why I'm so nostalgic, this is the first year that I go to work. I left my student years behind me and it feels like my youth is officially over now... This makes me feel really depressed. There's not a single thought that can make me happy. The strange thing is my work is really interesting and I like it, but it feels like somthing ismissing, for good. It's like my best friend or something that I had to leave behind...

I don't know if this is familiar to any of you, I just wanted to share my feelings, thank you :).

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on September 23, 2007, 06:07:26 pm

im feeling very empty as well. I had to move back to england thousands of miles way from that boy, im feeling distressed because im having to wait a week or so for my chihuahua to come with me [ shes being shipped over here] and its total agony as she fills the void. I sobbed all the way through the airport on the pane and when I got off. randomly bursting into tears. im feeling totally sureal. being away from home for 4 years and suddenly going back. It is a huge postive since i can lways go back to vist america I just found it too tough fincnially to live there. im in touvch with the boys mother which helps heal things, I havent ruled him out its just I needed to reurn home for a while. Although I do crry some resentment towards him with the way he was so dismissive of me, its hard s im trying to find my own place, plus live in my parents home and share a room with my brother. :P I really cannot wait for my dog to come back to me.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on September 24, 2007, 02:47:43 am

Is that you Shayda, listen honey as time goes by you will be happy again I promise you this..just stay focused on your life now and do what you want to. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on September 24, 2007, 02:09:41 pm

Artanis - I think I understand what you're feeling. Empty, lonely, as though everything you know is gone. If you find your work interesting, then I'm sure you'll enjoy it, but I guess it feels as though a chapter in your life is closed off now. But you still have good memories. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on September 24, 2007, 02:29:06 pm

I love my life but it will always be tainted now with the thoughts of my grandma, wondering how long she has left on this earth, how long till her suffering will end..days, weeks, months, years..who knows...

Every day I think of her at some point, she will always be with me even after death. I can hear rain outside and it has made me think of my grandma for some reason..

I wish I could hug her. :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on September 25, 2007, 02:14:54 pm

I'm sorry for you Elizabeth, you obviously spend a lot of time thinking of your grandmother. I don't know if it would make it better to go and visit her, or might that just make it worse?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on September 26, 2007, 02:27:40 am

No I wont go visit her as that will just make it worse for me. Thanks for thinking of me mary.. will miss you till next week :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on September 26, 2007, 07:08:26 am

Maybe you should go visit her. Not for yourself. But for her. I'm sure she would love to spend a little more time with you before the end.

Whenever my Grandma is ill (which has been quite a lot recently, she is very old and frail) I always either write to her if I'm not in my home town, or I visit her if I am. My family are always really grateful for me doing this as it brings her spirits up when she's feeling down.
Which is the main thing from my point of view. It makes me sad to see her when she's not too well, but I sacrifice that so that she has something to look forward to, to put a smile on her face.
It makes me feel better too, as I know I'm doing something to cheer her up.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on September 26, 2007, 12:23:16 pm

Good for you Tafika. Elizabeth, I do understand that it might upset you too much. My own granny is very elderly and a little unwell. I started my outreach program at school today - I'm visiting the retirement home opposite the school every Wednesday afternoon. I think in the long-term it'll be something I'll be proud of.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on September 26, 2007, 06:38:26 pm

im feeling very upset right now... :'( :'( my stepdad has turned out be a drunk and sneaky person taking advantage, I cant stand him, but im trying to get along with him for the sake of my mom who is recovering from a breakdown. its so hard being polite and respectful to someone you cannot stand to be in the same room as. ::) ::) mom is paying for my dog to come home so im having to grit my teeth a bit, even though im being abused by this idiot. :'( ive nowhere to go, they both smoke and all the rooms are foggy with it i cant breathe in those rooms. hes noisy so i cant sleep. :'( :'( I just dont trust him one bit, nor do my friends or moms friends.. :P its so hard,ive only been in his company for 3 days and im scared to be alone with him. im feeling very insecure because im trying to find a place, im trying to make sure that the place will be ok with my chi. im trying to get back with the social workers so they can help me find a place, they have been very helpful in the past for me. i might take off as soon as i get my chi back. not sure where i will go etc.. i seriously want to run away soon i cant take it anymore. :'( :'( :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on September 27, 2007, 08:04:40 am

Emily, I'm so sorry to hear this :'( please be careful whatever you do, please my lovely {DA} fellow! Take some magical advise from Harry's twin ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on September 27, 2007, 09:09:13 am

Yeah im trying.. I might stick it out until my dog comes home then im gone. ive filled out a council form and stuff, I should get my money next week.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on September 27, 2007, 01:53:43 pm

I feel really sorry for you reading that, Harry's little star. I hope everything works out for you. Best wishes.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on September 28, 2007, 09:30:46 am

Yeah thanks, sometime I wrote my posts in the heat of the moment but im thinking right about my step dad as mom isnt so sure about him anymore ethier. ::) ::) he is drinking again and stressing her which I find awful.she should never have married him.shes so much better on her own. :-*. my dog is being shipped to me on the 16th. its a couple of weeks but barbara is the only really savvy person to do it. ;) no im not happy about it but im hanging in there. ive filled out a council form so hopefully that will get going.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on September 28, 2007, 01:24:57 pm

Myeah, so my best friend is anorexic and I don't know what to do. Any advise on that one?

She talked to a teacher who's also psychologist, but I'm not so sure it'll work out, as he only saw him once and there aren't any plans on meeting each other again. It's so hard, she helped me with my problem, I even threathened to start back if she didn't eat, but of course that doesn't help. I tried to be kind and sweet en vulnerable, i didn't help, I tried screaming at her, showing her scary facts and also, that didn't work. I don't know what to do.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on September 28, 2007, 05:24:14 pm

Im not sure theres anything you can do personally, I would suggest a rehabiltation place. that specfically caters for anorexics. She also has to want to get better I think. She needs alot of help its not something you can take on alone sweetie. :-* :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on September 29, 2007, 04:29:17 am

Thats a big worry for you Pamela. I hpe your friend gets better soon. Anorexia is an illness which needs proper treatment. Don't feel bad about the way your friend is feeling. Maybe the the best thing you can do is just be there for her. I guess anorexia is sometimes caused as a result of low self-esteem, and wanting to be skinnier. Try telling your friend that she;s beautiful the way she is.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on September 29, 2007, 09:38:07 am

thanks, both of you. Obviously, she doesn't feel happy about her looks but me and my friend keep telling her she's pretty the way she is and that she's thin and that we're bigger than her and she says we're not fat and all. That's why we don't quite understand her point. She wants to get over it, that's why she saw that man, but she feels bad for eating still. I will make her see him again, or I'll show her that documentary of HBO, "Thin"... I saw it and it made me cry... hope she'll eat then. Thanks anyways :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on September 30, 2007, 04:12:37 am

Its a shame she doesn't have any other plans to visit the counsellor. That might help some. Best wishes to your friend anway, and good luck.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on September 30, 2007, 02:52:39 pm

Yeah I know, but I'll get her to go... She has to. I just make up some weird story about the fact that she has to give it another try, as she made me go twice too. I don't know, she buys it anyways.

It's hard to deal with now especially as she's a muslim and it's Ramadan or something. She's not allowed to eat and drink between sunrise and sunset.

Thanks anyways :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on October 03, 2007, 04:06:50 pm

I feel sorry for you Pamela, but to have you as a friend at this time in her life will be best for her, someone to talk too is really what she needs to, someone to listen..a shame she has ramadan as that will not help if she can't eat..try not to worry tho and just be there for her when she needs you the most sweetie :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Nutella Sister on October 08, 2007, 05:09:59 am

[color=Purple]Elizabeth at least you could say no offense! I'm a muslim and I don't see any "shame" about not eating in Ramadan. althoygh I'm not allowd to do the fasting for some reasons..

Pamela, What is wrong with you friend sweeti? :) I'm sorry, haven't been here for a while lost the track :P

AND THE IMPORTANT POINT FOR BEING HERE IS:::::: ;D

Mohammad is back!!! :D (the guy i told you about him)

Long story but we are friends again! it's not like having a relationship but he mean everything to me, I love him more than anything..he knows that and he acts like we are only friends but...well who cares? firends or boy firend he's MINE!!! 8) [/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on October 08, 2007, 12:32:01 pm

Hey Shayda sorry you misunderstood what I meant is because Pams friend is not eating her fasting will not help but of course I understand completetly why she does this and dont mind at all. ;)

Glad to hear your getting on, and you are happy sweetie :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on October 08, 2007, 08:13:15 pm

i think it's important not to overwhelm her with progress.. like try and get her to eat small things and work up to meals. I haven't had anyone that close to me suffer from annorexia, but i think it's important to be there for her, instead of just trying to bully her back into eating, she's obviously got a very distorted oppinion of her self and i guess maybe if you can just be there for her... she might end up sharing some of the root causes for this illness and you can work from there. Also i think you're right; she definetly needs to get to a counsellor!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on October 09, 2007, 05:00:31 pm

should I go my grandmas funeral even though I havent seen her in seven years? I do not want to as want to remember her as she was.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on October 09, 2007, 05:26:42 pm

I lost my Grandfather this year and there was no doubt in my mind as to whether I would go to his funeral. It was my last chance to say Goodbye to him. And it hasn't tainted any of he memory I had of him, I still see him trying to play the Playstation and talking to my dad about the football.

If you don't go, you will regret it.


Good luck :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on October 10, 2007, 02:22:39 am

Well I have some time to think about it as she not died yet, lets hope she lives a few more years. Thanks for the advice Vic :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on October 10, 2007, 11:25:50 am

May I ask what kind of religion is that where your forbidden to eat! :o :o It seems quite intense. Whats wrong about it *wondering*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on October 10, 2007, 11:44:34 am

In the Muslim Religion you fast for every day during the month of Ramadan, Muslims around the world get up before dawn to eat (sahur) and perform their fajr prayer. They break their fast when the fourth prayer of the day, Maghrib (sunset), is due.

If I have any of this wrong please correct me

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on October 10, 2007, 12:04:54 pm

Harrys Little Star - I'm not sure about Muslims, but even in Christianity (or at least Catholicism, which I'm a part of), we fast occassionally - I do a charity 12 hour fast every year, try not to eat meat on a Friday and sometimes fast on Good Friday.

Elizabeth - if you think you could manage it, do go to the funeral - Victoria's right, its the only way to say goodbye. My grandad died on christmas day a few years ago and it felt right to go to the funeral - though that doesn't ruin my memories of him either. You'll always remember her from the good times - like I always see my grandad eating toffees and watching 'Who wants to be a millionaire'. I love the thought that he;d probably be proud of me now. :) So go to the funeral, though best wishes to your grandma for a great couple of years yet!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on October 10, 2007, 01:00:31 pm

Shayda: My friend is anorexic and because she's a muslim too, she's fasting and it's an excuse for her to not eat.

Harry's Little Star: Muslims have Ramadan and then they don't eat between sunrise and sunset. It has got to do with their religion. But people that are either sick, having their periods, are pregnant,old or very young, don't have to fast.

Elizabeth: I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother! I think you should think it through. If you don't feel comfortable going, you might aswell stay home, your gran won't mind. She loves you anyways. I think you should think and talk this through with Mark though. He'll be there to support you and help you through this rough period. When my mum's gran died, she was afraid to go but she went and she's so happy because going to the funeral means that you're closing another chapter, she said. It really calmed her down and with my dad, it wasn't so scared after all. Be strong sweety, take care. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on October 11, 2007, 02:12:34 am

Thanks Pam, when the time comes I shall think it over but till then I hope she lives a few more years. Thanks to all who gave me good advice :-* :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on October 12, 2007, 10:10:32 am

Thank you so much for explaining it to me.

Now I really need some advice as im feeling quite miserable... :'(
my mom married this new man, and I just dont trust him at all. nor do i feel comfatable around him, shes been married for 2 years and im so used to her being on her own for many years, its just before that she had a very bad choice of men. im just so worried and nervous of him, i also find him very irritating. he also drinks and sometimes appears to drink alot , his words are all incohenent i feel it doesnt help my mom who is trying not to drink as much as she used tooi just dont feel like hes good for her, he had a job but doesnt work now since he hurt his back but his back is better and hes supposdly trying again and went for some interviews. its been a while. hes not abusive in any way. just very annoying. im very protective of my mom so maybe im naturally wary of him. it also might be all of us living in this tiny 2 bedroom bungalow, thats 4 people, i giant irritating,unruly,untrained Rhoesdian ridegback dog [ dont ask mom bought him regardless of what anybody else felt about it] ::) ::) , 1 chihuahua, i small terrier and 2 cats.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on October 17, 2007, 05:00:27 am

I sent you a PM sweetie because I am really worried about you :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on October 17, 2007, 09:45:24 am

Its ok things have eased up now, he just landed a great job as a chef and wil working alot, mom just went full time and will be earning lots more money. we wont all be in each others hair , the giant dog has settled down, I now get on with him. :-* :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on October 17, 2007, 11:12:55 am

So happy for you honey I also sent you a PM in reply take care sweetie :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on October 19, 2007, 06:53:24 am

Although we do seem to have ups and downs but probally normal. I dont overly like him or anything but im tolerating him and just trying to get along as best I can even though he isnt my cup of tea. ;)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on October 19, 2007, 03:48:28 pm

Well you are doing the best thing there even though it may seem the best thing at the moment, just hang in there and it will all work out sweetie :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on October 29, 2007, 04:34:54 pm

How do you show a jealous boyfriend that he can trust you? :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on October 30, 2007, 03:41:46 am

I am not too sure on this one sweetie, but you just be yourself dont change for any man..if he truly loves you then he will trust you..I can say this..you make sure he knows you can trust him..then see what happens from there..PM me at any time you want ok sweetie :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on October 31, 2007, 08:26:04 pm

is he jealouse with your friendship with a specific guy Taf or just generally? I've never been in the position before but maybe it's worth reassuring him that you want him only but if it makes him that upset you can stop hanging out with the other guy? and hope that he'll stop feeling so insecure and get over it and you won't have to lose a friend.

it really depends on the context of the jealousy though

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on November 01, 2007, 07:51:16 am

Hey guys,

I need some advice...


I started this new job in September as a teacher and it has been really great: the school is totally my style, the pupils are nice but most importantly the colleagues are really great. I really fit in and we have a lot of fun!

Sometimes we do activities besides school like watching a film, going to the pub...

Last weekend we went on a trip with some of the colleagues. We were 6 in total. Three grils and three boys, with one couple. The girl who already has a bf (I' ll call her K) was constantly matching us the two girls with the other two boys who came along. She was matching me with B.
She was teasing us how great we would be together and how much we have in common...One time when I was alone with K and her bf she really asked me what I thought of B and I said I couldn't see us as a couple. Her bf said that we would be a really great couple but he wouldn't advice a relationship at work. B is a sweet guy but I the physical attraction wasn't there. If you know what I mean. In the evening we were playing this game 'black box' and it's about answering these personal questions and I had to answer whether I was in love or not and I said no. So B knows this too.

When we were back from the trip for a couple of days I really started thinking about all the teasing and stuff and I realised I think it would be really great if me and B were together. Last night I lay awake for 2 hours thinking about him, when I have mail I'm hoping it's his ...

So probably, I'm in love, which is bizarre because I had never thought I would fall for him. It's also I 'm not in love very often, almost never, so for me it's hard to distinguish whether I just like the guy or whether I'm really in love.

I hope this doesn't sound too boring for you guys. My question is now: what should I do? Do you think I should be bold enough as to ask him out? I really have no idea whether he's interested in me. there's one more thing I should tell you. I was talking with B about a friend of his who's also single and he gave me the friend's telephone number and emailadress. Do you think this is a clear sign that B isn't interested in me? I'm totally confused ::). hope you guys can still understand what I'm writing :).

So any advice will do ;). Thanks in advance... :-*



Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on November 01, 2007, 09:14:54 am

[quote author=*ANna* link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=885#msg1125101 date=1193876764]
it really depends on the context of the jealousy though
[/quote]

Well... what started all of this is...

One of my friends has recently split up with his girlfriend. He lived with her, and 2 other friends who are also a couple. And basically these 3 have turned against him for no reason, so he's been hanging around a lot.
One night he walked me home after a night out because the people we were with just left randomly, so we were left together.
The guy ended up sleeping in my room. I thought nothing of it, I was just being charitable to a friend whos having a hard time at the moment.

I tell Adam, and he goes mental! I realise I've made a mistake, and apolagise, I feel so bad for letting him stay now. Even though to me it was on the same level as letting a girl sleep in my room, I can see that it looks bad to him.

It comes out that apparently Adam has thought there's been something going on between me and this guy since the beginning of our relationship. Which is just ridiculous, as there is nothing between us, never has been never will be.

But since that night, Adam says he doesn't 100% trust me any more. And I want him to, because he can. I'd never do anything that would come between us, because we have such a good thing going, and I just can't lose him.

I need a way to show him that he can trust me. Even though he knows I've always been totally honest with him, even when I've done things I know he'll be angry about.

I just don't know how to show him.

:(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on November 02, 2007, 03:34:10 am

Hi Artanis. what a mess your in sweetie, well all I can say is this..if you really think you love Mr B (I will call him) then there is no harm in asking him if he wants to go out on a date with you..you never know the answer could surprise you ;)

Just cos he gave you another mans number and email does not mean he doesnt fancy you, he is just being a friend..he could secretly like you but like you is not sure how to make the first step..let me know how it goes sweetie :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Miss ANna on November 02, 2007, 04:10:11 am

Taf, that's tricky! all i can think of to say is that you didn't even think about how it might look to have another guy in your room because you are so sure of your relationship with Adam. and just be like 'i wish you could trust me but i understand that you can't just turn trust on and off and i'll be sticking around for a long time so i hope i can earn it back." or some crap like that! it's hard... i recently had a fight with a friend because she'd make some public comments to embarrass me and i didn't trust her after it, and she couldn't understand that i never wanted an apology i was just dissapointed in her lack of regard for my feelings... anyway it was hard for her to hear that i don't trust her at the moment but i think it's just a matter of letting me have time to get over it. so having been on the other side of a semi similar situation it's just a matter of working through it i guess.

I've got a bit of a whinge about guys... last year i was in love with this guy from uni (i'm sure there's a huge rant about it in this thread somewhere) and anyway i told him i liked him after a few months and nothing happened. anyway he had a girlfriend this year who i guess he got together with like mayish and i saw on facebook they broke up last week... then after not talking to him for a few months he rang me and invited me over to a bbq... which i went to and then was totally back to having feelings for him. I know that he doesn't have feelings for me, but i still cant help hoping it does mean something... so then i just figured if he didn't contact me then i should get over it properly... which was all good, then he messaged me yesterday to have dinner with him which i couldn't do and he wanted to check out my dad's motorbike (he's done it up since i last saw the guy)

so i guess i just need to vent because i know it's nothing but there's still some stubborn part of me that wants to believe it is- and i know writing this i am hoping people come back and say 'nah sounds like he likes you' kinda thing... But it defy's logic that he would suddenly be interested, he's just broken up with someone and hasn't seen me for months or shown any real interest in catching up for the past year- i always have initiated it... and nothing's changed for him to suddenly be interested.

and i should mention i had randomly left a message to him on facebook a few days before he broke up with the girlfriend so that's probably what prompted the contact in the first place.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on November 02, 2007, 01:53:03 pm

Artanis, maybe you could ask K & her bf what B thinks about you and when they say that he's into you, you can just talk to B, right? Just tell him you've been thinking about it and that you think he's the sweetest guy and... well you know, tell him you're into him. Good luck :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on November 03, 2007, 06:28:08 am

Thanks for the advice girls, everything is going well I think. We went squashing yesterday, the two of us and two friends (K and her bf). We had a great time and we already set a date to go to the cinema with the four of us... It's easier for me if we first do some things together with other people. Hope everything works out, I'll keep you updated! :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on November 11, 2007, 07:18:07 pm

can people pray for me to find a nice new place of my own asap... I can't seem to find the right one plus most landlords are discriminating against dss and pets. :-// my moms new husband is a huge twat, I can't bear him.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on November 12, 2007, 02:20:23 am

I will pray for you sweetie, hope you find somewhere soon and PM me if you ever need to honey :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: mayadeprei on November 27, 2007, 01:31:02 pm

Small update on me and B, I finally found the courage to ask him on a 'date'. Why do girls have to take all the initiative ? We are going to the cinema tomorrow. Secretly I really hope he'll kiss me :). Wish me luck, I'm dead nervous...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on November 27, 2007, 03:54:26 pm

I have found out my grandma is dying and also have lost my new job..this year has been bad for me. :-[

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on November 28, 2007, 02:40:15 pm

Artanis, good luck for your date! And good for you, taking the initiative! :)

Elizabeth, you poor thing! :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on November 28, 2007, 03:33:17 pm

Yeah my life can't get any worse, well I must try to be strong. ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on December 14, 2007, 09:56:14 am

Hey elizabeth I know how you feel hunny my grandma is dying too, :'( :'( she only has from today up to 2 weeks at the very most. :'( im devasated, I cant stop feeling very upset, :'( I dont really know what to do cos my whole family are very upset, im trying to be strong for my mum. On top of that my grandma is in a whole other country and I cant even see her and she dont want me to see her in the state she is in, she has cancer of 3 different things. shes silly cos she was scared to to the doctor to have it checked many moths ago and left it oo long. ::) ::) then when it was discovered my mom and aunty said get chemo and my other aunty said dont do it mom blames herself for the condition worserning quicker,due to the chemo and the fact that she suggested it blan blah blah!!!! :P. I dont know what to say, shes silly to blame herself cos chemo is suppose to help. :'( I thought about writing a message to give to her i also wanted to sort out a make a wish for grannies it does exist!!!!, i think its too late. :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on December 14, 2007, 10:41:12 am

Aww you poor thing, unfortunately my grandma died last weekend her funeral was on Monday.

My gran had Alzheimer's she was in a care home for the last 7 years of her life I did not visit her as it would have upset me too much to see her so ill.

Try to be strong sweetie, is all the advice I can give you and think of good times you both shared, keep those fond memories. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on December 14, 2007, 12:24:51 pm

I'm really sorry for your granny's, Harry's little star. Elizabeth's advice about remembering the good times is good. I hope its not too late, and if it makes you feel better, send the message. The thought counts. Best wishes.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on December 21, 2007, 11:24:32 am

If I were you I would write to her. I find that Grandparents LOVE this. One of my Grandmas is in and out of hospital quite often recently, and so if ever I can't get to the hospital (I live in a different city) to visit then I'll write to her, and apparently she's constantly showing people it and it brightens her up when she's been feeling ill.

The same goes for my Grandad, he's having kidney troubles at the moment, so I wrote to him on his birthday when I couldn't make it to his birthday meal, and apparently it has the same effect, and he puts it on the mantle piece to show everyone who comes to visit him.

It's a small thing but it's amazing the effect it can have when someone isn't feeling their best, just to show that you're thinking about them.

I'm sorry things are so bad at the moment. I wish you all well :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on December 21, 2007, 02:09:22 pm

That is so sweet taf though I could never have wrote to my grandma because she had Alzheimer's, I did try I sent her a letter and photo but they were sent back that really upset me. :-[

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on December 22, 2007, 06:27:04 am

ugh Thats awful elizabeth , im so sorry that happened I suppose I should be thankful that my grandma remembers people. :P. just know that it was her illness acting that way and not her.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on December 22, 2007, 10:19:12 am

Thats what I try to say to myself but it still really hurts me that she had this illness and I couldn't see her for the last 7 years of her life :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on December 23, 2007, 03:30:02 am

I'm so sorry I don't know what else to say*hugs*


Anyway I've come down with what I think is a nasty cold, I've had a nasty headache, coughing, recently coughed up a creamy discharge, sore throat and a slight tempeture, I'm upset that I live in a very rural village , you would think there would be better facilties but no grrrrr stupid doctors are only open in the week so if you fall ill over the weekend like me your forced to wait until monday, the nearest proper town is miles away and I have no means of getting there, the buses are very expensive about 4 pounds return and 6 pounds for a day pass that you almost certianly have to take cos its 2 or more buses to the nearest town.

Edited and updated.

Called doctor through a number and he said it was flu, then..... I went to the doctors in the morning and he said ( diff doctor) it was. Broncitis he gave me anti botics , I don't smoke or anything, I caught it somehow, its a pooh to be sick over xmas * sigh*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on January 09, 2008, 05:33:41 am

Hey there, you weren't the only one to be sick over xmas Mark had a cold too as did me and my brother Chris then my mum, went round nearly the whole family!!! :P

I am okay at the moment over my grandma have not actually thought about her recently, till now obviously when talking about her here, had a dream last night she was in it I spoke to her she said she would meet us somewhere but then realized she was dead and I can't have spoke to her.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2008, 05:35:44 am

[quote author=Elizabeth (LOTR) Fan link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=915#msg1129751 date=1199874821]
but then realized she was dead and I can't have spoke to her.
[/quote]

Ahem, sorry to be the freaky, childish person here. But who says you couldn't have spoken to her :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on January 09, 2008, 05:42:20 am

Yeah maybe I spoke to her when she was already dead like she was a ghost or something do you think maybe I 'really' spoke to her but it was in my dream, do you know what I mean ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2008, 05:44:24 am

I like to think of things like that as them talking to you. I read a book when I was a kid (a kids book I'll grant you) and it's now how I think of things like that. I can type the passage for you if you want. But remember it's a kids book

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on January 09, 2008, 05:46:05 am

Yeah okay then thanks Vic

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2008, 05:51:53 am

Now remember I was 10 years old, and things like that stick with you:

"...Because she missed Balmaconnell and Granny MacDonnell so much, Shona used to practise a sort of magic trick that her grandmother taught her. The trick, her grandmother explained, was to lie down on her bed, her arms at her side and her legs straight, and to close her eyes and then think of her favorite place in Balmaconnell...and concentrate. If she was really concentrating hard, and if she practised this trick for many months, then she would be able to transport herself magically back to Balmaconnell, back to the graveyard, and she and Granny MacDonnell could talk..."

Copyright goes to Edgar J. Hyde and The Golden Goblet

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on January 09, 2008, 05:56:46 am

Aww that is so sweet I certainly can relate to that makes me sad again knowing I have no place to go and visit my grandma as she was cremated :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on January 09, 2008, 06:00:58 am

So was my Grandfather, they still are with you. Just go to the park, sit on the bench and then they are with you.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on January 09, 2008, 06:03:26 am

[quote author=Torsi ~GLEAH~ link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=915#msg1129773 date=1199876458]
So was my Grandfather, they still are with you. Just go to the park, sit on the bench and then they are with you.
[/quote]

That made me feel very sad but It is true and I thank you for it sweetie :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on February 23, 2008, 03:09:36 pm

I hate him I really freaking hate himmmmm >:( >:( >:( >:( my stepdad is the biggest freaking jerk alive. his very voice just really grates on me, hes.....

patronising
condensing
when i talk to mom he talks for her or over her so im forced to address him instead of mom when hes around anyway
hes permantly irritating
he does this mega annoying grunt constantly thats annoying

as for me ...im stuck living in the same house as him
its taking a super long time to find my own place.
im so very fed up being overcrowded with 4 people and 5 pets in a 2 bedroom bungalow
I have a apparently a slight shade of autisum which makes the above much harder to deal with
i feel like a freak and less than other people due to the slight shade of autisum which ive only just learned i have
im supposed to go into supported lodgings to help become more independent but its taking agggess.
im waiting to be reinstated on my benefits as ive had to explain why i went away last year, in the meantime i have mobile phone creditors after me,mom said she will deal with them.

sorry for the rant i need to get stuff off my chest.

for anyone thats wondering about my grannie, well shes made of steel and is still alive living in a hospice at the moment

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on February 23, 2008, 03:20:23 pm

Sent you a pm sweetie to try to cheer you up, hope you are okay honey :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on February 23, 2008, 03:33:05 pm

I'm sorry for your troubles, HLS. I don't have a solution but I just want to say this.

Do not be ashamed or embarrassed about the Autism. Be proud of who you are. Any-one who treats you as less of a human being because of it just hasn't evolved yet. As long as you stay strong witihn yourself and keep your sense of humor (it's very important) you will survive.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on February 23, 2008, 03:35:40 pm

Well said vic I too think you should be strong but also having a sense of humour is vital.

Take care sweetie :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on February 26, 2008, 09:53:14 am

[quote author=Victoria Goren ~GLEAH~ link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=915#msg1133244 date=1203798785]
I'm sorry for your troubles, HLS. I don't have a solution but I just want to say this.

Do not be ashamed or embarrassed about the Autism. Be proud of who you are. Any-one who treats you as less of a human being because of it just hasn't evolved yet. As long as you stay strong witihn yourself and keep your sense of humor (it's very important) you will survive.
[/quote]

Aww thanks that really made my day. :-* :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on February 26, 2008, 09:59:40 am

[quote author=harrys_little_star *~DA~* link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=930#msg1133858 date=1204037594]
Aww thanks that really made my day. :-* :-*
[/quote]

:-* :-*

I know it's easier to say that to do, but the way I think of it is like this; if you people treat you differently/badly etc. because of their inablility to understand why/how then they aren't worth your time.

There's a song lyric I like that goes:
"Throughout life people will make you mad, Disrespect you and treat you bad, Let God deal with the things they do, Cause hate in your heart will consume you too"

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on February 26, 2008, 03:05:37 pm

That's really nice Vic I will also remember that lyric it makes a lot of sense

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on February 26, 2008, 03:07:52 pm

It's one of the thoughts that I hold close to my heart. It is true, if we let ourself be bothered by others' comments or thoughts about us, then it controls our life.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on February 26, 2008, 03:28:39 pm

I've always had that problem must have started when was bullied at school, peoples nasty comments always hurt my feelings.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mai_o_ya on March 02, 2008, 05:46:36 pm

people's eyes can be hell too...I mean the way they looks at you as if you are from Mars :(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on March 04, 2008, 05:00:07 pm

Am I right to be peed off? here is whats going on

My brother has 2 friends, that are constantly over our house like at every opportuntiy and they stay until really late, they both work during the day but as soon as thats over, they are over here, they are not always quietby my standards anyway, well to me anyway, since im in the converstory and even though its double glazed, I can hear em sometimes.im just really stressed that they are over soo much, do i have a right to be annoyed??? am I being really intolerant??? i have barely any friends, the ones ive had have screwed me over or have special needs.I just cant seem to be friends with regular people, i wonder if its the aspergers. i wonder if the aspergers is responsible for most of this.mm his friends just irritate me, i just wish they were not over so much, im forced to have to be nice to them telling them to be quiet every freaking 10 minutes or my brother gets nasty with me >:( >:(i hate living here i hate it so much. i have to wait until march 21st when i can reclaim benefit due to a habitial residence test which is 6 months coming back after moving back from abroad,only then can they look into the supported lodgings thing, its so hard trying to wind down in the evening, most evenings now i dont even bother to watch my dvds anymore, its too stressful, so i jsut play my games.im compltelty miserable and im counting the days until i love out, it could be a couple of months or so from now.oh and these boys are often very stoned as well. >:( >:(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on March 05, 2008, 02:57:50 pm

Hey sweetie, I sent you a pm to give you some advice :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on March 14, 2008, 02:27:47 pm

Well, i'm back. And i don't really haev much time, so i'm sorry i can't read through and try to offer any advice to anyone else ... But i'm at my wits end, and I know the opinions of my friends and family already, and that isn't helping me at all. ::)

Okay, I dated a boy for a year and a few months. It was long distance and we almost never got to see each other, but i -loved- him. and he loved me. He has a hard past, he has some bad habits, and he's a downright emotional rollercoaster sometimes. I, on the other hand, have honestly had a good life. My parents treat me well and love me, i have no bad habits at all (other than eating badly. lol.), and i'm pretty emotionally stable most of the time. To put it bluntly, we come from two completely different worlds. But i've never met another person like him in my life. He's a Christian (i am too), but he's also got this badassness air about him. haha. He's hardcore in a lot of ways, but he's also one of -the- most sweet guys i've ever met in my life. He's a good person with a good heart, but a hard exterior ... if that makes any sense ... and i absolutely adore him.

anyway, ... -dated- ... past tense. He was uber stressed out ... he was being mean, falling back into worse habits, and i was just feelign like he didn't care about me at all. So one day when he said he needed space, i said fine, that we could just go on a break. And that break ultimately led to a break -up- ... but it's been a month now, and i still miss him like crazy. I even called him last night ... and talking to him was just ... it was a relief. He's got this new long distance chick that he's kinda been takling to, and she's going to come see him ... but i don't know exactly how much he likes her or anything else... but this feeling that i'm losing him is driving me up the wall. i'm trying to let him go and move on, but i can't. i don't know what to do. what should i do?! lol. i have to go.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on March 15, 2008, 03:45:45 am

A reply to Jess _B:

Christian or not Jess, this boy sounds like the classic 'bad boy' that many young women fall for. Sometimes they just seem so much more *exciting* than their more normal, hard-working, counterparts.

Part of your love for this person could be an 'addiction' to the thrill of never-quite-knowing what is going on with him.

Just make sure you don't fall into the age-old trap of thinking you can 'save' him from his problems or change him. People have to *want* to change for their own reasons or it will never happen.

Also, you say he has another 'long-distance' relationship going on now...think to yourself: Why is he telling you all this? To make you jealous? Is he just plying with your emotions, knowing how you feel about him?

I'm not saying he is *definitely* a bad or unstsble person, but just try to look at the situation logically and try to assess your motivations as well as his.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on March 15, 2008, 03:59:21 am

Sorry about posting twice, but this one is a response to harrys _ little _star:

Unfortunately, I don't know what advice I or anyone else can give you, not knowing your full financial/family/living situation.

I will however empathise with you as my almost 13 year old has Aspergers and I myself have always suspected that I am undiagnosed. I seem to need a lot more *alone* time than most people and living with other people (and their noisy, intrusive friends) would be my ultimate nightmare... It's all I can do sometimes to just put up with my husband and two kids!

Just hang in there as best as you can and in the meantime try to plan your 'escape'. I'm sure it'll happen and you'll be happier and calmer when it does...and no, you're not intolerant to be annoyed by constant, noisy guests who are out of their heads half the time!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on March 19, 2008, 01:25:42 pm

[quote author=harrys_little_star *~DA~* link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=930#msg1133858 date=1204037594]
[quote author=Victoria Goren ~GLEAH~ link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=915#msg1133244 date=1203798785]
I'm sorry for your troubles, HLS. I don't have a solution but I just want to say this.

Do not be ashamed or embarrassed about the Autism. Be proud of who you are. Any-one who treats you as less of a human being because of it just hasn't evolved yet. As long as you stay strong witihn yourself and keep your sense of humor (it's very important) you will survive.
[/quote]

like my stepdad. :'([/quote]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on March 19, 2008, 01:25:59 pm

victoria wrote ...

"Do not be ashamed or embarrassed about the Autism. Be proud of who you are. Any-one who treats you as less of a human being because of it just hasn't evolved yet. As long as you stay strong witihn yourself and keep your sense of humor (it's very important) you will survive."


like my stepdad. :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on March 19, 2008, 02:51:56 pm

I sent you a pm to the messages you sent me sweetie, hope you are feeling happier now :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on March 22, 2008, 11:57:35 am

smetimes I think of picking up the phone and calling samaratins to tell them i have suicidal images but I am too scared too.

I dont wanna kill myself for real or anything which is to me far stranger like why I think these things but dont act on them

I tell mark he doesn't know how to help, dont wanna burden him cos he lost his auntie to suicide.

Wish there was someone else to talk too. :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on March 22, 2008, 12:08:03 pm

Do you have any sisters or brothers that you are close to Miss Sixty? Or perhaps a best friend. Here in Australia we have a free help-line called Lifeline and they really are that - a life line to those who are having real probs of all descriptions.

If these feelings are recent only in response to bad life events then it may go away by itself, but I'd stronngly recommend talking to someone that you know is not an overly judgmental person and is a strong character - or even see a doctor.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on March 22, 2008, 12:10:02 pm

Both my brothers live in london dont wanna bother them or my parents, my best friend is Mark but like I said he lost someone to suicideso cannot help me here.

What do I do :-\

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on March 22, 2008, 12:23:46 pm

Please don't take this as a criticism Elizabeth, but I've suggested a number of options (talking to someone you know well, talking to someone unbiased like a counsellor or helpline or doctor, prescribed anti-depressants, exercise and activity which raise endorphins in the brain).

I know its kinda hard and a bit embarrassing to admit these sorts of feelings to someone else but you have to be able to try to help yourself or you could end up in a desperate situation.

Why do you think it would be 'bothering' your rellies to talk about this with them? I don't know them, perhaps they would not be understanding, but this is where a good professional sometimes comes in handy.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on March 22, 2008, 12:28:02 pm

doyou think it would helpif I drew what I was thinking down or wrote it

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on March 22, 2008, 12:36:32 pm

No Elizabeth, I don't think it would necessarily help and either does listening to depressing and suicidal-type songs by Evanescence or anybody else.

Endlessly dwelling on these feelings is making them stronger and giving them more power and space in your mind if you know what i mean.

BUT I don't suggest you deny them either. Try not to spend too much time alone over the next couple of days girl even though you won't want to be around people.

Perhaps you *should* go with Mark when he goes geocaching or anything else.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on March 22, 2008, 12:38:40 pm

oh er am listening toevanescence my tourniquet now, whoops, yeah well am going out tomorrow to relies so will be ok cos is always when by myself, may go for walk later with mark

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on March 22, 2008, 12:46:20 pm

Maybe you should talk to Mark about what's going through your head. He may not be able to help as a doctor or someone who specialises in advice on these kinds of things, but getting it off your chest may help. OK, so he lost someone to suicide, but he's your husband, he loves you, and I'm sure he would be more than happy just to sit and listen if it would help you get through these feelings.
Sometimes you have to be selfish when things like this crop up, you don't want to be alone and have no one to talk to, and I think the best person to talk to outside of a professional environment would be your husband. I know it isn't a nice subject, but bottling these things up can't help.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on March 22, 2008, 01:51:08 pm

I will talk to him about it if he wants to listen, but feeling happier now cos went for walk and cleared my mind of the images. ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on March 24, 2008, 06:44:47 pm

My grandmother bless her passed away tonight, im so devasated. :'( :'( :'( ive only my brother for comfort. :'( :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on March 24, 2008, 07:06:49 pm

Oh my goodness, HLS-DA! I am so sad for you, but remember you've always got people to talk to here... we may be far away, but we are still real and are willing to listen. :(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Billswife on March 25, 2008, 04:17:54 am

Hi DA,

I just wanted to express my condolences. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I just lost a grandmother this year as well and my heart goes out to you.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on March 25, 2008, 04:32:35 am

^^^ really? aww, its nice to talk to others who understand what im going through,I kept hoping she would recover or they would find a cure or god would heal her suddenly, she never really recovered from grandads death 10 years before that,Ihope they are together now.im still in shock though as its so recently happened, cant quite believe it. :'( :'( :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mai_o_ya on March 25, 2008, 06:00:35 am

[quote author=harrys_little_star *~DA~* link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=945#msg1138798 date=1206398687]
My grandmother bless her passed away tonight, im so devasated. :'( :'( :'( ive only my brother for comfort. :'( :'(
[/quote]
Iam so sorry to hear that harrys_little_star*~DA~*
We are all here for comfort you dear,and iam sure she and your grandfather are together now..

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on March 25, 2008, 06:07:37 am

[quote author=harrys_little_star *~DA~* link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=945#msg1138798 date=1206398687]
My grandmother bless her passed away tonight, im so devasated. :'( :'( :'( ive only my brother for comfort. :'( :'(
[/quote]

I'm sorry to hear this, I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on March 25, 2008, 12:14:44 pm

Ive been crying all morning. :'( :'( i cant seem to stop. :o then i went to my local christian cafe and cried there but the lady was really nice and helpful, and just now i talked to mom and apparently grannie saw a huge light and saw some people on a beautiful boat and eveyone was calling to her!!! I totally believe [ in my opinion and beliefs] that this was her husband [ granddad],parents and sisters and brothers [ she had lost a few over the years ,she came from a big family] and possibly some friends all calling to her. it proves to me personally that there is an afterlife/heaven. the boat was talking her there.i think for me, its so sweeet and wonderful to know that , and to know she saw some more of her family again. :-* :-* :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on March 25, 2008, 12:47:18 pm

That is the best way to think of it, DA (Emily, right?) She's happy now, she's surrounded by people that she loves but has not seen in a long time. When you feel the need to cry, do so, there's no shame in it. But when you think of your Grandmother, don't feel sad, remember the good times and be happy.

My Grandfather died last year from an illness and I had a feeling when he died, I just knew. I was actually watching The Wizard Of Oz when I got the feeling he died, and so now I think of Somewhere Over The Rainbow as 'our' song.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, sweetheart :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on March 25, 2008, 04:09:36 pm

i got your pm honey and replied, everyones advice is correct you just take care of yourself and know i am always only a pm/email away :-*

You can ring me if u want too i can give you my number via pm?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on March 26, 2008, 06:31:32 am

Yeah sure honey but im worried about burdening you since you yourself are going through rough times. :-* :-* :-* *hugs you*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on March 26, 2008, 07:01:34 am

You must grieve for your Grandmother first before you can move on DA Don't try to stop the tears if you feel like it ( for now anyway). I taske it you two were very close?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on March 26, 2008, 11:39:19 am

Yes we were. :'( I miss her very much already, its horrible pining and missing someone so much when you wont see them again. :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on March 26, 2008, 01:56:38 pm

[quote author=Lanta the Gemstar link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=930#msg1136571 date=1205567145]
A reply to Jess _B:

Christian or not Jess, this boy sounds like the classic 'bad boy' that many young women fall for. Sometimes they just seem so much more *exciting* than their more normal, hard-working, counterparts.

Part of your love for this person could be an 'addiction' to the thrill of never-quite-knowing what is going on with him.

Just make sure you don't fall into the age-old trap of thinking you can 'save' him from his problems or change him. People have to *want* to change for their own reasons or it will never happen.

Also, you say he has another 'long-distance' relationship going on now...think to yourself: Why is he telling you all this? To make you jealous? Is he just plying with your emotions, knowing how you feel about him?

I'm not saying he is *definitely* a bad or unstsble person, but just try to look at the situation logically and try to assess your motivations as well as his.
[/quote]

This was an increadibly insightful post. "Part of your love for this person could be an 'addiction' to the thrill of never-quite-knowing what is going on with him." that was very true. and i realized it. He was so dynamic that he kept me interested. and i knew that i couldn't 'fix' the bad boys, so that's why i loved him ... because he was 'fixed' before i got to him. I figured with a little encouragement he could do great things with his life (and i still believe he can, but HE doesn't believe he can. nor does he have the willingness to try. :-\) and he told me that about the new girl because he's always told me -everything- ... even if he knew it would piss me off or worry me. That was another reason i liked him ... he was always honest about things. but that didn't always -excuse- the things that he did. lol. ::)

and miss sixty (few pages back), I've had those weird, un-nerving self mutilating thoughts before too. I really scared myself for a while .... for some reason, i'd always get this mental image of myself stabbing my eyes with a pencil or something. it would freak me out to the point that i would put down whatever i was holding... or put my hands in my pockets. it's like, i didn't -want- to do that, but i did. at one point, i almost called my mom to tell her that i think i need to go into counselling because i was really freaking myself out. It seemed, though, that when this kinda stuff was going on, i was dealing with things that really stressed me out. If i took a break and did something fun or relaxing, that creepy stuff would go away. oh, and i prayed like crazy about it. lol. I haven't had anything like that happen for a few months now ... but i agree that it's very creepy stuff sometimes. :-[


and DA, .... *super huge hugs* i'm so sorry for your loss. :'( I'll keep you in my prayers.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on March 26, 2008, 03:22:55 pm

Thanks Jess is the same with me certainly doesnt happen all the time I think it cos I had a rough year last year, when I distract myself by going out etc..the thoughts go away.

Thanks again sweetie :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on March 26, 2008, 06:54:38 pm

Jess_B, I'm very glad you found my 'advice' relevant.

Also, if this boy tells you everything. whether good or bad, because he simply wants to share his thoughts and feelings with you, then what you have there is a FRIEND.

He may not be right for you (at this stage anyway) as a boyfriend, but through friendship you both may gain immeasurably from the relationship.


Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on March 26, 2008, 07:56:34 pm

yeah, that's what he started out as ... a friend. then after a long while, he wanted to have the official title of my boyfriend. ... which i didn't give out readily. i was very hesitant about making it 'official' ... but he was too durn adorable. well, and it made him sad that i didn't want to make it 'official' cause he really cared about me. i hate making him sad. :-\ between his adorable-ness and my not wanting to make him pouty, i eventually gave in. ::)

right now the feelings are still a bit too ... fresh ... for the both of us. and trying to talk 'only as friends' right now just leads to turmoil. but i'm hoping that we'll eventually be able to be close friends again. he's a good guy. i like him lots.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on March 26, 2008, 08:16:30 pm

Crossing my fingers that it all works out for you Jess.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on March 28, 2008, 11:12:42 am

Mom told me that the day grannie died, she had an outfit that she liked to wear with ladybirds on it, and suddenly in the room a ladyvbord landed on mom and then landed on david and then disappeared right before them!!!!. I believe it was a sign of goodbye from her. I think its very sweet that she did that. plus lady birds are not usually around at that time over there. :o :o ;)

Also the church was jam packed
The coffin was amazing
The coffin with grannie was buried right next to grandad
She had an amazing send off
There was an after dinner party to celebrate her life.

The only doiwn part was moms brother and wife being a complete selfish idioit and had a very care less attitude. >:(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on March 28, 2008, 11:45:11 am

hope you are doing ok DA.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on March 28, 2008, 03:50:28 pm

Hi Harrys little Star, how lovely to read about yourgrans funeral sounds like it was really nice and glad to hear, espec the ladybird story so I hope you are feeling a little better sweetie :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on March 29, 2008, 06:51:50 am

Harry's Little Star, I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope everything works out for you. Best wishes. :-*

Elizabeth, seriously, you have so much to live for. Whenever you feel down, don't let it grow into near-suicidal feelings. Go and watch something funny on the internet, that'll cheer you up! Or look through photos of you and loved ones. Really, I don't think thinking about feeling sucidal will make it better. If you do need to talk, feel free to PM me, and I'll do my best. You know what they say - a trouble shared is a trouble halved. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on March 29, 2008, 10:00:27 am

I can post some pictures or email some pictures if anybody wants to see pictures from the funeral. I wont see them myself for a couple of weeks since mom wont be home until then. Actually im not sure what to think really about pictures from funerals??

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on March 29, 2008, 10:03:10 am

Thanks mary, I will keep that in mind :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on April 02, 2008, 06:48:04 am

I HATE my stepdad soo much im having really nasty thoughts about what id like to do him. >:( >:( >:( Hes a maniputive pig and now ehs stopping me from talking to my mom, you wait till I get hold of him. >:( >:( Hes the most awful disgusting excuse for a person. When I tried to call today my mom pretended she wasnt there. :'( :'( evil sod. I HAVE To get away because I just dont trust what ill do to him :'( :'( I hate his guts. Hes going to pay for what hes doing, trying to drive a wedge bertween me and my mom, hes only with her because she has money and now a decent inheritance, without her he would have NOTHING and NOBODY. She just cant see it, I resent her too because she takes his freaking side over everything, she cannot see that he is an evil manupitive bastard. >:( >:( >:( then my aunty gets involved saying shes not there. im frantically searching for somewhere else to live before they come back in 3 weeks. :'( :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on April 02, 2008, 01:17:02 pm

Sent you a pm hun, to check how you are coping :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on April 13, 2008, 03:46:29 pm

I don't think I come in here that often to ask for myself, so I'm here now.

This may be a little long and drawn but stick with me please.

As some of you may know when I was a kid I was bullied and I had a home tutor for about two years, well when I was 13 years old I was integrated into a group of about six or seven kids who had also been bullied. And I met this girl called Joie, we became close friends, adn then a few months later another girl called Becky joined and the three of us became the best of friends. We created a band (S.S.S!), and started writing a TV show called Sistaz, and messaged each other everyday. Everything was going fine until 2006, Jodie and I had trouble making dates to meet up, she gave me a date and I couldn't make it because I had a hospital appointment adn put quite basically, this was the straw that broke the camels back. We got into...a discussion via text, it wasn't so much an argument but it ended with us both agreeing to go our seperate ways with no ill-feeling toward the other. Recently I have been thinking about getting back in contact with her (if I can) and my question is, do you think I should seek her out or leave it be?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on April 13, 2008, 03:50:59 pm

Hey Vicky, there is no harm in trying to contact her she may be glad that you did and be thinking the same as you.

She may be regretting losing you as a friend.

Whatever you decide is up to you hun, but that would be my advice. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Enara on April 13, 2008, 07:44:51 pm

[color=Blue]Hi Vicky,
I think that if you really miss her and want your friendship back, you should try to contact her.
Maybe she has been thinking of you as well. Although you have to be ready in case she doesn“t want to begin a friendship with you again...

Good luck!! It“s always worthy to fight for a good friend!! :-*[/color]

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on April 14, 2008, 05:00:10 am

Vicky -

You didn't mention what the status is with your friendship with Becky - the other girl?

Do you still see HER? Is Jodie in contact with her at all ? Perhaps she could be an intermediary?

If the trust has been broken (maybe because one or both of you secretly thought the other didn't REALLY want to meet up) then perhaps the situation is irreparable, but if it's really important, you can only try.

The worst that can happen is she'll say 'no'.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: tafika on April 14, 2008, 11:51:10 am

Go for it!

My Mum once broke off a friendship. (kind of because of me actually) Both my Mum and her friend had baby girls at the same time, and whereas I was healthy, the other girl wasn't, there was talk of life long disability, lack of speech and muscle movement for her, so for my Mum to come round with me climbing all over the place and schrieking like a good en, it was quite heartbreaking to see the comparison, they decided to stop seeing each other because it brought home how ill her little girl was.
My Mum made contact again when she saw in the paper that the other womans husband had died. Now her little girl (now 20 like me) is absolutely fine, recovered 100%, nothing wrong with her.
They're now the best of friends again. See each other every week, and its like nothing ever happened.

So there's always hope for broken friendships, there just needs to be someone who has to courage to make first contact.
Go for it, hope it all works out :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on April 16, 2008, 10:18:40 am

[quote author=Victoria Goren ~GLEAH~ link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=975#msg1143969 date=1208115989]
I don't think I come in here that often to ask for myself, so I'm here now.

This may be a little long and drawn but stick with me please.

As some of you may know when I was a kid I was bullied and I had a home tutor for about two years, well when I was 13 years old I was integrated into a group of about six or seven kids who had also been bullied. And I met this girl called Joie, we became close friends, adn then a few months later another girl called Becky joined and the three of us became the best of friends. We created a band (S.S.S!), and started writing a TV show called Sistaz, and messaged each other everyday. Everything was going fine until 2006, Jodie and I had trouble making dates to meet up, she gave me a date and I couldn't make it because I had a hospital appointment adn put quite basically, this was the straw that broke the camels back. We got into...a discussion via text, it wasn't so much an argument but it ended with us both agreeing to go our seperate ways with no ill-feeling toward the other. Recently I have been thinking about getting back in contact with her (if I can) and my question is, do you think I should seek her out or leave it be?
[/quote]

Well, my friend just gave up on our 5 year friendship, so I kinda see what you're saying. I tried to get back with her as well, but she didn't want to anymore, because she was used to the idea of not talking to me anymore.

But I mean, there's only very few people that are as bitchy as my friend, so you might try to get in contact again and then just talk properly, not via text... just in real life so you can work things out, I think that's what you guys need. Good luck babe!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: I_LOVE_MY_BOYZ on April 16, 2008, 08:10:01 pm

I use to have some really good friends at my elementary/middle school.. then when i transferred to a different school, we lost contact. Now, though, i'm in a program with one of them, and go to the same college as another. I've talked to them both a bit via internet and when i see them in person, but it's not 'like old times' ... of course, i would never expect it to be. that was 7 years ago... we've all grown up and changed a lot sense then. I would definitly suggest that you talk to her again, but i'd say it may not be exactly like you remember. but it could still make for a good chat. :) g'luck.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on April 19, 2008, 01:03:18 pm

Ive had the same thing young and desperate, im still shocked that my ex friend betrayed me so much and used me like she did and I also cant beleive that it took me 2 years to realise what a cow she is. ::) I still sometimes try to contact her to see if she wants to talk,I suppose im sometimes in denial still , but I get met on the phone by her imature boyfriend,the only thing that revolves around tammys deleuded world, is premeires and after partys and celebrity. She will trample anyone to get what she wants.. she lives for it.. seeking out the next celeb to get their picture or autograph.. she claims shes studying to be a vet, I just find it hard to believe...

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Elijahs Impact on April 19, 2008, 04:13:54 pm

OK, I've decided I'll get bck in contact with her but I won't have any hope of her returning the gesture. I'm realistic about it. But I think it would be the best thing for me to do because I don't wanna spend the rest of my life thinking "What if I had tried?", and if she declines fair enough I tried.

Now what should I say in this e-mail to her? ???

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on April 20, 2008, 07:51:58 am

Im so freaking miserableeeeeeee. I hate living in this shi*t hole house with that dick of a stepdad, he just grates on me, being in the same room just makes me cringe so much. All he does is grunt all day long non stop, then sniffs hard, it really gets to me and this pathetically small house which ive been stuck in for over 6 months, and yes ive been looking for a place of my own but landlords are very "anti housing benefit" and "pets". They sterotype all of us as druggies,losers and drunkards. ::) ::) Im supposed to hear back from this one landlord,I suppose he hasnt yet since the place I want is being redecorated. :-\ Its so intensely hard to be patient, the council dont care, im trapped,im having bad dreams lately of feeling trapped as well and running. :-\ our local paper has about 2 or 3 places every so often,because I want to live in our local villages, its near impossible. :'(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on April 20, 2008, 08:20:38 am

Sent you a pm hun, take care okay :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on April 20, 2008, 08:22:38 am

[quote author=Victoria Goren ~GLEAH~ link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=975#msg1145556 date=1208636034]
OK, I've decided I'll get bck in contact with her but I won't have any hope of her returning the gesture. I'm realistic about it. But I think it would be the best thing for me to do because I don't wanna spend the rest of my life thinking "What if I had tried?", and if she declines fair enough I tried.

Now what should I say in this e-mail to her? ???
[/quote]

I've sent you my answer in a PM Victoria.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on April 20, 2008, 08:39:20 am

I hate feeling sad, depressed, angry, moody and suicidal yet also happy

I wish could be just truly happy nothing else :(

Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me ???

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on April 20, 2008, 09:31:12 am

Yep me except the sucidial part. :P

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on April 20, 2008, 09:32:32 am

I hate feeling this way, when I say suicidal Is just the images I get :P :-X :(

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Misz_Mii on April 20, 2008, 02:10:34 pm

[quote author=Victoria Goren ~GLEAH~ link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=975#msg1145556 date=1208636034]
OK, I've decided I'll get bck in contact with her but I won't have any hope of her returning the gesture. I'm realistic about it. But I think it would be the best thing for me to do because I don't wanna spend the rest of my life thinking "What if I had tried?", and if she declines fair enough I tried.

Now what should I say in this e-mail to her? ???
[/quote]

Just tell her how you feel about you guys not talking anymore and that she prolly didn't expect you to write her a letter and that you hope that you guys can figure things out and maybe be friends again. Make sure you write everything out of your own feelings, she won't feel offended if you use the phrases "I think" or "I feel" a lot.




Elizabeth, Gosh please go talk to Marc about it!!! I hate it when you feel like that! It worries the crap out of me and I mean it. It makes me worry about what you might do to yourself, eventhough you say you won't, I know what it's like to say I won't and ending up doing it when things get way too complicated. Talk to Marc, please?!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Mai_o_ya on April 20, 2008, 02:26:28 pm

[quote author=Miss Sixty link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=990#msg1145699 date=1208695160]
I hate feeling sad, depressed, angry, moody and suicidal yet also happy

I wish could be just truly happy nothing else :(

Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me ???
[/quote]

Nobody wants to be sad,depressed, angry, moody and suicidal!

this feelings happen to us and we can't help it...


but we have to fight these bad thoughts,and get the best from the wortht :)

hope to everybody the pure happiness :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on April 20, 2008, 02:56:17 pm

Thanks Mai I caught your happiness hun :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on April 24, 2008, 05:39:15 am

A somewhat funny question I have
if im paid every 4th wednesday and i last got paid on the 9th, am I right in thinking that my next payment will be the 30th?

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on April 24, 2008, 08:05:04 am

No...It should be the 7th May if I've calculated correctly.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on April 24, 2008, 08:29:39 am

I counted five wednesdays on my calender. ;) strange isnt it. :P

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on April 26, 2008, 03:36:35 am

When I think I am free of the images they return..will they never end
I realise I will always be depressed I was a fool to think I was better.

:(

I am all happy out with mark and at work then get depressed inside flat sometimes, dont understand it. ???

I just said I was allright to Mark..

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on April 28, 2008, 08:10:34 am

:'( I know its not perfect and they are fixing the damp on the walls, can it be fixed???,I know its a small apartment but pleaseee let me have it, I cant stand it any longer at home,Im absoultely miserable as anything,My family do not understand me at all,they abosultely dont understand my aspergers, they dont udnerstand why i got very frustrated at the tv messing about last night, and frustratedly asking someone to help, everyone came down on me. :'( Im so agistated living at home, my stupid mother is drinking more and more because of gran, wallowing in the biggest puddle of self pity ever.She is a bitch when shes been drinking alot, she can get very nasty. :'( :'( :'( and impossible. My dumbass stepdad is not much better, my zero tolerant of his family brother gets to me too.

The apartment is in my village
Its a great starter flat/apartment
The rent is very cheap
Its with sedgemoor housing even though its a private landlord.

I havent mentioned minnie and I wont. Shes soo tiny anyway,doesnt bark etc...if theys ee her, they see her, ive got to put my foot in the door,im finding it near virtual impossible to find a single place that accepts housing benefit let alone a pet.Ill work it out with them if I have too,lol.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Billswife on May 02, 2008, 03:38:12 pm

"When I think I am free of the images they return..will they never end
I realise I will always be depressed I was a fool to think I was better.

I am all happy out with mark and at work then get depressed inside flat sometimes, dont understand it.

I just said I was allright to Mark."

Hi Ms. Sixty,

I have heard some times that U.V. light actually helps sometimes with these feelings. A shortage of sunlight can lead to a very melancholly outlook.

Also exercise helps boost the mood tremendously, even though admittedly when one is feeling low it is the last thing one wants to do.

You are in my prayers. :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Billswife on May 02, 2008, 03:40:17 pm

" Im so agistated living at home, my stupid mother is drinking more and more because of gran, wallowing in the biggest puddle of self pity ever.She is a bitch when shes been drinking alot, she can get very nasty. and impossible. My dumbass stepdad is not much better, my zero tolerant of his family brother gets to me too."

That sounds very frustrating D.A. I hope you can find a way to move if possible. Sounds like that would help alot!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on May 02, 2008, 03:40:58 pm

Hi, thanks hun, that sounds the case..I need more sunlight ::)

I'll be getting loads in 2 weeks when go tenerife :)




Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Billswife on May 02, 2008, 03:48:42 pm

"Hi, thanks hun, that sounds the case..I need more sunlight

I'll be getting loads in 2 weeks when go tenerife "

That should help ALOT Miss Sixty. Your traveling adventures sound so awsome!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on May 03, 2008, 08:14:56 am

[quote author=Billswife link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=990#msg1147435 date=1209757722]
"Hi, thanks hun, that sounds the case..I need more sunlight

I'll be getting loads in 2 weeks when go tenerife "

That should help ALOT Miss Sixty. Your traveling adventures sound so awsome!

[/quote]

Certainly hope they do Emily, thanks for your concern you so sweet :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on May 03, 2008, 01:55:51 pm

Sometimes I post in the heat of the moment which ist always good,it makes things seem more worse than they really are,

but I do have another gripe, which is my poor self image.I have quite a loathing for myself so it doesnt help at all in the supermarket today when the cashier said to her make friend so obviously aimed at me,said "here comes your girlfriend!!!" and laughed at me. ::) ::) so of course I feel uglier than ever,shes quite slim and pretty. :'( im very overweight,my hair is often like a bush dragged backwards,my bushy ugly monobrow and short neck,vampire teeth. its no wonder she says it. im joining slimming world soon, I cant help but let it get to me so much when people make fun of me, am i that replusive? :-[ :-[. I feel like hiding under a rock. :P I dont know what to do to feel better about myself. my self esteem is minus 10. and always has been unfortunatly. People always look at you horribly when you are quite big.

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on May 03, 2008, 02:38:52 pm

Sweetie, you are so not ugly, could I request a pic of you pm me it if you want. Everyone is bueatiful to someone you know ;) :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Lanta the Gemstar on May 03, 2008, 11:40:04 pm

[quote author=harrys_little_star *~DA~* link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=1005#msg1147856 date=1209837351]
Sometimes I post in the heat of the moment which ist always good,it makes things seem more worse than they really are,

but I do have another gripe, which is my poor self image.I have quite a loathing for myself so it doesnt help at all in the supermarket today when the cashier said to her make friend so obviously aimed at me,said "here comes your girlfriend!!!" and laughed at me. ::) ::) so of course I feel uglier than ever,shes quite slim and pretty. :'( im very overweight,my hair is often like a bush dragged backwards,my bushy ugly monobrow and short neck,vampire teeth. its no wonder she says it. im joining slimming world soon, I cant help but let it get to me so much when people make fun of me, am i that replusive? :-[ :-[. I feel like hiding under a rock. :P I dont know what to do to feel better about myself. my self esteem is minus 10. and always has been unfortunatly. People always look at you horribly when you are quite big.
[/quote]

Unfortunately, I don't know what to tell you about this one... I am not 'big' but I've had issues with my looks ever since I can remember.

As a child, before the braces did their work, I had the worst teeth imaginable, and now I'm older I am still very conscious of my untameable bushy hair, veins on my legs etc. I often have to psyche myself up to go out in public - I guess that's why I like the internet so much - there's no pressure to HAVE to look good!

Trying to slim sounds like a good idea though, if that's where a lot of your negative self image springs from. You have a dog don't you. Going for a walk regularly each day can do wonders for weight AND combatting low moods - killing two birds with one stone, so to speak!

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: maryd on May 04, 2008, 03:59:38 am

Little star, I really wouldn't worry about how you look - you've probably heard this before but it's what's inside that counts! Good luck, though, if you do join a slimming club. :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on May 05, 2008, 12:32:52 pm

The problem with being quite overweight is the weather today, boy did I struggle, it was soo humid. I was sweating buckets just standing around, no sun, no wind just hot and very sticky. im having to sleep in the conservatory, and it gets hot in there. ::) How long am I supposed to be waiting for that place? I hate the suspense. I want it so much, im so terified for waiting to hear I suppose, so im feeling a bit negative, nothing cool seems to come my way, I bet ill be all summer in this unbearably hot greenhouse type room. :P

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on May 05, 2008, 02:04:31 pm

:P hot weather is so annoying!!

I hope it gets cooler for you :-*

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on May 05, 2008, 03:51:02 pm

Right now im very sticky and hot, I looked at the bbc weather it said 93!!!! humidty. :o :o for my area. I took a lovely luke warm shower last night , I might again just to cool off. Could it be im used to californias weather? it got humid there too on some days. here im feeling headachy,sticky, and slightly naseusous,plus the runs, so sorry for any graphic content. :P I still fare better than my friend who gets awful migranes in this weather. iusually end up feeling really sick, qhen i was little girl, i would actually be sick. :o :o

Edit: found these tips by the daily mail!.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/health/healthmain.html?in_article_id=191204&in_page_id=1774&in_a_source=

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on May 05, 2008, 03:55:51 pm

That is hot! :o

You should drink a lot of water to keep cool :)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: emilys_star on May 05, 2008, 04:16:14 pm

I know im a naughty person, I drink canned drinks. :P although I bough a favoured water today. :D

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: elizabeth coffey on May 05, 2008, 04:20:13 pm

hehe, well good thing you dont get migraines that would not be nice ::)

Title: Re:The A+F agony aunts.
Post by: Billswife on May 08, 2008, 10:43:13 pm

[quote author=harrys_little_star *~DA~* link=board=16;threadid=26653;start=1005#msg1147856 date=1209837351]
Sometimes I post in the heat of the moment which ist always good,it makes things seem more worse than they really are,

but I do have another gripe, which is my poor self image.I have quite a loathing for myself so it doesnt help at all in the supermarket today when the cashier said to her make friend so obviously aimed at me,said "here comes your girlfriend!!!" and laughed at me. ::) ::) so of course I feel uglier than ever,shes quite slim and pretty. :'( im very overweight,my hair is often like a bush dragged backwards,my bushy ugly monobrow and short neck,vampire teeth. its no wonder she says it. im joining slimming world soon, I cant help but let it get to me so much when people make fun of me, am i that replusive? :-[ :-[. I feel like hiding under a rock. :P I dont know what to do to feel better about myself. my self est